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Please see our player page for Kris Bryant to see projections for today, the next 7 days and rest of season as well as stats and gamelogs designed with the fantasy baseball player in mind.

This is George Kirby’s fault. He has polluted the minds of Major League Baseball, far and wide. George Kirby has pricked everyone’s brain and seeped his early curfew pitch count into their brain custard. It is so prevalent, Dusty Baker, the guy who once threw Aaron Harang, The Harangutan, for 178 pitches in a 9-1 game just to see if he could get his arm to fall off. Dusty Baker who once said to Mark Prior, “I don’t know if you ‘need’ an elbow.” That Dusty Baker pulled Hunter Brown with a no-hitter after 78 pitches in the 5th inning, having struck out 7 guys (and walking two)! Dusty Baker did that? What’s next, David Ross not batting Mike Tauchman leadoff? Don’t even get cute! So, Hunter Brown has some of the prettiest peripherals I’ve seen, and am tempted to say he could be a number two next year with a chance to be an ace. He has thrown too many innings though, so glad Dusty pulled him. *dodges tomato* What? Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The Braves/Phils is America. It’s just excess on top of excess. It’s beautiful. It’s like a blooming onion on top of poutine. Sure, one of those things is Australian and one is from Montreal, but that’s exactly right. America co-ops your excess and makes it more excessive in the rebrand. That’s the Braves/Phils. Excessive in its rebrand of baseball. Plus, no pitching. The star last night (for fantasy, at least) is the same star of the last two months since the standing ovation — Trea Turner going 3-for-5, 2 RBIs and a slam (26) and legs (27). When you think about it, Treat Urner started playing well after he received positive reenforcement, like every other Treat Urner I know. Next up in this game was two Braves hitters who have been doing this all year: Matt Olson going 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 51st homer. Praying to Allahson for nine more! Then, we had Ronald Acuña Jr. going 1-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 37th homer. Tildaddy said you can help him take off his shoes! Then Marcell Ozuna went 2-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 34th homer. Hey, if the Braves are hitting, I look at the pitcher facing them and think, “If he dies, he dies.” Enter: Zack Wheeler going 5 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 3.70. Sadly, he ran into the Braves-saw. Then, not to be outdone for the Phils, Nick Castellanos went 2-for-5, 2 runs and his 23rd homer. The wind was blowing southwest off the Greek God of Hard Contact’s mother’s mustache and the ball sailed out for everyone. Finally, Bryce Harper went 2-for-3 and his 17th homer. On one side of my brain, I’m like, “No two players are the same.” On my other side, I’m like, “Ohtani and Dominguez are going to take two months to hit for power even after they return to games.” Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Cubs are calling up Pete Crow-Armstrong, who is little known Pixar character from the movie, The Wowzers. It was a blatant ripoff of The Incredibles, where the main character, Pete Crow-Armstrong idolized Jim Thorpe, went to sleep one night and woke being able to “crow hop” a throw to home from the deepest part of the outfield. A critics’ darling that audience reviews on Rotten Tomatoes called, “Pixar continues to make all female characters’ main attribute their giant rear ends.” So, here’s what Itch said previously, “The surprise prize of the Javy Baez trade, Pete Crow-Armstrong features a quick but simple stroke in a 6’0” 184 lb frame. PCA is a double-plus defender who just posted 16 home runs and 32 stolen bases in 101 games across two levels (in 2022) where he was younger than the league average. He chipped in 20 doubles and 10 triples, slashing .312/.376/.520 on the season. The power has been a nice bonus, considering the profile isn’t dependent upon it. Here’s hoping: His power and my fist into Grey’s head.” Oh cmon! PCA’s gone 20/37 across two levels in 107 games this year. He seems to have a little bit of a contact problem (29.7% in Triple-A), but has speed for an inflated BABIP. I have little interest outside of NL-Only leagues, because I think Pete Crow-Armstrong will be in a platoon, but it’s fun to see what he can do in limited time, and this is promising for 2024 fantasy, and him breaking camp next year. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Buying low is harder than buying high. Yeah, I said it. Buying low means the other person has to cut bait after being so pot-committed. Then, the person buying low has to put aside the player they are getting has been garbage, and they might be better off with getting a guy off waivers. Dansby Swanson (3-for-3, 4 RBIs and his 11th and 12th homer, hitting .271) yesterday made buying low harder or easier? In theory, it should make it easier, because those signs of life should allow the person who has him an easy way to unload, but signs of life usually works the opposite way. The person with Swanson has been pounding their team’s chest, hoping to revive it, and now: The EKG line shoots up and you want them to sell him? One thing is for certain, Dansby Swanson is going to be so forgotten for 2024 fantasy baseball, he’s gonna be basically free, unless he turns his whole season around. Can he? Absolutely. His 1st half last year was one of the best. He’s capable of continuing to shoot up that EKG meaning I’d buy low, if that were possible, which it’s not. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

“Anything you can do I can do better,
I can do anything better than you.

No, you can’t. Yes, I can.” Sang Christian Walker (3-for-5, 3 runs, 5 RBIs) as he had a double slam (19, 20) and legs (7). On Christian solder! *blowtorches a piece of metal*

“Anything you can do I can do better,
I can do anything better than you.

No, you can’t. Yes, I can.” Sang Austin Riley (3-for-5, 3 runs, 7 RBIs) as he hit hit his 17th and 18th homer.

“You’re supposed to wait for me to reply ‘Yes, I can’ after you say ‘No, you can’t.”

“No, I’m not.”
“Yes, you are.” Sang Orlando Arcia (2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs) who hit his 8th homer. Next year, Christian Walker will once again be underrated, as he’s currently above Vlad Jr., Riley and others on the Player Rater, and others who went way before him, and I imagine will again in 2024. “No, they won’t.” Yes, they will! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

“Four score and seven ‘And that’s me quoting me’s ago, my Fordfathers said, ‘Stop calling us Fordfathers, you idiot, it’s forefathers!” That was a quote from our most true patriot, Grey, the Fantasy Master Lothario, don’t abbreviate it. Hope everyone had a nice 4th of July, and you still have all ten fingers, and, if you don’t, I hope at least you had nearby an appropriately-sized, half-eaten hot dog to use as a tourniquet. Someone who doesn’t have a working ten fingers is Mike Trout. He looks like Captain America, so somehow it tracks that on the day with the most hand injuries in America, he gets his. Brutal news for sure, but every toilet flush fills up with a dog getting a clean glass of water, and that’s Jo Adell, as he was promoted. Since Trout is likely out six to eight weeks, this gives the Angels ample opportunity to find new ways to not play Adell. I kid. Kinda. I’d grab Adell in most leagues to see if he can finally click. Anyway. here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Yesterday, Kevin Gausman went 6 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 12 Ks, ERA at 3.01. Gausman was being drafted like, “Oh, I guess I’ll punt top starters and take Gausman.” Gausman was being drafted like: Person looking at your draft results, “You didn’t draft an ace.” Person who drafted Gausman, “I think Gausman is my ace.” “No, you need someone like Corbin Burnes or Sandy Alcantara.” I won’t break the record that I continue to break that people continue to ignore. I just want everyone to think about one thing: Pitchers are impossible to rank, thus draft. ERA, Wins and WHIP, to a lesser extent, are heavily influenced by luck. When there’s no luck playing a factor, they’re prone to injuries. You could’ve had Gausman as your ace everywhere. Or, you could’ve had Alek Manoah, who was scorched for 11 runs in 2 2/3 IP in the Florida Complex League. Oh, he’s absolutely going to have a complex, thinking, “Wow, I really suck.” Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I was lost, out of sorts. I began standing at urinals with my pants at my ankles like I was a five-year-old. I’d say to Cougs, “I did a poopie.” Soiled. Ugly. Couldn’t go on. Jordan Walker was sent down. The power of his presence gone. From my life. Pain. I felt. Today, WE’RE BACK BABY! I’m pulling up my shorts and no longer asking my wife to wipe me! I’m an adult again! My oxygen mask can be removed! I can breathe again without your assistance! The roses are redder than they’ve ever been. Tear up my Last Will and Testament; I’m gonna live forever like Irene Cara! I can feel it! So, I still don’t understand Walker’s playing time shituation but I doubt he’s being called up to sit on the bench. Grab him everywhere. Unless you don’t love love. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I usually like to start with something like, it’s been a wild, unpredictable season in the outfield thus far! But when you look closely – and see Ronald Acuna, Randy Arozarena, Adolis Garcia and Mike Trout in the top four – nothing strikes you as particularly unbelievable. As you work your way down in the […]

Please, blog, may I have some more?