In Philly, a celestial light shines down on a book. A deep breath, and someone blows dust off the book so we can read its title, “The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Scoring In Philly.” A hand opens the book, turning to the first page, reading, “To all my loving fans, but mostly the females.” We pull back to reveal, reading is its author, Pat Burrell. For reasons we can’t explain, he wears a dead parrot on his shoulder. The Mets could easily have written that book after yesterday’s first game. Putting up the reedonkeylicousness: Amed Rosario went 6-for-11, 7 runs, 4 RBIs and a slam (6) and legs (14) across both games. In the first game, Rhysus (3-for-7, 4 RBIs and his 24th and 25th homer) and Amed both homered. Halleberrylujah! Jose Bautista (3-for-7, 3 runs, 7 RBIs) hit his 10th homer as he continues to turn back the clock to 1987, when he was a 7-year-old and hit barely .200 with some occasional pop off garbage lefties who would put it on a tee for him. Michael Conforto (6-for-12, 3 runs, 5 RBIs) hit his 17th homer, and now has three homers in the last week, and is finally showing signs why people are always saying, “The Mets are bad, but I like that Conforto guy.” The Mess had so much offense I don’t even have time before my Carpal Tunnel kicks in to mention Kevin Plawecki (4-for-5, 4 runs, 3 RBIs). A shame, because Plawecki deserves a mention outside of being mentioned for not being mentioned. The big takeaway, on our 7-day Player Rater of hitters, Amed Rosario is in the top 30 and worth a look. Amed to that. Or Amen. Or Apeople, if that’s how you roll. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Please see our player page for Yu Darvish to see projections for today, the next 7 days and rest of season as well as stats and gamelogs designed with the fantasy baseball player in mind.
Lance Lynn had to shave his beard to play for the Yankees, because the Yankees are fascists. I wish Giancarlo would grow a mustache as giant FU. What, are they going to bench him until he shaves? Actually, Giancarlo should carve an F and a U in both of his sideburns. That would be such a 1970’s move. You could see Willie Stargell, high as a kite, being like, “Carve, ‘Down with Whitey’ in my sideburns.” Little did we know a clean-shaven Lynn would be an all-new pitcher, throwing 7 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 2 hits, 1 walk, ERA at 4.58. Prior to the trade, here’s the Twins pitching coach talking to the bullpen catcher, “Do you think Lynn might be dragging his right side a little bit because of all that facial hair?” “I don’t know, but Sasquatches have been deemed the new sexy ‘It Thing,’ so who’s to argue?” Yesterday, we saw more of Lynn (literally and figuratively) of what made him a solid starter in St. Louis for many years. His season numbers are still garbage but, if nothing else, the Stream-o-Nator loves his next start. If he can command his pitches, he could have a solid final seven weeks. It’s all about The Art of Shaving two walks off his rate. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Zach Britton was traded to the Yankees. The Yankees acquired Britton to throw out all Boston players’ tea. Now the Yankees just need to acquire Ben Revere to ride into Boston and tell everyone in Fenway what’s up. “Excuse me, Jimmy McMalley, should we Google when the Yankees are coming to town next?” “I don’t think that’s necessary, Shane O’Irishharvard, the Yankees have a lovely black gentleman riding into town named Revere with a Britton” “Splendid, Jimmy, splendid.” And that’s how Massholes discuss current events. Britton now moves about three innings from the ninth. Is he gonna pitch the 6th? Not sure, to be honest, but he’s not closing, so in most leagues you can drop him. As for Baltimore’s new closer? Like neon scrunchies, what’s old is new again, and Brad Brach should regain the closer job. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
With Aaron Nola, I should likely talk about Zydeco, but he reminds me of Paul Simon’s quote about Graceland. Vampire Weekend was criticized for copying his signature style, which is absurd since he copied it from African artists, and Simon copped to that. He said, “In a way, we were on the same pursuit, but I don’t think you’re lifting from me, and anyway, you’re welcome to it, because everybody’s lifting all the time. That’s the way music grows and is shaped.” Without every great pitcher to come before, would there be Aaron Nola? I know what I know, and I lost Nola this year. Like I lost Carlos Carrasco and Corey Kluber previous years. I long for them when the diamond’s on the sole of their shoes. Every year, I have guys I’m targeting as my ace whose preseason prices aren’t out of control yet. Well, Nola went from fringe Grey-ownership this year as possibly my ace to not going to be able to own him until he falters one year down the road. That sucks, and not sucks as in good, but sucks as in bad. Yesterday, Nola went 7 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 1 walk, 10 Ks, to lower his ERA to Marla Gibbs’ address 2.27. When he’s on other people’s teams next year and I say I would never draft him because his price is too high, remember, I see losing love is like a window in your heart. Everybody sees you’re blown apart, everybody feels the wind blow. In Nola, in Nola. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Yesterday, Trea Turner hit his 10th and 11th homer, contributing 8 RBIs, touching home plate three times for those jimmies (what they call runs on the east coast) and hitting .280 on the year. Feels like people are not excited about Turner so much this year. Please, blog, may I have some more?Please, blog, may I have some more?
Yesterday, Zack Greinke went 2-for-3, 1 run, 1 RBI and his 2nd steal, hitting .300–Oops, sorry! The only pitcher whose hitting stats matter are Shohei Ohtani, because he can’t pitch anymore. That tracks logically. Has any site that made Ohtani a hitter and pitcher clarified why? Because there was public pressure to make him both? Because he was going to do both? Doesn’t every pitcher do both? Ohtani’s not going to throw more than 50 IP this year, which is, what, a quarter of a full season for a starter? That’s doing both? I know, I’m just being a hater, but it does feel like there was a double standard given to Ohtani without him actually doing anything, and he had 25 IP thrown dating back to 2016. Any hoo! Greinke! Yes, he was awesome again — 7 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.41. His peripherals are also one of the few pitchers who is doing well that could do better — 9.4 K/9, 1.7 BB/9, 3.35 xFIP. His velocity is down two miles per hour and I’d be lying if I said I was going after him hard, unless, of course, he’s eligible as a hitter. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
To paraphrase DJ Khaled, “We got a Minor key alert! Another one.” To paraphrase the cops that arrested Principal Rooney, “This is because of the Minors.” *Donald Trump looking at the Rangers’ rotation* “Glad to see Cole/Minor’s jobs are secure.” Over Mike Minor‘s last four starts, he has a 2.06 ERA, 18 Ks, 5 BBs and 15 hits in 26 innings, after his sparkling one last night when he threw 7 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, zero walks, 5 Ks, lowering his ERA to 4.64. I know what you’re thinking, it was vs. the Padres. Right, one of those starts was, the other ones were the Astros, Twins and Rockies. So, it’s not all smoke and Minors. Minor’s peripherals are nothing to write home about (unless his family lives in the Appalachian Trail, then they might like to hear from a Minor) — 7.4 K/9, 2 BB/9, 4.50 xFIP. So, it’s been a good run (not Niko), but I can’t say I trust him in the big picture, unless it’s about Cole/Minor’s daughter, Loretta Lynn, played with spunk by Sissy Spacek (Spunky Spacek? Sissy Spunkit? Spunky Spunkit?). Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
At least they weren’t no-hit, that’s what I always say. Then I follow it with #getstrapped or whatever 50 Cent says now. This is not going to be out on a limb or anything, but celebrities were better when we had no idea what they were thinking. Imagine Liberace on Twitter in the 1950’s, “YAASSS girl, I am here for this, sippin’ my tea.” Yo, Liberace, sure YAASSS Girl’s a lot for a guy who was quoted in the Confidential as saying, “Mature Women Are Best: TV’s Top Pianist Reveals What Kind of Woman He’d Marry.” Maybe that would’ve been awesome. I don’t know, I’m not a time traveler. However, if I were, I would’ve made sure everyone read my Blake Snell sleeper (segue, snitches!). (Isn’t it weird present and past tense read are the same? Am I the only one that never guesses right? Any hoo!) Tis true that I didn’t even expect Snell to be this dominant. Yesterday, he went 7 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 4 walks, 10 Ks, ERA at 2.31. He has the 7th best ERA, 19th best strikeout rate (10), 30th best xFIP (3.64), 13th best swinging strike rate (13) and 8th worst contact rates (71.2%). Super shorthand, if you’re throwing pitches and hitters are not making contact, you’re doing exactly what you should be doing. Hard to imagine his ERA staying quite that low all year, but he has made the jump to a top 15 starter, and maybe higher. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
The Mets started Jerry “Mathers As The” Blevins yesterday (as a starter; not because the Mets are ‘bullpenning’ but because they are bullsh*tting), taking advantage of the Mets waving the white (person sitcom star) flag was everyone on the Dodgers. First up, Enrique Hernandez (3-for-6, 3 runs, hitting .232) as he hit his 11th and 12th homer in Metco. Or as Jesse Jackson would say, “Kike homered in Jaime town.” By the by, players who Hernandez has more homers than (this is gonna make you cry): Jose Abreu, Bregman, Dozier, Ozuna, Matt Chapman and Smoak, to name but a few. I’ve been rocking Enrique — sounds Enrisqué! — for the whole year in an NL-Only league, but he doesn’t play every day (unlike all those schmohawks he’s besting on power). Next up, Cody Bellinger (2-for-5, hitting .239) as he hit his 14th and 15th homer. I get the sense that people think Cody’s absolutely bombing out his sophomore year. Not close. He’s not repeating his great rookie year (yet), but he is top 75-ish on the Player Rater and could easily be top 30 on the year with one extended hot streak. Lastly, Max Muncy (2-for-5) hit his 15th homer, or as I like to call him, This Year’s Chris Taylor. Muncy is having a legitimate breakout, or the Dodgers are slowly poisoning Taylor to make Muncy look great for a case of Muncyhausen By Proxy. I think it’s the former, but a teamster smoking may not be the only one leaning on the latter. To buy Muncy’s breakout, you have to buy a near-30% HR/FB, but he is top 35 for exit velocity, top 10-ish for hard contact percentage, and 2nd for Barrels. What does all this mean? The breakout looks real and beautiful. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
After blowing a save Monday night, Hunter Strickland broke his hand, punching a door. Apparently, he doesn’t know how to close a door either. He also doesn’t know what punch outs are. He can’t figure out pitching from punching. He confused saves with staves. I can go on. He puts the loser in closer. A fit for all rages. Okay, you get it. He’s going to miss 6-8 weeks, needing surgery on his hand. What kind of idiot punches a door with their pitching hand?! This was his season to finally prove he could close in the majors, and he threw that away. He’ll likely get replaced by Sam Dyson (who got the 2/3 IP, 0 ER save last night) or Tony Watson, and Dyson, Watson or Mark Melancon will take the job, run with it, and Strickland’s literally ruined his career. “To be continued” for Strickland should always read, Moron. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?