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We have every conceivable rookie’s projections who might be called up. Guys I’ve never heard of like Bobson Dugnutt, but even we don’t have Michael Harris II because he was so young and seemingly far away. Michael Harris II is so young Michael Harris I is still in theaters! Andruw Jones played just 50 games above Single A before he was called up by the Braves at age 19 in 1996. Michael Harris II, who is 21, played 43 games above Single A. How’d he go from A to the majors in roughly a month and a half? Hitting, baby! I give a lot of teams shizz for manipulating service time, but the Braves promote guys quickly. Maybe they feel bad after signing them for $500 and a bag of Takis when they’re 12. In 43 Double-A games, Michael Harris II went 5/11 .305/.372/.506 in 174 ABs. His skills are power and speed, which means he’s worth adding in all leagues. Speed doesn’t disappear for a young player after promotion. Power should remain too. The contact is going to make or break his game this year. If he can’t make contact, he might not hit and get demoted. If he can make contact, then he might be on the short list for biggest impact bats to get called up. Here’s what Prospect Itch said, “He’s a must-add where you can fit him. I’m about 60/40 that his swing-happy approach combined with the big-league heavy balls will prove too big a challenge for his first few hundred plate appearances, but stranger things have happened.” This guy sneaking in subconscious Netflix promos! Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Spencer Strider – Will be moved into the rotation, and he’s rostered in all my leagues already, with good reason. He could be as good as, say, Logan Gilbert. I kinda love the Braves with their aggressiveness in promoting and taking risks with their young players. It’s a young players’ game, so good for them. “Excuse me? Young man’s game?” That’s Nelson Cruz taking his dentures out.

Austin Riley – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 11th homer. Wonder if that homer is related to Michael Harris IIth.

Edward Cabrera – Being called up to start on Tuesday. He’s the pitching version of Julia Fox. Dude’s smoking hot, but wild eh-eff, and might just ruin your marriage, or your fantasy team. Maybe there might be some streaming situations, or if he comes up firing strikes, but he had a 4.6BB/9 in Triple-A and I can’t grab him in shallower mixed leagues yet. Deeper than 14-team mixed? Sure, for the potential 10+ K/9.

Marcell Ozuna – 2-for-4, and his 9th and 10th homer. In the 1st inning, the catcher put down a number one and Ozuna appropriately hit a pee missile out to center.

Sandy Alcantara – 8 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 14 Ks, ERA at 2.00. Whoa daddy. I mean…whoa….*breathes in and breathes out*….daddy. 14 strikeouts? Is this real life? My God, Sandy, I genuflect. I genuinely genuflect, and I say I misread his abilities.

Jorge Soler – 2-for-3, 3 RBIs and his 10th and 11th homer. Will he ever cool off? His name literally sounds like the sun!

Cole Sulser – 1 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 2.50 as he got his 2nd save, and first post-Bender save. There’s no one here who has to get saves, so a guy like Sulser could run away with the job. Even when Bender returns. By the way, A Guy Like Sulser was one of the worst country albums of the last decade. Eff off, Chris Gaines!

Dallas Keuchel – Designated for assignment. That assignment is to be sucky on a different team. Pirates, this might be the guy you’re looking for to bump Roansy from the rotation.

Johnny Cueto – 6 2/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 2.41. Call him Keuchto.

Eloy Jimenez – Sounds like he had a setback in his injury rehab that they’re calling “totes normal.”

Tim Anderson – Hit the IL after tweaking his groin. In public?! This guy is out of control! Where’s the cancel police when you need them?! Looked like a couple-weeks-on-the-IL-type injury. White Sox turned to Mendick, and this is one case where the more is not the merrier.

Dylan Cease – 7 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners (4 BBs), 5 Ks, ERA at 3.69. Didja know the number three-sixty-nine never happens in nature?

Wade Miley – Hit the IL when he felt something in his shoulder. Was it blood?

Marcus Stroman – 7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at 3.95. In last 30 innings, Stroman has a 1.80 ERA with 25 baserunners and 24 Ks. Streamonator hates him, and I get it, the low Ks is a bit of a bummer, but if you believe at all in vibes, Stroman’s ridin’ ’em.

Nick Castellanos – 1-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 6th homer. I cannot tell a lie. I didn’t watch a second of this game. I’m just coming back from seeing Top Gun and it was brilliant. Top Gun’s run-time is 131 minutes, and it’s like 131 Citizen Kanes strung together. Each minute is equal to one Citizen Kane.

Charlie Blackmon – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 7th homer. “Chazz Noir’s badonkadonk goes side-saddle and his dongs go long.” That’s the first line of the Chazz Noir novel I’m writing.

Aaron Sanchez – Designated for assignment. That assignment is to turn back the clock six years.

Juan Soto – 2-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 9th homer. You know I love Sexy Dr. Pepper more than most, but I was thinking yesterday if I were drafting today where would I take Sexy, and, well, I don’t think the top 10.

Lane Thomas – 1-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs, and his 3rd homer, as he was moved up to the two-hole. Mentioned him as a Buy on Friday, and received pushback in the comments. As I said there, “He’s been hitting the ball better, and the Nats’ top of the order sucks so he has opportunity.” And that’s me quoting me!

MacKenzie Gore – 7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 1.71 vs. Roansy Contreras – 5 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 2.55. This matchup was billed as, “Grey’s must’ve went to REI because he’s got a tent in his pants.” These guys were such a joy to watch. Mostly Gore, but Roansy is so fun too.

Jurickson Profar – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 6th homer, as he hit leadoff. Never one to take a bacKseat, JuricKson lifting MacKenzie. Prefer Profar? Pro for Gore!

Nathan Eovaldi – 9 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.77. Streamonator loved this Saturday start for Eovaldi and likes his next one even more.

Nick Pivetta – 6 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.95. Red Sox jumped out to an early lead, and Pivetta cruised out to the Ivictory Coast for a free night at the W.

Bobby Dalbec – 2-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 3rd homer, and his 2nd homer in three games. Had a longer leash than I thought they’d give him, but Dalbec is finally a hot schmotato.

Enrique Hernandez – 1-for-5 and his 4th homer. Also, in this game, Christian Arroyo (1-for-3) hit his 3rd; Franchy Cordero (2-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs) hit his 2nd Franchy fly, and Rafael Devers (1-for-4. 2 runs) hit his 11th, as the Red Sox sobered up all those, “I think Bruce Zimmermann is good” people.

Shane Bieber – 8 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.19. Imagine if homeboy was actually throwing his standard issue velo.

Harold Castro – 1-for-3 and his 4th homer, and 3rd homer in three games, and his career high in homers is five. Oh…*walks from Mexico to Canada*…kay.

Matthew Liberatore – 5 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.72. Liberatore isn’t just a drug with 30 seconds of side effects, it’s a potential number four in fantasy leagues. To read more on him, search the site!

Ethan Small – Called up by the Brewers to supposedly take FreddyKBB’s rotation spot. He’s coming up mostly just so hitters can say,”You’re killin’ me, Small.” Hate that his command looks like his biggest issue. You can’t start a guy with a 4+ BB/9, unless it comes with a 11+ K/9. Our projections have him around 8 K/9, 4.5 BB/9, that’s such a long howl at the moon. His upside remains immense, and the Brewers turned Eric Lauer into Cy Young, so I absolutely believe in the upside, but for now I’m only looking in deep leagues.

Rowdy Tellez – 2-for-4 and his 10th homer. The He’Brewer must’ve heard people in the comments wanting to start dropping him. Teach you to doubt the chubby.

Lorenzo Cain – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 1st homer, hitting .198. Not bad production for a guy getting $17 million!

Corbin Burnes – 7 IP, 0 ER, 2 hits, 1 walk, 11 Ks, ERA at 1.95. Well, sure, it’s because he’s really good. No dur.

Miles Mikolas – 5 2/3 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 2.67. Well, sure, it’s because he’s not really good. No dur.

Jose Miranda – Optioned back to the minors. Unironically, Miranda produced nothing but silence.

Royce Lewis – Was recalled, but left the game after crashing into the wall, and is likely headed to the IL. And Just Like That…Miranda was gone but is Lewis gone too? To be continued…

Trevor Larnach – 3-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 3rd homer, and his 2nd homer in as many games. I grabbed him in one league for the batty call yesterday. How did I know he’d homer? Because he’s hot, my dudes and five lady dudes.

Nick Gordon – 2-for-3, 2 runs and his 1st homer. Props to Nick for resisting the very heavy doses of guilt Dee is dishing by changing his last name. If I were Nick, I would’ve folded and changed my last name to Strange-Gordon and took my mom’s first name too, as a bit of oneupmanship.

Sonny Gray – 6 IP, 1 ER, 2 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 2.41, then left with pectoral soreness. Sonny Gray sounds like the glass is simultaneously half empty and full. His pitching half full, his health is half empty.

Jose Berrios – 2 1/3 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 5.62. Appropriate that he was replaced by Borucki, because Jose is Broke-yucki. I believe three weeks ago I posted the Sell video for Berrios. Can see it at our Youtube channel. Subscribe please, we need to get to 1000 for me to stop bothering you. At this point, Berrios isn’t a sell, but prolly a drop or bench in most mixed leagues.

Shohei Ohtani -2-for-3, 3 RBIs and his 10th and 11th homer. He had back stiffness the other day, and it’s a shame he’s not at 100% or he would’ve hit four homers yesterday.

Taylor Ward – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 10th homer, hitting .359. People in the comments saying, “Ward hasn’t done anything in four games, should I drop him,” might need to lay off the caffeine.

Max Muncy – Hit the IL with an elbow issue that happened last September that was never dealt with then. Telling people I told ya so’s about injuries is lame. What, am I doctor? Yo, I don’t like the sight of my own blood! I ain’t no doctor. But Muncy was clearly an injury risk and I wouldn’t be surprised if this is a lost season for him, as I’ve been saying since January. The most I told ya so-sounding non-I told ya so. Any hoo! Edwin Rios (0-for-4) should get some ABs now.

Tyler Anderson – 6 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 2.90. Universe takes away one Miles Mikolas, who’s not supposed to be that good, and gives us a new one.

Gleyber Torres – 3-for-4 and a slam (9) and legs (1). Nine homers ties his total from last year. This preseason sleeper of mine? So far, so good.

Aaron Judge – 2-for-4 and his 18th homer, hitting .309. I have Aaron Judge and Jo-Ram is the same NFBC league and I’m in 11th place. Do you know how hard that is to pull off? I should be congratulated for finding creative ways to suck.

Colin Poche – 1 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 1.69, and his 2nd save on Saturday, and worked the 8th inning (1 IP, 1 ER) on Sunday. Then, J.P. Feyerseisen (1 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 0.00) got the save on Sunday. I swear to God, the Rays just anoint a new closer every day, and he becomes lights-out.

Ji-Man Choi – 1-for-3, 2 runs and his 4th homer, and 2nd homer in five games. Might be a light schmotato.

Jeremy Pena – 1-for-4 and his 8th homer. Everyone was crazy for Witt. Jeremy Pena? No one cared! Now, Pena just doing quiet work like a librarian.

Marco Gonzales – 7 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at 3.55. Fun fact! Gonzales is Spanish for “He Went To Jared.”

Brad Miller – 2-for-2, 2 RBIs and his 7th homer. Miller’s gotta stay in front of Semien by seven times as many homers. These guys are so cute when they challenge each other.

Tyler Mahle – 6 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 3 walks, 8 Ks, ERA at 5.53 vs. Alex Cobb – 6 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 5.73. Since both of these guys have been so desperately unlucky it’s a surprise that they both didn’t throw two 12-inning Haddix perfect games. They’re both still Buy Lows, about the two best Buy Lows in baseball.

Art Warren – 0 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 7.27, and the blown save. Looks like “not being good” caught up to Art Warren.

Evan Longoria – 1-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 4th homer, and 4th homer in the last three games. Hot schmotato alert!

Tommy Pham – Agreed to a three-game suspension starting on Friday, due to slapping Joc Pederson during the pregame workout because of the way Joc was using his bench in his fantasy football league. I am absolutely being serious:

Thinking back on Tommy Pham wanting to fight Luke Voit in April, did Voit not pay his league fees on time? Because I’m starting to think less of Pham as a hothead, and more just a conscientious commissioner. Oh, and it gets better. Tommy Pham won his league!

You can’t tell me a story about Tommy Pham that I won’t believe. He’s a modern-day George Washington, if George Washington would’ve slapped people because of their fantasy football league. Anyway, we we would like to welcome our newest writer for Razzball football, Tommy Pham.