DBacks Call Up CC Thebatthia

Just yesterday, Prospect Itch featured Corbin Carroll as the number one prospect to stash, and now he’s called up. Maybe Itch can make things happen with his words, which is why I’m worried when he talks about locking me in the trunk of a car and driving me into the desert. Also, driving into the desert is Corbin Carroll! Hashtag nailed it! He’s not looking for holes though, and he’s got no holes in his swing. He was also number one on Itch’s Top 25 for Dynasty Leagues. I don’t know if Gunnar Henderson is called up this year, my guess is no, but I wasn’t sure on Corbin Carroll either. I did give you a buy on him about six weeks ago, where I said, “Corbin Carroll has to be on the short list of 2023 ROY candidates if he stays down. Yeah, yeah, keyword: Short. Hardy har har! You tall guys think you’re so cool! ‘Hey, look at me, I can get cereal down without standing on a chair!’ Aren’t you fantastic?! Sounding like an alien who is just discovering old HBO shows, Corbin Carroll is under six feet. Much like Mookie Betts with both power, speed and average. He is the total package like Paul Orndorff.” And that’s me quoting me! I grabbed him in my shallowest league, and I would grab him in any league.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Stone Garrett – 1-for-3 and his 1st homer. It’s Stone fruit season and that can only mean one thing! Grey’s making plum tarts and rocking Stone Garrett in only his NL-Only leagues.

Yoan Moncada – Hit the IL with hamstring strain. He said in the preseason he wanted to steal 30 bags this year. How close did he get? Hmm…he didn’t attempt one steal, so only 30 short. That’s not bad.

Dylan Cease – 8 IP, 2 ER, 3 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 2.27. Cease deserves a better offense, getting him wins. Okay, no, he doesn’t. I don’t know what he deserves. But me, as a Cease owner, I deserve wins! I know what I deserve and it’s wins!

Rich Hill – 7 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 11 Ks, ERA at 4.32. For one last night, Dick Mountain strapped on what made Dick Mountain into Dick Mountain. *Cancel Police knock my door off its hinges* What?! I’ll change the word strapped! I’ll change it!

Jarren Duran – Optioned to Triple-A. He seems like he’s missing some players’ most elusive muscle, the one between a player’s ears, the muscle that weighs eight pounds, according to Jonathan Lipnicki.

Trevor Story – Activated from the IL on Saturday, and didn’t play on Sunday. Smart, he must’ve been exhausted after playing one game in six weeks. Gotta keep him fresh!

J.D. Martinez – 1-for-4 and his 10th homer, and his 1st homer since July 11th. Was J.D. Martinez standing on 2nd base when he hit this homer? Did he hit a pop-up to the 2nd baseman and the ball bounced off his head and went 275 feet over the Monster? Is J.D. Martinez allowed to use an aluminum bat? I got questions, y’all!

Tommy Pham – 2-for-5 and his 15th homer. He must’ve been fired up because Rudy’s fantasy football tools are now open for business!

Franchy Cordero – 1-for-2 and his 4th homer in six games. That’s a lot of Franchy flies! Hot schmotato alert!

Isaac Paredes – 2-for-2, 3 runs, 3 RBIs and his 17th and 18th homer. Left last week as a schmotato, and, like Ethel Merman, love to see Paredes still going.

Eduardo Escobar – 0-for-0, as he was activated. Is expected to split time with Baty and my head is splitting time between shaking right and left and sighing. Hopefully, Baty keeps starting, but I am absolutely like an air conditioner on the set of West Side Story, and cooling my jets.

German Marquez – 7 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 2 walks, 5 Ks, ERA at 4.97. Ironically, Marquez not pitching like a turd in Flushing.

Garrett Mitchell – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs as he was called up by the Brewers. Here’s what Itch has said previously, “Mitchell is a wide receiver type talent at 6’3” 215 lbs, and he’s smooth in pretty much everything he does on the field, which is kind of the problem in the batters box, where the lefty lacks torque. Not terrible when you consider Grey lacks everything.” Okay, not nice. What isn’t mentioned there, in the top 60 outfielder prospects, is Mitchell is a burner. If he’s getting playing time (big if), he could steal 10 bags in the final month.

Christian Yelich – 3-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 11th homer, and his 2nd homer in as many games. First, J.D. Martinez hits a home run for the first time since 2017, and now Yelich isn’t asking any more, “What do you mean I shouldn’t try to hit the pitch like I’m swinging a sledgehammer?”

Kolten Wong – 3-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 10th homer, and 2nd homer in as many games. Brewers face terrible pitching; Brewers hit terrible pitching. What a novelty!

Franmil Reyes – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 12th homer. The $54 Vending Machine Steak can’t not eat!

Nico Hoerner – 3-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 8th homer. I’m gonna write a 2023 sleeper for him, and I already know I’m gonna get so burned. It’s just so obvious I shouldn’t, yet I can’t help myself.

Alek Manoah – 7 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 2.60. I used to compare Manoah to Lance Lynn last year, but he’s outgrown that comparison. On the Angels’ broadcast, they were comparing him to Roger Clemens, and, ya know what, I can see it.

Luis Rengifo – 2-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 10th homer, hitting .268. Went from uninterested in Rengifo to calling him just a hot schmotato to now I’m in the third stage, where I start to worry I’m going to be excited for him next year and get absolutely hosed. By the by, Son just went over his Luis Rengifo fantasy.

Mike Trout – 2-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 28th homer. This year feels like a solid bet for what projections in 2023 will look like from Mike Trout: 100-110 games, 32 HRs, .270. Tad bit better than Giancarlo, but I can’t imagine a top 25 overall pick for Trout next year. Maybe around 40-50 overall.

Shohei Ohtani – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 28th homer, hitting .265. Yeah, but only threw seven shutout innings with nine Ks on Saturday, so, ya know, whatevs.

Sandy Alcantara – 9 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 2.13. Not only did he cinch up the Cy Young with this performance, but he’s being awarded last year’s Cy Young too. Sorry, Corbin Burnes, please send it to Sandy. And insure the package. You have to pay for shipping because you won it. Yes, I’m sorry.

Brian Anderson – 1-for-2 and his 6th homer, and 2nd homer in five games, and the bare minimum of schmotatoes.

Edward Cabrera – 5 2/3 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 2.45. He was one out from a Quality Start, but instead I’m making tissues wet with my tears.

Julio Urias – 6 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners (4 BBs), 7 Ks, ERA at 2.32. Even though it sounds appropriate to shitcan Urias, I’d love to report that his peripherals look great, and I was wrong. Well, maybe not love to report, but I still see a guy who is over-performing by a lot with a declining velocity.

Trayce Thompson – 1-for-4, 2 runs and his 7th homer, and third homer in his last four games, but the Dodgers have played, like, six times since. Tracy Letts is a great playwright, Trayce lets-not-fool-ourselves is a platoon guy for daily leagues.

Mookie Betts – 3-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 31st homer, and 4th homer in three games. Mookie Best!

Stuart Fairchild – 1-for-2 and hs 3rd homer, and 2nd homer in the last three games. Fun fact! Stuart Fairchild was great on Knots Landing, and should’ve won an Emmy.

Nick Lodolo – 7 IP, 3 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 4.30. Some days it’s YOLO, yesterday is was vs. the Nats so it was LodoLOL.

Justin Verlander – Pulled after 60 pitches due to calf discomfort. That’s code for, “Astros don’t want to push Verlander so they’re, like, ‘Yeah, homey, how about we phantom injury your calf and give you an impossible Wordle to solve on the bench for ten days?” I had Alan Turing break their code. Ever since Cheaty Cheaty Bang Bang, their codes are much harder.

Rafael Montero – 1 IP, 1 ER, ERA at 2.68, as he got the save by the skin of his teeth. Haven’t used this term in a while, but I get the sense Montero is a Cuddle Boy.

Alex Bregman – 1-for-2, 2 runs, and his 20th homer. He went hitless on Saturday, taking a bagel vs. Mt. Sinai, Dean Kremer, but on Sunday, he was lox in vs. the Goy Boy.

Austin Voth – 6 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 4.48. He’s slightly a positive on the Streamonator for his next start, and I’m gonna strongly consider rocking the Voth!

Ty France – 2-for-3 and his 15th homer. Haha, just tell me who you want to me to get going by saying they’re a drop. I’ll take bribes, as well. Highest bidder wants me to say drop Fernando Tatis Jr.? Then he will have his suspension overturned and return immediately. Just gotta believe in the reverse jinx.

Dallas Keuchel – 5 1/3 IP, 7 ER, ERA at 8.84, as he was called up by the Rangers, so now they never have to answer what city they play near, they can just point. Time-saving!

Corey Seager – 2-for-4, 3 runs, 3 RBIs and his 27th and 28th homer. Trying to get Seager next year is gonna be a Shakedown, breakdown, takedown.

Kole Calhoun – 1-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 12th homer. He’s done nothing of note recently, but I’ve never seen him homer once and go away, so more are incoming.

Nathaniel Lowe – 2-for-5 and his 22nd homer, and his 5th homer this week, and was on top of the 7-day Player Rater as of this writing. Went from Nate to Nathaniel and got so much better, I say extend it to Nathanielly and see if he can do even better.

Jeimer Candelario – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 12th homer, and 2nd homer in the last two games. Hot schmotato alert!

Kyle Gibson – 7 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 4.08. This was a no-brainer Streamonator call, and his next one is not, so give him a bye-bye wave.

Noah Syndergaard – 5 2/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 3.98. Is anyone else talking about how garbagey Syndergaard is this year? Now I’m doubting my own memory, he was good at one time, right?

Brandon Marsh – Activated from the IL, and didn’t play on Sunday. I say, “Marsh swamp me in steals,” as I move him from my IL slot to activated in my deepest NL-Only league where I’ve been out of since May. See, I still manage my teams. You might’ve heard my rant to start my last podcast about supposed ‘perts who haven’t checked their team since June. Shizz is such a joke, and they’re out giving advice still, while doing nothing with their teams.

Roansy Contreras – 5 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.57. Roansy on another team: Top 15 overall starter with a 2.20 ERA. Someone ‘Sliding Doors’ Roansy and Cruz off the Pirates.

Dany Jimenez – Hit the IL with a shoulder injury. That means the new A’s closer is…*tears open envelope*…La La Land! Wait, I’m sorry, it says committee of Zach Jackson and A.J. Puk (1 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 2.53), who got yesterday’s save, his 3rd.

Adam Oller – 8 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 1 walk, 3 Ks, ERA at 5.66. Oller if you saw that one coming.

Aroldis Chapman – Hit the IL with a leg infection he got from a tattoo. Good news from Aroldis Chapman is the infection is healing and he hopes to back on the mound soon, getting only his pitches tattooed. Clay Holmes will be the closer when he returns in the next day or so.

Mike Soroka – Struck out three in his 2nd rehab start that lasted 4 2/3 IP…*in a much quieter voice*…and allowed three walks and four earned. Honestly, not sure what people are expecting from Soroka, but getting a lot of questions about him, and I would not be stashing him in any league, outside of NL-Only.

Tommy Edman – 1-for-3 and his 10th homer. Fine! I will try it! Fernando Tatis Jr. is…droppable! *lightning strikes* Oh my God!

Lars Nootbaar – 1-for-3, 2 runs and his 9th homer. Lars Nootbaar cannot be stopped, only contained by a biodegradable wrapper.

Sonny Gray – 5 IP, 1 ER, 1 hit, 4 walks, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.04 vs. Alex Cobb – 5 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.81. This matchup was billed as Gray/Cobb, which is me scrolling thru CornTok.

Hunter Dozier – 4-for-6, 3 runs and his 3rd and 4th steal. Earlier this year, Dozier had a baby, and that baby’s name is Jon Berti.

Salvador Perez – 3-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 18th homer. I don’t want to admit to being on a bus to Horntown for a catcher, but if Perez is discounted next year to around 150th overall, I could see getting in on him. Unlikely though, I’m guessing closer to an ADP of 75-100.

Manny Machado – 4-for-5, 3 runs, 4 RBIs and his 23rd and 24th homer. Macho, macho, macho, macho Manny! Player Rater updates after midnight, so I’m not sure where he’ll be when we all wake from our lovely slumber, where I went through your pockets when you slept, but Machado is likely a top 10 overall guy with only 24 homers. Speaking of only 24 homers…

Juan Soto – 1-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 24th homer. Sexy Dr. Pepper needs to do some true introspection into what it means to be a sexy can of Dr. Pepper, because this year has been like a can of Shasta left open on the dashboard of a car while it got hot and fizzy-less.

Nick Martinez – 1 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 3.07, and his 6th save, and back-to-back saves for the Padres. Padres have the most boring-sounding closers, Nick Martinez and Luis Garcia. Was reliever, John Doe, not available? Juan Doe? One guy who it definitely is not in the 9th is Josh Hader (1/3 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 6.52). No one has gone from Milwaukee to SoCal with worst results since Fonzie jumped the shark.