Please see our player page for Kenta Maeda to see projections for today, the next 7 days and rest of season as well as stats and gamelogs designed with the fantasy baseball player in mind.

Hidey-ho neighborino! Is that phrase trademarked or just very, very old? Fine, let’s dismiss the formalities and get straight to the nitty-gritty: men who throw balls. Hard. We’re at the point in the pre-season where we understand that the MLB and MLBPA are definitely far, far away from any sort of agreement on a contract. That said, I wouldn’t be surprised if there’s actually a “realistic” contract that’s been shared between the groups and we’ll see that contract appear the first week of March, just in time for a shortened spring training and perfectly-timed Opening Day. But that’s just me spitballing labor negotiations, and what do I know other than the chords to every song on Green Day’s Dookie album? I suppose I know pitchers somewhat well, and wouldn’t you know it — I’ve got a pitcher listicle for you! A Pitchsticle!

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Razz-a-ma-tazzers, there are two rules at Razzball that I made up*:

At Razzball, we keep our promises to bring you honest news about pain.
At Razzball, we also provide you with actionable fantasy baseball insights.
*Razzball leadership did not sanction or approve of these two rules.

In this edition of Ambulance Chasers, I will provide you with an MLB lockout update as well as a BONUS 2022 SP injury update and outlook.

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All I ever wanted for Christmas was to see Robbie Ray get all worked up. And Santa brought me my gift early this year! Maybe you casual fans just want to see Lance Lynn get worked up, but when Robbie Ray and the Orioles manager get into a tongue-lashing, that’s the kind of baseball I want to see! Yeah, things are getting pretty slow here on the baseball side. On the plus side, I’m in the top 20 in RazzSlam. On the downside, the cutline only sends the top 10 to the playoffs. So, it’s kind of like I’m the benevolent tight-pants-loving lord of a small fiefdom that resides outside of Coolwhip’s kingdom. I beg thee, King Coolwhip, let Luis Severino pitch! How are all of your teams doing? Still active? Let’s see if we can find some pitchers for your fantasy playoffs!

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Just got back from the First Annual Razzball Flag Football Competition, where we took on Bishop Sycamore in a battle of the fake schools. As expected, Donkey Teeth served as a quarterback while Grey stood on the sidelines wearing his “Coach” attire. It was a little weird to see him wandering around with a $10,000 handbag, but I don’t judge. Rudy called the plays, although his reliance on bootleg plays 90% of the time really underestimated DT’s ability to turn left. He’s a donkey, Rudy! He goes forwards! Besides from DT being stubborn, the game played out fairly nicely, with yours truly spraining an ankle in the first 30 seconds and then spending the next hour watching the game from the shade of a tree with a little adult beverage. In the end, Bishop Sycamore defeated the Razzballers 122-6, our only points coming from an accidental pick-6 when Coolwhip designed a replica Bishop Sycamore jersey and snuck onto the other team. Their rosters were so confusing they didn’t notice. On to the Greinke graphic and the pitchers! Hut, hut, hike! 

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Howdy, Razzfolks!

We’ve made it September. Playoffs are either within arm’s reach or already happening for you, so any injury news is extra walking-on-eggshells-y. Apologies in advance if my report this week brings ill omens for your team(s) and makes you want to headbutt your screen.

I’m on vacation, sort of (in a wedding later today!), so this is a somewhat abbreviated list.

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In a deep Scottish accent, the Twins’ Triple-A manager said, “You’re comin’ up tae join th’ club, Joe Ryan. Ur ye excited?”
Joe Ryan paused, then asked, “What are you saying?”
“Aam Sean Connery an’ aam daein’ a Scottish accent. Ur ye excited, certainly, Jack Ryan?”
He scratched his head, then, “Huh? Oh. My name’s Joe Ryan.”

So, Joe Ryan was called up to start on Wednesday, and I settled in to watch. He was one of the pieces the Rays sent to the Twins for Nelson Cruz. Since the Rays sent him away, I expect he’ll spontaneously combust during his next start or suddenly lose command of his pitches and return in 2022 as a middle infielder in Rookie Ball. If that doesn’t happen, we should all be super interested. I’m intrigued, y’all! Yesterday, Joe Ryan went 5 IP, 3 ER, 4 baserunners, 5 Ks, and looked much better those numbers. Outside of one inning in the 3rd when he ran up against the red-hot Schwingdel, he looked like every great command pitcher, who can also induce strikeouts. Prospect Itch said of Ryan, “I have high hopes for Joe Ryan, another dynasty trade target if you can get a decent price. His 30+ K-BB percentage across three levels in 2019 was pretty loud, but some of the clamor might’ve died down since Ryan was kept under training site wraps for all of 2020. His best trait is a true-spin four-seamer he can command across the zone, and that’s a great base from which to build an arsenal in today’s game. Tampa’s coaches have praised Ryan for his aptitude for new pitches and approaches, particularly his feel for spin. I get giddy just thinking about him and punching Grey.” Okay, not cool! Ryan continued to carve up hitters in Triple-A this year while maintaining elite command. This is potentially as good a prospect arm call-up as we’re getting the rest of the year. I added him in a few deeper leagues. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

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Fantasy playoffs! I don’t kink shame here. If you’re Googling “MLB Playoff Fan Fiction,” that’s your thing. My thing? Ranking pitchers in a giant table. We’re down to the last month of the MLB regular season — and many fantasy leagues are in the playoffs already — so you’ll want to start any hot hand you think will help your team. Within reason, of course. We’re going to see a lot of rookie starters called up, and even with their immense hype (see Cabrera, Edward), they can still put up lackluster performances that don’t really help your cause. As always, consult Rudy’s Streamonator Tools (and if you’re not subscribed, where have you been? Jump in and support us!) and check-in with the writers throughout the week. We’re here to help!

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Howdy, Razzfolks!

Really great to be back to blessing all of you with my wisdom and A+ puns/jokes. But seriously, massive thanks to EWB for filling in for me while I was taking some time off with family. My wife lost her mom to pancreatic cancer. Prayers and good vibes still appreciated, but we’re doing well, all things considered. 

Anywho, let’s get on with the injury updates you’re here for!

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Before the game, Kenta Maeda was getting a 2nd opinion on his UCL, which is always good news. If I were a 2nd opinion doctor, I’d just say, “Same,” and collect all those greenbacks. Actually, might not even need a medical degree to be a “Same” 2nd opinion doc. So, the Twins turned to one of their great young arms, Griffin Jax (4 2/3 IP, 9 ER, ERA at 6.29). Twins got Randy Dobnak from Uber, and Jax from Postmates. If Maeda can’t return, the Twins are gonna get a month subscription to Blue Apron. On the positive side of things, the Red Sox sent down Jarren Duran (well, positive after this). When the team wants to go with Travis Shaw (1-for-3 and his 8th homer) over you, well, there’s no amount of violins to play. You suck. The good news: Duran’s price is gonna be super cheap next year. Then, as Alex Cora continues to stupid-up the lineup card, leadoff man, Enrique Hernandez (2-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs) hit his 16th homer, but the real star was Hunter Renfroe. He’s rivaled only by Austin Riley, Adam Duvall, Jorge Soler–well, all Braves–rivaled only by them for guys who get crazy hot, and he’s in the middle of one such stretch. He now has four homers in the four games, and, as Scooby-Doo would say, “Renfroe!” Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

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After his 500th home run, Miguel Cabrera has more to celebrate, his son, Edward–*intern whispers in ear*…I see….Asdrubal? No, huh? Melky? Orlando? Daniel? Former professional pitcher for the Rockies, Edwar Cabrera? Okay, I’m hearing Edward Cabrera is the newest Cabrera. In sixty years, my brain is going to be inside a robot, and Greybot 5000 is going to be like, “Streamonator was made by a human, but is not incorrect when it lists all starters for tomorrow as Cabreras, due to the Law of 2081 that stated only Cabreras can play baseball. That’s what happens when you make a Robot Ump commissioner, and let Robot Umps kill players who argue with them.” You see what happens when Robot Umps are implemented? I’m from the future and you must stop them! Any hoo! I told you to grab Edward Cabrera in the Buy column, because my Marlins’ contact said he’d be up soon, and would you look at that. Cabrera is set to start on Wednesday, bringing with him — 14.7 K/9 (Zoinks), 5.8 BB/9 (Yikes). As Prospect Itch said, “Edward Cabrera is something of a supersized Sixto with more strikeouts but less command. Huge upside with upper 90s heat. That I like to imagine hitting Grey in the melon.” Okay, not cool! I’d grab Cabrera in any league where you’re looking for some rookie nookie. Though, he could absolutely lead to roofies. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

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It’s back-to-school week! Do we have any students out there reading this, or is it all just all people who last updated their phones when Bell Northern went AWOL? Still can’t believe the price I used to get on long distance. With each passing week, we’re watching a couple more pitchers fall to the injury, so let’s try and focus on finding some replacements for the arms that just hit the IL.

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“When you come through Ellis Island with a whole boatload of Nootbaars, do you go to immigration or declare them with VAT?” That’s me talking to myself while watching Lars Nootbaar with a game-saving catch for Alex Reyes and the Cards, and securing the win for Adam Wainwright (8 IP, 0 ER, 2 hits, zero walks, 9 Ks, ERA at 3.10). Adam Wainwright has a 3.10-ish ERA across the past two seasons. Suddenly, every MLB hitter vs. Wainwright is Carlos Beltran. After the game, Wainwright said, “I would’ve thrown a complete game but I remembered we paid a cab driver $2500 to take Lane Thomas to Washington, and I thought that it was really clever how we paid the cabbie, so I was reading a Wiki-How to sign up for Venmo during the 9th, i.e., I was distracted.” Fair enough, Wainwright! He honestly doesn’t need to do much more. Outside of Zack Wheeler, I don’t think anyone is throwing 200 IP this year, but Wainwright is actually in the conversation at 162 2/3 IP. On the Player Rater, he’s in the hunt for a top 15 starter season, and, excuse me, while I kick myself in the shins. That’s exactly the type of bargain-basement draft pick that makes all the difference in deep leagues. People (yours truly, included) out there chasing upside, and Wainwright chaperoning fantasy teams to first place, and putting the prom in promised land. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?