The power-hitting catcher prospect, Keibert Ruiz (1-for-4), was recalled to step behind the plate, and yesterday his job was to catch another former Dodger, Josiah Gray. Call them the Nots. The Notionals? No, what’s that? Some kind of potion? Nots is short for the Not Dodgers. From the Freeway to the Beltway. Keibert Ruiz is gonna have a new way of life to learn. Los Angeles has a bunch of people who exaggerate everything and you can’t tell what to believe. Phonies, all of them! Luckily, he’s now in Washington, D.C. where there’s nothing but salt-of-the-earth brokers of honesty. So, I talked to Prospect Itch on the phone yesterday, and the conversation ended with him saying, “I’m outside your house with a sledgehammer,” but prior to that he said he thinks Ruiz has changed dramatically since his last big top 100 fantasy baseball prospects update and he likes Ruiz way more now. He’s found more power. Ruiz, not Itch. I hope. Could see grabbing him in a few places if you need power. Still Ruiz, not Itch. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Carter Kieboom – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 5th homer. As I said the other day, “The Nats are going to have Keibert and Kieboom, which sounds like my mom explaining what her computer did when she tried to download a new update.” And that’s me still complaining about a recent phone call with my mom!

Josiah Gray – 4 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 4.73. Absolutely haven’t given up on him in the long-term, but woof he’s been a struggle this year.

Brad Miller – 3-for-3, 2 runs and his 14th homer. Because I like to torment myself, went to see if Brad Miller was above Cody Bellinger on the Player Rater. He wasn’t even close! He’s like 400 spots higher than Cody!

Bryce Harper – 2-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 26th homer, hitting .302. Is it me or do home runs feel down? Not literally, they’re still mostly hit in the air. I mean, it feels like even guys having solid years aren’t hitting that many homers. Yes, I know I could easily figure out if this is true.

Corey Kluber – 4 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 3.61, as he was activated from the IL. He’s been out since May with a shoulder strain and he’s limited to 70-ish pitches. Kluber’s about as useful right now as a gift card to Blockbuster.

Giancarlo Stanton – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 25th homer. This home run went 457 feet or stayed in the air just long enough to say, “How does he not have 40 homers?”

Shohei Ohtani – 1-for-4 and his 42nd homer. He’ll be skipped in his start today. Told ya he’d tire! What a bust!

Jack Mayfield – 1-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 9th homer, and 2nd homer in as many games. Hot schmotato alert!

Chris Paddack – 4 2/3 IP, 1 ER, ERA at 4.98, as he was activated from the IL. Good to have him back, because I hadn’t talked to my friends at AppleCare in a while.
“My computer stopped working.”
“I see, did you smash it after a Paddack start?”
“Charles, is that you? I didn’t recognize your voice.”

Fernando Tatis Jr. – 3-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 36th homer, hitting .284. Fun’s got those HRs in 370 ABs, i.e., he could hit 50 homers, I before E except in Keibert, I need to sit down before I faint.

Eric Hosmer – 1-for-4 and a homer. Guess how many homers he has. He’s struggled, and, no, I’m not trying to lead you to a wrong answer. He’s struggled, now guess. Nope, he has 11 homers. He’s really sucked!

Ketel Marte – 1-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 9th homer, a grand slam, Diego. Gonna be hard to not be excited for Marte again next year. Ketel or Starling? Hard to justify that after a 50-steal season this year from Starling, but I do like Ketel a lot still.

George Springer – 1-for-2, 2 runs, and his 3rd steal, as he was activated from the IL. That’s Springer’s 2nd “This is very serious and it might force him out for the season” injury and Mike Trout’s day-to-day for five months!

Vladimir Guerrero Jr. – 2-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 37th and 38th homer. Who says Cake Batter can’t hit in non-minor league parks? Okay, those ugly thoughts were creeping into my head, but who said it? Okay, I might’ve thought it aloud too.

Robbie Ray – 7 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 2.71. Don’t have Ray in any league, so I didn’t benefit from him, but remind me again about how you have to draft a starter in the first two rounds.

Ryan Mountcastle – 2-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 25th homer, and his 2nd homer in as many games. Carrying the BBC (Baltimore Baseball Club) to the number one 2022 draft pick!

Jack Flaherty – His 2nd opinion confirmed a strained shoulder and the Cards’ GM said, “Fingers still crossed he’ll be able to help us at some point this year.” Don’t you go to the doctor so you don’t have to cross your fingers?

Giovanny Gallegos – 1 IP, 0 ER, and his 3rd save, ERA at 3.02. Cards manager, The Shildthead, said Alex Reyes is no longer the full-time Cards’ closer. Guess that’s what happens when you suck up the big suck show. Giovanny Gallegos seems to be clearly in the lead for the new opening, and Genesis Cabrera sounds tailor-made as an Opener, but might see some saves too. Yesterday’s Gallegos save might’ve been all that was needed.

Jon Lester – 6 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 1 hit, 2 walks, 5 Ks, ERA at 5.05, and no steals allowed, which is my way of saying this was someone else wearing Jon Lester’s earth skin.

Paul Goldschmidt – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 22nd homer. Au Shizz!

Kyle Farmer – 2-for-4 and his 12th homer. Here’s my reaction to whenever I see Kyle Farmer do anything:  “Meh, whatever,” then I see he has catcher eligibility in some leagues, and I put my hand under my chin and say, “Tell me more.”

Bobby Dalbec – 1-for-3 and his 18th homer, and 2nd homer in last two games, and fourth homer in the last four games and holy sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeetato! That’s hot schmotato in exclamatory!

Matt Barnes – Hit the Covid IL. When you getting Covid is the best part of your month, you’ve had a bad month. Now it’s for sure Adam Ottavino’s job, possibly for the rest of the season.

Brandon Lowe – 2-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 31st homer. Well, at least he has 30+ homers. I’m farting in the general direction of Bryce Harper.

Luis Patino – 5 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 4.24. Streamonator doesn’t love his next start, but we’re strapped in and going ahead, because of extreme bravery (and mostly weekly lineup locks).

Raimel Tapia – 1-for-3 as he was activated from the IL. It’s a little sad how happy his activation made me. When you have a team relying on Anthony Alford, you’ll know what I mean.

Trevor Story – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 17th and 18th homer, hitting .249. Almost sonavabench! I finally reached the point where I was thinking about benching my 1st round pick in multiple (!!!) leagues in road games, and just thinking about it caused him to do something.

Leody Taveras – 2-for-3 and his 1st homer. Told you he was a sleeper! *slowly walks out of room, and backpedals into a room with Leody Taveras drafters, dodges tomato* Sorry!

DJ Peters – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 8th homer, and his 2nd homer in the last two games. That’s DJ Hot Schmotato to you!

Nick Solak – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 11th homer, hitting near-.350 in the last week. So, are the Rangers all hot or have they been facing terrible pitchers? *shrugs* Why not both?

Joe Barlow – 1 IP, 0 ER, and his 3rd save, ERA at 1.02. Rangers seemed to make the smart move and went with the best arm (Barlow) rather than Patton, who coincidentally is why the bar was low.

A.J. Alexy – 5 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 3 walks, 4 Ks, as he made his first major league start. Alexy, put on an impressive MLB debut. “I’m sorry, Grey, but there’s no Em El Be debutantes in your area.” Damn, Alexa, sucks. Alexy, on the other hand, well…He’s okay. Here’s what Podcaster Geoff said to me over text yesterday, “Fastball sits around 93-94, gets nice hop with that Induced Vertical Break, so it’s a high quadrant fastball attack plan. Change is a plus pitch — misses bats, doesn’t get hit and lands it for strikes.The breaking balls are good but he doesn’t have great command, though I’m sure he throws that curveball out of the zone.” And that’s me quoting Geoff! Obviously, AL-Only and deep mixed leagues, but if I had to go with either Rangers’ rookie starter, I’d go Otto.

Alex Wood – Hit the Covid IL with Johnny Cueto. Don’t worry, follow me to the next blurb…

Jose Quintana – Claimed by the Giants. “Fine, for one full year I will turn every player into a stud.” The Giants’ genie in March. Now the Giants are seeing just how powerful this genie is.

Freddy Peralta – Will rejoin the Brewers on Friday. That’s the best news since just being told that Razzball was mentioned on SportsCenter. I’m not joking. Dr. Dan Pants sent me a notification, and I watched the replay, and what do you know? ESPN is talking about Razzball and obviously they don’t know how much crap I give them every chance I get.

Cody Bellinger – Dave Roberts said Bellinger will no longer start vs. lefties. Cody Bellinger becoming a platoon player was not on my 2021 bingo card. Also, “not on my bingo card” wasn’t on my bingo card either, which is too bad because everyone says it.

Mookie Betts – 1-for-4 and his 18th homer, and pulled late in a close game so Bellinger could come in as a defensive replacement. Oh my God, Cody Bellinger is now DeWayne Wise.

Corey Seager – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 7th homer. This home run was the most significant home run by a Seager this month, according to his mom.

Max Muncy – 2-for-4 and his 29th homer, hitting .261. Muncy or Kyle Tucker next year? Fine, Tucker, but the Player Rater disagrees for this year.

Jorge Soler – 1-for-4 and his 21st homer, and 3rd homer in the last four games, and even Mark Zuckerberg would say hot on the hot or not scale.

Freddie Freeman – 1-for-4 and his 28th homer. Braves are built a lot like an AL club, and one of the few NL teams that will have a DH if they reach the World Series. Will they reach the World Series? Well, can they win a bunch of 9-8 games?

Adam Duvall – 2-for-4 and his 29th homer. That’s either a late homer to follow up his homer from three games ago or he’s about to hit another homer today.

Wilson Ramos – Will miss the remainder of the season with a torn ACL and MCL sprain. That might add an extra minute until his home to first time.

Jose Marmolejos – 1-for-2 and his 4th homer. Marmolejos? Marmolejos! The Gypsy Kings are back on tour!

Luis Garcia – 5 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.23 vs. Chris Flexen – 5 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 10 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.52. This matchup was billed as, “Grey’s looking to see what each of them look like on the Streamonator for their next starts, while secretly wondering if Luis Garcia gets bumped for Urquidy.”

Bailey Ober – 6 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners (zero walks), 5 Ks, ERA at 3.98. Guess what time it is? Around 1:56 PM on a Monday! Oh, it’s time I dig in on Ober. He was born in Germany to a kindly couple who taught him always to put others in front of him, and thus began the Obermensch. Wait a second! This is Wickipedia. This is all fake entries! I’ve been duped! *2nd Grey breaks off into a third* I’ve been tripled! Okay, enough s’s and g’s, he has a 9.4 K/9 and 2 BB/9, which puts him inline for immediate fantasy relevance. The question is can the stuff play up even higher, and my gut says no, but he’s just up in the majors, so who knows. At worst, those are possible fantasy number two-type peripherals. Likely closer to number three, due to his age (26). If you jumped out and said you were from the future and only had Bailey Ober future news to tell me, I’d punch you. After the knockout punch, if you woke to say Bailey becomes as good as Aaron Nola in the next year or so, it wouldn’t be shocking. Great command can make great things happen. Could see some Plesac-coming-into-2021-type helium. Hopefully, the results are better.

Josh Donaldson – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 21st homer. Hey, got some extra lemons so here’s some Country Time: In the last ten days, Donaldson has five homers. Slurp up that Country Time!

Derek Hill – 2-for-3 and his 2nd homer, hitting .260. Power-schmower, he could steal 15 bags in the last month, so if you need that, then dive in because it took a whole lotta tryin’ just to look up D. Hill!

Casey Mize – 6 IP, 3 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.59. He had a perfect game going through three innings, and I thought to myself, “Maybe I should wait to see if he gets the perfect game vs. going to lunch,” then I laughed for ten minutes, until I suddenly got serious, looked at the mirror and said to myself, “Go get some udon.”