What do we say to the devil? Not today, devil. But they say, “Better the devil you know than the devil you don’t know.” And devil’s in the details. So, for the last five months, Giancarlo Stanton (1-for-3) was the devil I didn’t know any details about, but yesterday we said, “Today, devil,” so where does that leave us? In hell still, as the Yankees said they will baby Stanton, sending him out for only a few at-bats. Yo, are you Arthriticarlo Stanton? Should’ve never held him all year, but his thighs are so beautiful and well-lotioned in bed! Sorry, was reading a well-tailored-to-me fortune cookie. I suppose if Stanton’s out there, you can add him, and play him, but a few at-bats here and there doesn’t exactly instill confidence. Hopefully, by the time 2020 rolls around, Giancarlo will be less Arthriticarlo and more the Giancarlo I’ve pasted to my pillow. And that’s not Elmer’s Glue. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Please see our player page for Zach Eflin to see projections for today, the next 7 days and rest of season as well as stats and gamelogs designed with the fantasy baseball player in mind.
Tommy Edman continued his hot hitting Friday night going 2-for-4 with his sixth and seventh home runs and 3 RBI. Have a day, rook! He’s now batting .344 with 8 runs, 2 home runs, 4 RBI and two steals in the past week. *Pro tip* that will help your fantasy team! Tommy Boy struggled a bit to adjust after his initial call up but he hit .308 in August and seems to be have locked down the starting third baseman job in St. Louis. The Cardinals sit atop the NL Central with a 2.5 game lead and Edman could be a big reason why. Of the Cards starters, only Kolten Wong is hitting for a higher average and that could be the craziest sentence I’ve written all season. Did I mention that one of Edman’s shots pegged a Pittsburgh fan right in the groin? Lol! Take that you smug, yinzer! So pleased with yourselves regarding all this Antonio Brown drama. Smh. A home run ball right in the crotch should take you down a few pegs. So, are you convinced yet? Edman steals bases, he hits dingers, he’s eligible at multiple positions, he hits for average and he even knows how to stick it to Steelers nation. Did I mention he has a three game series at Coors starting on Tuesday? Yes, please! I’d add Edman everywhere I needed some speed with some pop and he could be a good addition to any team who’s in need of a solid bat for the rest of the season.
Here’s what else I saw Friday night in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Happy Labor Day, everyone! Today, we celebrate all of those mothers who are in labor giving birth to us, so put your legs up, grunt real hard and scream at a loved one that they are a “bastard” or a “weasel-d*cked moron who isn’t even the real father.” You’ve earned this day, male or female, though I’m not sure how men earned a Labor Day. Do I have this celebration right? Any hoo! People acting like Justin Verlander‘s 3rd no-hitter was stamping his ticket to Cooperstown are hilarious. He was a lock for the Hall of Fame when he posed nude in the mirror with Kate Upton. Yesterday’s butter: 9 IP, 0 ER, 1 walk, 14 Ks, ERA at 2.56 is just another example of the legacy of one of the greatest pitchers ever. Everyone should stop to watch a Verlander game. That’s a ‘stop to smell the roses’ request because you deserve something as glorious as seeing Verlander throw a baseball. This is a request for you to live your life, not like you’re in labor with your feet in stirrups, but like your feet are on the ground and you’re reaching for the stars. Okay, now I’m just misquoting Casey Kasem. For 2020 and beyond, Verlander is an ace until he shows he no longer is, and I’m thankful for every one of his pitches that I’ve never owned on a fantasy team (eff me). Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
America’s greatest Indian was Sitting Bull. Maybe Pocahontas. Possibly Bob Feller. I’d accept Apu even. But on the list of great Indians, Jose Ramirez and the service he provided this year does not go unnoticed because I am here noticing it. First, he did awful to make me look like a genius for telling you to avoid him in drafts, then he did well after I told you to buy him in June. Jo-Ram did what others thought impossible: made me look brilliant. Stop throwing roses at my feet, I’m allergic. Now, Jo-Ram’s gone for the year with a hamate bone injury. If he’s anything like Matt Olson, he’ll return in October and hit 35 homers in ten games. Glory be. He’s droppable in redraft leagues though, and Yu Chang will replace him. He was David Bowie’s favorite player. Time may Chang Yu, but Yu can’t Chang time. Prospect Mike just gave you a Yu Chang fantasy, and I didn’t run out to grab him, but, in deep enough leagues, I could see it. Prospect Mike did mention Aristides Aquino in relation to Chang, and I had to Chang my underwear. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
At 22 years old, Kyle Tucker is nearly a 30/30 guy in Triple-A. There’s some other problems with baseball, but this should be the number one thing that is fixed. This is just about everything that’s wrong with baseball. No one should go 30/30 in the minor leagues. The last player to do that (who I remember) was Joc Pederson in 2014. The reason why it’s so rare and should be extinct? If you’re going 30/30 in the minor leagues, you should be in the major leagues! I don’t have a solution. I’m a problem spotter, not a problem solver. How many titles you want me to hold? Imagine another sport where one of your best players was artificially held down in an instructional league for a year or more. You can’t and it’s not a failure of imagination. Though, still fantasizing about an 18-year-old Alyssa Milano could lead one to that conclusion. The Astros have said Tucker will be called up in September. Will he play? Not 100% sure, but I’d guess he will most days because the Astros have room to play him over Reddick and will clinch a playoff berth. Now is the time to stash him in all leagues. Yes, the Astros will be going from a Reddick to a Tucker like Jame Gumb. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
“Alexa, for Amazon Prime Day can you order me Clorox? Thank you, Alexa. Now can you order me clips to hold my mouth and eyes open? Thanks, Alexa! Now can you order me a large man to pour the bleach into my mouth and eyes while shoving me into my oven? Oh, and Alexa, if you can get German Marquez to do it, that would be so appropriate!” German yesterday? Guten tagged! Here’s a visual metaphor for you: A German U-boat filled with men, one toilet and only Taco Bell to eat for a blitzkrieg of runs. Marquez is driving me insane but he is not an Uber ally, because he is dead to me. Goodbye, Nazi In Exile, enjoy your long walks along the Chilean coast and your alpaca farm where you shave little German helmets on your animals. After 2 2/3 IP, 11 ER, ERA up to 5.12, I will never draft you again or any Rockies pitcher. I should’ve learned my lesson from Jon Gray last year! (Though, he’s been okay this year — shut up, Contrary Grey!) In my deeper leagues, where I have no choice, I’ll still be sadly starting Marquez in away games. *sees his next start is in Yankee Stadium* Lowercase yay! He might be Deutschland but I’m Dunceland for owning him. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
At least one of you is reading this with a bandaged thumb from a fireworks mishap. I had a Cousin Pete (Italian side of the family) who lost the tip of his thumb on the 4th, but rather than stop the festivities, he taped the tip of a hot dog on his thumb to act as a tourniquet for the rest of the 4th, so we could all go about our fun-having business. I suggested my Cugino make a PSA about hot dog tourniquets, but I was turned away by NBC Cares. Let us bow our heads and pray that if anyone loses a finger, may there be a proper-sized hot dog nearby. Okay…*claps hands* Play ball! Yesterday, Matthew Boyd went 5 1/3 IP, 4 ER, 9 baserunners (zero walks), 13 Ks, ERA at 3.87. Flavor Flav secures his giant clock to his chest with one hand and pumps his fist with his other hand, “Yeah Boyd!” Boyd was the 1st pitcher with less than 6 IP, zero walks and 13 or more Ks. You kinda have to get hit around a bit to have that record, but, damn, that’s impressive. Let’s hear it for the Boyd, let’s hear it for the…MATT! See what I did there? No one saw that coming! Not a soul! Boyd is one of the few guys in the entire major leagues who is pitching better than his ERA would indicate. I’m kidding, everyone’s ERA is crap! But Boyd’s been very special — 11.9 K/9, 1.7 BB/9, 3.33 xFIP — and is looking like a solid number two with upside. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Jordan Hicks sounds headed for Tommy John surgery with a torn UCL. This sucks; don’t get me wrong, but it’s amazing all the people shocked by this news just because the Cardinals said on Sunday it wasn’t serious. I wish I could be that uncynical. I wish I could see the birds chirping and not a bird nagging another bird to take out the trash, or see the flowers and not think, “I wonder who’s buried under there,” but alas…So, with Jordan Hicks out for the next 14-18 months, who will close? Carlos Martinez has the makings of a two-inning closer, I guess, but, man or five women, it seems super dumb to continue Carlos Martinez down the closer route. Don’t they want him to start again at some point? John Gant’s been great until he defecated the sheet out of my fantasy bed on Sunday. He might still get some looks. Then there’s wild cards, Andrew Miller (if he were great like years past; he’s no brainer) and Tyler Webb, who is only in discussion because he got one save look the game where Hicks was hurt. I’d go C-Mart and Gant at 55% vs. 42% chance and everyone else at 3%. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
I wanna start off by saying “Namaste” to Yusei Kikuchi. That guy was my headliner last week and he completely blew what was an otherwise great article. Our other five recommendations included guys like Lance Lynn, Michael Pineda, Zach Plesac, Joe Musgrove and Chris Bassitt. All of those pitchers did really well but stupid Kikuchi crapped on my week! Why did I ever trust that guy? Anyway, we’re going to build off of the positives and give you some more great streamers this week!Please, blog, may I have some more?
Seeing Zac Gallen called up and I’m reminded of me doing karaoke. Picture, if you will, the song Tequila playing and me just holding a mic, dancing. Now imagine I’m surrounded by multiple Mickey Rourkes feeding strawberries to multiple Kim Basingers, because this scene is filled with eroticism like you’ve never witnessed before. It’s taboo filled with self-sacrifice, transgression is in the air while being dominated by a song with only one word. I’m alive for the first time! Now, watch Gallen get trounced by the sissy AF Cardinals. Okay, I’ve been telling you to pick up Gallen for about a month. On our Prospectonator, he’s the 4th best rookie pitcher, which translates to him possibly being the rookie pitcher of the year. Think Chris Paddack. Fo’realsies. Prospect Mike just gave you his Zac Gallen fantasy, and I’d just go there and read that to find out what kind of pitcher he is, because that’s what I did. He had lefties hitting .127 off him? I mean, are you kidding? Seriously, is this a joke? Do you want me to faint while I am entertaining a room full of drunk people with Tequila? Do you?! I didn’t think so. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?