(NOTE: THIS POST WAS RELEASED EARLY THIS WEEK ON OUR PATREON. IT’S $10/MONTH OR $13/MONTH WITH AN EXTRA WEEKLY PODCAST.)
I got a love jones for Bobby Bradley. Crush is solidifying. He has a swag about him. A swing that makes my heart pitter and/or patter for this batter. A swag/swing — a Swang. A home run every 9.3 at-bats in Triple-A, and then a home run every 9.0 at-bats in the majors will do that. Deserves to play every day. Hopefully, when Franmil returns, Bradley doesn’t take the lineup squeeze L. Fun fact! After Bobby Brady lost a pie-eating contest, his father Mike told him to take the L like a man and disowned him, so he briefly went by Bobby Bradley. Lots of people forget this. Speaking of Franmil, Bobby Bradley reminds me of that $54 Vending Machine Steak. Think many people don’t watch Cleveland, but if you have, and have seen Bradley, you’re already sold on his power. He has light-tower power, I’ll devour, I’m gonna tie you up and make you understand, Bobby Bradley is not an average man. HUUH! Bobby will knock you out! HUUH! Mama said knock you out! Seriously, I watched him hit a home run the opposite way the other day, and I was instantly sold. Bradley doesn’t strikeout a ton either. At least not so far in the majors. If you need power, I’d grab Bradley in any league. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Max Stassi – Here’s the thing about secret police, if they were truly secret, you wouldn’t know about them. So, there’s nothing to fear with Stassi. By the way, I keep waiting for a Netflix doc about Max Stassi and how his family fled Germany for Argentina some time around 1945. “Mom, why do you keeping watching the same reruns of Hogan’s Heroes?” That’s Max Stassi growing up.
Luis Torrens – If you have Tom Murphy and he’s losing playing time, blame it on Torrens, which coincidentally is also the fantasy team name of Fab Morvan, the last living member of Milli Vanilli.
Daulton Varsho – Wasn’t a big fan of Varsho coming into this year, thinking it was silly to overlook Carson Kelly. Now Kelly’s mining wrist bones on the blockchain and Varsho is the starter. I’d grab him in just about any league where I was struggling at catcher.
Joey Votto – Not sure if you heard but recently Joey Votto was ejected from a game, and a little girl, who was in attendance, started crying because Votto was her favorite player, so Joey signed a baseball for her. Truly a sweet story. Reminded me of something similar from my own life.
During a competitive game of Monopoly, I caught my father stealing from the bank. He threw a fit and the board, but later signed a baseball for me. pic.twitter.com/6T3GyIvIkT
— Razzball (@Razzball) June 20, 2021
Wilmer Flores – Giants’ hitters are cheat codes. No one wants to roster them, because they all sound like they suck, but they’re actually all doing much better than anyone expects.
Ryan O’Hearn – Used to consider O’Hearn on the same level as Hunter Dozier and Christian Walker, and considered that a compliment. Now, I think they might still be on the same level, but not sure it’s a compliment. But O’Hearn is hot.
Jake Bauers – Imagine he spent all those years of being garbage in Cleveland, then finally breaks out when he leaves. It’s not hard if try. No Jake Bauers below us. Above us, only that guy. Imagine all the people, livin’ for rostering Jake Bauers…ah.
Nico Hoerner – Yes, I get Hoernier for Nico more than anyone should, but he should be activated shortly, so now’s the time to stash him. He’s also in the Anime Grey video at the top of the post.
Vidal Brujan – My thinking is with Wander’s call-up, the Rays are not going to keep down their other piece who is clearly ready. Or Josh Lowe, for that matter. Why call up Wander and hold down Brujan (or Lowe), right? I mean, I don’t know. Does that make that a rhetorical question? Is this a rhetorical? Is that? Is this? This could go on forever, can’t it?
Tony Kemp – Love to watch the 132-pound, 5-foot, 5-inch Tony Kemp on the field and imagine myself playing in the majors, then the umps check me for a sticky substance and I ask them if they have any nail polish remover because I was putting together a model airplane and I can’t separate my thumb and index finger.
Kolten Wong – Really shouldn’t be anywhere near the under-50% rostered to qualify for this post, so moving on before I expound on the virtues of Wong and catch charges.
Luis Urias – In the Brewers’ lineup, everything between Urias and Wong is the taint.
Abraham Toro – You ever look at Toro on his jersey back and wonder, “How long can he stay out of water?” And hear that echo in your head for five days? Hmm, maybe it’s me.
Andy Ibanez – Here’s what I said the other day, “Dating back to 2017, every mention of Andy Ibanez on Razzball was like, “Utility guy who should be traded for a middle reliever, because the Rangers have Odor.” Only guy who should be buried behind Odor is Pigpen. Ibanez was hitting a bit in the minors this year, but he’s old (28), so either Quad-A at this point, or, and this is just as likely with the Rangers, they didn’t know what they had like Adolis with no clue how to develop, and he’s got good pop for a 2nd baseman. Tune in next time for The Rangers Screw Up Prospects.” And that’s me quoting me!
Taylor Ward – Every want to make a spoonerism of his name? Don’t, or you will get cancelled. I might just by alluding to it. I had hopes, dreams, synonym for Jo Adell, but I might’ve been being a silly fool last week.
Yonathan Daza – Who’s the Boss? Yonny Daza. If you’re a Mona truther, you can eff off right now. Daza could sneak into a couple homers, but he’s actually a good average, great speed guy.
Daz Cameron – From Daza to Daz, oh no, I’m melting.
Abraham Almonte – Two Abrahams this week? What is this, Bible study? How about I recommend Jonah Heim too? Jesus…Sanchez. Yes, grab him too. Here’s my Jesus Sanchez fantasy. As for Almonte, doesn’t he grow pineapples? He’s been playing, and can make contact, but little power and speed.
Akil Baddoo – Prolly fell off your radar, well, blip, blip, Baddoo, because he is hitting near-.350 in the last month. No power, but that should come if he’s making contact.
Adrian Houser – This is a Streamonator call like the call it makes to OfficeMax.
Kwang Hyun Kim – This is also a Streamonator call. “Was wondering if you sell any copier machines that are about four-feet in circumference. Capabilities don’t matter, I’m just looking for something I can hug.”
Brad Brach – Looked at Amir Garrett on my waivers for about five minutes, but decided life, as I knew it at least, held enough stresses and if I wanted more, I’d trade for Cody Bellinger, not pick up Amir Garrett. Tejay Antone? I would grab him in case he got some Reds saves, plus he’s been good. But when in doubt, go with the guy who actually got a save, Brad Brach.
Jose Alvarado – Joe Girardi did a lot of soul-searching on the Phillies’ day off Thursday, as he requested strangers disrobe on the street. In all seriousness, I kinda appreciate Girardi abusing the system to get Scherzer checked multiple times. Maybe then the MLB front office will realize there should be some rules! Any hoo! Jose Alvarado will get the next Phils save, or get asked to take off his pants after each pitch, as other teams retaliate against Girardi.
Jonathan Loaisiga – Before each pitch, Lasagna says, “This is a No Meatball Zone,” and those Italian-American pep talks have really worked out well for him. Will be for someone else to decide how much he’s hurting his long-term value by exceeding so well in middle relief, but Lasagna is getting every pitch pasta those hitters.
Jordan Romano – From Lasagna to Romano, The History Of Italian Mama’s Boys. “I can’t find anyone that cooks like you, mama.” “I know, Tony, that’s why I tell papa you have to sleep in the same bed as me.”
Michael Fulmer – The Tigers’ closer, but not Italian, so, ya know, take him with a grain of salt.
Wander Franco – A tap on my shoulder, and I turn around. A stranger punches me and walks off. With the courage of a thousand warriors, I pick myself up off the pavement, spitting blood, and scream at the stranger, “What was that for?” Without looking back, the stranger screamed, “For saying to sell Wander Franco.” Fair enough, tee bee aitch. I do have some nerve, but listen to this trunucated conversation Geoff and I had on this week’s podcast: “So, Franco’s projections are around: 12/15/.305?” “Yes.” “Uh…okay.” There’s definitely huge upside here, and maybe he goes 25/20/.300 in only half a season, and wins the Rookie of the Year with one of the best half seasons a rookie has ever had, but, also, maybe he does 12/15/.300 and is replaceable by Israeli Diner Falafel, and you could trade Wander for a #1 outfielder or starter off his hype. Not saying to trade Wander Franco for some gas station sushi, but I would check out our Fantasy Baseball Trade Analyzer and explore options.