Please see our player page for Cole Sulser to see projections for today, the next 7 days and rest of season as well as stats and gamelogs designed with the fantasy baseball player in mind.

Hope everyone had a glorious Memorial Day, while placing some hot dogs in your gullet and swallowing them whole with some cheap beer. Like George Washington would’ve wanted it! George used to remove his wooden teeth and eat hot dogs whole. True story. So, I’ve become Mr. Pull My Pitcher With 90 Pitches. I hate pitches 90-100. They suck. In ten years, I will hate pitches 80-90. Then, ten years later, I will be Mr. I Like The Starter Who Comes In From The 4th Thru The 5th Inning. ACKSUALLY, that brings up a point, what happens when no starters go more than four innings? It’s coming at some point. Will we adjust our fantasy scoring categories? Something to think about, which is why I’m looking for an emoji with a hand on a chin that is using its other hand to slowly raise its middle finger towards Craig Counsell. Aaron Ashby (6 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 12 Ks, ERA at 2.70) was fantastic. Dot dot dot. Through 6 innings! He never needed to go out there for the 7th, and it unraveled from pitches 90 thru 100. See? That’s why I am whoever I said I am five sentences ago, to paraphrase Eminem. Ashby’s 11.5 K/9, 5 BB/9, 3.08 xFIP is so itsy-bitsy close to an ace and unusable on the other side. Thankfully, his command is usually much better, i.e., AA – BB = CC, i.e., Aaron Ashby minus walks equals CC Sabathia. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

We have every conceivable rookie’s projections who might be called up. Guys I’ve never heard of like Bobson Dugnutt, but even we don’t have Michael Harris II because he was so young and seemingly far away. Michael Harris II is so young Michael Harris I is still in theaters! Andruw Jones played just 50 games above Single A before he was called up by the Braves at age 19 in 1996. Michael Harris II, who is 21, played 43 games above Single A. How’d he go from A to the majors in roughly a month and a half? Hitting, baby! I give a lot of teams shizz for manipulating service time, but the Braves promote guys quickly. Maybe they feel bad after signing them for $500 and a bag of Takis when they’re 12. In 43 Double-A games, Michael Harris II went 5/11 .305/.372/.506 in 174 ABs. His skills are power and speed, which means he’s worth adding in all leagues. Speed doesn’t disappear for a young player after promotion. Power should remain too. The contact is going to make or break his game this year. If he can’t make contact, he might not hit and get demoted. If he can make contact, then he might be on the short list for biggest impact bats to get called up. Here’s what Prospect Itch said, “He’s a must-add where you can fit him. I’m about 60/40 that his swing-happy approach combined with the big-league heavy balls will prove too big a challenge for his first few hundred plate appearances, but stranger things have happened.” This guy sneaking in subconscious Netflix promos! Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

First, let’s stop to address our five female readers. Google analytics says there’s two mothers, and one is my mom — hi Mom! — and the other mother is one of our frequent commenter’s moms making sure I don’t use any naughty words. I’ll let you decide which commenter it is. Happy Mother’s Day to you, our lone mother unrelated to me. Hopefully your son was as filthy, in a good way, to you as George Kirby. So, this is what it’s like being in a league with Prospect Itch. Rookie is called up, I go to the waiver wire, Itch already has said rookie player and I grumble like Lisa Simpson. Rinse and repeat. This weekend’s grumbles were accompanied by me looking for Royce Lewis, Jarren Duran and George Kirby. In Friday’s Buy column, I went over Duran and Lewis (great comedy duo, by the way), but I was too optimistic on both, since Duran’s already been sent down and Lewis might not be far behind. That brings us back to George Kirby (6 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 7 Ks). His stuff: a triple-digit speedball that sits 102. Weird, I sit 101, but I’m talking traffic and on a freeway. Here’s Itch’s breakdown of Kirby, “His off-speed stuff is less impressive, but his double-plus command makes everything play up and turns the fastball into multiple pitches. If you know you can hit the inside corner or the outside corner to hitters from both sides of the plate, that soon factors into your thinking as two different pitches, strategically speaking. He’s 6’4” 215 lbs and puts it together in a smooth, athletic delivery that should help him stay healthy, in theory. His outcomes have been stellar at every stop so far. And here’s hoping Grey gets punched in the head.” What? C’mon, man! So, I tried to grab Kirby in every league. The command should help the avoidance of roofies, and the upside is real and it’s spectacular. Yesterday’s start made a patient team look dumb. Even the Prospectonator (projections for every rookie) is optimistic, and it’s never optimistic. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Well hello there, Razz-folken!

Sorry, I’m working my way through Stephen King’s Dark Tower series (on Book 6 of seven — fantastic, trippy, masterful stuff), which contains some very interesting folken indeed. So that’s where that came from.

I’ve got some news for y’all. I am no longer the Injury Guru around these parts. I had my fill of ’em last year, let me tell you. Not sure my brain could handle tracking all that madness for another season (assuming we even get a full one…). Alas, the ever-so-talented-and-witty Keelin Billue will be manning the Ambulance Chasers column. Instead, I’ve become the official Bullpen Guru of Razzball! In addition to the weekly SAGNOF recaps, I’ll be in charge of our brand-spankin’ new Bullpen Chart, tracking who’s closing and who’s setting up across the MLB. Side note: I’m still waiting for the day SVHD becomes the standard category.

What I’ve got for y’all is just a good old-fashioned tiered ranking (catered toward the 12-team standard 5×5 audience). I could pretend I’m doing this for the people, but really this is as much for me as it is for you, dear reader. I’ve had my fantasy hockey helmet on, helping Viz over the on the Razzball Hockey side of things. Haven’t paid the best attention to the goings on in MLB — I could use a little brush up on how bullpens are looking.

Welp, I’ll quit dillydallying and get right to it. I’ll update these rankings eventually as things change throughout the course of the offseason. Some big names are still homeless as of now (you can find notes on them under the rankings themselves). These rankings stem from a combination of my genius brain and Rudy’s projections, which of course you can see over on the World Famous Razzball Player Rater.

I lied; I’ve got a little more dillydallying to do. I want to make it clear this is a focus solely on guys in closer situations. I’m looking at this through the lens of saves. I would personally rather own a Devin Williams type than a crappy closer like Cole Sulser in most instances, but I didn’t want to jumble up my tiers with guys who aren’t likely to get saves with any kind of regularity. Devin Williams, Craig Kimbrel, Jonathan Loaisiga, etc. do not appear in what you’ll see below. Maybe I’ll get around to some HAGNOF rankings, but you can always pop over to the Bullpen Chart and the Player Rater to find guys to help you with holds. And one last note: even though you see numbered rankings, they’re more of a formality. I treat everyone pretty much equally within their respective tiers, and it could shake out to where any one of them could out-rank the other. Is that a cop out for “hindsight is 20/20” purposes? Maybe! Oh, and the stats you see are 2021’s totals. Duh.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Here you will find bullpen charts for each team. Bullpens are a messy business to track, but the purpose here is to highlight each team’s closer(s) and setup men. You can more or less expect the chart to read left-to-right in order of importance, but again, it can be a fluid situation day-to-day, week-to-week (looking at you, Tampa Bay Rays!). So, not only are we highlighting saves options, we’ve got you saves+holds folks covered, too! 

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Hope everyone had a good Labor Day. I stood on my lawn hugging a tree for 20 minutes until someone told me I was thinking of Arbor Day. I told them I just love trees, not letting on that I absolutely confused the two days. On Labor Day, we give thanks to all the women out there who took hours to birth us. During labor, your hoohay may have been dilated–*intern whispers in ear*–Okay, that’s not what Labor Day is about either. It’s about work, and rest, but if you ask me, if you give people a day off, then they start to like that too much and don’t like labor as much, so Labor Day should be a work day. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk where I would get booed. The Phils understood what I meant, and they did work on Labor Day. Brad Miller (3-for-5, 3 runs) hit his 16th and 17th homer, leading the way, and he’s been hot ever since he took over the strong side of the 1st base platoon, and is worth a hot schmotato grab. Next up, Jean Segura (3-for-5, 2 runs, 4 RBIs) hit his 11th homer, a grand slam, and is hitting .295 on the year, but with only nine steals, he’s been yawnstipating at best. Then, Freddy Galvis (1-for-3) hit his 12th homer, and 3rd homer in the last four games. Here’s what I said yesterday, “Best part about Galvis is he gets super hot for a week at a time. The 2nd best part is you can beat someone in your H2H playoffs with Freddy Galvis, which will totally piss them off.” And that’s me quoting me! Finally, Bryce Harper (1-for-4, 2 RBIs) hit his 28th homer, and 2nd homer in as many games. Check out Bryce hitting a non-solo homer. A Labor Day miracle! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

(NOTE: THIS POST WAS RELEASED EARLY THIS WEEK ON OUR PATREON. IT’S $10/MONTH OR $13/MONTH WITH AN EXTRA WEEKLY PODCAST.)

This is The Save Vulture Dance. Sing it like it’s The Electric Slide.

[spoken word intro]
The save vulture is a scavenger bird. They see weakness in others’ misfortune. A closer goes down or struggles or gets traded and the save vulture swoops in and gnaws on the closer’s handcuff. And if you don’t give up, or give in, you may just be okay…OKAY!

[lyrics]
Snap, snap, Giovanny Gallegos, Genesis Cabrera, Alex Reyes, claw, claw, save.
Save vultures aren’t reproducin’ cuz they’re uze overweight guys,
Preferin’ to watch sports highlights than listen to the girl they’re datin’. Sighs.
Snap, snap, Joe Barlow, Spencer Patton, claw, claw, save.
The save vulture’s claws are orange from Cheetos dust,
The orange reminds them of all that Orioles’ fuss.
Snap, snap, Cole Sulser, Tyler Wells, No One Because The O’s Won’t Win, claw, claw, save.
Teams that flipped their closers for prospects at the trading deadline and are now losin’,
They still haven’t figured out who’s closin’.
Snap, snap, Paul Sewald, Drew Steckenrider, Kyle Finnegan, Dylan Floro…*huff, huff, out of breath* …keep on going!…Anthony Bender, David Bednar, Carlos Estevez, Chris Stratton, Codi Heuer, Rowan Wick, claw, claw, save.
Guys who have just sucked and teams needed to look elsewhere,
Desperate, you look like Walter White in his underwear,
Snap, snap, Emmanuel Clase, Adam Ottavino, Johnny Lasagna, Andrew Chafin, Sergio Romo, claw, claw, save.

[spoken word outro]
Now ya know, if you need saves in the final month. [sax plays us out] Saaaaaaaaaaaaaaves. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

No player in MLB history has more cycles than Trea Turner. That’s wild. What’s also wild, it was his birthday yesterday. I got a cycle for my birthday one year. It was a pink Hutch Trickstar and I was able to do one trick, falling over. They used to call me The Pink Trickstar. And beat me up. This Treat Urner game brought up a lot of hurtful memories. My mom always wanted a girl, is that why she got me that stupid pink bike? Which is what I write down in my journal, so I can ask my shrink at a later date. Not only did Treat Urner (4-for-4, 4 runs) hit his 14th homer, he also added in his 17th and 18th steal. He accumulated more fantasy value in one game than Juan Soto has all year. I wanna be run over by a pink bicycle. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

In case you haven’t caught on yet, the way I approach SAGNOF is one week I’ll cover the ‘saves’ portion of “Saves/Steals Ain’t Got No Face” and the next week I’ll cover the “steals.” Last week I highlighted a few very under-owned hitters who are getting SBs that are available in most leagues. Allow me a moment to flex by pointing out how the players from last week’s article have performed since I wrote about them: 

  • Robbie Grossman: 16 AB, 4 runs, 1 HR, 1 SB, .429 OBP
  • Austin Slater: 9 AB, 5 runs, 2 HRs, 4 RBI, 1 SB, .583 OBP
  • Matt Duffy: 11 AB, 3 runs, 3 RBI, 1 SB, .385 OBP
  • Brett Phillips: 16 AB, 2 runs, 2 RBI, 1 SB, .353 OBP.
  • Tim Locastro, Gregory Polanco, and Sam Haggerty: Don’t worry about it.
  • Please, blog, may I have some more?