Brandon Pfaadt (7 IP, 1 ER, 3 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 7.11) returned three starts ago to the Diamondbacks’ rotation so has there been any changes? First off, his ERA of 7.11 doesn’t play here, cuz. We are *claps hands* Wawa! We are *claps hands* Wawa! We are *claps hands* Wawa! Coursing through my veins is Type O, no, you dint. That 7.11 Slurpee-ass ERA is deceiving. His last three starts: 3.37 ERA. Also, and more importantly, 16:2. That’s the most important ratio. No, not Jon Snow’s Golden Ratio of his butt. That’s his K:BB in 18 2/3 IP, and that plays. This is for this year, but I’m already getting worked up for Brandon Pfaadt’s 2024 fantasy hoo-ha. Remember, he was supposed to be an ace. That didn’t disappear because he struggled in his first call-up. Don’t make me go back to how even Kershaw looked pedestrian in his first call-up. Let me just go there while saying I won’t go there. In fact (Grey’s got more!), starters tend to take three years to get their footing in the majors. Either way, the command has been there since his recall, so hold off on rasberrying your lips at Brandon Pfft. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
LaMonte Wade Jr. – 1-for-3 and his 11th homer, and 2nd homer in three games. *adding him into this afternoon’s Buy column* Was always there! Don’t believe the haters!
Bobby Witt Jr. – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and a slam (19) and legs (31), hitting .269. Whew, glad I took the W on his schmohawk post before he actually got good and was no longer a schmohawk.
Drew Waters – 1-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 6th homer, and 2nd homer in as many games. Drew H2Ot SchmOta2.
Brady Singer – 8 IP, 0 ER, 3 hits, zero walks, 4 Ks, ERA at 5.10. Wasn’t kidding the other day when I said the Mets needed to lose the rest of their games. They lose their first round pick if it’s not a top six pick. So they need to lose, seriously. It’s not a made up thing. Okay, with that said, I don’t think the hitters are purposely borking. They’re not like, “I’m going to bork.” Or, “Watch me bork.” There’s no pepper games and there’s no borking. That doesn’t mean the Mets are good, or can win if they want to. This is a long way of saying how much of a grain of salt Brady Singer’s start needs to be digested with. He does have three solid starts in a row, but Streamonator hates his next start, and I don’t trust him fully to let ‘er rip to avoid my teams’ ratios RIP.
Carlos Carrasco – 6 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 6.60. Four sixes? Oh, I see. Carrasco saw where Scherzer and Verlander left to, so decided to get a taste and decided to play Texas Hold ‘Em.
Jack Flaherty – 6 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 4.28. Jack Flaherty getting off the plane, carrying a book, “The Wire’s Fan Guide To Baltimore,” and making his way to baggage. The Orioles’ team representative there to greet him has a placard, but, instead of Flaherty’s name, it just reads, “Throw strikes.” Who knew that was all Jack Flaherty needed? A revolutionary concept! Jack Flaherty with a pencil and notepad, “Okay, ‘Number one: Throw Strikes,’ what’s number two?” “Number two, kid, is what you do in the toilet. There is no number two!” I kid, partially. Jack Flaherty isn’t fixed; he wasn’t broken. Orioles don’t have a magic serum (that I know of), but his new home park and team make him intriguing in all leagues. Hopefully, before his next start, he doesn’t get lost in Hamsterdam.
Shohei Ohtani – 4 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 3.32, 2-for-2, 2 runs and a slam (40) and legs (14). This is 40! Which is an awful movie, by the by. Ohtani left his pitching start with hand cramping, but stayed in and homered, so this just makes it easier for me to start him every week as a hitter.
Carlos Estevez – 1 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 2.66. Ohtani homered in the 8th to give the Angels the lead, then Estevez gives up a grand slam in the 9th to Cade Marlowe to lose the game. Wow. Someone in the comments yesterday said Shohei is a Talent Vampire and I’m willing to believe it.
Eugenio Suarez – 1-for-4 and his 16th homer, and 2nd homer in three games, and roughly 27th time this 2nd half I’ve said he’s a 2nd half hitter. Are you acquiring him? Are you looking into the mirror, paralyzed with fear? Something in between?
Cade Marlowe – 2-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 2nd homer, hitting .333. Saw he was high up on the 7-day Player Rater and contemplated adding him to this afternoon’s Buy column, but I honestly can’t imagine anyone picking him up, outside of AL-Only.
Anthony Rizzo – Hit the concussion IL. Was reported that he’s had ‘brain fog,’ since May 28th, and doesn’t know where he is at times on the field. They’re such a mess they can’t diagnose brain injuries. They being the New York Yikes.
Clarke Schmidt – 5 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 4.35. Meh. I watched this whole game, and that was my takeaway. He looks fine, I guess. But the modifier “comma I guess,” is needed.
Giancarlo Stanton – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 14th homer, and his 2nd homer in two games. He’s definitely locked in, but wait for what I say for Javier in the next blurb.
Cristian Javier – 4 2/3 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 4.39. Pretty sure I could get a hit off him right now. His stuff is so flat. Against a better team, he would’ve been hit for 7 ER in 3 IP. He is grooving every meh fastball and missing badly with every breaking pitch.
Matthew Liberatore – 5 2/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 6.93. I hypothesized that Liberatore would move back into the rotation, and I was right! Oh, I never said he should be picked up. I was merely saying he’d pitch in the rotation.
Alec Burleson – 3-for-4, 2 runs, and his 8th homer, and 2nd homer in as many games. Hot schmotato? Sure, but how is he playing over Tyler O’Neill, and hitting cleanup is absurd in clearly a rebuilding year.
Michael A. Taylor – 1-for-3, 3 RBIs and his 13th homer, hitting .223. More like Michael A. Homer! No? You’re right. I did too much.
Joe Ryan – Hit the Ineffective List with a made-up injury. They said it’s a groin strain. Maybe it’s a groin injury because he has been letting a lot of guys get that jack-off.
Ryan Jeffers – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 6th homer. Wow, I saw the Jeffers on TV, and…Moving on up! To the East Side!
Mitch Keller – 5 IP, 8 ER, ERA at 4.35. Kinda stinks that every pitcher is cooked. Would prefer raw talent.
Brice Turang – 3-for-5, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 5th homer. Glad to see The Crystals’ fantasy team do well after naming it, Da Turang Turang Turang.
Sal Frelick – 2-for-3, 2 runs, 5 RBIs and his 2nd homer, hitting .273. I’m going to make some very silly choices about drafting him too high next year.
Adrian Houser – 6 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 4.19. What’s his secret? Oh, he’s not actually good. That’s it. Very simple.
Zack Gelof – 2-for-4 and his 5th homer. That’s in 17 games. He has four homers this week. Gelof? More like Gel-on-my-team!
Elly De La Cruz – 1-for-4 and his 8th homer. I’m Wild On E!
Spencer Steer – 2-for-4 and his 17th homer, 2nd homer in as many games. Spencer take the wheel!
Max Scherzer – 6 IP, 3 ER, 9 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 4.04. Tex-Max dropping fajita turds in the first inning for a triple steamer, but settled down cooly and got his fried ice cream in the end.
Mitch Garver – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 7th homer, and 2nd homer in three games. People keep asking when do I think Heim returns and I answer by vaguely pointing at Garver.
Marcus Semien – 1-for-3, 2 runs and his 17th homer, and 2nd homer in as many games. The Marcus man cometh!
Bryan De La Cruz – 2-for-4 and his 15th homer, hitting .270. Every time I see BDLC, I briefly think it’s some fast food abbreviation. “Oh, yeah, the BDLC is rad, brah! It’s off the menu, but if you wink, when ordering, you get extra LC!”
Johnny Cueto – 6 IP, 4 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 5.32. Sorry, I love that the Marlins are going for it, but they need to figure out someone besides Cueto in their rotation. Whether it’s bringing back Eury or it’s going to the state fair and making a wish from the Zoltar machine, they have to do something else.
Michael Lorenzen – 8 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.48. The peripherals for Lorenzen are hilariously yawnstipating, and I don’t think he can stay in the rotation for much longer because of IP limits. With that said (Grey’s turning around the ship!), his control is so good (2.2 BB/9) and he has been solid for a few months now, so of course I’d ride him out until shizz goes sideways.
J.T. Realmuto – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 13th homer. One small step for man, one giant leap for Jerry Tomatoes.
Trea Turner – 0-for-3, hitting .235, as he hit 8th. Stand By Me Movie Kid, “Wanna see a dead body?” Two hours later, poking a stick into Trea Urns. “He’s wearing a Phillies uniform, should we contact the team officials?” “Nah, they’re prolly better without him.”