Please see our player page for Michael Fulmer to see projections for today, the next 7 days and rest of season as well as stats and gamelogs designed with the fantasy baseball player in mind.

Burn it all down!  You’ve started off 0-2, 0-20,2-18, or whatever combination it is that your league has set up.  There is no way that you can come back now, considering there are only 20+ weeks left in the season.

This reminds me of a good book I once read as a child about this locomotive who had a task ahead of him.  He realized the task was too challenging and just thought, “no way in hell can I do this?” and he gave up. It was an inspirational book and I have lived my life with much retrospect on that little locomotive.  It would probably had been a better book if he/she had overcome the adversity and could be a beacon of hope, but what did I expect from books written in the 1930’s.  The years back then sucked!  

Never fret tho dear readers!  I shall not let you fade into obscurity and be chastised by your league-mates.  For I am here to bring you the formula for winning your week 3 matchups and becoming 1 step closer to the championship!  Prepare for another H2H Cheat Sheet for Week 3!

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Immortality smells of Chucky Cheese because that’s what Carlos Rodon was throwing last night. *wavy lines* Chyron: A Few Days Ago. “Skip, I don’t think I can go. I mean, I can go…But not like that.” It was Tuesday, and Carlos Rodon had an upset stomach, unable to pitch, but what he was really doing, what no one knew at the time, he was getting out all the runs he had in him. *wavy lines* Chyron: Present Time, uh, Yesterday. Early in the game, Rodon was working a slider, but not darting it hard and high and past people. The Clevelanders were making contact. Struggling, weak contact, but it was there. Then, as the game progressed, Rodon began to get as loose as the buttons on his jersey, and the high Chucky Cheese began to whip past hitters. He was feeling it. By the end of the 8th, a perfect game within his grasp. Strikeouts began to pile up, and 98 MPH Chucky Cheese hitting the upper quadrant of the zone. One out in the ninth on a close play at first, then Roberto Perez dug his left foot in, but he dug it in too much! An offspeed pitch in the dirt hit him. How is it not in the unwritten rules rulebook for Perfect Games that a guy can be hit in the 9th to break one up? So, Rodon’s final line:  9 IP, 0 ER, 0 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at zero, and give him the AL Cy and let’s stop playing games. He’s always struggled with command in previous years, and I don’t think we can say those problems are completely in the rearview, but you never know when a guy turns the corner. The stuff, as they say, is there, so, yes, I’d pick him up in all leagues just to see if this isn’t a complete fluke. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

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We all thought things would be better in 2021, and if you drafted Just Dong, Zombino Overlord, you might be right. However, for the rest of us, our pets heads are falling off. First Eloy, then Tatis, who’s next Old Testament Baseball God? Why must you steal our joy day after day? We turn our weary eyes to you oh Akil Baddoo, can you be our 2021 Chris Shelton savior, or am I mixing up Tyler Naquin and Baddoo? Yeah, I definitely am, but it’s okay because Grey and Ralph….errr I mean Geoff are back with more weekly fantasy insights to help you finish a strong third in your league! It’s the latest episode of the Razzball Podcast!

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His full name is Randy Arozarena, and he was kidnapped and raised by Nicholas Cage and Holly Hunter as their own. On today’s podcast coming later today, I was surprised to hear Podcaster Ralph say he thought Randy Arozarena was for real. I honestly thought he was a hot schmotato, and the best part of him was his last name sounds like a Red Hot Chili Peppers’ lyric. Psychic spies from Tampa try to steal your fantasy team’s elation, and little girls from Sweden dream of me quoting me quotation, and if you want these kind of dreams of Arozarenication. Also, he has a readymade nickname, the Rice Bowl, because his name split up is Arroz Arena. Damn it, I love him now too! In Triple-A, Arozarena went 12/9/.358 in 64 games in 2019, and he has 25+ steal speed, and roughly 15-homer power. That’ll play the Red Hot Chili Peppers in the Rice Bowl. Yesterday, Arozarena (1-for-2) hit his third homer in two games, and is hitting .471. Even if he doesn’t keep up that, and Cash tries to platoon the Rice Bowl, he’s well worth picking up. Don’t worry, I haven’t said Randy Arozarena 2021 sleeper, so no jinx yet. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

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I was a big Spencer Turnbull believer at the beginning of the season — but now I’m not too sure. And unfortunately, he has no one to blame but himself. He’s got the highest BB/9 in the league with a 5.97 mark. Yee-ikes! How bad is that number? Well since 2000 the worst BB/9 was Matt Clement’s 5.49 in 2000. He ended the season with a 5.14 ERA. In fact, you have to go all the way back to 1994 to find someone with a worse BB/9 than Turnbull right now. A young man by the name of Todd Van Poppel of the Oakland Athletics had a 6.87 BB/9. His ERA at the end of that year was 6.09. The Brewers shouldn’t be a tough team — they have the 3rd worst OPS vs righties in the league. However, he faced them his last start and — you guessed it — walked way too many guys (5 in 5 IP) and allowed 5 ERs. He’s never had the best control — but almost 6 per game is unprecedented. In the minors, he hovered around a 3.5 BB/9 mark. Right now he’s at the bottom of his tier and looking down because if you look through some of his previous starts this season when he keeps the walks below 4 he can have some success — but unfortunately, that often isn’t the case. 

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Most of the starting pitchers for week 3’s games haven’t even been officially announced yet. Pair this with reports that MLB is warning television stations to get their Big Bang Theory re-runs and copies of Shawshank Redemption loaded up and it’s hard to be optimistic about the season. The chart I’m working off only has 4 starters confirmed so I had to do some diggin’, scratchin’, and prognosticatin’ to try and determine exactly who might be a two-start pitcher for this week. Below, you’ll find 4 tiers below of week 3’s two-starters. They are in order of descending disappointment. That’s not to say you can’t find any one-start gems in the lower tiers, but I just can’t recommend rolling them out for both starts. 

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Live for today. That’s what they tell me. “They” are BASE jumpers, so I’m not listening to them, which is why I’m living in a bubble with the NBA players. “Hey, LeBron, where can I get some bubble tea?” “Ah, man, I hear ya, players be gossiping like crazy.” “What are you talking about? I want boba.” So, the Marlins vs. Orioles and Yankees vs. Phils had to be canceled due to an outbreak within the Marlins’ clubhouse. The Marlins couldn’t play back in Florida vs. the O’s, and might’ve infected the Phils’ visiting clubhouse, so the Yankees weren’t going in there. All in all, a totally well-functioning pandemic. By which I mean, it’s terrible for us, but this virus is doing well for itself. “Manfred, man” hasn’t been uttered so much since “Blinded By The Light” was a hit in the 70’s. Now PPD stands for Pandemic Please Desist. Right now, the MLB is waging an age-old war:  Everyone’s safety vs. Capitalism. Not to impersonate the Garbage Pail Kid, Nihilistic Ned, but capitalism usually wins that. Of course, don’t misunderstand my glibness for not caring (that sounds like a Common lyric); I’m just trying to be real with you. As for fantasy, I moved all Marlins, Orioles, Yankees and Phils out of my lineups until further notice, and tried to bench all Marlins in my weekly leagues. As they say, WHEEEE!!! Again, “they” are BASE jumpers. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

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Our long national nightmare is over (except for the actual long national nightmare that isn’t over — sigh, to be a person with parenthetical blindness and not have to read this caveat)! We did it, boys and five girl readers. We f*cking did it! Not us, per se. We didn’t do shizz, except draft some baseball players for fantasy. But, ya know what, that’s enough for me! See, with lowered goals and expectations, you’re never disappointed. It’s a zen thing; you wouldn’t understand. It was a mere nine months ago when we started talking about sleepers and rankings and…How old am I now?

Well, whatever, baseball is back and that’s all that matter. Singing like an absolute loon, “Baseball’s back and I want to get married — hey nah, hey nah — baseball’s back!” And, now in my mind, I’m married to Giancarlo Stanton. Ask yourself why you didn’t send us a wedding gift. Selfish much? Of course, Opening Day couldn’t have happened in any other way in 2020. It had to be met with cold-ass reality, which why Juan Soto tested positive for Covid. It sucks, Mr. Obvious said, but it’s also a reminder of what this year will be. It’s going to be waiver wire pickups, the Streamonator, the Hittertron and playing of matchups. If you’re curious and want to torture yourself, Juan Soto fell to 179th overall in the final 2020 preseason rankings. Stepping in to replace Juan Soto will be Andrew Stevenson, the James Spader of replacements. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

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Not Your Grandfather’s Top 100 Starting Pitchers… It was established in the first edition of 2019 Top 100 Pitchers: starting pitchers are much like grandparents. Exciting when they’re young and healthy, disheartening when they’re old and feeble. No reasonable mind would dispute the likeness between our elders and dudes who grasp and thrust balls for […]

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Domingo Santana (1-for-5 with a grand slam) is already in beast mode.  That beast is a dingo, emphasis on ding, as in dinger, and you can’t spell Domingo without dong, but this dingo eats dongs not babies, and I’ve got smoke coming out my ears….We have real baseball!  Then, tomorrow we won’t have real baseball again for a week.  MLB is so crackers it’s staying at the Ritz by the water, Cheez-it, Mary and Joseph!  “Happy Opening Day two days later,” said the Time Zone to the Baseball Fan.  I can’t wait to see how Mike Fiers (3 IP, 5 ER) and Marco Gonzales (6 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 4 Ks) react to pitching in a game, then taking a 56-hour plane flight home to pitch again in a week.  Their combined 89 MPH fastballs are gonna have some jet lag.  Hopefully, their elbows won’t.  The Stream-o-Nator wasn’t thrilled with either pitcher, and neither was great.  Yes, the Stream-o-Nator is back!  The only real takeaway I have from these games is the A’s are at least thinking similarly to me, and that Ramon Laureano (0-for-5, 3 Ks) is the best man for the A’s leadoff job.  I’ll toast to that!  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday for fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?