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Please see our player page for Joey Votto to see projections for today, the next 7 days and rest of season as well as stats and gamelogs designed with the fantasy baseball player in mind.

Emerging from your mother’s basement after six months, “I did it! I won my fantasy baseball league!” It begins to dawn on you that the world no longer looks as you remember it. Where there were once blossoming trees, there’s now decaying branches. Where flowers once sprouted, shriveled vines remained. A tumbleweed blows past. Minutes later, back in your mother’s basement, you’ve painted a face on the tumbleweed and you say to it, “Can you believe I won my league by two points?” After a brief pause, you say, “Do you think I should keep Christian Encarnacion-Strand in an 11-team keeper league with no restrictions? Mr. Tumbleweed, I’m asking you a question.” On a serious note, as many of you know, I started Razzball during the WGA strike of 2007-08, because I was laid off from a job and didn’t have shizz to do. (Since it is invariably asked, I was working with a Zucker brother of Airplane/Naked Gun fame.) This summer with the WGA strike happening again, I was reminded how lucky I am to have this gig, talking about fantasy baseball and just generally goofing off with all of you. Thank you for another great year! (Crazy that those trees were decaying and I still got some freakin’ sap!) Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Are the Rangers the American League’s answer to the Braves? In this Ted Talk, he will discuss…*nudges my dog, Ted, to talk*…Go ahead, boy, say something. C’mon, stop humping! Oh, are you doing that as a nod to Semien? You are so clever! Just like me for drafting Marcus Semien (2-for-4, 26th and 27th homers)! What’s that, boy? What does attacking the mailman mean? The mailman’s name is Garcia? Oh, wow, for Adolis Garcia (1-for-4, 36th homer)! Jesus, you are so unbelievable! Okay, what are you doing for Corey Seager (1-for-3, 2 RBIs, 33rd homer)? *Ted does nothing* C’mon, boy, I’m bored…Bored…Borey…Corey! Wow, my dog is so smart! There’s no one smarter, is there boy? Wait a minute, smarter…Evan Carter (1-for-4, 2 RBIs, 4th homer)! Okay, let’s see what you have for Leody (2-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs, 13th homer). *Ted joins a cult* Wow, brilliant! Thanks for joining me for my Ted Talk! Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Can’t believe Corbin Burnes (8 IP, 0 ER, zero hits, two walks, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.47) didn’t go out there and try to finish the no-hitter vs. the Yankees. This is somehow George Kirby’s fault. Let’s hear what Mark Mulder has to say. If you have no idea what I’m talking about, then bless your ears that they’re in no way polluted by the Hot Takes. Skip ahead to the first blurb if you want to remain that way. On Friday, Kirby said something like he wish he was pulled before the 7th inning because he was gassed. Then old players like Jered Weaver and Mark Mulder jumped on that saying it was the pussification of starting pitchers (told you that you wished you didn’t know). It takes the world’s quickest Google searches to see Weaver used to ask to be pulled from the game in the 7th, and Mulder was so overused in his playing days that he was out of baseball in handful of years, so maybe he should’ve managed his innings better. Old players just completely gaslit by themselves. Hate to see it. Kirby made one mistake: Telling people how he felt. He was gassed, he should’ve been pulled before allowing the home run in the 7th. It makes no sense to baby starters for their entire careers, as they are now, then force them to throw beyond their ability. Kirby should’ve been out of the game, because that’s what starting pitching is now, and how they’re trained. It’s not Kirby’s doing, it’s all starters now. What does this have to do with Burnes? Nothing really, except back in the day they prolly would’ve let him finish the no-hitter. Besides, you know Corbin Burnes is a top five starter, so what’s to say? Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Don’t want to be Mr. Downer when we get awful news like this, but I don’t understand how anyone’s body could hold together playing every day as a hitter, then through 97 MPH fresh-to-deffers every sixth day. For three years, he made us believe, and I know we all want to be little Peter Pans, but it’s just not possible. Shohei Ohtani did the impossible for longer than I would’ve expected from anyone. He did the impossible longer than Tom Cruise. Ohtani won’t be pitching again for the foreseeable future and I’d guess he’ll need Tommy John surgery (again, he had it in 2018). The one thing that places some leafs on the ground as I fall backwards into a heap to sob, he’s a top two hitter on the Player Rater, and that’s not going anywhere. I can do a prayer hexagon to make sure of it. What? Why are you screaming? It’ll be fine! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

This year is hilarious! This year is like Opposite World! George Constanza would’ve done so well with pitching this year! Gavin Williams, who sounds like the actor who played Potsie (I’m old!) and had a 7.8 K/9 and 4.4 BB/9, goes against the 5th best team for average, 22nd worst team for strikeouts, 2nd best team for hits, and throws an absolute gem — 7 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 1 walk, 12 Ks, ERA at 2.90. Of course, Potsie was supposed to be better than he had showed so far in the majors, but no one was expecting him to have an outing like that! G. Will-ikers! Gavin a (P)Jays Party! It’s square as eff Monday here at Razzball! I’m talking about Potsie and freakin’ pajamas! So, as I alluded to earlier, Gavin Williams was supposed to be good. This might’ve been a wink-wink, nudge-nudge for Gavin Williams 2024 fantasy. For this year? He’s still inducing weak contact, even if the Ks haven’t been there before last night, as his ERA attests. I had them Bibee, Allen then Gavin, but Potsie’s easily jumped Allen, if he’s throwing for strikeouts now. Anyway. here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Hol’ hol’ hol’ up! Jays manager’s name is John Schneider, and they just happened to find a replacement for the three-hole in their lineup named, Davis Schneider? This seems suspect! What’s also got me sniffing the waiver wire saying, “That’s fishy,” what did they put in Schneider? He’s the first player in MLB history with two homers and nine hits in his first three games. Reranking in my head for 2024 fantasy, “Acuña, Davis Schneider, Ohtani.” Davis Schneider not number one overall? No, okay? Not yet! Maybe after this week! So, Davis Schneider did all that bombing out of Fenway, and, in Triple-A, he went 21/9/.275 with a 21.9% strikeout rate. I get it, he was a bit old for the level, but, at 24, it wasn’t like he was Joey Meneses. Not to mentionese, did we forget last year with Meneses? Sometimes guys come up, and hit for two months until pitchers figure them out next year. Schneider has no prospect pedigree, but I’d grab him in any league until he stopped hitting, or until we find out he’s John Schneider’s kid, and, as we learned in Little League, he’s only hitting third because of daddy. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Joe Ryan (4 IP, 7 ER, ERA at 4.43) got cooked faster than an instant pot, if an instant pot actually cooked things in an instant. I’d be lyin’ on Ryan (poet and aware of it) if I said I trusted him right now, even if I am a believer long-term for 2024 fantasy and beyond. Everyone seems to have caught up to his four-seamer and now it’s Dong City, population every hitter facing him. He’s a two-pitch pitcher, and hitters figured out the ‘good’ one, which is not good. There’s two months left, and, in shallower leagues, it’s time to move on. Getting him for homers (everyone, like I said), Jordan Walker (2-for-3) hit his 10th homer. Jordan Walker is my father, please respect our family time together. Tyler O’Neill (1-for-4) hit his 4th homer, and 2nd homer in two games. Tyler O’Neill has 35-homer power. Might take a miracle for him to even get to 15 this year, but there would be stranger things than him going off for two months. Like Dustin. He’s Stranger Things. Also, getting into the act, Lars Nootbaar (2-for-4, 2 RBIs) hit his 11th homer, and 4th homer in the last week. Snack baars open, baby! Finally, Alec Burleson (1-for-3, 3 RBIs) went ding-dong for his 7th homer. In previous seasons, the Cards would’ve traded Burleson for a middle reliever and watched Burleson become an All-Star on another team, but now he will remain in St. Louis as a 4th outfielder. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Hola, chicos and cinco chicas! Are you ready for some Tex-Max Schenchiladas? Ay, papis and cinco mamas, you want some Tex-Max Enscherziladas?! Ay?! So, the Max Scherzer trade to the Rangers was briefly held up because they needed Max’s approval, and I have been laughing for two days thinking about someone asking if they would waive their no-trade clause from the Mets. Can you imagine?

“Hey, I have to ask you–”
“Yes.”
“Wait, let me–”
“Absolutely.”
“You have to let me ask you, it’s a part of the clause, I must say the whole thing before you can answer. Okay, are you willing to leave the New York–”
“PLEASE!”

C’mon, bro. Max Scherzer is going to say, “No, I want to stay on this submersible.” So, Scherzer goes to the Rangers and this will fix everything. I kid. Scherzer could go to any team, except maybe the Rockies, and be Scherzer. His 4.01 ERA hasn’t been pristine, and he’s starting to show some wear at 39. His Ks are down, and his walks and homers are up. He has the worst xFIP of his career. I’d never bet against Scherzer — one does not bet against someone with two different colored eyes — but he does look more like a number two vs. the one he’s been for 13 years. By the way, the return package — which I’m sure Itch will go over — includes Luisangel Acuña. Hmm, pitch clock, fine. Limited pickoffs? Okay. But what’s Manfred doing with this “Every NL East team gets an Acuña” rule? From what I’ve heard, it’s a good return for Max Scherzer; the Mets did well. Until they trade Luisangel Acuña this offseason for Whit Merrifield or something equally bad. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

“Anything you can do I can do better,
I can do anything better than you.

No, you can’t. Yes, I can.” Sang Christian Walker (3-for-5, 3 runs, 5 RBIs) as he had a double slam (19, 20) and legs (7). On Christian solder! *blowtorches a piece of metal*

“Anything you can do I can do better,
I can do anything better than you.

No, you can’t. Yes, I can.” Sang Austin Riley (3-for-5, 3 runs, 7 RBIs) as he hit hit his 17th and 18th homer.

“You’re supposed to wait for me to reply ‘Yes, I can’ after you say ‘No, you can’t.”

“No, I’m not.”
“Yes, you are.” Sang Orlando Arcia (2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs) who hit his 8th homer. Next year, Christian Walker will once again be underrated, as he’s currently above Vlad Jr., Riley and others on the Player Rater, and others who went way before him, and I imagine will again in 2024. “No, they won’t.” Yes, they will! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

We took a week off from streamers last week because we only had three days to discuss. The All-Star break was a great time to recharge our batteries, though, because we’re finally down the stretch run of the season. What’s also interesting is that we have the trade deadline right around the corner. That will […]

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The last two weeks I’ve said some variation of, “Pablo Lopez (9 IP, 0 ER, 4 hits, zero walks, 12 Ks, ERA at 3.89) is the biggest Buy Low.” Prolly called him Pab-Lo, but the sentiment remained the same. Buy Low, I said, as I stood below your window, waiting for you to lower your hair so I could climb up and whispering why Pablo Lopez was a Buy Low. His K/9 is 11.2 and his BB/9 is 2.4. I did a Zoom call with those numbers and talked dirty until they called me a Toobin and hung up. His xFIP is 3.45. That’s SHE upside down on a calculator. You need more info here? Really? Everything looked perfect on his perfs, the only thing that was poking out and ruining things was his unlucky LOB%. Once that corrected itself, he was going to be an ace. Ya know one way to avoid a LOB problem? It’s to leave guys on freakin’ base! That was going to be the easiest thing to correct for someone with a 11+ K/9. He is no longer a Buy Low. Hopefully, you got in on Pab-Lo before he became Pab-Properly-Priced. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?