*wavy lines indicating a dream sequence* It’s the winter of 2019. And I’m wearing pants. Okay, that’s not realistic, but it’s a dream sequence, so I’m going to go with it! Crap, I have to do my rankings. Quick, rank Gregory Polanco in the top 40 outfielders overall, because you like how he hit more fly balls last year than previous years and think 23 homers is repeatable with maybe more. Also, he’s got some 10-15 steal-speed! But, since this is a very realistic dream other than the whole pants thing, someone, who you can’t remember now, told you Polanco won’t be back until June. Better check the news reports, even though that’s rather boring for a dream sequence. Yup, Polanco’s not due back until June. Frantically, by any man’s measure but calmly by yours, move Polanco all the way down so you’ll never draft him. Now fall into a kiddie pool so you wake to think you had a wet dream. *wavy lines* Whoa, that dream was crazy in its mundaneness! So, here we are on April 23rd and Grey doesn’t freakin’ own Polanco because reports in March were saying he wouldn’t be back until a much later date. *bites stress doll’s head off* I’m good. Thanks. Yes, I would own Polanco in every league; he can be a top 40 outfielder. Yesterday, he went 2-for-4, 2 runs, which was better than Jesus Aguilar’s entire season. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Please see our player page for Brad Miller to see projections for today, the next 7 days and rest of season as well as stats and gamelogs designed with the fantasy baseball player in mind.
Opens an envelope, and, inside, is an invitation. “Wow, what gorgeous calligraphy. Someone took their calligraphy class at 8 PM every Wednesday for six weeks at a local college very seriously. Patrick Bateman would be jealous of that raised font.” Reading, “Please join us, the Tampa Bay Rays, for the Star Mitzvah of Austin Meadows. On Tuesday, the ninth of April, two thousand and nineteen at twenty-four minutes after two o’clock in the afternoon at Temple Fantasy Tova Those Other Outfielders. A reception to follow at one of the 37 local Hooter’s restaurants in the Tampa area. Rather than gifts, please bring Cash. Our manager, he gets lost.” How sweet is that. I wonder if I was invited because I wrote an Austin Meadows sleeper this preseason. Prolly. Sound the shofar, Meadows is finally breaking out! *remains super calm, then screams* I TOLD YOU! Yesterday, Austin Meadows went 4-for-5, 2 runs, 4 RBIs and a slam (3) and legs (2), hitting .308. Hopefully, this is the start of the big things I imagine for him, and, finally, he becomes a man. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
If you are reading this before the early 2-game FanDuel degenerate slate starts, allow me to propose a possible lineup – the use of an Astros reliever. Now hear me out – you can’t get all the good Coors bats with any of the four starters. So instead, click the “show only probable pitchers” button to turn it off, and pick the best Astros reliever who didn’t pitch yesterday. Maybe he’ll pitch an inning and get you a strikeout for 6. And you’ll have all the money, so load up on every single Coors field bat, since it’s 91 degrees and the game is in Coors. And when the game is 15-14, and the Astros/Athletics game is not, you’ll win a GPP. Also, only do this with an entry fee you are perfectly willing to lose for being dumb enough to actually use a relief pitcher. If you’re reading this after the degenerate slate, don’t do this on the main slate, it’s for the degenerates playing a 2-game slate only
On to the picks…
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It is a glorious day. Kyle Tucker (FAAB Bid: 30-40%) is here. The Houston Astros finally promoted their 21-year-old stud who is making AAA look like slight work. Tucker slashed .306/.371/.520 at a level for which he was still young. The best part about the profile is the gaudy fantasy numbers. This outfielder boasted 14 HR to go along with 14 SB, and this combination shines throughout his minor league statistics. Fantasy upside is through the roof with this free agent rookie. If available in your league, Tucker becomes a player requiring a significant percentage of your remaining FAAB. His ranking falls within the Top 10 on every notable prospect list, and there is no doubting the talent. Tucker can produce power and speed for the rest of the season at a higher rate than anyone on the wire, and also a lot of players currently on rosters.Please, blog, may I have some more?
I want to transport you back to Jason Heyward‘s first career MLB at-bat. They called him The J-Hey Kid. Bobby Cox called the then-20-year-old a future Hall of Famer. Reggie Jackson said of the sound of the ball off Heyward’s bat, “Everyone’s hits sound like they’re ‘in AM’ and Heyward’s hits sound like they’re in stereo.” No one questioned why Reggie Jackson was commenting on a then-Atlanta Braves outfielder. Darryl Strawberry said Heyward reminded him of himself before his career was derided by drugs. Nothing ominous there; don’t read into that at all. Then-president Obama said, “Heyward’s legacy will be maintained as well as my own,” and the accolades flowed. Then, in his first at-bat, he homered. He won Rookie of the Month accolades in both April and May. Was selected, as a rookie, to the All-Star Game and now you better not let anyone ever hear you compare Heyward’s rookie exploits to Acuña or you will get popped in the mouth. Well, that was an abrupt reversal. This year, at the age of 28, he has five homers and zero steals while hitting .287. He’s a different hitter. Brucely, until this year, he hadn’t been a hitter for five years, but more of a defensive specialist. He’s hitting .410 in the last week with a homer and I could see grabbing him for average and runs as he’s now The J-Okay Kid. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
In 1776 on July 1st, Ben Franklin grabbed Betsy Ross and four of her friends, and was like, “This will be better than Flag Day. We will call this Flagellation Day. Now twerk with a firework!” That lasted for three days until Ben yelled out an Astros’ hitter last name and called for a volunteer fire department to put out his redness. As the fire department extinguished his Reddick, Ben proclaimed July 4th to be a day of national celebration and the rest is history. It’s also when The Stros Spangled Banner was written. Any hoo! Josh Reddick (3-for-4, 2 RBIs) had a slam (8) and legs (4) yesterday, and it’s 2nd day in a row with a homer. He’s owned in only 30% of leagues and that is a crime to humanity, a first world one, at least. God Bless America and Ben Franklin’s Reddick! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
I was combing through pictures on the subreddit r/WaffleHouseHotcakesShapedLikePresidents, marveling at a hotcake shaped like Harry S. Truman — did you know the S stood for Syrup? Then I clicked on the Reddit user who posted that pic, Ididyourmomssomanytimes, to see what other things besides Truman hotcakes they were interested in, and I saw they were also on r/fantasybaseball, only this was fantasy as in D&D and Cecil Cooper was a wizard and the father of the little black kid in Stranger Things. Any hoo! If I were on the real fantasy baseball subreddit, I’d find a lot of talk about Kyle Tucker, this you can be sure of, said like Gordon Ramsay. Tucker is already stashed by Prospector Ralph in my RCL — that *ucker! Why the hype? Pardon me as I sprinkle chia seeds on your brain. He’s hitting .315 in Triple-A with 12 HRs, 13 SBs and he’s only 21 years old. Kinda unfair that the Astros have this waiting in the wings, but, since they do, you know they will not wait very long to come him up, since (two since’s one sentence, grammar!) they are playing to win it all. So, what are you waiting for to grab Tucker? Cecil Cooper’s put a spell on your arms? Aw, shucks. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
To paraphrase DJ Khaled, “We got a Minor key alert! Another one.” To paraphrase the cops that arrested Principal Rooney, “This is because of the Minors.” *Donald Trump looking at the Rangers’ rotation* “Glad to see Cole/Minor’s jobs are secure.” Over Mike Minor‘s last four starts, he has a 2.06 ERA, 18 Ks, 5 BBs and 15 hits in 26 innings, after his sparkling one last night when he threw 7 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, zero walks, 5 Ks, lowering his ERA to 4.64. I know what you’re thinking, it was vs. the Padres. Right, one of those starts was, the other ones were the Astros, Twins and Rockies. So, it’s not all smoke and Minors. Minor’s peripherals are nothing to write home about (unless his family lives in the Appalachian Trail, then they might like to hear from a Minor) — 7.4 K/9, 2 BB/9, 4.50 xFIP. So, it’s been a good run (not Niko), but I can’t say I trust him in the big picture, unless it’s about Cole/Minor’s daughter, Loretta Lynn, played with spunk by Sissy Spacek (Spunky Spacek? Sissy Spunkit? Spunky Spunkit?). Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
On Saturday, Charlie Morton went 3 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 1 Hit (!), 6 BBs (Oy), 4 Ks, ERA at 2.82 vs. the never-seen-nothing-that-was-too-terrible-to-swing-at Rangers, no less. I can think of another word that rhymes with Chazz to call Morton. It sounds a bit like the spa we operated back in 2010. Don’t you remember Spazzball? The retreat for prematurely balding men who had to check in with their moms once a day. You don’t remember the Ballpark Water in the lobby that we floated hot dogs in? It was poorly conceived, for sure. Like this start by Morton, where he said, “I think over the course of the past couple weeks my delivery’s just kind of gotten a little out of whack and timing has gotten a little out of whack. And today was just really bad. It has to do with my front side. I’m just flying open.” Well, at least he feels bad and seems to know the issue, right? You don’t have a category for empathy in your league? Can you check with your commish about adding it? For unstints, if a player yawns after another player yawns, then they get an empathy point. No? Okay. Hopefully, Morton can right the ship, but I can’t say I’m not concerned. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Did you hear about this Joc working overtime? He was too uptight! Take it, Highlights, it it yours! One guy whose completely uptight in the forbidden Fruit of the Looms is Joc Pederson. Yesterday, he went 3-for-5, 3 runs, 3 RBIs with his 5th and 6th homer. That gives him five homers this week. Yabba dabba drool! “So, I was hoping to buy a screw in this hardware store, but I’m having lustly feelings about a Joc. Will you serve me?” That’s me walking into a hardware store in Tennessee. Some of my hotter buys — buys I make while wearing a thong — are owned in more than 50% of leagues — Rendon, Desmond, etc. — but Joc is pretty sexy if he’s going right and available in a multitude of leagues. By the by, someone who changes attitudes frequently has a multitude. The royal we are talking about a guy in my Joc who could sneak into a 30+ homer, 7-steal season, and he’s not even hitting for a bad average this season (.272). Giddy up on this Joc! And that’s not the first time I’ve said that! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?