So, bunch of Razzballers got together for an auction draft at NFBC and I drafted a team I would never draft in any league. If you showed me this team, I’d say, “Looks like crap, get it out of my face!” Actually, I’d prolly say, “Cool, nice team,” but then I’d snicker! I’d snicker something awful! Real passive aggressive shizz from me! Just a snickering fool! So many snickers until I’m self-satisfied. Then I’d shove your team out of my face and say, “Begone!” I would hate this team if it’s yours, and at least I practice what I preach because I hate this team as mine too! Alas, we must muster on. For those not in the know, it’s a 15-team auction with two catchers that is a weekly league. Unlike a lot of NFBC leagues we play in, it is not draft and hold. There’s a $1000 FAAB budget with weekly pickups. Anyway, here’s my 15-team NFBC auction draft:
C: Yan Gomes – $1
C: Alejandro Kirk – $1
1B: Triston Casas – $13
2B: Luis Rengifo – $5
SS: Trea Turner – $34
3B: Alec Bohm – $13
CI: Spencer Torkelson – $12
MI: Gunnar Henderson – $25
OF: Bryan Reynolds – $18
OF: Jarren Duran – $17
OF: Riley Greene – $10
OF: Sal Frelick – $3
OF: Jose Siri – $1
UT: Christian Encarnacion-Strand – $6
Bench: Nolan Schanuel, Johan Rojas, Pete Crow-Armstrong, Hunter Goodman
P: Gerrit Cole – $34
P: George Kirby – $25
P: Emmanuel Clase – $17
P: Kenley Jansen – $10
P: Jose Berrios – $6
P: Kenta Maeda – $2
P: Reese Olson – $2
P: Brayan Bello – $2
P: Kutter Crawford – $2
Bench: Ricky Tiedemann, Zack Littell, A.J. Minter
OKAY, NOW WHERE IS YOUR TEAM?
That is my team.
THEN EVERYTHING YOU’VE TOLD ME IS LIES. I’M TAKING MY DISEMBODIED VOICE AND FINDING SOMEONE ELSE TO HAUNT WITH MY CAPITALIZED AND BOLDED WORDS. YOU’RE NOT WORTH MY TIME!
I know! I’m not happy with it either! The auction war room likes it:
[SOBBING] I DON’T CARE WHAT RUDY’S WAR ROOM SAYS! I HATE THIS TEAM!
Well, I do too! You know how they rate your team after the draft? It was rated well. That’s how I know how much this team sucks! I’m so doomed because it rated the best of any of my teams ever have rated! It’s all because of that stupid Gerrit Cole.
I DON’T EVEN WANT TO SPEAK TO YOU, BUT I’M STILL CURIOUS. WHY DID YOU BID ON COLE AT ALL?! YOU ABSOLUTE JERKFACE!
See, in a snake draft, someone takes a moment and actually drafts guys they want. In an auction, I’m footloose and fancy free! I need John Lithgow dressed up as a reverend screaming at me to stop! What a disaster. So, I saw Strider go for $41 and who is everyone’s consensus number two? Cole, right? He’s at least neck and neck with Burnes. So, I saw Cole go to $32 and I was like, “Strider went for $41! Let’s see someone pay $35-40 for Cole! C’mon, it’ll be so funny!” Well, joke’s on me. No one wanted to pay $35. Cole’s average auction price at NFBC (this is all in the war room) was $41.9, so in a lot of leagues he goes for more than $42! Well, not in this one, apizzarently. Therefore, ergo, vis-a-vie, I got myself Gerrit Cole for the first time maybe ever. You know what’s funny?
I DON’T CARE!
You can see so clearly where I was like, “Forget being the Auction Sheriff, and draft some guys you actually like, you full-grown idiot.” Look at from Jarren Duran down in my hitting. Ha! I just went crazy upside and grabbed guys I love, no matter the cost. The same can be said for my pitching at Maeda and below with guys like Bello, which is not pronounced the same as below. Though, before it got better, it gets worse with this team.
HOW? HOW COULD IT GET WORSE?
I don’t like Cole, but appreciate how good he is. I drafted Bryan Reynolds and Emmanuel Clase and actively don’t like them. Similar nonsense with me acting as Auction Sheriff. Clase is $17 in my auction values and top closers were going for $20 or more, so I went to $17, assuming someone would go to $18. What do they say about assuming? Yeah, I’m an ass. Bryan Reynolds is $18 in my values, so I went to $18, expecting someone to go to $19, and expecting is the same as assuming.
THIS IS LEGIT DEPRESSING. I MIGHT NEED TO SIT DOWN. CRAP, I DON’T HAVE A BODY TO SIT.
Wait, there’s more reasons for me to hate this team.
I HONESTLY DON’T KNOW IF I CAN TAKE MORE.
I drafted Tigers like I’m Axel Foley wearing the old English D while drinking Olde E. I like Riley Greene, Maeda, and Olson but all on the same team? And throwing in Torkelson? Jesus, move to Detroit and steal a hubcap, why don’t you?
OKAY, I NEED TO GO LAY DOWN WITH MY NON-BODY. CAN YOU WRAP THIS UP?
I just want to say I overbid on CES as my utility, but I drafted this team in February, and we need just one Reds injury in March to clear room for him, so I’m fine with him, and I can just play Johan Rojas, who I like, and stash CES until that inevitable injury happens. Also, I love Rengifo in deep leagues. This is the 3rd of three teams that I’ve drafted him. He has so much eligibility and Ron Washington likes him more than blowing lines of coke, saying Rengifo would bat leadoff on some days and play every day.
GREAT, THAT IS A SUPER POSITIVE NOTE TO END ON, LUIS FREAKIN’ RENGIFO. MORE LIKE LUIS REN-GTFO!
Sigh. To play against us for free, hit up the below links (there’s a draft tomorrow night vs. The Great Knoche, jump in!):
