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Please see our player page for Michael Chavis to see projections for today, the next 7 days and rest of season as well as stats and gamelogs designed with the fantasy baseball player in mind.

Justin Verlander (6 IP, 0 ER, no baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 1.87) is built different. At 39 years of age, he is dominating like he’s in his 20s. He’s doing things that have never been done before, while just coming back from Tommy John surgery. He truly is remarkable. I have an idea about how he’s performing so well, but to test my theory, I need to sleep with Kate Upton. I will talk to my wife, Cougs, and I will need to get Justin and Kate’s permission, as well. For science is how I will pitch it, and I’ll need to pitch better than Justin to get this to fly. I believe this is a sacrifice all four of us can make. I will be making perhaps the biggest sacrifice. For 2023 fantasy, what will Justin Verlander do as an encore after this season? His peripherals (8.9 K/9, 1.5 BB/9, 3.36 xFIP) look basically the same as his first Cy Young award that he won back in 2011, and, he should win his third this year. There’s no way I’m betting against Justin Verlander next year, not until everyone involved lets me sleep with Kate Upton to see if that has magical powers. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Guess what, y’all?! A new Spencer Torkelson dropped! No, he’s nothing like that old Spencer Torkelson! For one, he’s not young! He’s more like a new older Spencer Torkelson! For two, the Tigers are calling up Kerry Carpenter because they have no conceivable reason to keep him down anymore, because of the stats he was putting up in the minors — .316/.384/.653 with 30 home runs and 75 RBIs in 96 games between Double-A Erie and Triple-A Toledo. That’s the Mecca of Ohio. It’s why it’s called Holy Toledo. He was on a recent prospect stash list by Itch, and I say stop stashing and start doing! Comerica Park sucks. More like Crummica! Owned it! But someone making that good of contact with that sorta power is worth a look in deeper mixed leagues. Let’s see if Carpenter can drum up some offense and make the Tigers’ stop feeling like Rainy Days and Mondays. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Just once
Can we figure out what we keep doin’ wrong
Why our players never last for very long
What are we doin’ wrong?
Just once
Can we find a way to finally make it right
Make the magic last for more than just one night
We could just get to it
I know I just got back India but what did the Fantasy Baseball Overlord do to it
Hmm hmm
Just once

*sobbing uncontrollably* Make the magic last for just one night. Just once–Jesus effin’ Christmas tree lights up in October what are we doing? This is not right!? Ozzie Albies? Seriously? A fractured foot? Ozzie Albies’s feet should only be discussed on some weird subreddit. Ess oh BEEEEE! So, Orlando Arcia should see more playing time while Albies is out, my guess is for at least six weeks. I hate this. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Atlanta Braves’ rookie flamethrower-slash-hotshot-slash-heartthrob, Spencer Strider turned in his best outing of the year Friday night, pitching five and 2/3 innings, allowing just five baserunners and punching out eight Pirates en route to his second win. Spencer finally hitting his Stride-er! He lowered his ratios to a real nice 2.35 ERA and 1.12 WHIP with the start and his 57/19 K/BB in just 38.1 innings was the exact same number I had on the vision board I made for my positive affirmations class. You just can’t find that kind of strikeout potential on the waiver wire, over-the-internet friends. He’s got a 36.8 K% and a 13.38 K/9. Mhmm. Oh my, is it hot in here? I need to calm myself down, I’m getting excited. *bites knuckles, does ice bucket challenge, thinks about baseball players* Wait! No to that last one! Spence, can I call you, Spence? No? OK, Spencer’s biggest knock is that he’s currently being stretched out after serving in somewhat of a long relief role, so he may not pitch deep enough into games initially to get you those sweet dubs, but Braves manager Snitker seems to be ramping him up quick. He threw 72 pitches in his first start, followed by 87 last week and 92 Friday night. That’s progress, y’all! The five and 2/3 innings was the longest outing of his young career, and even though it was the lowly Bucs, he produced a swinging strike rate of 34%. That’s 18 swings and misses, 11 of those on his stinky, stinky cheese, which topped out at 100+ mph multiple times. Yup, guy’s got gas to spare during a nationwide shortage. Basically, Braves have been ramping him up and he’s taking it in Stride-er. Sure, he’s had some cushy matchups so far with Arizona, Colorado and Pittsburgh, but he gets another juicy one next week versus the Nats. If you are looking to buy unfunny gag gifts, fart pills, embarrassing sex toys or lava lamps, I’d check out Spencer’s Gifts, but if you need starting pitching help with massive strikeout upside on a team that can’t seem to lose right now, I’d buy Spencer Strider. Maybe buy the fart pills, too, those sound fun. Here’s what else I saw Friday night in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

(NOTE: THIS POST WAS RELEASED EARLY THIS WEEK ON OUR PATREON. IT’S $10/MONTH.)

“Ayo, this is Joey in the People Interested in Zee Zee #1 Americans — aka PIZZA, we serve the people who serve it  — how may I direct your call? I’m very sorry, you’re looking for Tony — bada bing bada boom — he’s in charge of helping people put up Xmas lights. That department doesn’t open until August.” Phone rings with another call, “Ayo, this is Joey in the People Interested in Zee Zee #1 Americans — aka PIZZA, we serve the people who serve it. You’re wondering about Vinnie Pasquantino and Nick Pratto? Ayo, bada bing bada boom, letta me pull up Minor League Stats dot com, ayy, and see what we have here. Vinnie Pasquantino is 24 years old, and he’s got 15 HRs in 52 games at Triple-A. Ayy, what kind of cheap ess-oh-bees are these Royals they don’t promote my boy, Vinnie? I oughta date their sister and call her by my mother’s name to insult her, ya know whadda I mean? Vinnie’s also hitting .280+ with great contact? Va fangool! He should be up already? What, they need Carlos Santana? He should get sent to the Phils, so he can reunite with Rob Thomson. Okay, let me see this here Nick Pratto. Oh, he’s younger and his numbers are not nearly as good, and that hurts for me to say, being Joey, the Front Desk Ambassador at PIZZA. Yeah, I just like Vinnie Pasquantino right now. Ayo, waddya know, bada bing bada boom. Thanks for calling!” I agree with Joey from PIZZA. Vinnie Pasquantino should be called up soon, and Pratto looks like he needs more seasoning. Maybe some oregano? It’s not a stretch to say the Royals need a yoot movement. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Five ladies and gentlemen, it’s…HELIO STUDWAGON!

And I can’t fight this rookie nookie anymore,
I’ve forgotten what I started fighting for (which stinks because we’re roughly 72 hours into the season),
It’s time to bring this shizz into the shore and onto my team,
And throw away the either/or’s forever.

Baby, I can’t hold Steven Matz anymore, but how about this Heliot Ramos fella!
He looks great, or as they say in San Fran “hella,”
I need him on my team, er,
His projections are insane from Steamer!

So, Heliot Ramos (2-for-3, 1 RBI) was called up. Prospect Itch said, “Ramos didn’t graduate AA so much as he aged into AAA, where he was still 5.7 years younger than the average player. Across the full season (116 games), he slashed .254/.323/.416 with 14 HR and 15 SB. Not bad. Not ideal. The hope is that he settles in at AAA and soaks up some coaching, applies that across his opportunities and takes the slow road to becoming a fantasy factor. I doubt the club will rush him to the majors in any needs-based scenario. This is good news for Ramos and us, as it gives the 6’1” 188 lb, 2017 first-rounder time to grow into his skillset, and I’d like to hit Grey with a skillet.” Not cool. So, the Giants seemed to disagree with how much time Ramos needed in the minors. His projections at the Prospectonator are fire under a helium balloon. Some of the best projections I’ve seen for a rookie. Oh, just your mundane, ho-hum 20+ HRs and 10 steals. Will the Giants still start guys like Steven Duggar over him? Oh, absolutely. Have you not been paying attention to the Giants for the last year-plus? Still, I’d grab Heliot Ramos in all leagues where I need an injection of sexy. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Welcome back to our National League DH coverage! Joining us will be DH extraordinaire, Cliff Johnson.

“Cliff, what do you think is the hardest part of being a DH?”
“You have to be ready to play from any position.”
“Like 1st base, or catcher?”
“No, like from the far right of the bench, to the spot right next to that, to the spot right next to that, to the spot–”
“Okay, I think I got it. If DHs are always sitting, any ideas why DHs always seem to be named after places where dudes stand? There was you — Cliff. There was Stairs, and there was Chili.”
“Chili?”
“Yes, a Chili stand.”

All right, so the other day we went over the best candidates to DH in the NL East and their fantasy value. Today, you guessed it! So, who are the best candidates for DH on the NL Central teams, and what can we expect from them for 2022 fantasy baseball?

Please, blog, may I have some more?