Andrew Painter ( 5 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 8 Ks) aka the prospect pitcher who I was interested in so long ago that I honestly just stopped caring about him aka Andy Dutchboy aka will Zack Wheeler knock him out of the rotation when he returns aka A. Painter of corners aka he looked better than his line, but it was against a weaker team aka these aren’t even aka’s aka other Phils pitchers looked worse vs. the Gnats so maybe Taijuan Walker is replaced when Wheeler returns and not Painter aka Andrew Benjamin Moore aka Painter was a top 50 prospect for Itch where he said, “At 6’7” 215 pounds with upper nineties heat and superb balance throughout his delivery, Painter is the platonic ideal of a power pitcher, featuring plus command of a plus slider and changeup along with the big fastball and developing curve. Or at least that’s how you’d have described him before Tommy John surgery sent him to the Medbed for a year. He’s still that guy, I think. Might just need the off-season to focus on thriving rather than rehabbing. He’s certainly better than the 5.40 ERA he logged in 106.2 Triple-A innings this year aka I’d like to crack a coconut over Grey’s head,” aka what? Pitchers reveal themselves in-season and Painter is one I like more now than ten days ago aka the shine wore off in the preseason simply because I grew bored of waiting for him to get to the majors, but he’s here now aka Goodbye Schmohawk who is at the back of my pitching staff, hello Andrew Painter! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Kyle Schwarber – 1-for-3 and his 2nd homer. His home runs go about 600 feet and look effortless. Just gorging on the gorge.
Adolis Garcia – 2-for-3 and his 1st homer. He was my prediction for Comeback Player of the Year. Cust kayin’.
Pete Alonso – 2-for-4 and his 1st homer. Albombso!
Zach Eflin – Left the game with elbow discomfort, walking off with a trainer. Not “trainer” as in British slang, meaning he was rocking K-Swiss.
Jacob deGrom – 4 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 6 hits, zero walks, 7 Ks. Drafted him more than any other player, so I am bias, but put deGrom in the Hall of Fame. Sure, there were some blemishes — the 1st blemish was a home run to Alonso for a “Future of the Mets” on “Future of the Mets” crime — but if anything, deGrom was just too in the zone. His stuff is still so good. Please stay healthy, that’s all I ask.
Corey Seager – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 2nd homer. Oh, wow, he’s about to hit nine homers in two weeks, then hurt his quad.
Jonathan Aranda – 1-for-4 and his 2nd homer. Nice start for Johnny Aranda, the Rays’ 1B and Copacabana’s newest act.
Shane McClanahan – 4 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 4 Ks. He was perfect for three innings, then I went to get pho and why pho gotta be delicious and jinxy!
Brandon Woodruff – 5 IP, 2 ER, 4 hits, zero walks, 6 Ks. Aw, is his stuff not good enough for you? Ooh, poor baby!
Gary Sanchez – 1-for-1, 2 runs and his 2nd homer. Fine, hot schmotato alert!
Jake Bauers – 2-for-4, 2 runs and a slam (2) and legs (2). Okay, yes, hot schmotato alert!
Yordan Alvarez – 2-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 3rd homer, and should have five. Captain Woo Cubano gonna be on so many of my teams next year when he’s garbage again. That’s how this works, doesn’t it?
Hunter Brown – 6 IP, 1 ER, 3 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 0.84. Someone complained after his 1st start that he’s not economical enough. Ya know, the guy with a sub-1 ERA. Oh…[stacks phone books to the moon]…kay.
Cam Smith – 2-for-3 and his 1st homer. I should’ve just ran back all my teams from last year.
Brayan Bello – 4 2/3 IP, 5 ER. I don’t think this is how math works, but Bello collecting regression from previous years.
Roman Anthony – 0-for-4, 4 Ks, hitting .190. Hunh, weird, okay.
Ceddanne Rafaela – 1-for-3 and his 1st homer. 0-for-4 with 4 Ks from Roman Anthony? Really? Hunh, just find it weird, okay.
Kodai Senga – 6 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners (3 BBs), 9 Ks. We’ve had so few pitchers collect nine Ks this year, especially ones not facing the K’s, that I don’t want to poo-poo Senga, but this was vs. the Cards. Streamonator says he gets the Giants next, and I would start him, but that’s also another cushy matchup.
Riley O’Brien – 1 IP, and his 1st save. So, that’s likely who the Cards’ closer is, and, like the Pope watching the White Sox, it’s hard to have faith in that.
Cody Ponce – Hit the IL with a ACL sprain and awaits medical opinions before deciding next steps. Literally.
Max Scherzer – 6 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 4 Ks.
No perfect view out of a hotel window exists—
— Razzball (@razzball.bsky.social) March 27, 2026 at 5:59 PM
Hunter Goodman – 1-for-4 and his 1st homer. Can’t find a better man, Vedder? Can I interest you in a Goodman?
Brandon Williamson – 4 2/3 IP, 6 ER. One love but he looked hideous. 91 MPH batting practice fastballs, getting beat by lefties like Oneil Cruz and Ryan O’Hearn (1-for-3, 3 RBIs, 2nd homer). Just awful.
Sal Stewart – 1-for-4 and his 2nd homer. Also, in this game, Elly De La Cruz (1-for-5) hit his 2nd homer. There was so much sexy in this game and I’m mostly talking about Noelvi Marte (0-for-2, 1 run) who started and got two walks! Woohoo!
Bryan Reynolds – 1-for-4 and his 1st homer. Another guy that beat Williamson. Just pathetic. I hate Williamson now, don’t talk me down. Williamson even made Ozuna look less cooked, though still pretty cooked.
Oneil Cruz – 3-for-4, 3 runs, 3 RBIs and his 1st and 2nd homer. Honestly, I don’t know how much longer he can play the field.
Oneil Cruz in center
— Razzball (@razzball.bsky.social) March 31, 2026 at 4:35 PM
Bubba Chandler – 4 1/3 IP, 0 ER, zero hits, 6 walks, 6 Ks. It’s pretty cool how has the same name as Mimi Rogers’s character on Bosch, but his command makes things Harry. Reds were impatient at times and bunted themselves out of one serious threat. Solid line at end of day for Bubba, due to the zero hits, but I didn’t love what I saw, if being honest. Against another team, he’s going to put guys on and hitters are gonna knock them home.
Jose Soriano – 6 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 0.00. I do not trust Soriano at all, but he has a 0.000000000000 infinity (!!!) ERA!!! You can’t fight that power, Flav. I would simple pick him up and see how long it lasts. It lasts long, then you’re in. If it lasts not-long, then you get out.
Jameson Taillon – 4 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners (4 BBs), 3 Ks, ERA at 0.00000000000. Sure, him too! But obviously I trust a guy throwing 4 BBs in 4 2/3 IP a lot less. Those BBs will shoot your eye out.
Jose Fernandez – 3-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 1st and 2nd homer, after being called up and played 3rd. Man, a Jose Fernandez playing baseball still bums me out. Somewhere, Dee Gordon just walked onto a Little League field, excused one kid from hitting, grabbed his bat and hit a home run off a 12-year-old. Could Jose Fernandez Wally Pipp Arenado? I doubt it, but he could take over for Ildemaro Vargas or Carlos Santana if he hits. He went 17/12/.272 with 20.4 K% in Double-A as a 21-year-old last year and doesn’t seem at all capable of MLB hitting, but maybe pitchers won’t know him and he catches on for a while. Two homers in a debut makes me want to try him everywhere, if being honest. He’s at least worth a deeper mixed league grab.
Brandon Pfaadt – 6 IP, 5 ER. Should’ve been sent down roughly 36 months ago.
Casey Mize – 6 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 9 Ks. That Mize makes Tyra Banks smize.
Chase DeLauter – Left the game after fouling a ball off his foot. El oh el. Already?
Max Muncy – 2-for-3 and his 1st homer. Boo, wrong Max Muncy!
Shohei Ohtani – 6 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 3 BBs, 6 Ks, 1-for-3. Some ‘perts in the preseason were treating Ohtani as a barely top 50 starter. I’m sorry, no one in the majors is guaranteed to throw 150 IP, so Ohtani’s 120 plays.
German Marquez – 3 IP, 4 ER. If you bought into his spring, that is one massive banana-in-the-ol-tailpipe ya got there.
Willy Adames – 4-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 1st homer, as he hits leadoff, which has worked but still is incredibly stupid. Sorry, not trying to inundate you with memes and pics, but look at this quote from Tonnato Vitello:
Matt Chapman – 2-for-5, 2 runs and his 1st homer. Looks like someone plays well to hearing Graduation.
Logan Webb – 6 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 7.36. In drafts, I thought to myself, “It doesn’t matter if you draft Gilbert or Webb, just grab a Logan.” So far it hasn’t mattered, sadly.
Jose Suarez – 3 2/3 IP, 4 ER. He was “Didier will be back in two weeks” good.
Drake Baldwin – 1-for-4 and his 3rd homer. Welp, I might issue a mea culpa. He’s looking better than I expected. It’s early though, just to put a little caveat on me almost admitting a mistake.
Shea Langeliers – 1-for-4 and his 4th homer. For youse who don’t listen to the podcast, I said one bold prediction before the season starts that Langeliers would be more valuable than Cal Raleigh. Doesn’t even feel bold now, except, ya know, when I said it there was a 70 pick draft spread between them.
Mark Leiter Jr. – 1 IP, 0 ER and his 1st save, and K’s first save. I don’t know if it means anything, but, when in doubt, go with the guy who got the first save.
Aaron Civale – 5 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 3 Ks. Feels like a good guy to look at the Streamonator for and the Streamonator will never like him, so tah-dah!
Janson Junk – 4 1/3IP, 2 ER vs. Erick Fedde – 5 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks. This matchup was billed as, “Mom’s out of town,” because Dad Fedde/Junk.
Max Fried – 7 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 0.0000000. Happy to be one of Max Fried’s biggest fans. Also, Yankees tied the 1943 Cardinals for the fewest runs allowed (3) through their first five games. That Cards team was led by “all hitters were fighting Nazis overseas.” A great group of pitchers they had!
Logan Gilbert – 5 1/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 6.75. I got Gilbert and be Sufferin’.
Colt Emerson – Signed an 8-year, $95 million deal with the Mariners. Usually I don’t mention this kind of stuff, because it doesn’t impact our game, but this might impact our game because who the hell is signing this kind of deal to sit in the minors? Immediately went to look to see if he was rostered in my AL-Only (he was), and I could see stashing him now in deeper mixed leagues. He’s not going to be sitting in the minors, counting greenbacks, for long. Also, how hilariously sad is it gonna be hanging out with him for the final few weeks he’s in the minors? “Hey, Colt, me and some of our teammates are going to Bojangles to get a $11 bucket of chicken that feeds four, if you wanna tag along and put caviar on it, the guys said that’s cool.” Ya know how teams do those social media posts of the players being told they’re being called up? Colt’s video is gonna be the manager going out to tell Colt while he sits in a Bugatti.
