Ah…you smell that? That’s the inevitable runs that Aaron Nola (7 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 3 walks, ERA at 4.30. ) gives up every game, but as unearned. Smells so nice. Can we bottle that? Wait, I have something else for you to smell. No, not that! Don’t pull Eduardo Rodriguez’s finger! I’m talking about this…*takes a long, deep inhale* “Did you put rose petals on top of doggie doo?” Ah, yes! Trea Turner‘s game yesterday (4-for-5, 3 runs, 3 RBIs) on top of his season-long “Everyone, check your sneakers because someone dragged in an odor, and it wasn’t Rougned.” With that odor lingering, it’s a bad time to shut the Buy Low Window, too. June’s Kyle Schwarber’s month, but Treat Urner is the type to go from zero to 100 in the matter of one game. As we saw in the WBC, he can hit 12 homers in two weeks, and get his average up fifty points in the snap of a middle and thumb. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Mike Soroka – Optioned to Triple-A. Soroka’s served best a day before he returns from his latest Achilles injury. The world shucked before him, dining on that oyster. This is excellent news for my AJ Smith-Shawver fantasy. Best news for ASS since Sir Mix-A-Lot. An emoji seeing this news standing on the floor of the Chicago Mercantile Exchange screaming, “BUY! BUY! BUY!”
Andrew Abbott – 6 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 4 walks, 6 Ks, as he was called up, and Dumb Bell threw him for 105 pitches, more than he’s ever thrown in his career. Here’s what I said yesterday, “Hey, Abbott!!! has big-time strikeouts and zero command, which tells me he’s going to get crushed in Great American Smallpark, which means he’ll be the top starter call-up this year, because I have reverse jinxed him. Up being down, black being white, Mick being Foley. 90 Ks in 54 MiLB IP this year is reason to pick him up. He could get absolutely crushed though.” And that’s me quoting me! I wouldn’t have copied and pasted it if I wasn’t reaffirmed by everything I saw. He had no idea where the ball was going most of the time, and the Brewers are susceptible to lefties. It was a solid start, but I’d still be pretty nervous.
Tyler Stephenson – 1-for-3 and his 3rd homer. Thought he retired two years ago, so it’s nice to see him again.
Julio Teheran – 6 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 1.56. Not saying he will be better than Abbott. Definitely less upside, but he’s safer than Abbott.
Luis Urias – 0-for-3 as he was activated from the IL. Excited about the Braves’ ASS, and Urias is back. Who else you got, MLB? Anal De Los Buggero? Kinda interested in seeing what Urias’s return means with Owen Miller, but he hit leadoff last night, so that’s good news for now. Yesterday, Turang was benched. Could see that taking hold if Miller keeps hitting.
Omar Narvaez – Activated from the IL. Ah, nice, a reason for Buck to bench Alvarez. Prospblocking is just fantastic.
Trevor Rogers – Looked good in a rehab start in Jacksonville. Go Jacksonville Rogs! This is likely going to be the end of Eury very soon. He just can’t throw that many innings.
Braxton Garrett – 5 IP, 4 ER, 6 hits, zero walks, 6 Ks, ERA at 4.47. This guy goes from Bucko to Banzai to Hey *ucko with the quickness. Hey, Braxton, be good or not good, don’t be good-not-good-good-not-good. That’s not good. Though, I guess yesterday, he got the win, so that makes the line good-not-good-good. Streamonator hates his next start, and now I’m scurred.
Bryan De La Cruz – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 8th homer, hitting .300. I’ve taken to calling De La Cruz by his given (in my head) name, Elly.
Luis Arraez – 3-for-4, 1 run, 2 RBIs, hitting .399. *tapes twelve 12-inch rulers together to make a 12-foot-long ruler, sticks it into a window and pokes Ted Williams’s frozen head* Hey, Ted, you might wanna see this.
Nick Pratto – 2-for-5, 2 runs and his 4th homer, hitting .298. I’ve mentioned this before, but when Pratto was called up last year, everyone was like, “I’m humping a street lamp I love him so much!” Now people are like, “Meh, whatever. So, he’s hitting leadoff and .300, who cares?”
Johan Oviedo – 7 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 4.29. I have Oviedo in one deeper league, but that league is in a tailspin while listening to Desperado as Lance Lynn and Alek Manoah ride it wet and send it to hell, so I wouldn’t even look at Streamonator for Oviedo in shallower leagues.
Martin Perez – 7 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.97. Mar-teen is press-teen, whenever I look at him, but somehow his ERA is kinda meh, so–Wait, ever pitcher has a 4.00 ERA.
Trevor Story – Could return as a DH vs. playing infield. Have the Red Sox considered bubble wrap?
Christian Arroyo – 1-for-2 as he was activated from the IL. It’s no longer Showtime for Enmanuel. Too bad, because there’s no more Cinemax either.
Raimel Tapia – Designated for assignment. Red Sox are sneakily one of the worst run teams of the last five years.
Brayan Bello – 6 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.97. Seemed to be headed for a much worse sonavabench, so glad it was softened a bit by some well-placed singles. Get a load of this though, I told BDon before recording the pod yesterday that I benched Bello, then, during the show, he specifically said of Bello’s start, “Was nice if you had the guts to start him.” Guts! Can you believe that?
Justin Turner – 1-for-3 and his 7th homer. Elias Sports Bureau said, “With Justin Turner, the Sox match the carpet.”
Shane McClanahan – 6 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 2.02. Ya know what’s kinda interesting (depending on your definition of interesting), once a guy has a season like McClanahanananananan did last year, and follows it with this year, he’s a top ten starter for the rest of his career, unless he gets injured. Think Scherzer a decade ago, i.e., if you anticipate yourself going into a multi-year coma, McClanahanananananan is a solid keeper.
Brandon Lowe – Hit the IL with his usual Lowe back inflammation. This will likely knock him out for way longer than you’d think. Take Cal Ripken Jr. and subtract Cal Ripken Jr. and you have Brandon Lowe with back issues.
Blake Snell – 6 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 4.06. He is truly remarkable in his lack of pitch economy. Kyle Hendricks gave up four runs and had thrown 25 less pitches through the same number of innings. Snell only gave up two hits, and somehow threw 109 pitches in six innings. It seems almost impossible.
Gary Sanchez – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 3rd homer. As I always say, the 4th team to give a washed-up catcher a chance is the one!
Brandon Bielak – 6 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 11 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at 3.35. Is it me or does it feel like every 5th to 7th starter is decent and every 1st or 2nd is garbage? It might be me (it’s not me). Streamonator hates Bielak’s next one, but he’s garbage, so that’s good, right?
Yordan Alvarez – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 16th homer. Captain Woo Cubano from the top rope!
Kyle Tucker – 3-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 8th homer. On the Player Rater, Mr. H2H is listed under, “Overdue.”
Corey Julks – 1-for-5, 4 RBIs and his 5th homer, and his 2nd homer in his last three games. Could be a small hot schmotato, but, also, interjection, everyone on the Astros did something yesterday, except Bregman.
Alejandro Kirk – 1-for-4, and his 3rd homer. For those of you who are in a two-catcher league and have Tyler Stephenson and Kirk, it’s nice to look at the top of your lineup and be reminded you drafted catchers.
Alek Manoah – 1/3 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 6.36. Alek Manoah has one fatal flaw and that is being the worst pitcher ever. I hear he’s tipping his pitches. Every time he reaches for a chicken wing in his pocket, he throws a fastball. That’s gonna be difficult for him when he’s pitching in Triple-A Buffalo. If you would’ve jumped out of a DeLorean in March, and told me you were from the future and he’d go from a top 3 finisher in the Cy Young voting to demoted to the minors by June, I would’ve said good try, future boy! Who’s the First Lady, Jane Wyman? FEMA should declare him a disaster area. The only good news at this point is he’s been bad for so long, I had him benched everywhere yesterday. Next stop, waivers!
