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Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, there’s no such thing as fooling someone three times. Fool me four times and, “Do you want a punch in the nose? Seriously, stop fooling me!” Fool me five times, and you’re the Royals and you’ve called up and demoted Edward Olivares that many times in the last year. If you would’ve told me the Royals could’ve roped me into buying Edward Olivares again, I would’ve told you why did I waste a genie wish on being turned into a steer and how did that cowboy rope me? Was he gentle? Check on me; I’m now a steer. Putting on Green Day and singing, “Buy Oliveras Of Unbroken Dreams,” and sobbing unnaturally. He’s burned us before? No, the Royals burned us! Olivares is a 25/15/.270 hitter that keeps getting yanked around like he’s the one who became a steer and not me. I’d grab him in all leagues, just in case this is the last time the Royals fool us. Five foolings, and that’s it! Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:


MJ Melendez – *hanging out by the batting cage while Salvador Perez takes cuts, casually catching Salvador Perez’s spit in a bucket, then tiptoeing away* Later, back in a lab, I will call this clone, Salivatory Perez! *cackles to the heavens, then* Or MJ Melendez. Hmm, yeah, that sounds better.

Yandy Diaz – His strikeout rate has fallen so low, he’s become Luis Arraez with…Well, I was gonna say “with power” but maybe we shouldn’t go that far. He’s got around 12-homer power.

Patrick Wisdom – In his MLB career, his strikeout rate is near 40%. Idea for the All-Star Game weekend. Before the Home Run Derby, let’s see Wisdom face Greinke. How many pitches to strike him out?

Rowdy Tellez – How dead-as-dirt is the ball? Everyone I look at has higher expected batting averages than they currently have. As of this writing, Rowdy was hitting .230, and his xBA was .300.

Juan Yepez – Kinda lukewarm on Yepez. Not because he hasn’t been good in the minors; he’s been great, but this feels like a temp call-up, like we see with Vidal Brujan once a month.

Pavin Smith – Went to look at his player page (click his name and you’re magically transported there), expecting to see some great stats, and what I found instead had me questioning if he was even worth mentioning. Puzzlin Smith, indeed.

Ha-Seong Kim – Sometimes I’ll laugh very loud with a HA!, then take a very long pause and continue, “Seong Kim.”

Jarren Duran – Was called up by the Red Sox. He is a must-add in all leagues. Duran could go 10/30/.270 in three-quarters of the season. His speed alone is reason to add him in all leagues. Will he be up for longer than a few days while Enrique lands on the Covid-19 IL? Haven’t a clue. My guess is yes if he hits.

Santiago Espinal – Trying to nail down how good Espinal can be when we move past the small sample sizes. He’s hitting a ton of line drives, and looks like he could be a solid five-category guy, while being admittedly lighter on power than most. But, even that, it’s hard to know if he’s not grown into some more power. Then again, he might be nothing more than a schmotato. Call me a landscape architect, because I have hedges around each turn.

Sheldon Neuse – Hearing my mother scream, “What is that Neuse?!” And cowering away from waivers, saying, “Grey’s been a bad, bad boy.” The preceding was taken from one of my recent therapist sessions. So, Neuse could be a 17/15 guy, but might hit .220, depends if he can maintain his gains on the K%.

Andres Gimenez – Unlike many of the names in this post, Gimenez is less Mr. Right Now and more Mr. Could Be All Year. Apologies to Pitbull.

Nolan Gorman – Already gave you my Nolan Gorman fantasy. It had a Calvin window decal peeing on it.

Cesar Hernandez – Put in a bid for him in our Main Event league, and was kinda bummed to not get him. Think we bid $12-ish and he went for $40-ish, so not that close. But close in our hearts!

Royce Lewis – With Correa fracturing his middle finger, Royce Lewis was called up. Yes, add him everywhere. Yes, even in your league. Yes, immediately. This won’t be a temp call-up. Correa might be sidelined for months. My guess is at least four to six weeks. Prospect Itch placed Royce Lewis just inside the top 100 prospects. Also, he had a huge breakdown of Royce at his top 50 shortstops prospects. I won’t copy and paste it here (it’s a lot), but I will say the Victor Robles comp is troubling. The Buxton comp is less troubling. Though, do you have *looks at watch* six years for Lewis to break out? For those who don’t know the bare minimum about Lewis, he was the meow’s cat, missed two years with injury and is now back and hitting, while still being only 23. He has 30/30/.270 type tools, hence the Buxton or, sadly, Robles comps.

Nick Ahmed – Just for a goof, I went to look at Nick Ahmed’s Statcast page. I say as a goof, because he’s just a hot schmotato, and nothing more. Any hoo! His expected batting average was .227 and his average exit velo was 88 MPH. Giancarlo has turds come out faster. Another hilarious thing at Statcast, and by ‘hilarious’ I mean, they can’t figure out similarity scores at all::

Always find myself saying Mitch Garver, Trea Turner and Nick Ahmed are all the same. Yup, sure.

Jose Miranda – Already gave you my Jose Miranda fantasy. It was written while selling rhymes like dimes.

Anthony Santander – Everyone loves to take the first three letters of Rodriguez for a nickname. I blame A-Rod. What I’m getting at is we’re missing out on a lot of other great nicknames. Put a little red stocking cap on a bug, because my man Ant-Santa is hot!

Jordan Luplow – Saw Luplow towards the top of the 7-day Player Rater for outfielders, and I did have a nice laugh, so thank you.

Harrison Bader – On pace for 30+ steals and could lead the major leagues in steals. Bader is fast, so maybe not as crazy as it would seem on its face.

Chas McCormick – Two Astros I was higher on in the preseason than just about everyone were Jeremy Pena and Chas McCormick. They’re not too dissimilar either. Chas could go 17/7/.270, which is the Astros making yet another Michael Brantley. The Astros literally went into Shark Tank and were like, “Hello Sharks, allow me to introduce my Multiplicity Brantley.”

Kyle Lewis – Jarred Kelenic is getting demoted, isn’t he? You don’t need to answer. We all know it’s coming. It sucks and I don’t know what’s going on with him. On brighter side of things, I think Kyle Lewis can still be awesome with speed and power.

Chris Paddack – No, this isn’t a Chris Paddack in any situation is a great Buy, but he is a Streamonator call for this week. Like the call it makes to the robotics company, Boston Dynamics.

Daniel Lynch – Actually, kinda like Lynch, but this too is a Streamonator call. “You’re making people scared of robots and I can’t find any friends.”

Anthony Bender – Had Bender in one league during the time when he was unavailable with hip soreness, so I dropped him, and he’s become the clear-cut closer since then, so I went from being in on Bender to being on a bender.

Jhoan Duran – With the Red Sox Duran call-up, do you know what this mean? This Buy column is now Duran/Duran! Hungry Like A Wolf, baby! Ya know, if Didi Gregorius ever faces Duran, I may start glitching and ear-worm Gre-gre-gre-gre-gre-gre-gre-gregorius into my head for eternity. We can’t let this happen. Though, I would like to see Duran get the rest of the Twins saves. Will it happen? Sigh, I don’t know. Yesterday’s outing wasn’t a great sign.

Ryan Helsley – Is Helsley the closer? No. Is he the maybe closer? Sure. How can he be the “maybe closer” but not the closer? Are you new to fantasy baseball? This is standard bullpen news. Guys are constantly not the closer, while being maybe the closer. Giovanny Gallegos is likely the closer, while also maybe not being the closer. For more on maybe closers who are closers, the Bullpen Chart.

Clay Holmes – Fun fact! Clay Holmes isn’t related to Roland Garros, but sounds it.


Trevor Story – Speaking of fooling us multiple times (I was in the lede), let’s get this straight: Trevor Story was pretty awful last year with the Rockies in Coors! Not that you forgot where they play, but it’s emphasis. He leaves Coors — again, you know this, but I’m making a point (eventually) — and he goes to a solid park for BABIP, but Coors was a solid park for BABIP. Story looks like he’s come down a level. Not the same Story we came to love before last year. Then, we ignore all of that in the preseason, and still draft him as we always had prior to last year’s catastrophe. Here’s my question: Were we hit on the head this preseason? Story’s not the Story we thought he was. His xBA sucks; his xSLG sucks; his Launch Angle sucks. He might be able to pull himself out of it, but that’s what we were saying all of last year too. Don’t trade him for a Cameo video from Adam Duritz, but I would go to our Fantasy Baseball Trade Analyzer and explore options.