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Please see our player page for Edward Olivares to see projections for today, the next 7 days and rest of season as well as stats and gamelogs designed with the fantasy baseball player in mind.

Emerging from your mother’s basement after six months, “I did it! I won my fantasy baseball league!” It begins to dawn on you that the world no longer looks as you remember it. Where there were once blossoming trees, there’s now decaying branches. Where flowers once sprouted, shriveled vines remained. A tumbleweed blows past. Minutes later, back in your mother’s basement, you’ve painted a face on the tumbleweed and you say to it, “Can you believe I won my league by two points?” After a brief pause, you say, “Do you think I should keep Christian Encarnacion-Strand in an 11-team keeper league with no restrictions? Mr. Tumbleweed, I’m asking you a question.” On a serious note, as many of you know, I started Razzball during the WGA strike of 2007-08, because I was laid off from a job and didn’t have shizz to do. (Since it is invariably asked, I was working with a Zucker brother of Airplane/Naked Gun fame.) This summer with the WGA strike happening again, I was reminded how lucky I am to have this gig, talking about fantasy baseball and just generally goofing off with all of you. Thank you for another great year! (Crazy that those trees were decaying and I still got some freakin’ sap!) Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I looked at Jake Alu. To repeat for emphasis, I looked at Jake Alu. Again, but with an exclamation mark, I looked at Jake Alu! That’s how random I was willing to go for a hot bat for this week’s Buy column. Loyalty and long-term outlooks mean nothing. I’d cut my grandmother if it meant a fantasy league win! Sorry, Nana. So, ended up on Willi Castro, because he’s been hot, that was first and foremost, but also: I haven’t talked about him nearly enough this year. The drawback to my style of roundupping (totally a word!) is if a guy doesn’t hit a lot of homers, he could fall by the wayside. I mentioned Willi Castro a total of seven times this year.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Was listening to Fleetwood Mac’s Everywhere (Remastered) when I saw the news that Jordan Lawlar was being promoted, and the wind chimes playing in the background were perfectly timed as I spun out, arms outstretched, seeing stars because my equilibrium isn’t that good. Then Little Lies by Fleetwood Mac starting playing and all I heard was, “Tell me lies, tell me lies, tell me sweet little young player guys,” and now I don’t know what the Mac is trying to tell me. Do not confuse me, Mac!

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There’s no point in me pointing out that I wrote a Justin Steele sleeper this preseason. It’s so long ago now! So much has been written since then! Has anything, perchance, been written that was that illuminating that the Pulitzer committee, all 12 people in Switzerland, all drafted Justin Steele in their fantasy leagues? Does it matter that people, who have been stopped on the highway doing 120 MPH, have been allowed to leave after showing the police officer my Justin Steele sleeper? Does it matter that my Justin Steele sleeper has made advancements in medicine to cure the hiccups? No! None of this matters! What matters is I wrote that gee-dee post, snitches! Yesterday, he went 8 IP, 0 ER, 2 hits, 2 walks, 12 Ks, lowering his ERA to 2.55. But that doesn’t even matter! The hiccups are now gone! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Rubbing balloons on my head to get a lot of static on them, then sticking them to my ceiling. Hiring a deejay to play Shakira songs and getting cupcakes prepared, because…? You know why! It’s time for a Star Mitzvah! Zack Gelof went 4-for-5 with two homers (7, 8). That’s in only 25 games! Could Zack Gelof be having his Star Mitzvah? He is Jewish, so there’s a case to made that he’s already had his chair lifted above his uncle’s head, while said uncle was wheezing and out of breath. *looking at Zack Gelof’s stats before writing out the check for $18 for his Star Mitzvah* Oh, hold up. Wow, his numbers are awful. Is that Z-Contact% the worst in the majors if he qualified? A 65% contact rate?! Wait, why is anyone throwing him strikes? Because they don’t know to not throw him strikes, is my guess. Plus, they’re pitching around Gelof for what reason? It’s the A’s. So, Zack Gelof looks like he has good speed and power, but he might struggle to hit .200 once things normalize. Oh, crap, and I already sent invites for Gelof’s star mitzvah. Awkward! Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Hope everyone is having a nice Memorial Day weekend, and enjoying some baseball, or as Chef Boyardee calls it, Our National Pastatime. This Monday let’s remember all the other red-white-blue American things one hears backstage at a Larry The Cable Guy concert, including burping and farting and wearing an American flag t-shirt. Eat a D, ISIS! Much like how America was just a Platonic ideal, then went to Washington and had to get its hands dirty with the gory details of governing, we have MacKenzie Gore (7 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 11 Ks (career-high), ERA at 3.57) getting his hands dirty with making good on the promise of being a top prospect. Yesterday, he threw 106 pitches, 75 were strikes, and 23 were swinging. Overall, his command is still a bit wonky — 11.5 K/9, 4.3 BB/9, 3.48 xFIP — but if the Ks are that good, the command won’t hurt him. Those Ks are Murica thru & thru. Not spelling shizz out is Murica too. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Last week was full of mixed results. That will sometimes happen, but we were pleased with the bats. What’s funny is that we’re seeing all of the regression monsters bite back on these teams. The Cardinals and Cubs were two of the biggest surprises through the opening months, but the inevitable flip-flop has hit these […]

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Hey, what’s this red thing? *touches flame* Ow! Brandon Pfaadt! Hey, what’s this yellow part of the flame? *touches fire again* Ow! Gavin Stone! Hey what’s giant inferno? *touches a building that’s on fire* Ow! Drey Jameson! Hey what’s this flaming hot ball? *touches the sun* Ow! Grayson Rodriguez! *steps on a rake labeled Tanner Bibee and falls into fiery pit* Ahhhhhhhhh noooooooo I just wanted to pick up Eury Perez! So, guess what, we have a new rookie pitcher to make you want to rip your eyes out. Here’s what I said previously about this new Marlins’ call-up, “Eury Perez for 2023 fantasy baseball is going to come down to when Eury Perez debuts for the Marlins. Once he debuts, he’s going to be the top FAAB guy that week and he’s going to be a game-changer for all mixed leagues. Wanna know some numbers to make you drool a little? Okay, let’s do it: In 17 starts, he threw a 12.7 K/9 at Double-A. His command was at a 3 even, but he’s got 70-grade command, so, yeah, we could see a 12 K/9 and a 2.2 BB/9 in the majors. Ya know, just your standard run-of-the-mill ace. You can’t hit a 97 MPH fastball coming off a 87 MPH change and vice versa. It’s just not happening if my man’s tunneling, and, yeah, he could be a future Hall of Famer.” And that’s me quoting me!  He might be booted when Trevor Rogers returns, but I would grab him everywhere, just in case he sticks. I’m a moth and these rookie pitchers are my flame! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

“Ding Dong ain’t got shizz on me!” That’s a famous quote from Denzel Washington after my autocorrect gets done with it. See, my autocorrect keeps changing Nick Senzel to Nick Denzel, and I’ve tired of ducking changing it. I called AppleCare and asked them how to change my autocorrect settings to “Not stupid” and they laughed, then, when they were done laughing, I asked again and they said, “Oh, you’re serious?” Ding Dong ain’t got shizz on me with how serious I am! No, this isn’t the star of Antone Disher, and it’s Antwone Fisher! This isn’t Robbin Carter, and it’s Ruben Carter! The Boner Collector? Why does my autocorrect even know that word?! I’ve never in my life typed such a thing! So, Nick Senzel aka Nick Denzel was once a top prospect. That ship sailed so long ago it’s reached its destination already at: Port U-A-Bust. He’s sipping Mai Tais with Garrett Hampson and Bubba Starling, but the DJ just announced there’s one final dance, because he’s playing Last Dance by Donna Summer, not Michael Jordan’s The Last Dance, and Senzel is the only one going to the dance floor to move his hips. Hopefully, he doesn’t hurt himself! He is capable of a nice combo of power and speed and never struck out much, so he could hit .280. Can he stay on the field? I have my doubts, but I could see adding him in all leagues. He is after all a two-time Oskar winner. Damn it, autocorrect! Oscar is the more common spelling! Why would you change that? Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I usually like to start with something like, it’s been a wild, unpredictable season in the outfield thus far! But when you look closely – and see Ronald Acuna, Randy Arozarena, Adolis Garcia and Mike Trout in the top four – nothing strikes you as particularly unbelievable. As you work your way down in the […]

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Spencer Strider is the best starter, right? I’m asking, because his mustache clouds my judgment. I know Everywhere Blair has Spencer Strider ranked number one in his top 100 starters, but Blair might get clouded by the mustache too. His mustache is very beautiful. More beautiful than mine? Who is to say? Yes! Fine, I am saying it. It is more beautiful than mine. I feel like it’s Rollie Fingers, Spencer Strider then Me. That’s it. That’s my mustache rankings. I’m not even number one for my own mustache rankings! I am pitiful! My best pitchers in baseball rankings likely start at Spencer Strider too. Yesterday, he went 8 IP, 0 ER, 2 hits, zero walks, 13 Ks, ERA at 1.80. His ERA might be a little bit higher than Gerrit Cole’s. Strider is basically Jacob deGrom but without seven straight years of being unable to throw more than 75 IP. Strider is Ohtani, but without the 35-homer bat. Okay, that’s pretty good for Ohtani. I’m on the Struggle Bus going choo-choo like I’m on a train, because Strider’s mustache has me so mesmerized, trying to come up with a legit top five starters based on stuff alone. Eff it! Top 5 of the top of my head based on stuff and nothing else: Strider, deGrom, Ohtani, Greene, and Strider’s Mustache. Strider ranks twice in five starters! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?