Please see our player page for Tony Gonsolin to see projections for today, the next 7 days and rest of season as well as stats and gamelogs designed with the fantasy baseball player in mind.

I’ve been staring at the sun, wondering when the hydrogen will be exhausted and if I have enough time for my crypto 401K to return to profitability before we all end up in a black hole. Maybe that’ll put the current global milieu in perspective. Everything we own, all that we do, will turn to dust and ash as the sun enters a red giant phase and envelops the earth in its helium-fueled delirium. Maybe by then I’ll understand the appeal of BTS. Maybe by then pitchers will be predictable.

In the meantime, we keep rolling — you, me, the guy down the street. We roll week after week, thinking that we armchair astrologers of baseball have some sort of seance equipment that tells us — accurately — the future performance of a player. Yet every time I consult my crystal ball, all I hear is “variance.” Same as it was last year, same as it is this year. People forget, Alec Mills and his 62MPH curveball was a top 20 pitcher through half of 2020. Last year’s #1 SP, Max Scherzer, had a 3.00 ERA / near 4.00 FIP through the first month, followed by a lackluster July where he had a 5.32 ERA and FIP (take that regression!) and a Robbie Ray-esque 2.3 HR/9. Again, this is the #1SP of 2021 and future first ballot Hall of Famer Max Scherzer we’re talking about. Being a good fantasy pitcher isn’t about being good every day. Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt didn’t become A-listers by being perfect in every single role. Amazon — the company — didn’t make a profit for nearly a decade after its founding. Same thing goes for pitches — being status quo is fine, but aces just tend to perform a bit better when they’re successful. Which brings me to the ol’ quote that should hang above your fantasy mantle: Being a good fantasy pitcher, is about being a better pitcher than other pitchers more often than not. If every pitcher in the league has a 4.50 ERA, the pitcher with a 4.49 ERA is the best in that category.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

On Sunday, Jose Urquidy went 7 IP, 1 ER, 1 hit, 3 walks, 3 Ks, ERA at 4.36, which, honestly, is kinda whatever, until you hear this one. The Giancarlo homer (his 17th) in the 7th was the first hit by the Yankees in 16 1/3 IP, and nearly 41 hours. *letting out the longest woof known to man* On Saturday, Cristian Javier didn’t come up short (7 IP, 0 ER, zero hits, one walk, 13 Ks, ERA at 2.73). Well, he kinda did, since the Astros needed two more pitchers for the combined no-hitter in Yankee Stadium. After the game, there was an interview with Cristian Javier where he thanked God multiple times, so as we thought, God hates the Yankees. It’s a brutal way to lose a game, but it’s gotta be demoralizing to hear the Big Man Upstairs hates your guts. Listen, no-hit me, talk that trash, but thank God afterwards proving God hates me? That’s soul-crushing. Actually, I’m a bit scared to write about the no-hitter. The Clay Holmes’s official scorer might go in and change a ground ball to a hit just to feel something. Welp, we got ourselves a top 100 starts of the year page, and you can see for yourself where Javier landed with that gem. If you got sonavabenched by that one, well, God might not like you either. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Takes off Hello Kitty headphones, places head on the train tracks. Faintly off in the distance, I can hear the very subtle call of exuberance. A very, small yay. That’s the sound of the one fantasy baseball owner who has Isaac Paredes in their lineup for his three-homer night (3-for-3, 4 RBIs, 6th, 7th, and 8th homer). I’ll be real with you, I was sweating this one for Mark Whiten. Back in 1993, Whiten glued four baseballs to his hand back, and he ain’t trying to get a new member of the club. For those of you singing, “I love a Paredes,” I know. This would’ve been Ethel Merman’s best day in fantasy baseball. RIP, you bussin’ Queen. Any hoo! Hard to hit three homers and not be a schmotato, so I could see grabbing Paredes, but Cash is there. Cash’s favorite movie? Platoon. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Miles Mikolas (8 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 1 walk, 6 Ks, ERA at 2.62) or Paul Goldschmidt (6-for-8, 4 runs, 8 RBIs, and his 14th, 15th and 16th homer)? Which one do I talk about first?! What’s on 2nd? I don’t know. Third base! Au Shizz went Au Shizz three times in yesterday’s doubleheader. He’s hitting .349 on the year. He’s challenging Aaron Judge for the top of the Player Rater–Okay, not Judge, but the top 5? Yes, siree, Bob. “I’m sorry, Grey, I need more info on what Bob you want to call.” Siree! Not Siri! “Chillax, phonedaddy.” Shut up, Siri! Au Shizz is capping one of the best decades we’ve seen in baseball over the last ten years. As for Miles Mikolas, I literally turned on his no-hit bid as the Calm Itchell double was landing in center. Hey, am I starring in the fictional version of The Jinx as the young, and more handsome Robert Durst? “Kill them all…Why did I say that? Maybe I can say I was saying my favorite Metallica album?” While Mikolas isn’t quite this good — 7 .2 K/9, 1.8 BB/9, 3.72 xFIP — he’s capable of one of those 3.00-ish ERA seasons, or better, as he’s done once in his career already. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

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Joe Girardi lost his job because he lost too many games. Joe Girardi, a victim of cancel culture. Little did we know Joe Girardi was the butterfly to start Hurricane Stott. Yesterday, Bryson Stott went 4-for-4, 3 runs, 2 RBIs and his 3rd homer, and all three have come in the last week. Could it be connected? Last week, Stott said, “I need some super easy listening music to bust this slump. Maybe some adult contemporary. Something by Rob Thomas.” But what he didn’t realize was, while he was dreamcasting his thoughts, he just accidentally brushed against a genie lamp. Shame that right after, he added, “I wish they put more cheese on my Taco Bowl, and I wish it’s all cheddar and not a mix.” Pleasantly surprised by his lunch, but not the best use of wishes. There was a reason why he was one of the hottest pickups the first week of the season. Hitting 9th stinks, but if he can keep hitting, he makes the most sense at leadoff, and he has power and speed. Hopefully, he can continue it, even out of wishes. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The doubleheader in the Bronx started with Ohtani taking on Nestor. The hype, the excitement, the mustache! It was all there. Then the nightcap, what could it do to top such intrigue?! What, I scream at my ceiling. The nightcap ended up being a very stiff shot of Jameson. Did I do that, right? I haven’t drank in, like, ten years, I forget the terminology sometimes. Jameson Taillon took a perfect game into the 8th inning, ending the game with the line — 8 IP, 1 ER, 2 hits, zero walks, 5 Ks, ERA at…What’s his ERA? Go ahead. Guess! You know him! Let’s hear your best guesses! Please, indulge me! Imagine dopey guesses as little chocolate truffles. Roll them in cocoa powder and pop them into my mouth for my consumption. WRONG! He’s got a 2.30 ERA. You were two runs off. At least! No? Then you’re rostering him. So, Taillon is doing it with pinpoint control — 5 BBs in 58 2/3 IP — and that’s coming with almost identical stats from previous years minus some Ks. Elite command can carry a guy pretty far. Maybe not as far as a 2.30 ERA in 170+ IP, but won’t be much worse than 3.50 if he holds that kind of command. That Jameson can scotch tape together a lot fantasy staffs if you’re looking to Taillon. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

They say he’s the greatest Orioles catcher ever. They say the greatest catcher prospect since Yogi Berra. They are talking about Matt Wieters. “They” are Keith Law. He’s not the only one. I went back to the 2009 prospect guys to see what people were saying about Matt Wieters and found, “Has the power of Mark Teixeira,” and “a bat so potent he could be a two-time batting champion and one of the game’s biggest stars in almost two years.” Okay, I lied, those are all Keith Law quotes! Good for baseball that Wieters wasn’t its biggest star. Others were just as complimentary to Wieters with Kevin Goldstein, who got a job with the Astros and now the Twins said, “Wieters, Chris Tillman and Brian Matusz are can’t miss.” They had great things to say about Matt LaPorta too. Who? Not sure, I think Matt LaPorta is French for doormat. From that draft alone, there was no mention of Madison Bumgarner, Giancarlo, Freddie Freeman, Josh Donaldson, or even Travis d’Arnaud, all guys drafted after Wieters and LaPorta. Why mention any of this? Just tamping down Adley Rutschman enthusiasm with this hype-cleaver. That’s my Tamp-ax! Wait, maybe it’s not a good idea to say that. So, this is a weird way to start a post where I say I’d absolutely pick up Adley Rutschman in every league. Killing enthusiasm with my Tampax. Yikes, need to stop saying that. The Tampax (this is not a sponsored post, by the way) is simply to stop up hype that Rutschman will be a top five catcher as soon as he’s called up. I don’t think he will, but he could be. Think 15 HRs and .280 for four months. It’s irrelevant what he was even doing in the minors. He was ready two years ago. He’s worth adding in all leagues if you’re struggling at catcher, Tampax be damned. Period. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

No hitters are funny, aren’t they? They’re baseball at its finest. Baseball thrives off of statistical anomalies. It’s why there’s so many Jayson Stark-types that spit at ya stuff like, “This is the first time a player has hit into a double play while his 1st base coach was in the 1st base coach’s box talking on a bluetooth to his mistress,” and other oddities. The no-hitter highlights the oddity. It takes great pitching to no-hit a team, but varying amounts of luck. Reid Detmers was on the leaning side of the scale for an extreme amount of luck. Well-struck balls right at fielders. Hit ’em where they ain’t the Rays ain’t did. It’s also incredibly funny that Detmers’s peripherals got worse from a no hitter, but you throw 9 IP, 0 ER, 1 walk and only two strikeouts, and that will happen. His ERA is now down to 3.77. A solid, unremarkable unhittable performance. One of baseball’s oddities. It’s another oddity that the highlight of a no-hitter was a home run by Anthony Rendon. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

We had some mixed results last week with our streamers, but I was happy with the results for the most part. The Elieser Hernandez start was the only one that rattled me, but I feel silly recommending him in the first place. We did land some of you with Sheldon Neuse, though, and his ownership […]

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May the Fourth was with Rowdy-D2, as he had the night, that every hitter used to have in 2019, 4-for-6, 8 RBIs and his 6th and 7th homer. Anyone who asks, I say grab Rowdy Tellez. You down to Jarred Kelenic or Rowdy Tellez and I’m Tellez who I want who I really really want. Wanna see who’s hot? Look at the 7-day Player Rater. Don’t have to scroll far down for Tellez. Wanna see a gorgeous Statcast page? Look at Tellez’s. I wrote a sleeper post last year for him, but my one caveat was: Does he have playing time? He struggled to find it; Jays shipped him off and now he won’t be denied, especially not on the planet of Tater-ooine:

Sorry, these are just so cringe that I can’t resist. Also, having a great night, and now deserves a Colt 45, was Andrew Cutchrissian (4-for-5, 2 runs, 4 RBIs):

Okay, okay, one more, and this is the worst one, which makes it the best, Luis Chewurias:

Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Above Yankee Stadium last night was a transparent cherub, sitting on the clouds — rosy cheeks, belly full of gabagool, Italian flag wife beater shirt. It was the one and only American actor, James Gandolfini, and next to him was the American actress, Nancy Marchand, who famously played his mother. Together, they smiled down on the Italian stallions, Joey Gallo, who went 1-for-4, and his 1st homer; Aaron Judge, whose name ends in a vowel, went 2-for-5, 2 runs and his 4th homer, and Anthony Rizzo who went 3-for-4, 4 runs, 6 RBIs, 6th, 7th, and 8th homers, because last night the Yankees went ayo whaddya know bada bing bada boom. Though, Rizzo went bada bing bada boom bada bing bada boom bada bing bada boom. The three bada bing bada booms were previously reserved for guys from Staten Island and celebrated on special occasions like a baptism or when someone buys a Corvette. So far, Anthony Rizzo’s year couldn’t be coming at a better place for a true Zombino. The short porch was made for him. First, the Yankees Letter, then Anthony Rizzo’s 3-homer night. Not since Babe Ruth homered the night he torched his house with his lovely wife inside, have the Yankees had such a roller coaster day. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?