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Please see our player page for Max Muncy to see projections for today, the next 7 days and rest of season as well as stats and gamelogs designed with the fantasy baseball player in mind.

Hope everyone is having a nice Memorial Day weekend, and enjoying some baseball, or as Chef Boyardee calls it, Our National Pastatime. This Monday let’s remember all the other red-white-blue American things one hears backstage at a Larry The Cable Guy concert, including burping and farting and wearing an American flag t-shirt. Eat a D, ISIS! Much like how America was just a Platonic ideal, then went to Washington and had to get its hands dirty with the gory details of governing, we have MacKenzie Gore (7 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 11 Ks (career-high), ERA at 3.57) getting his hands dirty with making good on the promise of being a top prospect. Yesterday, he threw 106 pitches, 75 were strikes, and 23 were swinging. Overall, his command is still a bit wonky — 11.5 K/9, 4.3 BB/9, 3.48 xFIP — but if the Ks are that good, the command won’t hurt him. Those Ks are Murica thru & thru. Not spelling shizz out is Murica too. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

After the game, the Cards’ front office called Willson Contreras in. He just went 2-for-5, 6 RBIs and notched his 4th and 5th homers — two three-run homers. They wanted to have a word with him. Congratulations, Contreras thought. They could just send a bottle of champagne back to his room, he figured. Maybe they wanted to give it to him in-person. A gesture, that would be welcome. Contreras sat down in front of Oli Marmol and John Mozeliak. “Willson,” they started, “You had a big game today. Do you have any idea how that made Adam Wainwright feel? He’s got a 5.74 ERA, and you’re out scoring that many runs? That’s gotta take a toll on him. Jack Flaherty was in that dugout, and every time you crossed the plate, you could hear him mutter, ‘I give up runs like that.’ Steven Matz looked on the verge of tears! Poor Matzy! This is why Yadi knew best! He knew not to hit home runs. It’s too much showboating. That’s not the Cardinals’ way.” With that, they dismissed Contreras to go back and apologize to his teammates for performing so well. Hopefully he learns his lesson. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

“Count’s 2-1, and Jack Flaherty is leaning in…and, would you look at that, that is interesting…Willson Contreras is calling for an 88 MPH fastball down the middle.” I kid! Jack Flaherty (7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 5.24) looked great! After the first inning. Was a bit wonky at the start. At one point, he went from a 75 MPH curve to a 95 MPH elevated fastball to a 84.5 MPH slider to a 79.5 MPH knuckle curve on four straight batters, all resulting in strikeouts. All he needed for motivation was to prove his own catcher sucked. “But how,” Jack Flaherty wondered in his most sincere of voices, “Could a pitcher look good while making his catcher look bad?” Flaherty still desperately needs command from pitch 1 to 100 while going 95 on the fastball, but last night was a step in the right direction. Speaking of directions, the Cards all sucked together, and now they’re all fantastic together. The Cards’ way, I suppose. Nolan Arenado (2-for-3, 4 RBIs and his 7th homer, and 4th homer in four games) is going off, and I had a reason to Sell Low written down that was so eloquent. It’s right over by this open window–NOOOO!!! Torenado! Also, in this game, Andrew Knizner (1-for-1, 2 runs, 4 RBIs) hit his 3rd homer, and 2nd in as many games. This homer was vs. a position player, but there ain’t no asterisks in my fantasy league. Next, Tommy Edman (4-for-5, 4 runs, 2 RBIs) hit his 6th homer, as he heard the footsteps of people going to waivers to drop him. Finally, Nolan Gorman (3-for-5, 2 runs, 5 RBIs) hit his 10th homer, as the house of Cards begins to rise again. Hopefully, Oli Marmol isn’t inspired to give one of his motivational speeches again like, “Tyler O’Neill and Willson Contreras, you guys suck and can’t field your positions or run and I hate all of you.” Anyway, here’s what else I saw in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Don’t just toss around the boomstick tag, okay? Pass out the boomstick tag after thoughtful introspection. Okay? Okay. With that said, Josh Jung (3-for-5,3 RBIs and his 7th and 8th homer), that 3rd baseman in Texas? Yeah, he has a boomstick. Not saying he could play Quidditch, that’s a broomstick. This is a boomstick. To give you a super random comparison, Jung could be Ty France but with the boomstick. Jung, the France man. Call him Josh-Jung Sartre. Though, France has kinda sucked, but I was talking about his average when it’s good, and Jung should have more power France. Hmm, maybe that comparison isn’t great, except how else was I getting to call him, Josh-Jung Sartre? Some have doubted whether or not Josh Jung has the power to be an attractive fantasy corner man contributor. Doubt no more, as Josh-Jung Sartre once said of self-reflection. Can he stay on pace for 40 homers? We’re in unknown territory, but he’s been ready for the last two years. What would Sartre say of that? Let’s see, hmm… “Hell is other people having Josh Jung on their team.” Geez, this guy’s a real bummer. Unlike his sorta namesake! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

You thought every team having a Luis Garcia was confusing? You rued the day you ever learned there was a Trevor Megill and a Tylor Megill? You thought they were joking when they said there was another Max Muncy? You’re in a Holds league and get the shakes every time you see T. Rogers? You still have a headache from the time you drafted Ryan Braun, the reliever? Well, do I have a surprise for you! For a limited time only, we have two Logan Allens! It could be worse, they were both on the Guardians! Now, there’s one on the Rockies and one on the Guardians. That makes things easier because you’d never want a pitcher on the Rockies, so you only have to look at the team name and remember, “No Rockies pitchers ever.” So, why do we care? Well, outside of AL-Only leagues, we may not. Logan Allen (6 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 8 Ks) has a starting job right now, but Triston McKenzie and Aaron Civale could return at some point (in theory), and Hunter Gaddis is stretched out and might get another look. Since the “why do we care” became “why should we not care,” here’s an answer to the caring part: He consistently has a 11+ K/9 in the minors. Itch’s said, “A great athlete with plus balance and command who repeats his delivery with ease, Allen fits the Cleveland mold for pitchers who exceed their on-paper projections. He’s not an ideal candidate to add velocity at 6’0” 190 lbs, but Cleveland tends to find a way, not that Allen has needed more than his low-90’s fastball, plus changeup and average curveball to this point, and I’d like to stick Grey with a sharp point.” C’mon, man! Itch’s “Cleveland tends to find a way” is why I’m interested in deeper mixed leagues. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

There’s a large contingent of people logging on, who are like, so you like Fernando Tatis Jr. (0-for-5) now? I see, so you like cheaters? Let’s call these people, The Moralists. They’ve never done anything bad in their life. Good for them. Better than me, but they’re likely better than everyone. So, hey, The Moralists, I’m sorry, I grew up loving Mark McGwire, you can’t shame me into caring about steroids now. Here’s a conversation between me and The Moralists:

The Moralist, “You see that great player who is very fun?”
“Fernando Tatis Jr.? Yes, I do see him.”
“I don’t like him anymore because he cheated by taking drugs.”
“Oh, so you’re a nerd?!”

People who are like, “So, you’re defending cheating?” I am not Perry Mason. I am merely excited about the return of a guy I drafted in a fantasy baseball league. A guy who is fun. His name is Fun The Jewels for Chrissake! Any hoo! Welcome back, Fun The Jewels, now LFG! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

“Wisdom is knowing when you don’t know. Wisdom is knowing when you do know. Wisdom is not spraying mace on your apple pie when it calls for mace, because that mace they’re talking about is the outside of nutmeg not the shizz that makes your eyes cry during a riot. Wisdom is not saying, “Nutmeg? I barely know her,” every time someone says nutmeg. Wisdom is Patrick Wisdom (3-for-5, 4 RBIs) hitting his 7th and 8th homer, and 4th and 5th homer in the last four games. Looking for a guy who could hit 40 homers (and prolly .210)? That’s true Wisdom…I think, is that what that says?” That’s me reading a fortune cookie’s fortune that is so long that it’s in such a tiny font it’s hard to read. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?