Can’t believe Corbin Burnes (8 IP, 0 ER, zero hits, two walks, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.47) didn’t go out there and try to finish the no-hitter vs. the Yankees. This is somehow George Kirby’s fault. Jered Weaver would’ve pitched into the 11th to secure the no-hitter, shaking my damn head. If you have no idea what I’m talking about, then bless your ears that they’re in no way polluted by the Hot Takes. Skip ahead to the first blurb if you want to remain that way. On Friday, Kirby said something like he wish he was pulled before the 7th inning because he was gassed. Then old players like Jered Weaver and Mark Mulder jumped on that saying it was the pussification of starting pitchers (told you that you wished you didn’t know). It takes the world’s quickest Google searches to see Weaver used to ask to be pulled from the game in the 7th, and Mulder was so overused in his playing days that he was out of baseball in handful of years, so maybe he should’ve managed his innings better. Old players just completely gaslit by themselves. Hate to see it. Kirby made one mistake: Telling people how he felt. He was gassed, he should’ve been pulled before allowing the home run in the 7th. It makes no sense to baby starters for their entire careers, as they are now, then force them to throw beyond their ability. Kirby should’ve been out of the game, because that’s what starting pitching is now, and how they’re trained. It’s not Kirby’s doing, it’s all starters now. What does this have to do with Burnes? Nothing really, except back in the day they prolly would’ve let him finish the no-hitter. Besides, you know Corbin Burnes is a top five starter, so what’s to say? Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Psyche! We just nailed down a partnership with SaberSim to use their DFS optimizer. You can see their optimizer in screenshot form on our fantasy football tools page. Get a free trial! Anyway II, the roundup:

Jasson Dominguez – Diagnosed with a torn UCL, and will have Tommy John surgery. The Yanks and Mets having an LOL off. A tug of war of LOLs. A 5K Dolphin Run around Coney Island to raise money for LOLs. What on earth is going on in New York baseball? My guess is he’s good to go around June or July of next year.

Luis Severino – Hit the IL with an upper body injury. After dinner, I call it my Supper Body.

Michael King – 5 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 2.82. All right, he’s finally stretched out enough to be interesting in all leagues. Streamonator hates his next one, I agree, so it doesn’t matter he’s stretched out. Rats!

Giancarlo Stanton – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 23rd homer, hitting .200. Giancarlo has a painting in his attic getting younger and better.

Kenta Maeda – 5 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 5 hits, 1 walk, 2 Ks, ERA at 4.65. Streamonator predicted 5 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 5 hits, 1 walk, 5 Ks. Three Ks off, you dumb robot!

Pablo Lopez – 8 IP, 0 ER, 2 hits, 14 Ks, ERA at 3.43. Elias Sports Bureau said New York baseball teams combined for five fuggedaboutits, and two “Fahkin’ kidding me”s.

David Peterson – 6 IP, 3 ER, 9 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 5.34. He was severely disappointing this year, said Mr. Exposition, but I’m still big-time interested for next year. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me every year for five straight years? No shame, just be better next year!

Justin Steele – 7 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners (zero walks), 6 Ks, ERA at 2.49. NL Cy Young chatter is start to get increasingly louder for Steele. Don’t forget who told you he was a sleeper.

Merrill Kelly – 5 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 9 baserunners (5 BBs), 6 Ks, ERA at 3.16. He’s doing an every other start gem recently, and if that pattern holds, then give me that 7 IP, 12 Ks next time out, you Saberhagen in the miniature!

Cody Bellinger– 1-for-4 and his 25th homer. Also, in this game, Dansby Swanson (3-for-4, 2 RBIs) hit his 20th, and Christopher Morel (2-for-4) hit his 21st. David Ross finally figured out Ian Happ’s not a three-hole hitter too. Watch out, next thing is figuring out Cody Bellinger is.

Kevin Gausman – 8 IP, 1 ER, 2 hits, 1 walk, 10 Ks, ERA at 3.28. For whatever reason, he’s never considered an ace. I don’t know why that is. “Never considered” by others. I consider him an ace. Natch!

Jose Berrios – 7 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.63. Sadly, we don’t know who Berrios is as we wrote him off last year after he rearranged my innards.

Cole Ragans – 5 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners (6 BBs), 6 Ks, ERA at 3.01. Oh no, don’t remember you’re not an ace now, people are about to make stupid decisions next draft season with Cole Ragans.

Shane Baz – Said he will be a full-go for Spring Training. Hope he’s not too ‘full-go’ish, because he’s pitched 40 IP in three years, so he might want to save some bullets for the season.

Bryce Miller – 5 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 4.05. After the game, he should’ve said he wished they pulled him before the 1st inning.

Noelvi Marte – Fractured his nose. Actually, Elly broke his nose with a pregame warmup toss. Elly throws 120 MPH during his warmups. Reds are hoping Marte can still play, but I dropped him in one league where I had him.

Jonathan India – 1-for-3 and a slam (15) and legs (13), as he was activated from the IL. He’s been out since July, as India makes curry in a hurry, and nothing else. India went from Rookie of the Year to Wally Pipp in less than two years. Impressive. Kidding aside, the homer yesterday and Marte’s fractured nose might’ve bought India some time, but he feels outside of the Reds’ long-term plans.

Hunter Greene – 6 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 4.43, as he was activated from the IL. Good to see the ace return. Very happy about that. How’sever, that they threw him for 109 pitches after he’s been nursing something or the other for the last three months is so crackers. Just Dumb Bell being a ding dong.

Will Benson – 3-for-4 and his 10th homer, 2nd homer in four games. Reds’ lineup is chock full of options, but Benson has been a schmotato for a bit.

TJ Friedl – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 13th homer, as he hits third in a fairly stacked Reds’ lineup. A Reds’ lineup, when at home, is what your slightly older brother told you about Rockies’ hitters in Coors.

Joey Votto – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 14th homer, as he was activated. Yesterday was his 40th birthday, but the only clock he hears is the Tik Tok of that app.

Thairo Estrada – 2-for-4 and his 12th homer, and 2nd homer in as many games. It’s uncanny — say you should drop a guy and that guy gets hot. Let me try something: Drop Jazz Chisholm Jr.!

Keaton Winn – 6 IP, 3 ER, 5 hits, zero walks, 9 Ks, ERA at 3.55. This was as cushy as matchups get: Rockies on the road is the best. Doesn’t get better. With that said (Grey’s turning the ship around!), Winn’s got a nasty splitter and hits 97 MPH on his fastball. Command is awful, but, if it were April or May, I’d be monocle’ing.

Chris Sale – 4 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 4.88. He allowed a home run to James McCann. That’s a reply to, “How bad is Chris Sale?”

Triston Casas – 1-for-3, 3 RBIs and his 24th homer. Mojo Dojo Casas!

John Means – Will make his season debut today. That’s nice. No, I’m not interested until I see something.

Grayson Rodriguez – 4 1/3 IP, 2 ER, ERA at 4.88. Tough matchup in Fenway, and not just making excuses because he’s my next of kin.

Ryan Yarbrough – 4 IP, 2 ER, ERA at 3.84. Dodgers still sprinkling him with their Magical Cheating Potion. Unfortch, rain caused him to get pulled, and cost me a freakin’ win.

James Outman – 1-for-4 and his 19th homer. Where’d that ball go? Out, man.

Jacob Young – 2-for-4, 1 RBI and his 3rd and 4th steal, as he hits leadoff, though might be because CJ Abrams was out yesterday. Young has 50-steal speed and makes good contact, and might be in one of those situations where it’s like, “Hey, who cares if he steals a bunch of bags, we’re not playing for anything.” It’s a good fantasy situation.

Aaron Nola – 4 1/3 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 4.64. I’ll be honest, I’m beginning to think Aaron Nola might not be an ace.

Ranger Suarez – 6 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 3.85. It is batshizz crazy that the least reliable Phils’ starter is Nola.

Kyle Schwarber – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 43rd homer. Every time he homers with a negative WAR, a nerd cries.

Trea Turner – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 24th homer. It wasn’t as good as drafting Acuña — no dur! — but Treat Urner’s actually made his entire season palatable. It’ll be interesting where his ADP falls next year. My guess is around 25-ish and that’s a decent price.

Bryan De La Cruz – 1-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 19th homer. Grabbed him in my RCL league for the game because BC stands for Bryan Cruz and Batty Call.

Cristian Javier – 4 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 4.78. I’d love to report back to you that he looked fantastic and *chef’s kiss* bellissimo, mi amore! But he continues to be awful and the Astros keep running him out there.

J.P. France – 6 IP, 1 ER, 9 baserunners (5 BBs), 5 Ks, ERA at 3.61. 5 Ks to 5 BBs is not good, but it shows you how cooked Javier is that Juan Pierre France was at least able to fight his way through a bad start.

Eguy Rosario – 1-for-4 and his 1st homer. Eguy celebrated his 1st homer with his podcasting girlfriend.

Seth Lugo – 4 1/3 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 3.80. It was a difficult matchup, and he received a text saying, “U up?” and he was not up for it.

Nathan Eovaldi – 2 1/3 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 2.90. His velocity is way down, he can’t throw more than 50 pitches and the Rangers keep rolling him out there. Interesting tact to take.

Jon Gray – 2 2/3 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 3.96, as he was relieved by Andrew Heaney (3 2/3 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 4.10). I respect the urgency but what are the Rangers doing? Do they think they’re in Game 7 of a playoff series? Because, pausing for emphasis, they are not.

Marcus Semien – 4-for-5, 3 runs, and his 23rd and 24th homer. Semien getting hot in spurts!

Corey Seager – 2-for-5, 2 runs and his 30th homer. Only the 9th shortstop in MLB history to have more than one season of 30+ homers. It’s funny that pre-ARod no one thought of shortstop as a power-hitting position, and he was only a power hitter because he was juiced out of his mind.

Tyler Soderstrom – 1-for-3 and his 3rd homer. That was his first hit since August 18th. *emoji with an awkward thumbs up while getting an eye roll headache*

Sean Newcomb – 4 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 0.75. There’s a name from the past. Last time Newcomb was around you had use for one. Hey now! Bam! Did ya wrong! Any hoo! I’d use Streamonator for any streamer before trusting Newcomb.

Tarik Skubal – 5 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 3.47. Fun fact! Brits who watched Pacers basketball in the 90’s would say, “Ta Rik.”

Jesse Scholtens – 5 IP, 3 ER, 10 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 4.44 vs. Sawyer Gipson-Long – 5 IP, 2 ER, 4 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.60. This matchup was billed as, “You will swear by November you’ve never heard of these players.”

Zach Neto – Activated from the IL, and didn’t play because no one told Phil Nevin he was activated. That’s my guess, but this is the Angels.

Tanner Bibee – 7 IP, 2 ER, 2 hits, zero walks, 8 Ks, ERA at 3.03. About to start calling him Michael Corleone, because every time I think I’m out…

Lucas Giolito – 7 IP, 4 ER, 4 hits, zero walks, 9 Ks, ERA at 4.89, as he returned to Anaheim for the first time since his incredibly distinguished month-long tenure with the Angels. He received a two-hour standing ovation that was later described by media as being “fans showed up late, didn’t know if they wanted to be at the game after arrival, then they walked around the stadium a bit only to finally leave.”