Please see our player page for Lane Thomas to see projections for today, the next 7 days and rest of season as well as stats and gamelogs designed with the fantasy baseball player in mind.

Takes off Hello Kitty headphones, places head on the train tracks. Faintly off in the distance, I can hear the very subtle call of exuberance. A very, small yay. That’s the sound of the one fantasy baseball owner who has Isaac Paredes in their lineup for his three-homer night (3-for-3, 4 RBIs, 6th, 7th, and 8th homer). I’ll be real with you, I was sweating this one for Mark Whiten. Back in 1993, Whiten glued four baseballs to his hand back, and he ain’t trying to get a new member of the club. For those of you singing, “I love a Paredes,” I know. This would’ve been Ethel Merman’s best day in fantasy baseball. RIP, you bussin’ Queen. Any hoo! Hard to hit three homers and not be a schmotato, so I could see grabbing Paredes, but Cash is there. Cash’s favorite movie? Platoon. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

(NOTE: THIS POST WAS RELEASED EARLY THIS WEEK ON OUR PATREON. IT’S $10/MONTH.)

It’s time for a Pirates mailbag:

Q: Hey, Mikey Yinz here, I was over in Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood. Not Fred. I mean Roger Rogers, guy I went to Andy Carnegie High School with. I don’t know his real name, we call him Roger Rogers because he’s got a stutter. We were watching the Pirates and eating a two-hander from Primanti’s, and Roger Rogers says to me, after some coaxing with a smack on his back, “What’s going on with Oneil Cruz?” And it got me thinking, let me ask Grey.
A: He’s being called up soon, or not at all, like Bobby Witt Jr. from last year. He’s past service time thresholds. Of course, there’s a new CBA that might have new cutoff days. Baseball’s service time is purposely incomprehensible. It’s like the tax code. They don’t want us to know.
Q: Is he a generational talent like Pops Stargell or a no-good, sell-out like Sid Bream?
A: Closer to a generational talent, but depends on how long the Pirates keep him in the minors on what generation. We have a tool — the Prospectonator — that projects every rookie, and Oneil Cruz is number one by a large margin. He’s a 25/15/.260 hitter (prorated), if he ever gets to the majors.
Q: Like the difference between homemade ketchup and Pittsburgh’s own H.J. Heinz?
A: Yes.
Q: 57 varieties and thicc, baby! Ain’t that right, Roger Rogers? Yo, he just gave you a double nod! Would you say, “Oneil’s finally a prospect to buy without warning ‘But Pirates?'”
A: Sure.
Q: Say it:  “But Pirates.”
A: No.
Q: Damn.
Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

As we march unendingly toward the halfway point of the season, we are getting closer and closer to the crazy zone. Tyler Mahle and Miles Mikolas were the best pitchers of the last week. Three Braves (no, not Acuna, Olson, and Riley) are in the top-10 hitters (Michael Harris, Adam Duvall, and Dansby Swanson). What […]

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Just once
Can we figure out what we keep doin’ wrong
Why our players never last for very long
What are we doin’ wrong?
Just once
Can we find a way to finally make it right
Make the magic last for more than just one night
We could just get to it
I know I just got back India but what did the Fantasy Baseball Overlord do to it
Hmm hmm
Just once

*sobbing uncontrollably* Make the magic last for just one night. Just once–Jesus effin’ Christmas tree lights up in October what are we doing? This is not right!? Ozzie Albies? Seriously? A fractured foot? Ozzie Albies’s feet should only be discussed on some weird subreddit. Ess oh BEEEEE! So, Orlando Arcia should see more playing time while Albies is out, my guess is for at least six weeks. I hate this. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Atlanta Braves’ rookie flamethrower-slash-hotshot-slash-heartthrob, Spencer Strider turned in his best outing of the year Friday night, pitching five and 2/3 innings, allowing just five baserunners and punching out eight Pirates en route to his second win. Spencer finally hitting his Stride-er! He lowered his ratios to a real nice 2.35 ERA and 1.12 WHIP with the start and his 57/19 K/BB in just 38.1 innings was the exact same number I had on the vision board I made for my positive affirmations class. You just can’t find that kind of strikeout potential on the waiver wire, over-the-internet friends. He’s got a 36.8 K% and a 13.38 K/9. Mhmm. Oh my, is it hot in here? I need to calm myself down, I’m getting excited. *bites knuckles, does ice bucket challenge, thinks about baseball players* Wait! No to that last one! Spence, can I call you, Spence? No? OK, Spencer’s biggest knock is that he’s currently being stretched out after serving in somewhat of a long relief role, so he may not pitch deep enough into games initially to get you those sweet dubs, but Braves manager Snitker seems to be ramping him up quick. He threw 72 pitches in his first start, followed by 87 last week and 92 Friday night. That’s progress, y’all! The five and 2/3 innings was the longest outing of his young career, and even though it was the lowly Bucs, he produced a swinging strike rate of 34%. That’s 18 swings and misses, 11 of those on his stinky, stinky cheese, which topped out at 100+ mph multiple times. Yup, guy’s got gas to spare during a nationwide shortage. Basically, Braves have been ramping him up and he’s taking it in Stride-er. Sure, he’s had some cushy matchups so far with Arizona, Colorado and Pittsburgh, but he gets another juicy one next week versus the Nats. If you are looking to buy unfunny gag gifts, fart pills, embarrassing sex toys or lava lamps, I’d check out Spencer’s Gifts, but if you need starting pitching help with massive strikeout upside on a team that can’t seem to lose right now, I’d buy Spencer Strider. Maybe buy the fart pills, too, those sound fun. Here’s what else I saw Friday night in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

(NOTE: THIS POST WAS RELEASED EARLY THIS WEEK ON OUR PATREON. IT’S $10/MONTH.)

“Ayo, this is Joey in the People Interested in Zee Zee #1 Americans — aka PIZZA, we serve the people who serve it  — how may I direct your call? I’m very sorry, you’re looking for Tony — bada bing bada boom — he’s in charge of helping people put up Xmas lights. That department doesn’t open until August.” Phone rings with another call, “Ayo, this is Joey in the People Interested in Zee Zee #1 Americans — aka PIZZA, we serve the people who serve it. You’re wondering about Vinnie Pasquantino and Nick Pratto? Ayo, bada bing bada boom, letta me pull up Minor League Stats dot com, ayy, and see what we have here. Vinnie Pasquantino is 24 years old, and he’s got 15 HRs in 52 games at Triple-A. Ayy, what kind of cheap ess-oh-bees are these Royals they don’t promote my boy, Vinnie? I oughta date their sister and call her by my mother’s name to insult her, ya know whadda I mean? Vinnie’s also hitting .280+ with great contact? Va fangool! He should be up already? What, they need Carlos Santana? He should get sent to the Phils, so he can reunite with Rob Thomson. Okay, let me see this here Nick Pratto. Oh, he’s younger and his numbers are not nearly as good, and that hurts for me to say, being Joey, the Front Desk Ambassador at PIZZA. Yeah, I just like Vinnie Pasquantino right now. Ayo, waddya know, bada bing bada boom. Thanks for calling!” I agree with Joey from PIZZA. Vinnie Pasquantino should be called up soon, and Pratto looks like he needs more seasoning. Maybe some oregano? It’s not a stretch to say the Royals need a yoot movement. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

And we are back for another heat check. No matter how totally awesome your team is it can always be better. So let’s dive right in to who’s hot and see if they can help you out. One of the past week’s hottest hitters has been Santiago Espinal.  He really shouldn’t be this widely available given that he’s eligible at second and third base and is hovering around the top 12 at both positions. Did I mention that he’s in the middle of a monster stretch at the plate? His power is on the rise and he batted .310 last season so we know he can hit. He’s already been a guy who should at least be on your bench and he could be even better. Advanced stats say that he’s actually been getting a little bit unlucky with his batting average and it should be a few ticks north of .300. I like that he doesn’t strike out a ton and that the Jays lineup is strong surrounding him which should boost his production. I would be shocked if his roster percentage doesn’t spike after the week he just had so you’ll likely have to act fast if you want what he brings to the plate.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Thursdays in Major League Baseball are always interesting. How many games will there be?  For today, this article is going to focus on the six-game 6:40 pm Eastern Main Slate on FanDuel. There is the return of Steven Strasburg! There are good and bad pitchers playing (if you can believe that). Who should we play? […]

Please, blog, may I have some more?