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Please see our player page for Eugenio Suarez to see projections for today, the next 7 days and rest of season as well as stats and gamelogs designed with the fantasy baseball player in mind.

The Braves/Phils is America. It’s just excess on top of excess. It’s beautiful. It’s like a blooming onion on top of poutine. Sure, one of those things is Australian and one is from Montreal, but that’s exactly right. America co-ops your excess and makes it more excessive in the rebrand. That’s the Braves/Phils. Excessive in its rebrand of baseball. Plus, no pitching. The star last night (for fantasy, at least) is the same star of the last two months since the standing ovation — Trea Turner going 3-for-5, 2 RBIs and a slam (26) and legs (27). When you think about it, Treat Urner started playing well after he received positive reenforcement, like every other Treat Urner I know. Next up in this game was two Braves hitters who have been doing this all year: Matt Olson going 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 51st homer. Praying to Allahson for nine more! Then, we had Ronald Acuña Jr. going 1-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 37th homer. Tildaddy said you can help him take off his shoes! Then Marcell Ozuna went 2-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 34th homer. Hey, if the Braves are hitting, I look at the pitcher facing them and think, “If he dies, he dies.” Enter: Zack Wheeler going 5 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 3.70. Sadly, he ran into the Braves-saw. Then, not to be outdone for the Phils, Nick Castellanos went 2-for-5, 2 runs and his 23rd homer. The wind was blowing southwest off the Greek God of Hard Contact’s mother’s mustache and the ball sailed out for everyone. Finally, Bryce Harper went 2-for-3 and his 17th homer. On one side of my brain, I’m like, “No two players are the same.” On my other side, I’m like, “Ohtani and Dominguez are going to take two months to hit for power even after they return to games.” Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Welcome back to the Mets’ Future Stars Game! Arriving any moment will be Brett Baty, Mark Vientos and Ronny Mauricio. There’s nothing that could go wrong–What’s that? Hmm, this is still a breaking story, but we’re hearing the actor who played the pilot in Lost and the actor who played the pilot in Yellowjackets were flying the young stars to this game. This is a developing story. We can return to discussing the Mets’ offseason trade of Pete Alonso for Jarred Kelenic…” So, Ronny Mauricio seems as surefire as surefire comes. There doesn’t seem a miss in this bat. Been a bit surprised that it seems like the majority of people are interested in Jasson Dominguez and not as much in Ronny Mauricio. I get it; the first at-bat homer helps Jasson’s appeal for right now. I agree, but Ronny Mauricio has better eligibility and, for just this year, he could easily be better. Will he? I’m not a part of the Psychic Friends Network. He could be though, as soon as we locate that plane! Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Brandon Pfaadt (7 IP, 1 ER, 3 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 7.11) returned three starts ago to the Diamondbacks’ rotation so has there been any changes? First off, his ERA of 7.11 doesn’t play here, cuz. We are *claps hands* Wawa! We are *claps hands* Wawa! We are *claps hands* Wawa! Coursing through my veins is Type O, no, you dint. That 7.11 Slurpee-ass ERA is deceiving. His last three starts: 3.37 ERA. Also, and more importantly, 16:2. That’s the most important ratio. No, not Jon Snow’s Golden Ratio of his butt. That’s his K:BB in 18 2/3 IP, and that plays. This is for this year, but I’m already getting worked up for Brandon Pfaadt’s 2024 fantasy hoo-ha. Remember, he was supposed to be an ace. That didn’t disappear because he struggled in his first call-up. Don’t make me go back to how even Kershaw looked pedestrian in his first call-up. Let me just go there while saying I won’t go there. In fact (Grey’s got more!), starters tend to take three years to get their footing in the majors. Either way, the command has been there since his recall, so hold off on rasberrying your lips at Brandon Pfft. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

“What a day for a game! We have Max Scherzer and Justin Verlander squaring off today to decide who goes to the World Series for the American League, and–hold on, clear the room! Mr. Met, no! Don’t do it!–*tv channel goes to static*” Okay, this is going to sound crazy, but the Mets did well at the deadline. It’s not how they would’ve imagined it in the preseason, but unloading two fossils for prospects, and they can just buy again this offseason. Of course, they’ll likely take the prospects they just got and trade them for, like, George Springer, but it’s a strategy. Now, due to their luxury tax implications, it’s imperative they lose as many games as possible, which brings me to: You too can be a Mets starter! Just head down to Metco and line up! Auditions start at 2 PM on Thursday. So, Justin Verlander returns to the Astros…*yawns* If the biggest move during the Trade Deadline is Justin Verlander returning to Houston, then what a snooze. Let’s go Yankees, do a move no one likes! Let’s go Dodgers, grab another player no one wants! C’mon, Rays, grab another forgotten starter and make him an ace! A guy Verlander’s age doesn’t change suddenly. He can be great for ratios, and give IP, but his Ks have gone bye-bye and he’s not locating as well. He goes to a tougher park, but an easier division, though the Astros face a bunch of AL East teams in August. I’ll say it’s lateral, and you should know what you’re getting. Well…You could be getting a one-day contract to pitch for the Mets! Just head down to the stadium!

As it turned out, all of that Verlander business was a preamble for a historical event that was about to happen that night. Was it Lance Lynn’s first crotch grab on his new team, the Dodgers? Well, that did happen, but no-no. Framber Valdez threw a no-hitter with one walk and 7 Ks, lowering his ERA to 3.07. So, The Framchise threw the Astros’ first lefty no-hitter on a day they brought back a guy with three of them. It’s pretty inspiring. Maybe you’re next for the Mets! Seriously, they need arms, head down to Metco this Thursday.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

“The guys we have in here, in this clubhouse. These guys are home. This locker room for the last three months is where I’ve placed my bowl of cocktail wieners and beans on top of this wooden bench and dined, while people around me have said, ‘Really? You have to eat in here?’ This locker is where I hang my Mets’ jersey, where, before me, once Hubie Brooks hung his Mets’ jersey, and before him, another guy whose name I’m forgetting. That’s a legacy, and we’re damn proud. Mets is written across our chest, like a stigmata.” That was Justin Verlander as he tried to pretend to not want to be traded, making his best effort on the field — 8 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.47. Verlander is carrying his worst peripherals in fifteen years — 7.6 K/9, 2.8 BB/9, 4.49 xFIP, just hideous stuff for a guy of his caliber, but maybe the inspiration to get off the Mets will be all he needs. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

“Anything you can do I can do better,
I can do anything better than you.

No, you can’t. Yes, I can.” Sang Christian Walker (3-for-5, 3 runs, 5 RBIs) as he had a double slam (19, 20) and legs (7). On Christian solder! *blowtorches a piece of metal*

“Anything you can do I can do better,
I can do anything better than you.

No, you can’t. Yes, I can.” Sang Austin Riley (3-for-5, 3 runs, 7 RBIs) as he hit hit his 17th and 18th homer.

“You’re supposed to wait for me to reply ‘Yes, I can’ after you say ‘No, you can’t.”

“No, I’m not.”
“Yes, you are.” Sang Orlando Arcia (2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs) who hit his 8th homer. Next year, Christian Walker will once again be underrated, as he’s currently above Vlad Jr., Riley and others on the Player Rater, and others who went way before him, and I imagine will again in 2024. “No, they won’t.” Yes, they will! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

On a street corner, Arte Moreno rings a bell, “Come and get your Angels here, come and get your Angels! No one is off limits! You want Ohtani? You’re gonna have to pay the price! Say, how about you send us Brandon Marsh for Ohtani? Deal done? Terrific! What about Griffin Canning? He just threw 5 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 9 baserunners, and had a career-high in strikeouts with 12 with an ERA at 4.52. You’ll give us ‘a disapproving look once worn by former Angels great, Ian Kinsler?’ Fantastic! He’s yours!” That’s Arte Moreno doing some trade deadline wheeling and/or dealing. Canning was a favorite of mine in previous years. Don’t look at which years it was I liked him, it’s too depressing how far back it goes. Right now, he’s having the best year of his career (9.4 K/9, 2.8 BB/9, 3.88 xFIP), and looks headed to top his career-high of 90 1/3 IP, assuming they don’t keep throwing him for 120 pitches per start, like last night. He gained an extra mile on his fastball, and getting hitters mostly with his change, that’s been outstanding. Streamonator loved him yesterday, and I can’t say I’d start him without pause, but he might finally be making good on his promise. The last piece will be him becoming a Tampa Bay Ray! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Our father, who Arte Moreno knows in heaven that’s how he owns the Angels, hallowed be thy name, from kingdom come, from sea to shining sea, we’ve lived to see the day when the Orioles are way better than the Yankees. Luis Severino (2 2/3 IP, 7 ER, ERA at 7.38), the Yanks’ 2nd best pitcher, wouldn’t even make the Orioles’ pitching staff. I am howling like Jack Nicholson in Wolf. The Yankees would basically betroth Kyle Bradish (6 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.32) to Rhoda Berra, Yogi’s grand niece, to join their team. The Yankees would give Lou Gehrig’s childhood home, that is currently in a giant glass case at the Steinbrenners’ ranch, for just one of their prospects. Send them Gunnar Henderson (4-for-7, 3 runs, 5 RBIs and his 12th and 13th homer) and the Yankees will give them the baseball fan who ran onto the field to congratulate Chris Chambliss, who has been in a dungeon for the last 45 years. That is their monkey’s paw and the Yanks will give it to the Orioles for just a taste of the Orioles’ success. I am laughing. What a world. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Turning on the TV, oh, lucky, it’s my favorite movie, Beaches. Wow, Barbara Hershey being selfless and allowing Bette Midler to shine. It’s so beautiful…Oh my God, what are these wet things on my cheeks? I’m crying tears of laughter and sadness that only the movie Beaches can elicit. Now, I am cutting pictures of Ohtani and Reid Detmers (7 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 3.77) out of a magazine and pasting their heads on the TV. Now Reid Detmers is Hershey, and Ohtani, of course, is Bette. Detmers is cold in Ohtani’s shadow. Anyone would be, Ohtani is one of the best of all-time, like Bette, so you can’t compete with that, but Detmers can cheer on his friend, and have an 11.1 K/9, 3.4 BB/9, and 3.64 xFIP. He also has a 13.3% Swinging Strike rate. You know who else has a 13.3% Swinging Strike rate (at least they both did going into yesterday)? For one night, Bette wasn’t better. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Royals called up insanely fast speedster,  Dairon Blanco (1-for-4). He’s so fast he just ran in your room, mussed your hair and ran back out without you even seeing him. His name translates to “Strike while the iron is white hot.” Roughly. I’m not a linguist. Dairon has 47 steals in 49 games in Triple-A, which is absolutely hilarious. Oh, and he’s 30 years old. Okay, so the Royals have one of those teleporters like in The Fly, and Rajai Davis was in it when a cheetah entered. They got zapped together and out walked Dairon. Idea Alert! Every MLB team should be required to have an 80-steal burner. Like they all have LOOGYs, they should all have Billy Hamilton clones. This isn’t an idea, this is a must-have. If your fantasy team’s steals are anemic, Dairon is your answer. Otherwise, I’d prolly wait to see the next guy to come out of the cheetah teleporter. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?