Happy Saturday DFSers! With any luck we can make your weekend a little better by landing you some cash. We’ve got a nine game main slate tonight and it’ll take some pants cantaloupes to go with my top pitching recommendation, German Marquez ($7,600). I hear you, I even cut bait with Marquez in a couple of shallow redrafts after his 11 run debacle against the Giants. Since then though, he’s rocked a 3.27 ERA, which is like a 1.57 ERA in today’s juiced ball era, and struck out 35 in 33. That included shutting down the Dodgers in Coors. Follow my logic here, if he can go 6 IP, 0 ER, 10 Ks vs. LA, the Mehlins should net him 9 IP, 0 ER and 30 Ks…yup, that math checks out! In all seriousness, the Marlins have the lowest team OPS in the bigs by a long shot and I don’t even think Coors can help them. They are middle of the pack in team strikeouts but I think Marquez should be able to realistically hit 8+ here tonight. Plus, the price is fantastic! So, let’s go fishing and haul in some winning GPP lineups, shall we?
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You know how you bought that prosthetic pierced nipple in college? Then, one day, you were at a strong-in-energy kegger and everyone was screaming for you to jump in the pool, but you knew there was a 99% chance your prosthetic pierced nipple would come off and everyone would know you’re a fraud? But you jumped in anyway, and your prosthetic pierced nipple floated away, but, to your surprise, everyone liked you still, without the prosthetic pierced nipple. Lucas Giolito is your tan-lined nipple without the prosthetic piercing. He may get hit around occasionally, he might not always get Ks, but, at the end of the day, Lucas Giolito (6 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 13 Ks, ERA at 3.42) is a great, bare-nippled pitcher. His 11.3 K/9, 3.2 BB/9, 3.35 FIP tell me next year he’s going to be a sneaky top 15 starter in 2020, who is forgotten like a prosthetic pierced nipple. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
Stan Bush? Give me that beat! You got the Tauchman! You got the power! Yeah! You’ve never walked, you’ve never run! You’re a winner! (Though some may say running and walking aren’t bad for baseball.) You got the moves, you got the streets (not as important in baseball)! Break the rules (well, Barry Bonds had some success with this)! You’re nobody’s fool! Yeah! You’re at your best when the going gets rough! (This is true since the Yanks had some injuries and needed Mike Tauchman to step up.) You’ve been put to the test, but it’s never enough! (That’s less true; we appreciate you here, Tauchman). You got the Tauchman! You got the power! It’s all true! So, Mike Tauchman (2-for-4, 2 RBIs, hitting .299) hit another home run last night, his 10th, that’s in 60 games. And he stole a bag, his 4th! He now has three homers in two games, and four homers in the last week. I grabbed him in multiple leagues, because who doesn’t love dongs! Not this redblooded American! Hoo-rah, I got the Tauch!
Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
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MLB teams were whistling 50 Ways To Leave Your Lover yesterday:
Just slip out the back, Zac, make a new plan, Tanner,
Don’t need to be coy, Greek God of Hard Contact, just listen to me,
Hop on the bus, Jesus, don’t need to discuss much,
Just drop off the key, Greinke, and get yourself free.
The deadline seemed to be lulling people to sleep, then the Diamondbacks stepped up and decided they were contenders, be-bopping Jazz Chisholm to the Marlins for Zac Gallen. But it turned out they were Indiana Jones, when he would replace an ancient artifact with a sand bag by switching one Zack with another Zac, so the booby trap wouldn’t expose them to trouble. See, and I always thought the idea of the outfield hot tub was to expose booby traps. Incredibly, the Cardinals announced the Zack Greinke to Astros deal hours before the Diamondbacks. The Astros rotation is now, as they would’ve said in the 20’s, bona fide. In good spirits, Justin Verlander tweeted out, “As long as we don’t get Bauer, we good.” I hear that, JV. I don’t trust home/away splits much at all, unless it’s Coors vs. non-Coors, but, if you must know 2.96 home ERA vs. 2.80 away. Usually it’s the inverse, but Greinke is a 15-year vet; you really think he’s going to pitch that differently in Houston? The answer you’re looking for is no. He’s a control artist whiz like you’d want from your child when they’re doing the pee-pee dance. Speaking of which, did every team relieve themselves of their relievers? Let’s find out! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
The Astros got two great starts this weekend from two guys who weren’t in the conversation until recently. On Saturday, Jose Urquidy went 7 IP, 1 ER, 2 hits, zero walks, 9 Ks, ERA at 5.54. He made my pants up-jump-the-boogie a little from his pitching. I expect multiple roofies from him still, but Urquidy is […]
“Alexa, for Amazon Prime Day can you order me Clorox? Thank you, Alexa. Now can you order me clips to hold my mouth and eyes open? Thanks, Alexa! Now can you order me a large man to pour the bleach into my mouth and eyes while shoving me into my oven? Oh, and Alexa, if you can get German Marquez to do it, that would be so appropriate!” German yesterday? Guten tagged! Here’s a visual metaphor for you: A German U-boat filled with men, one toilet and only Taco Bell to eat for a blitzkrieg of runs. Marquez is driving me insane but he is not an Uber ally, because he is dead to me. Goodbye, Nazi In Exile, enjoy your long walks along the Chilean coast and your alpaca farm where you shave little German helmets on your animals. After 2 2/3 IP, 11 ER, ERA up to 5.12, I will never draft you again or any Rockies pitcher. I should’ve learned my lesson from Jon Gray last year! (Though, he’s been okay this year — shut up, Contrary Grey!) In my deeper leagues, where I have no choice, I’ll still be sadly starting Marquez in away games. *sees his next start is in Yankee Stadium* Lowercase yay! He might be Deutschland but I’m Dunceland for owning him. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Donkey Teeth and I have profiled everyone in this grouping, except Kershaw, at some point or another on the podcast. If you want some detailed profiles, go check out those various episodes. Outside of the first week of the season, this is the toughest week to figure out the 2 start pitchers. There’s a lot of educated guessing in here, and hopefully, it helps your preparation. The table at the bottom may end up being more helpful once more starters are announced Monday and Tuesday. Nothing more here, start these guys.
Welcome, prematurely balding men and five women who are married to PBMs and decided if you can’t beat them, join them! Make yourself comfortable, this is gonna be a long post. Here, enjoy some coffee. Oops, you just drank rat poison. I should’ve used different mugs. Don’t worry, it can’t be worse than owning Giancarlo Stanton in the 1st half. Oh, you owned him, and that’s why you drank the poison! Now, I’m following! Hey, I’m supposed to be leading! Before we get into the top 100 for the 2nd half of 2019 fantasy baseball, let’s just be glad our 18-year-old selves can’t see us now, we’d get beat up! But our twelve-year-old selves would think we’re the coolest! So, as with all of the other 2019 fantasy baseball rankings, take this list with a grain of salt. If you need a 2nd baseman, but an outfielder is above him that doesn’t mean you can’t trade that outfielder for that 2nd baseman. Also, things change in fantasy baseball. Daily. I could put Cody Bellinger number three on the top 100 list for the second half of 2019 and he could pull a–Well, we won’t even mention an injury with Bellinger. Why soil a good thing, ya know? This list is a road map for where I think guys are valued. It’s not the Holy Grail in the Church of Grey, that would be my mustache. This list is NOT (caps for emphasis, not aesthetics) where I see guys ending up if you were to take their first half and combine it with the 2nd half. This is simply a list of the top hundred fantasy baseball players if you were to pick them up today. So while Aaron Judge did not have the greatest first half, he will appear on this list because, well, we have to believe in miracles — my 12-year-old self would want that, and to sleep with Cher. The projections are not their combined 1st half and 2nd half numbers; these are their projections for the 2nd half of 2019. I also liberally used our rest of the season Fantasy Baseball Player Rater. That’s right, we have a Player Rater that tells you what players will do. It’s like that camera from The Twilight Zone. Welcome to the future! Anyway, here’s the top 100 for fantasy baseball for the 2nd half of 2019:
*nervous finger tap* How many days without baseball? So, I can close my fantasy baseball team browser window without missing anything? Okay. *throws computer out window* What? Was there another way to close my fantasy team page? I hadn’t in so long I forgot. What do you mean I can go outside without worrying about missing anything in baseball? But there’s real people out there! I’m staying right here, thank you very much! So, we’re headed to the break, and it couldn’t have come at a worst time for Jack Flaherty (7 IP, 1 ER, 3 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 4.64). Let him pitch again tomorrow, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday or until his ERA is under 4! Also, can he pitch against the Giants for all of those? Even if Alex Dickerson is as strong a cleanup man as you can find (in any Division II school’s lineup). Flaherty’s peripherals (9.9 K/9, 3 BB/9, 4.07 xFIP) aren’t exactly whistling Dixie; they’re closer to ‘fixing dinner from stuff found on the floor of a Winn-Dixie.’ “Toomgis hate Winn-Dixie. Their bath salts are lame.” I know, Toomgis, I know. Flaherty won’t appear in the top 100 for the 2nd half that’s coming tomorrow, but at least he’s headed to the break looking better than he has all year, even if it was vs. the Aints. By the way, I hear the Orioles are going to pitch on Monday to stay in game shape. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
I’m back from vacation and ready for another week of madness with Grey Albright Fantasy Master Lothario. Lots of news with the All-Star Break approaching and we hit on all of it. We touch briefly on the London games, learn that Grey doesn’t watch “normal tv”, always bets the over, and doesn’t understand the overseas scheduling. We try to make sense of the Red Sox bullpen. Discuss Brendan McKay’s debut and his value going forward. Name some possible second half bounce backs, hit on some breakout second baseman, and touch on what to expect from Dylan Cease. But the show culminates in the unveiling of the Sogard Cycle, a new tool to predict the five to six weeks of hit hitting from The Accountant each season. It’s the Razzball Fantasy Podcast.