Please see our player page for Cristian Javier to see projections for today, the next 7 days and rest of season as well as stats and gamelogs designed with the fantasy baseball player in mind.

“He who has ears, let him hear.” We tried to tell you in the preseason, but anyone who wasn’t fully convinced before last night should now be straight evangelical for Cristian Javier after he dismantled the Los Angeles Angels. On the back of seven no-hit innings with 13 punch-outs against the Yankees last week, Javier […]

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I’ve been staring at the sun, wondering when the hydrogen will be exhausted and if I have enough time for my crypto 401K to return to profitability before we all end up in a black hole. Maybe that’ll put the current global milieu in perspective. Everything we own, all that we do, will turn to dust and ash as the sun enters a red giant phase and envelops the earth in its helium-fueled delirium. Maybe by then I’ll understand the appeal of BTS. Maybe by then pitchers will be predictable.

In the meantime, we keep rolling — you, me, the guy down the street. We roll week after week, thinking that we armchair astrologers of baseball have some sort of seance equipment that tells us — accurately — the future performance of a player. Yet every time I consult my crystal ball, all I hear is “variance.” Same as it was last year, same as it is this year. People forget, Alec Mills and his 62MPH curveball was a top 20 pitcher through half of 2020. Last year’s #1 SP, Max Scherzer, had a 3.00 ERA / near 4.00 FIP through the first month, followed by a lackluster July where he had a 5.32 ERA and FIP (take that regression!) and a Robbie Ray-esque 2.3 HR/9. Again, this is the #1SP of 2021 and future first ballot Hall of Famer Max Scherzer we’re talking about. Being a good fantasy pitcher isn’t about being good every day. Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt didn’t become A-listers by being perfect in every single role. Amazon — the company — didn’t make a profit for nearly a decade after its founding. Same thing goes for pitches — being status quo is fine, but aces just tend to perform a bit better when they’re successful. Which brings me to the ol’ quote that should hang above your fantasy mantle: Being a good fantasy pitcher, is about being a better pitcher than other pitchers more often than not. If every pitcher in the league has a 4.50 ERA, the pitcher with a 4.49 ERA is the best in that category.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

On Sunday, Jose Urquidy went 7 IP, 1 ER, 1 hit, 3 walks, 3 Ks, ERA at 4.36, which, honestly, is kinda whatever, until you hear this one. The Giancarlo homer (his 17th) in the 7th was the first hit by the Yankees in 16 1/3 IP, and nearly 41 hours. *letting out the longest woof known to man* On Saturday, Cristian Javier didn’t come up short (7 IP, 0 ER, zero hits, one walk, 13 Ks, ERA at 2.73). Well, he kinda did, since the Astros needed two more pitchers for the combined no-hitter in Yankee Stadium. After the game, there was an interview with Cristian Javier where he thanked God multiple times, so as we thought, God hates the Yankees. It’s a brutal way to lose a game, but it’s gotta be demoralizing to hear the Big Man Upstairs hates your guts. Listen, no-hit me, talk that trash, but thank God afterwards proving God hates me? That’s soul-crushing. Actually, I’m a bit scared to write about the no-hitter. The Clay Holmes’s official scorer might go in and change a ground ball to a hit just to feel something. Welp, we got ourselves a top 100 starts of the year page, and you can see for yourself where Javier landed with that gem. If you got sonavabenched by that one, well, God might not like you either. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Just once
Can we figure out what we keep doin’ wrong
Why our players never last for very long
What are we doin’ wrong?
Just once
Can we find a way to finally make it right
Make the magic last for more than just one night
We could just get to it
I know I just got back India but what did the Fantasy Baseball Overlord do to it
Hmm hmm
Just once

*sobbing uncontrollably* Make the magic last for just one night. Just once–Jesus effin’ Christmas tree lights up in October what are we doing? This is not right!? Ozzie Albies? Seriously? A fractured foot? Ozzie Albies’s feet should only be discussed on some weird subreddit. Ess oh BEEEEE! So, Orlando Arcia should see more playing time while Albies is out, my guess is for at least six weeks. I hate this. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Anyone that rosters Hunter Greene will understand this feeling. Greene doesn’t produce happiness until he’s out of the game. Can’t even watch him out of fear. Even when he’s pitching well, there’s a sense of dread that at any moment the other Greene will appear and he’ll walk the bases loaded, then give up a grand slam to the most random of hitters.

“And there’s a deep drive to Jose Herrera…”
“Did you make up that name?”
“I did not.”

There’s likely a German word for what Greene does to us. This state of not-happiness, not-sadness. Please suggest a glossary term in the comments for this type of pitcher, who pitches well but you can’t enjoy because you’re expecting the worst.

Yesterday, Hunter Greene (7 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, zero walks, 8 Ks, ERA at 5.40) was absolutely butter on the back of a Corvette that had “TOAST” spraypainted on it. He could be again next time out. He absolutely could. If anyone tells you he absolutely will, they’re lying to you. There’s no way of knowing which Hunter Greene you’re going to get from start to start. Not yet, at least. At some point, he will be an ace, or blow out his elbow trying. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Louie…Kah-steel-yo…Cah-still-oh…Cah-stee-low…Lou-ess Cah-sty-lo. Did I get it? Was it in there somewhere? I took thirteen years of Spanish (as detailed in my ebook Who Is Grey Albright — available in our shop!) and my Anglo tongue can’t get Luis Castillo out (6 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 3 walks, 10 Ks, ERA at 3.38) but he was sure able to get out the Red Sox yesterday! (You didn’t think I’d land that sentence as well as I did; admit it.) Going into Fenway and holding the Sawx to one hit and striking out 10 is something to make Daddy stand up and take notice. Luckily, I have a standing desk so I don’t need to hunch over to type this. Castillo’s had a strange journey from borderline ace to “Do I even want to draft him in a shallower league?” His 9.5 K/9, 2.7 BB/9, 2.89 xFIP in 26 2/3 IP is still a pretty small sample size — that’s what she said derisively! — but it’s the best his numbers have looked in any capacity for years. His velocity is pretty down, and, coupled with the shoulder soreness in March, I wouldn’t necessarily bet on it continuing, but better to be here than Berrios. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

A sheet attached to a building is covering something in front of the Sears sign on a storefront. The closer we look we see I’m standing on the letter S of Sears. I wave like Forrest Gump. Screaming now, “Okay, when I jump, make sure you film this reveal, because it’s going to be spectacular! …and 1…2…3!” Holding onto the end of the sheet, I jump off the S and Tarzan down the side of the building. Then, the sheet gets to its natural conclusion and, rather than revealing under the sheet the big surprise, it leaves me dangling ten feet off the ground. “Um, a little help.” Cougs puts down the camera and yanks on my feet, and I scream, “Yanks! Perfect!” I fall to the ground, and the sheet covers me, but now it’s revealed that the sheet was covering a spraypainted JP in front of Sears. So, JP Sears (5 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks) had his major league debut. It was vs. the Orioles, so the salt is out to count grains, but he looked fantastic. He has a 93-95 MPH fastball, decent slider and change, and elite command. That’s the JP Sears catalog of pitches. Yanks also have five starters in the rotation, so, with those going out of business sales on Sears, don’t expect refunds. Whether he stays in the rotation or not, he’s someone to keep an eye on, because elite command plays everywhere. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Remember that ultra-successful Hollywood box office hit Lucky Number Slevin? Bruce Willis, Morgan Freeman, Lucy Liu, Josh Hartnett — what is this, The Sleventh Sense? That’d be a cool sequel, bee-tee-dubs. A little kid who steals money from banks because ghosts tell him all the secrets and then he uses psychic powers to steal from the rich and give to the poor. Who doesn’t love a Robin Hood archetype? ENYWHEY. Think about some kind of dumb title for this article like Week Slevin Top Hurlers! Hypehouse Arms: 2 Months minus 1 Week Edition! Can we get Jason Blum to produce this? Could use a good jump scare after this first item I share with you. Quickly, onto the Main Act!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

After completing a dramatic extra innings comeback win Friday night, capped off by a Rougned Odor walk-off home run in the 13th inning, the Orioles were not done making headlines just yet. Hours later, the O’s had purchased the contract of top prospect slash phenom slash heart throb slash savior Adley Rutschman from Triple-A. Great […]

Please, blog, may I have some more?

(NOTE: THIS POST WAS RELEASED EARLY THIS WEEK ON OUR PATREON. IT’S $10/MONTH.)

Who knew the most emblematic song about MJ would’ve been Smooth Criminal? Or going from Pretty Young Thing to Beat It. Or Bad. Jeez, now that I think about it, a lot of Michael Jackson songs become Creep City. Would’ve been hilarious if he named Neverland, “Creep City.” Not haha funny, but more like, “Hey, lots of red flags here, guys, maybe we should investigate?” Speaking of investigating, MJ Melendez (how about that segue?) sounds like a 90s tabloid reporter who would’ve been invited to Neverland to “take a look around” while the help hide children in closets, waiting for Michael. Speaking of segues, I took a Segway tour through Beverly Hills and we stopped at the former Menendez Brothers’ house and the people who now live there just looked at us with disgust. Was pretty cool. Any hoo! Sal Perez is the type to play through all kinds of shizz, so that he was IL’d means he must’ve truly been hurt. MJ Melendez was also up with the club even before the Sal P. IL stint, so the Royals seem committed to him. We don’t care about catchers usually, but Melendez could be a 17-homer, .250 catcher this year with even some steals thrown in. Him or Adley? If both were up, I don’t think Adley’s necessarily the better choice for this year. The guy who is up right now is the easy call. A-B-C, as easy as 1-2-3, for the King of Pop Times. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

“This is 911, what’s your emergency?”
“I need a defibrillator!”
“Someone’s having a heart attack?”
“No, it’s for the dead ball.”
“Please stop calling, sir.”

Tarik Skubal was a victim of being sneezed on by Matthew Boyd, and used to give up a homer just about every three pitches, but no longer. It might not just be the dead-ball, Skubal was a top pitching prospect a mere three years ago. That timing tracks. Usually it’s three years in the majors, and a rookie pitcher becomes what we expect from him. A rookie pitching prospect has moments his rookie year, then he has more moments his 2nd year, then his third year it’s all moments. Tarik Skubal (6 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 11 Ks, ERA at 2.50) is currently living in the moment. 94 MPH fastball, 89 MPH slider, 76 MPH curve and 84 MPH change, each used liberally. Not relying on the fastball as he had in the past, even though you wouldn’t blame someone with a 70-grade fastball. There might be something to his success and the homers allowed thing, but the ball doesn’t seem like it’s being resuscitated any time soon, so Skubal can absolutely maintain his newfound success. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?