Minnesota Twins rookie pitcher Josh Winder nabbed his second win of the season Friday night going six innings, allowing just three hits, and no earned runs (one unearned) while striking out eight. Winder up and let ‘er rip! The 25 year-old now has back to back wins after going six strong innings in St. P last week and holding the Rays to just three base runners. Josh “Candle in the” Winder is now rocking a sparkling 1.61 ERA, 0.72 WHIP, and 20/4 K/BB through 22.1 IP (including two starts). Well hello there, how would you like to join me on my quest to fantasy glory? The Oakland Ehs were nothing but dust in Josh’s Wind-er. After posting a 2.63 ERA, 0.95 WHIP, and 80/13 K/BB in 72 IP at AA/AAA, JW also turned in a stellar spring and his 2.90 xFIP makes me believe he can keep this up. Prospect Itch ranked him in the Twinkies top 10 prospects and said Winder, “features a 4-pitch mix that are closer to average than excellent, but Winder can throw his whole arsenal for strikes, which led to a 0.944 WHIP in 72 innings across 14 starts at two levels.” Hmm. Sounds like every other Twins starter we know and stan over. What’s better than one Joe Ryan? Is that a trick question? Should you run like the Winder and add him? Well, the primary concern with the rookie is he tends to give up the long ball, as we saw in his first two long relief appearances, but that also doesn’t seem to be too much of an issue so far this year–with the baseballs being so bad. At least it’s not a reason to dot, dot dot…pass Winder. That’s just rude! Originally joining the rotation as a fill-in for the injured Sonny Gray, Josh looks to get another few starts with Bailey Ober on the IL and Dylan Bundy on the COVID list. Methinks he could pitch his way into a full-time starting role! I could be wrong, but it’s way better when I’m right. He lines up for a tougher assignment versus the Astros next week which should be a good test. But I’d still add Josh now before he’s gone with the Winder.

Here’s what else happened in fantasy baseball Friday night:

Jose Miranda – 1-for-3, HR (1). BUY. There it is! The first of many! Police officers reading Jose his Miranda rights make sure to mention his swing has the right to remain violent. Zing! You might want to add this guy before he’s owned everywhere by Monday. You have that right! However, any adds you make can and will be used against you when we are hardcore judging your team and your choices. Rookie Royce Lewis was 1-for-4 and also a BUY. It’s the Twins youth movement! Baby BUYs!

Emilio Pagan – 1.0 IP, 1 hit, 2 BB, 2 K, SV (3). Emilio performed the ancient Pagan ritual of stealing save chances from Jhoan Duran and now I’m depressed.

Byron Buxton – 1-for-2, HR (9). Maybe it’s less the Twinkies youth movement and more Lord Byron actually staying healthy? Shh! Don’t say it too loud we might jinx him!

Luis Robert – 1-for-4, HR (4). Luis Bobby now has a five game hitting streak with three multi-hitters in that stretch! Shake & Bake! This is great–fantastic stuff. But can we see a few more of those steals you were doing back in early April. I could really use one or two of those this week. Thaaaanks!

Jarren Duran – 1-for-4, run as he led off. J-Durz was slashing .397/.478/.638 with two jacks and seven steals at AAA and there’s a reason he was a BUY and an add-everywhere–dude’s got league winning speed. He struggled after being called up last summer, but maybe this time will be different? If we all believe hard enough! That speed could be Duran-gerous! UPDATE: Optioned back to AAA after one game. Why is this happening to me?

Matt Barnes – 1.0 IP, BB, K. The Red Sox stink, and it’s not because Trevor Story is washed or because their Aces are Michael Wacha and Rich Hill. These decisions have been unexpectedly fine. It’s that they refused to bring in any bullpen help and now they have a big dumpster fire where their closer should be. Hopefully, they come to their senses and Tanner Houck or Garrett Whitlock get a chance at closing duties but for now, you don’t want no part of this, Dewey.

Vince Velasquez – 5.0 IP, 3 hits, ER, 2 BB, 2 K, 2nd win, ERA at 3.97. Don’t look now, but Vinny V has an ERA under 4! I said don’t look!

Ronald Acuña Jr. – 1-for-4, HR (1). Alt-164! ñññ! Launched a 450 footer that knocked him on his back like the kickback from a shotgun. This made me very happy. Welcome back, old friend!

Eric Lauer – 6.1 IP, 2 hits, ER, 2 BB, 8 K, W 3-0. So I made the questionable decision to wait on drafting a starter and ended up with Marcus Stroman and his 5.13 ERA as my Ace. It was looking pretty grim there for a minute there, over the internet friends, NGL. But fast-forward three weeks and I’m rocking a starting staff with Kyle Wright, Tylor Megill, and Eric Lauer, all of whom I grabbed off waivers and I currently lead my league in strikeouts. What were you saying about drafting starting pitchers high? As for Lauer, his velocity is up and his spin rate could put Spider Tack out of business. He gets the Marlins next week and we got a bona fide break out on our hands, folks! Ha-cha-cha!

Spencer Strider – 4.0 IP, 4 hits, 8 K. Since it was a short slate Friday with 6 games (SIX!) postponed due to rain (thanks a lot, Biden!), I can tell you about Spencer Strider’s 8 (EIGHT!) Ks and not feel like I’m wasting your time.

Rowdy Tellez – 2-for-5, 2 RBI slashing .282/.344/.624. Roddy Rowdy Tellez was a big boy BUY and he reminds me of Prince Fielder that one year he was good. He’s hitting .440 with 4 bombs and 15 RBI in the past week. Sweet sassy molassy, indeed! If you like ribbies as much as Prince Fielder, you should grab Tellez before he’s owned everywhere by Monday.

Kolten Wong – 2-for-4, 2 runs. Even Kolten Wong is hitting and the Brew Crew is on fire. The average scares me but as long as he’s leading off in front of Willy Adames he could be worth a look.

Luis Garcia – 7.0 IP, 2 hits, ER, 2 BB, 9 K, 2nd win. Oh, hey! It’s another starter I added off waivers I forgot to mention. This one’s rocking a 0.87 WHIP and 38/7 K/BB. He’s gone at least 5.2 IP in each of his four starts so far. And his cutter looks unhittable, generating 13 whiffs! Whiff Cat! Yup, that’ll do it.

Jose Altuve – 2-for-4. Remember this? Ow, my groin! Baseball is the best.

Chas McCormick – 1-for-4, HR (2). Another BUY! Grey loves Chas almost as much as I love Wanda Maximoff, and Chas could be a multiversal variant of Michael Brantley–except in Chas’ universe, the Astros never cheated.

Mike Trout – 2-for-4, 2 RBI slashing .325/.449/.675. “Oh, is there something different about the baseballs this year?” Mike asked, “I hadn’t noticed.”

Taylor Ward – 0-for-1. run, 3 BBs. Speaking of the Multiverse of Maddon-ess, I think Taylor being a Mike Trout variant is the only explanation for where this guy came from. He’s an on base machine! Did Maddon get his hands on the Darkhold!? Are the Angels scouting prospects across universes now? Can his third eye watch me in the bathroom? Are the Illuminati behind this!? Will Wanda ever get her own movie!? I don’t know!

Nelson Cruz – 1-for-4 slashing .147/.234/.211. Is it me or does the Nats lineup seem somehow worse with Cruz in it?

Merrill Kelly – 8.2 IP, 7 hits, ER, 2 BB, 8 K, 3rd win. Kelly gave up a run in the first and I was soooo ready to drop him, at one point asking my supreme overlord Xenu himself, “Why do I  own this guy?” And Xenu sent me a sign, he told me to remember my Dianetics training and calm myself, close my butt cheeks, and back away from the ledge. That’s when Merrill settled down considerably shutting down the Rox en route to what was almost his first career complete game. My overreaction may give you an indication of how unsure I am about owning Kelly, the regression fairies are following me down the darkest of alleys, but the 1.22 ERA and 1.03 WHIP cannot be ignored. He gets the Marlins next week and I might need an Ambien to get through that start.

Chad Kuhl – 6.0 IP, 3 hits, ER, 2 BB, 5 K. Cool guy Chad Kuhl has no business sporting ratios this good, 1.82 ERA, 0.84 WHIP. He also has gone at least six innings in four of his five starts and hasn’t allowed more than three runs in any of them. To be fair, he’s faced four of the league’s worst offenses but I see you Cool Guy Chad Kuhl and I’ll be watching you closer than the Ozark finale next week versus the Giants. Wait–was that Killer Mike?

Daulton Varsho – 1-for-4, HR (6). The solution to all your catcher woes you ask? Just draft an outfielder instead!

Mark Melancon – 0.1 IP, BB, SV (5). Finished out Merrill Kelly’s almost complete game by recording the final out. You can drop your Ian Kennedys now. But not too fast, the FBI is watching.

Yu Darvish – 7.0 IP, 5 hits, 2 ER, 3 K, 3rd win. Long time readers and fans (hi mom! happy mother’s day!) know Friday I’m in Love with Yu! But you might not know I have Pictures of Yu and I wrote Yu a Lovesong.

Sandy Alcantara – 4.2 IP, 5 hits, 2 ER, 2 BB, 5 K. It’s felt like Sandy has pitched a lot worse than his 3.03 ERA would indicate. Maybe that’s because you drafted him too high. Sandy is the one Marlin starter I’m not all gaga about, and he’s the Ace!

Jesus Aguilar – 1-for-4, HR (3) slashing .279/.369/.395. Shomer shabbos! You don’t mess with the Jesus, man! He’s now hitting .417 with two homers and 8 RBI in the past week, he’s got a seven game hitting streak and he bats in the top two in that Miami lineup. So tell me why is it I still don’t want to add him?

Logan Gilbert – 5.0 IP, 7 hits,  3 ER, 3 BB, 6 K, 1.36 ERA, 1.09 WHIP. Should I call you Logan, Weapon X? No? WOLVERINE!

Manuel Margot – 1-for-3, 3-run go ahead HR (1) in the ninth. Mr. Clutch, Manny delivered his second go ahead hit in late innings this week. He’s also got a six game hitting streak with three multi-hit games in that stretch. If you need average and not much else, Margot with Manuel.

Randy Arozarena – 4-for-5, run, RBI slashing .233/.269/.350. Might be the best regular season game I’ve seen from Randy, and he didn’t even homer–and he still hasn’t!

Yandy Diaz – 2-for-5, run, RBI. Grey told you to BUY and called him a slightly better version of Luis Arraez. Whata comp! That’s high praise, Nick Cage. Guy clearly has Massive Talent, and he leads off for the Rays who score runs and win baseball games.

Jarred Kelenic – 1-for-1, pinch hit 2-run HR (3). You didn’t drop him yet–did you!? JK! JK!

Eugenio Suarez – 2-for-3, 3 runs, 2 HR (6), 3 RBI. TWIN TANKS FOR EUGENIO! It’s not like this came out of nowhere either, he’d gone 3-for-34 in his previous nine games. Pick him up if you hate yourself.

Paul Sewald – 1.0 IP, 3 hits, 3 ER, BS. Speaking of hating myself…

Alex Cobb – 5.0 IP, 3 hits, 2 ER, BB, 8 K. Some Joker in my league dropped Cobb. I know, how corny! Now I’m the one applying the Joker makeup, laughing in the mirror. All alone. Just me and my fantasy pitching staff I claimed almost entirely off waivers, I don’t know if I mentioned that yet *humble brag* I’m not going to let a little groin injury stop me from lovin’ Alex this year, that’s his wife’s problem! The velocity is still up, the whiffs are plentiful and the Giants work miracles, don’t let the 4.80 ERA scare you, this Cobb is all buttered.

Jordan Hicks – 4.1 IP, 3 hits, 2 ER, 2 BB, 5 K. If he keeps this up Jordan could be stretched out enough by August to actually qualify for a win!

Harrison Bader – 1-for-4, 2-run, HR (2) slashing .224/.294/.341. The Bader BUY! He hit both his homers within the past week, and you better believe it comes with a .185 batting average in that stretch. Hoo boy! Ignore that for a sec and check out those six steals tho! He’s faster than the Flash without the sexual misconduct and restraining orders. That’s why you’re buying this guy. Now check out this home run trot and those flowing golden locks. Did I mention he threw Bobby Witt’s first career home run into a fountain-like “IDGAF about you or your birthday?” What I’m trying to say is you want to own you some Harrison Bader. And if the Cards move him up in the batting order and he can up that average just a tad he could truly be the Master Bader.

Thanks for reading! Questions? Problems? Complaints to management? Advice, small gifts or large bribes? Please leave it in the comments below. Join us next Saturday for another Friday recap as fantasy baseball continues next week, all week long!