The sun rising at dawn as two towheaded surfers paddle out on their longboards. One surfer, Rob, wears a business suit and sunglasses. The other surfer looks like Tony Hawk’s wet brother. Tony Hawk’s wet brother asks, “Why the business threads, my brosef?” “I’m the commissioner of baseball and could be called into action at any time.” “Whoa, right on.” Rob points at the ocean, cascading out in front of them, “You see this Tony Hawk’s Wet Brother? This water as far as the eye can see?” “I do, my brosef.” “This is juice that I will be stuffing into baseballs.” “Whoa, right on.” And that’s Our Commissioner Manfred surfing in the morning sun. Yesterday, was another day for the long ball bizzonkers led by the Diamondbacks. Leading off literally and, well, literally, Jarrod Dyson went 2-for-4 and hit his 4th homer. Inner monologue, “You know you want to compare how many home runs Dyson has to David Dahl. You know you want to do it, so do it. Come on. Compare them.” Dyson’s having a nice year. “A nice year compared to who? Say it!” Hopefully, Dyson keeps it up. “You are the lamest!” Next up literally and literally, Ketel Marte went 3-for-5, 2 runs and hit his 16th homer. “I dare you to compare Marte to David Dahl!” Shut up, Inner Monologue! I hate you! Next up literally and literally, David Peralta went 1-for-4 and hit his 9th homer, as they started the game Dback-to-back-to-back. Four home runs is most home runs ever hit in a row. That record is in jeopardy this year in every inning. Then not literally, Ildemaro Vargas went 2-for-5, 3 RBIs and hit two homers (3, 4). I have a hard time suggesting him because names starting with Il confuse my pea brain. You Il Duce? No? Then goodbye! Finally and literally, Eduardo Escobar went 4-for-5, 3 runs, 5 RBIs and hit his 16th and 17th homer, hitting .299. Gabe Kapler said to the opposing pitcher, Jer-khoff, “Don’t blow this,” and Escobar screamed, “Did someone say blow?!” Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Please see our player page for Matt Barnes to see projections for today, the next 7 days and rest of season as well as stats and gamelogs designed with the fantasy baseball player in mind.
It’s not easy writing a post about a hitter that went bingo-bango on your pitcher three times. Why the hell was Trevor Bauer in the game for 119 pitches? Did Bauer invite Tito Francona to his house for one of his baseball player meet-and-greets and serve him coconut water? Cause if he did that, then hell hath no fury like someone served coconut water. “Is this sweet…perspiration?” That’s me drinking coconut water. Trevor Bauer (8 IP, 5 ER, 8 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.93) has the Twitter handle BauerOutage and, gotta be honest, it’s meaning something that he’s not intending this season. It’s like 1977 in New York City power outage and Son of Sam is talking to his dog about what a mess my fantasy pitching is, due to Bauer. Any hoo! Max Kepler went to-the-window-to-the-wall three times yesterday (4-for-4, 4 RBIs, hitting .266) with his 13th, 14th, and 15th homer, and is doing what I always dreamt of, only I was dreaming about it in 2017. See, I’m accurate about everything, except years. Right now, on our Player Rater, Kepler is around the 25th best outfielder. However, before his home run yesterday, he was hitless for close to a week, so it shows you his hot and cold natural. Right now, it’s Max Power:
Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
This weekend Jay Bruce was traded to the Phillies, because, as the front office in Philly put it, “We’re sick of our autocorrect writing Bruce Harper. Now we write Bruce Harper and rather than backspacing we can just continue on and we’ve typed out two-thirds of our outfield. Next we have to try to get Michael Chavis, for our issue with the autocorrect Michael Franco.” Guys and five girl readers, the Phillies have a plan! This move also kills two birds with one stone since now Bryce Harper will look so much better by comparison. Before, “Man, Bryce stinks.” After, “Man, Bruce stinks.” Autocorrect and by comparison — done and done! This likely puts David Herrera’s time all but done on the Phils and maybe baseball until the Astros take a chance on him. Yes, Odubel’s real name is David, which is now what we, like the cops, call him. As for Bruce, this is a boost up for him, due to park and lineup. Now he’s a 30-homer hitter with a .225 average and better runs and RBIs. Can I get a middle-case yay? Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Kinda obsessed with our Top 100 Fantasy Starts tool (not a tool as much as it’s a free list). Since I’m writing this on Sunday, I’m not sure yet where Shane Bieber and his 9 IP, 0 ER, 5 hits, zero walks, 15 Ks will rank, but my guess is 1st or 2nd overall. (The tool (list?) updates after this is posted.) Pretty deep into the season to have Shane Bieber throw possibly the best start of the year. Bieber was the youngest Indians pitcher since 1987 with 12+ Ks — wow! — the last to do it was Greg Swindell — um, all right! Bieber was the 4th youngest since 1908 to have a 15-K, zero-walk game, the other three: Gooden — crazy! — Kerry Wood — nasty company! — and Vince Velasquez — well, um, he had a good game. Only two Indians starters in history with a shutout, no walks and 15 Ks are Bieber — damn! — and Luis Tiant, who at 78 years old just beat up my autocorrect for changing his name to Luis Taint. Sunday’s start shows why I wanted to draft Bieber in every league. Hopefully, he keeps it gong…gong…go I ng–Sorry, my autocorrect is scared to change anything now. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
It’s getting ugly in the reliever market. Injuries, ineffectiveness, and promotions have wrung much of the top talent out of the scene. Much like the bazaar in Jumanji: Welcome To The Jungle there’s stuff everywhere, but it’s hard to find what you need. Also, there’s a basket with a cobra in it. You just have to hope the Rock shows up and start throwing people through walls. I don’t actually know what the fantasy baseball equivalent of that is. I’ve gotten off track here thinking about the Rock’s ridiculous biceps, as per uzhe. I’ll wrap up this lede in ramble with a comparison Jumanji’s theme: the only way to win the game of relievers is to play and win.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Roto-Wan is recovering from the toddler flu. I’m his semi-conscious fantasy lobe here to deliver you the best closer rankings I can with the limited blood sugar I’ve been able to hoard. Tiers will be sick day daytime TV-themed.Please, blog, may I have some more?
The bullpen upheaval has begun in earnest. If you need saves you’re about to get your chance to bid for some. The NFL draft also starts tonight, so I went with NFL movie themed tiers.
- Mike Scioscia’s spirit must be haunting the hallways of Angel stadium. Brad Ausmus tried to get twelve outs from Ty Buttrey but he only had 11 in him and gave up a run and the lead to New York. Hansel Robles, who hadn’t pitched the day before, was called on for the last out of the loss. I’m more confused about the LA situation than ever.
- Mychal Givens notched an honest to goodness save Wednesday. A six-outer, to boot! Maybe that means manager Brandon Hyde is starting to realize that Givens his only real fit for the ninth.
- Ryan Brasier has grabbed the upside to the Boston closer Schwartz. He’s viewed as the more straight-line ninth inning guy, while Matt Barnes has more value as a fireman.
- Baseball is weird. Shane Greene has eleven saves and two earned runs. He’s the second best closer in baseball on one of it’s worst teams.
- With David Robertson on the IL the Phillies have been turning to Hector Neris mainly. That’s shocking for Gabe Kapler. When Neris has his split-piece working it’s nasty, though. We can back the Kapler meddling threat level to yellow for now.
- Both Jose Alvarado and Diego Castillo needed some well-deserved rest this week. Kevin Cash turned to Emilio Pagan for back to back saves. Pagan was cast off by Oakland after they traded for him and didn’t get the reliable reliever they expected. Their loss could be Tampa’s gain. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Yesterday, Gary Sanchez went 3-for-6, 6 RBIs with his 4th, 5th and 6th homer, hitting .258. “Thanks,” said Gary Sanchez’s owner from 2018, and I believe he was being sarcastic. You know how when you’re walking on the sidewalk and try to avoid stepping on the cracks because of the harm it will cause to your mother’s back? Then as you’re OCD-stepping around the cracks, you get off-step and start only stepping on cracks, and your mom texts you, “My back!” That’s what it must feel like for Sanchez’s 2018 owners. I know how you feel because that’s how it feels right now for me with Rougned Odor. I’m out in 2018 when Odor is decent, then in for this year’s abomination. When I’m supposed to avoid, I don’t and, when I’m supposed to be in on them, I’m not. FMFBBL! If you have Sanchez, well done, it looks like you’re back in for the good Gary. “Did someone say ‘back?'” Sorry, mom! Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey Albright threw two innings on opening day. Sweat, and other mysterious bodily fluids, dripped from Grey’s brow; he was gassed. Albright didn’t wait for Rudy to call to the pen, Grey signaled himself for the lefty, Donkey Teeth, to enter the fold. Fantasy Master Lothario is still knocking some of the spring rust off, just like Chis Sale, so you’re stuck with Donkey Teeth telling you tales of Paul Goldschmidt’s monster 4-for-5 night with 3 homers & 5 RBIs in only the second game of his Cardinals career. Truth be told, Dan Pants will be back to take over this column next Friday, since Friday is slinging night for Grey, Cougs, and Donkey Teeth. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
I believe Razzball is the friends and not the family, but I’ve been drafting with Scott Pianowski and Dalton Del Don so long they feel like family. Like my two cousins who call me when they’re in Los Angeles and say, “Hey, you wanna meet up for sushi? It’s your treat.” Then, when I go to meet up with them, they’re not there and 45 minutes after I show up at our meeting point, I get a text, “Sorry, have to cancel, so hung over.” It’s one word, father’s side of the family! Hungover is one word! As you might’ve noticed I didn’t say Brandy Ehrens was a part of the league, because he’s bailed on me/us/they; you choose the pronoun. I even hired a skywriter to put in the clouds above his house, “Kyle Schwarber wants you to draft him.” Guess someone else would have to draft some Cubs. (If you want to compete against me, Rudy and hundreds of others, join the Razzball Commenter League. More the merrier!) Anyway, here’s my Yahoo Friends & Family team, it’s a 15-team, mixed league:Please, blog, may I have some more?