Howdy-do, Razzgals n guys. Thanks for dropping in another depressing issue of Ambulance Chasers, where ambulance drivers are going bananas and your fantasy lineups are paying for it. Let’s just jump right in this week, since injuries are piling up faster than $DOGE-ers are piling into the bandwagon.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Please see our player page for Johnny Cueto to see projections for today, the next 7 days and rest of season as well as stats and gamelogs designed with the fantasy baseball player in mind.
Immortality smells of Chucky Cheese because that’s what Carlos Rodon was throwing last night. *wavy lines* Chyron: A Few Days Ago. “Skip, I don’t think I can go. I mean, I can go…But not like that.” It was Tuesday, and Carlos Rodon had an upset stomach, unable to pitch, but what he was really doing, what no one knew at the time, he was getting out all the runs he had in him. *wavy lines* Chyron: Present Time, uh, Yesterday. Early in the game, Rodon was working a slider, but not darting it hard and high and past people. The Clevelanders were making contact. Struggling, weak contact, but it was there. Then, as the game progressed, Rodon began to get as loose as the buttons on his jersey, and the high Chucky Cheese began to whip past hitters. He was feeling it. By the end of the 8th, a perfect game within his grasp. Strikeouts began to pile up, and 98 MPH Chucky Cheese hitting the upper quadrant of the zone. One out in the ninth on a close play at first, then Roberto Perez dug his left foot in, but he dug it in too much! An offspeed pitch in the dirt hit him. How is it not in the unwritten rules rulebook for Perfect Games that a guy can be hit in the 9th to break one up? So, Rodon’s final line: 9 IP, 0 ER, 0 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at zero, and give him the AL Cy and let’s stop playing games. He’s always struggled with command in previous years, and I don’t think we can say those problems are completely in the rearview, but you never know when a guy turns the corner. The stuff, as they say, is there, so, yes, I’d pick him up in all leagues just to see if this isn’t a complete fluke. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Tyler Naquin. Is that an official sentence? Anyone? Typically I wouldn’t be buying into him, but allow me to explain why I have picked him up in two of my primary leagues. In one league I have Ketel Marte on the IL, but since I have David Fletcher on bench I was able to plug him into my 2B spot. By the way, you should all own Fletcher considering I insisted upon it prior to drafts. And this was exactly why. His draft day price tag was well below his actual value and to have him on your bench just in case made him a great draft day buy. Fletcher isn’t off to a great start by any means, but with 42 plate appearances, only Mark Canha, Marcus Semien and Jose Altuve have stepped into the batters box more often this season. The more plate appearances, the more opportunity for points. The Angels are in the top five teams for runs scored and being at the top of that lineup provides a promising outlook. But this opening paragraph was supposed to be about Naquin and why I’ve added him to my rosters. The simple answer is because I had the bench spot to see where this hot streak ends with Ketel to the IL in one league and Quintana to scrap heap in another. Tyler Naquin leads all hitters in fantasy points. That’s certainly not going to last for long, but I wasn’t going to let someone else benefit from another week or two of potential points. And if I get the chance, I will we include him into a trade to sweeten the deal. Worst case scenario is that I drop him in two weeks.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Joe Musgrove pitched the first no-hitter in Padres history Friday night, but this isn’t about him. It’s not about how he dominated the dreadful (so, so bad) Texas Rangers line up allowing just a single hit batsman to reach base in the fourth inning. Or how he he struck out 10 of these so, so bad Rangers. Moss Grove is already owned in all fantasy leagues. If he’s available well then by all means go pick him up now. This is about a player you can pick up. The Cleveland Baseball Team’s new, maybe, possibly, could be, I really don’t know but can you imagine if it was, closer Emmanuel Clase. Manny got his first save of the season Friday night pitching a perfect inning with two strikeouts. That’s right. Clase Closed. It’s almost too perfect. He did it with just 14 pitches. He reached 100 mph on 11 of those pitches and topped out at 101.2 mph with his cutter. Sweet sassy molasse! Let’s give him the chop! James Karinchak was the de facto closer in many minds going into the season but he’s blown a save and he’s also anti-VAX which is not a good look right now. We just might have ourselves a bit of a committee. So let’s speculate. Considering only Nick Wittgren and Clase have gotten saves so far, and Nick Wittgren doesn’t have a 101.2 mph cutter, hmm, imma grab Clase if I’ve targeting saves, or just some stinky, smelly cheese. He’s got the stuff to run away with the ninth inning gig in C-Land and the Cleveland Baseball Team’s closer has usually paid rich fantasy dividends in the past. I wouldn’t drop your James Karinchaks for him just yet, but I’d grab him wherever I needed saves. Clase closed! Ha! I love it!
Here’s what else I saw Friday night in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Aaaand we’re back. Aaand John Means is an Ace now. Wait–rewind. Means stifled the Boston bats and spoiled their home opener Friday afternoon, allowing just a single base runner (one hit) in seven innings of work and striking out five to notch his first win of the season. I know exactly what you’re thinking outdated Fry meme–not sure if Red Sox are this bad or John Means is this good. Well, as bad as the Sawx looked, Means probably pitched one of his best games in ever. He commanded the zone with 65 of his 95 pitches thrown for strikes, and generated 14 swings-and-misses, eight with changeup alone, which can be an especially nasty pitch when he’s got it working, paired with his 4-seamer. After an awful start to 2020, Means finished strong in September with a 1.52 ERA, 0.63 WHIP and 30 strikeouts in 23.2 IP averaging around 94 mph on his fastball, up about 2 mph from 2019. Grey told you to BUY, gushing about his xBA and saying “if he can keep those gains, velocity increases, and stop handing out more gopher balls than a veterinarian with weird party favors, John Means could be a top 25 starter while costing nowhere near that price.” And that’s me quoting Grey! Look, I understand the hesitation owning Orioles pitchers, and Means HR/9 doesn’t exactly inspire confidence. In fact, when I drafted Means on draft day I got a audible “HA!” for the pick. But we’ll see who’s laughing in September. Sure things aren’t getting any easier for the homer-prone lefty as he travels to New York next week to take on the Yankees, but Means is owned in less than 50% of leagues and has got some major breakout potential. I think he’s worth a flier at that price wherever he’s available. Means means business! That’s two “means”, and that means something? Who else is confused? Where else you going to get an Ace after draft day. Now your chance! I means it!
Here’s what else I saw in fantasy baseball Friday night:Please, blog, may I have some more?
With these top 100 starters for 2021 fantasy baseball, I’ve finished our (my) 2021 fantasy baseball rankings for positions. Still coming will be a top 100 overall and top 500 to see how all the positions mesh together like your mesh Lions jersey that meshes with your silver spandex. Trust me, when you see how long this post is, you’ll be glad I kept this intro short. All the 2021 fantasy baseball rankings are there. Here’s Steamer’s 2021 Fantasy Baseball Projections for Hitters and 2021 Fantasy Baseball Projections for Pitchers. Here’s all the 2021 fantasy baseball auction rankings. As always, my projections are included, and where I see tiers starting and stopping. If you want an explanation of tiers, go back to the top 10 for 2021 fantasy baseball and start this shizz all over again. As always, where I see tiers starting and stopping are included with my projections. Anyway, here’s the top 100 starters for 2021 fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
I’m freshly back from The Hotties, which is the annual Razzball award ceremony for the “hottest taeks” in fantasy baseball. With the sharp-toothed piranhavirus in full swing, Grey called for a “Mask-erade” ball, but the Eventbrite invitation auto-corrected it to a “masquerade” ball. Everybody showed up with the wrong parts of their face covered. I thought Grey would be upset but he seemed to take everything in stride, saying that he had been waiting for this day since “Eyes Wide Shut” was released. Is that a movie or a novel or a contact delivery service? Anyway, Grey started giggle-whispering “Fidelio!” at everybody. Hey, Grey, I get it. Fidel Castro liked baseball. Let’s get with the times!
I did manage to record Grey’s speech to all the writers and Instagram models who attended. Here’s the transcript if you want to read it:
“I’ll get right to the point: I’m proud to announce a new partnership between Razzball and the San Diego Padres. 2021 will be known as STAN DIEGO around here, and all hot taeks will involve Padres players. The top 10 pitchers? Lamet, Davis, Clevinger, and Paddack [audible hissing from the crowd]. The top 10 hitters? Tatis, Machado, Grisham, and Myers. Trevor Rosenthal is a top 30 pick. You will all write sleeper articles on Joey Lucchesi, Adrian Morejon, and yes, Eric Hosmer. [pause while Grey dodges thrown masks] Fear not, for STAN DIEGO comes with perks! You will all get a free hot dog with a purchase of an annual pass to Sea World, and you’ll get a personal tour of the tiger enclosure at the San Diego Zoo. Now, writers, start hyping Jake Cronenworth!”
At that point, all the people Grey whispered “Fidelio” to disappeared into Grey’s private grotto, which he named “50 Shades of Play” because of the underwater mini-golf course he installed. Myself? I was left standing in the foyer with a mysterious note that only said, “MacKenzie Gore, 2021 hot taek.”Please, blog, may I have some more?
Hard to believe, but my first season as a baseball analyst here at Razzball is almost at an end! For athletes, that means they’re leaving the bubble soon. Us fantasy writers? We’re all bubbled-up to protect from the dreaded Piranhavirus. Oh, you don’t know what that is? See, we’re so forward thinking here at Razzball, we’re already sequestered away for the next pandemic. You may be asking, “How does the Razzbubble work?” Well, future victims of piranhas, let me show you my notes from earlier this summer when I bubbled up.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Alec Mills (9 IP, 0 ER, 3 walks, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.93) threw a no hitter for everyone who is like, “I hit 66 on the speed gun, ya think I can be a major league pitcher?” Alec Mills threw a no hitter for everyone who ever said to themselves, “I look kinda like a landscaper for a Target parking lot, but am unemployed. Maybe I can pitch in the bigs.” Alec Mills threw a no hitter for everyone who once said, “I’d make a pretty mediocre minor leaguer, but am already on the 40, and the Cubs haven’t promoted a prospect in five years, so maybe I can pitch for the Cubs all year.” Alec Mills threw a no hitter for the one guy who woke yesterday and said, “I’m going to have the best day of my life today,” but not the person who said that, and thought eating a whole bowl of nacho cheese was their best day ever. Alec Mills, while not a great major league pitcher, like that man who ate the whole bowl of nacho cheese, had himself a great day. Going forward for him, I’d use the Streamonator, so that’s a pass. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
In the highly lucrative industry that is imaginary sports team management, we here at Razzball are always looking to give you readers the sharpest edge of advantage. I mean, how do we keep up with a provider like Pitching Ninja, whose name literally invokes the finely-honed edges of a ninja star slicing through bats before landing softly in the supple leather of a catchers mitt? Fear not, fearful reader! I have been to cram school, and I have been to Austria, and I have been in dungeons, and I combined all of my knowledge of those places and completely threw it out the window. See, to be sharper than sharp, you gotta think outside the box. When the competition goes sharp, you go — that’s right! — blocky. I present to you, followers of the Top 100 Starting Pitcher series, the latest in pitching analysis: 8-bit graphics.
Let’s apply this newfangled technology to our top starting pitchers and see what we can do to help you to fantasy glory!Please, blog, may I have some more?