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Happy Monday, Razzball faithful! For this week’s installment of Top 100 Starting Pitchers, I decided to give us all a peek into the darkness that is “The Next 100”. The shadowy realm of the next 100 starting pitchers isn’t nearly as deep of an abyss as the one that houses the pitchers that follow these […]

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Winter Meetings? More like Snoozy Meetings! We need more action, which is why I bring you my proposal: Trades are now made with a pitch clock! “Hey, welcome to the Nashville Ramada, the Padres will be discussing Juan Soto trades in the Beige conference room that smells like sausage and onions from last night’s wedding that took place there. Padres will be fielding offers for thirty seconds from each team. Pirates, I see you getting ready to offer one of your two catcher prospects. Don’t do it. No one wants a catcher. Okay, good luck and may the best team named the New York Yankees win!” That’s Rob Manfred adding excitement into the Winter Meetings.

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I’ll get to Jose Altuve, but, damn, the Astros were like, “Oh, yeah, Rangers, you’re going to challenge us for the division? That’s what you’re going to do?” Mean’s while, Mariners are like, “Hey, what about us?” Okay, now the lede: Jose Altuve did what? Three homers in three innings? Finishing with: 3-for-5, and his 13th, 14th, and 15th homer, which he hit in the 1st, 2nd and 3rd inning. Mark Whiten must’ve been sweating! I know this is about fantasy, but he’s a first ballot Hall of Famer. I’m not a denier of the Cheaty Cheaty Bang Bang Scandal. I am not an ostrich. But cmon. Has he been cheating every year of his career? Fine, wanna dock him one year for cheating? Do whatever you want, but he’s a Hall of Famer. I’m not just saying this because we’re the same height. Fine! It is that reason! Us Short Kings get one guy every 20 years, let us have Altuve! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

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Matt Olson wasted no time starting Atlanta’s rout of the Marlins on Friday night with a soaring 424-foot two-run bomb in the first inning to put his team ahead 3-0. The Braves never looked back, and Olson’s teammates did their best to match Matt’s power stroke, “Oh, we’re really doing this are we?” That was […]

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Ah…you smell that? That’s the inevitable runs that Aaron Nola (7 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 3 walks, ERA at 4.30. ) gives up every game, but as unearned. Smells so nice. Can we bottle that? Wait, I have something else for you to smell. No, not that! Don’t pull Eduardo Rodriguez’s finger! I’m talking about this…*takes a long, deep inhale* “Did you put rose petals on top of doggie doo?” Ah, yes! Trea Turner‘s game yesterday (4-for-5, 3 runs, 3 RBIs) on top of his season-long “Everyone, check your sneakers because someone dragged in an odor, and it wasn’t Rougned.” With that odor lingering, it’s a bad time to shut the Buy Low Window, too. June’s Kyle Schwarber’s month, but Treat Urner is the type to go from zero to 100 in the matter of one game. As we saw in the WBC, he can hit 12 homers in two weeks, and get his average up fifty points in the snap of a middle and thumb. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

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The easiest thing you can do is put together an incredible fantasy pitching staff with only pitchers you drafted after 200 overall. It’s not just in hindsight. You could’ve blindly grabbed guys after 200. It’s easier to put together a staff after 200th overall draft than from the top 20 starters. Jon Gray? Don’t mind if I do! Patrick Sandoval? Sure! Sonny Gray? Okay! Andrew Heaney? Sure, I’ll take the occasional blow up! Hunter Brown? Why not? Jose Berrios? Yes. Nathan Eovaldi? Absolutely. Alex Cobb? Yes. Martin Perez? I’ve seen worse. Merrill Kelly? Absolutely. Marcus Stroman? He just threw one-hitter vs. the Rays and has a 2.59 ERA. (He added in 8 Ks in that one-hitter with one walk too.) Know how I chose those eleven starters after 200th overall? I went to the ADP of 200 overall and took 11 of the next 14 starters from 200 overall to 268. 11 of the 14 starters after pick 200 are doing great. 11 of 14! On the other hand, five of the top 10 starters overall are garbage! DeGrom, Nola, Woodruff, Verlander, and Sandy. Your mileage can vary with Gerrit, Burnes and Strider, but let’s say they were worth it. After the top 10? The next three were Scherzer, Cease and Bieber. Wow! It makes so much sense to draft starters high I cannot take it. I am brimming with sarcasm, if you can’t tell. 11 of 14 starters after 200 overall were solid; five of the top 10 are iffy at best. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

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Hey, what’s this red thing? *touches flame* Ow! Brandon Pfaadt! Hey, what’s this yellow part of the flame? *touches fire again* Ow! Gavin Stone! Hey what’s giant inferno? *touches a building that’s on fire* Ow! Drey Jameson! Hey what’s this flaming hot ball? *touches the sun* Ow! Grayson Rodriguez! *steps on a rake labeled Tanner Bibee and falls into fiery pit* Ahhhhhhhhh noooooooo I just wanted to pick up Eury Perez! So, guess what, we have a new rookie pitcher to make you want to rip your eyes out. Here’s what I said previously about this new Marlins’ call-up, “Eury Perez for 2023 fantasy baseball is going to come down to when Eury Perez debuts for the Marlins. Once he debuts, he’s going to be the top FAAB guy that week and he’s going to be a game-changer for all mixed leagues. Wanna know some numbers to make you drool a little? Okay, let’s do it: In 17 starts, he threw a 12.7 K/9 at Double-A. His command was at a 3 even, but he’s got 70-grade command, so, yeah, we could see a 12 K/9 and a 2.2 BB/9 in the majors. Ya know, just your standard run-of-the-mill ace. You can’t hit a 97 MPH fastball coming off a 87 MPH change and vice versa. It’s just not happening if my man’s tunneling, and, yeah, he could be a future Hall of Famer.” And that’s me quoting me!  He might be booted when Trevor Rogers returns, but I would grab him everywhere, just in case he sticks. I’m a moth and these rookie pitchers are my flame! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

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Braves announced that Raisel Iglesias has a low-grade shoulder inflammation, and Orlando Arcia will fill-in. Wait, that’s wrong. That’s the next Braves news. This is the third time in Raisel’s career he’s missed time with shoulder issues, but it’s been about seven years since the last time. He won’t throw for a week, then will see where he’s at. To see where he’s at, put your hands together in prayer. Okay, that’s Iglesias, and here’s the steeple. Now, crack them slightly, and that’s the people picking up A.J. Minter. Now turn your hands inside out and that’s the people getting *ucked once again drafting a closer high. Where’s all my genius-brained people who told you to draft closers high? Are they now pretending like this is a fluke and not that closers are easily the most fickle position? It won’t show up in end-of-the-season rankings, but remember I told you not to draft Edwin Diaz and Raisel Iglesias in the first five rounds. That was other people, who will do the same thing again next year. And the year after. Don’t worry, some brain geniuses are still drafting a guy who had, like, 12.00 ERA last 2nd half. Josh Hader is great, don’t you know? Any hoo! The 2023 fantasy baseball rankings are up to date, and the top 500 for 2023 fantasy baseball was updated for Iglesias, Minter, and Joe Jimenez (and others I will get to in this post). My guess is they’re in that order to replace Iglesias. For how long? I haven’t the foggiest. I’d guess a month, but you shouldn’t have drafted Iglesias anyway. Here’s the Fantasy Baseball War Room too, and good luck in weekend drafts! I will be in Vegas for the Main Event. I will be fighting Donkey Teeth. I mean, drafting with him. Anyway, here’s what else I saw in spring training for 2023 fantasy baseball:

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