The easiest thing you can do is put together an incredible fantasy pitching staff with only pitchers you drafted after 200 overall. It’s not just in hindsight. You could’ve blindly grabbed guys after 200. It’s easier to put together a staff after 200th overall draft than from the top 20 starters. Jon Gray? Don’t mind if I do! Patrick Sandoval? Sure! Sonny Gray? Okay! Andrew Heaney? Sure, I’ll take the occasional blow up! Hunter Brown? Why not? Jose Berrios? Yes. Nathan Eovaldi? Absolutely. Alex Cobb? Yes. Martin Perez? I’ve seen worse. Merrill Kelly? Absolutely. Marcus Stroman? He just threw one-hitter vs. the Rays and has a 2.59 ERA. (He added in 8 Ks in that one-hitter with one walk too.) Know how I chose those eleven starters after 200th overall? I went to the ADP of 200 overall and took 11 of the next 14 starters from 200 overall to 268. 11 of the 14 starters after pick 200 are doing great. 11 of 14! On the other hand, five of the top 10 starters overall are garbage! DeGrom, Nola, Woodruff, Verlander, and Sandy. Your mileage can vary with Gerrit, Burnes and Strider, but let’s say they were worth it. After the top 10? The next three were Scherzer, Cease and Bieber. Wow! It makes so much sense to draft starters high I cannot take it. I am brimming with sarcasm, if you can’t tell. 11 of 14 starters after 200 overall were solid; five of the top 10 are iffy at best. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Cody Bellinger – Resumed baseball activities. Spitting, grabbing crotch, those sorts of things.
Pete Fairbanks – Hit the IL with hip inflammation. That leaves Jason Adam as the Rays’ closer 90% of the time, and 12 guys 10% of the time.
Taj Bradley – 5 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 3.60. Basically can go through starters and say, “Was this guy drafted after 200th overall? Then he’ll be solid,” and only miss once every fifteen or so starters. Hold up, phone call…hello? This is PETA? Who was beating a dead horse? No, not me.
Mike Soroka – 6 IP, 4 ER, 7 baserunners, 3 Ks, as he was recalled. Soroka found out the hard way, the A’s one Achilles’ heal is pitchers with Achilles’ heals. “One day you will know what it’s like to be me,” and with that Julio Teheran flipped a coin in the Braves’ mascot, Blooper’s mouth, and for the last 10 years, the Braves have had one great pitcher each year who isn’t really great. “Hey, what a cool tradition!” That’s Bryce Elder, this year’s Julio Teheran. For those with a short memory or if you just smoke a lot of weed, Mike Soroka was 2019’s Teheran. He had a 2.68 ERA with a 7.3 K/9, 2.1 BB/9 and was much closer to a 4.00 ERA pitcher, then, guess what he was each additional year, whether in the majors or minors? He was a 4.00 ERA pitcher. Spooky voice, “Bryce Elder, this is your future.” Less spooky voice, “Sorry, I scared myself. Where’d that voice come from? I need a lozenge.” The Road to Teheran as it’s known in fantasy baseball and Syria is the opposite of canny. The uncanny! Of course, burying the lede, Soroka missed the last 1,029 days with two torn Achilles, so he could coneivably return a totally different pitcher. Don’t think that happens, and his time in the minors indicates he’s the same, but he’s only 25, so, I guess, arm gets twisted, maybe. Do I have any faith whatsoever in him for fantasy? About zero faith. In deep enough leagues, you take the flyer and see what happens.
Matt Olson – 1-for-3, 2 runs and his 17th homer, and 3rd homer in two games. Please get to 50 homers. It’s all I ask.
Jesus Aguilar – Designated for assignment. He should be back again next Easter.
Ryan Noda – 1-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 6th homer, and 2nd homer in the last two days. Hot schmotato alert!
Bobby Miller – 6 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 1.64. A Dodgers’ rookie pitcher not being abysmal? Well, I’ll be your crying shoulder (for rostering Gavin Stone).
J.D. Martinez – 1-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 11th homer, and 2nd homer in two games, and 3rd homer in a week. Just Dong is sizzling!
Royce Lewis – 2-for-5, 4 RBIs and his 1st homer, as he was activated from the IL. Just gave you my Royce Lewis fantasy. It’s applicable until he’s hurt again. So…a week?
Max Kepler – 0-for-5, 1 run, hitting .202, as he was activated from the IL. He’s the answer to the very niche trivia question, “How will the Twins eventually get the hot-hitting Willi Castro (2-for-5, 1 run, 9th steal) out of the lineup?”
Jose Altuve – 1-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 2nd homer, and 2nd homer in as many games. You know Altuve, so I’m gonna keep this short. Ba-dum-tiss!
J.P. France – 6 IP, 4 ER, 10 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 4.00. The Southern tip of France, by the Rivera, named itself Juan Pierre, France for that? C’mon, man! No wonder why Streamonator doesn’t like him.
Sonny Gray – 6 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners (3 BBs), 3 Ks, ERA at 1.94. I don’t know when it’s going to come, but the Regression Fairies are going to come harder for him than Hugh Jackman on Broadway.
Luke Voit – Activated from the IL and designated for assignment. Beginning to think the Brewers are using DFA’ings of Voit to mark time.
A.J. Puk – Threw a 20-pitch session. Said he felt really good. Then the camera pulled back and it was revealed he had his hand on a crate that was labeled, “Goods.” So now it’s confusing.
Matthew Boyd – 6 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 5.96. For a few innings, Boyd wasn’t looking like the disappointment of season after season for seven years. Sigh, Boyd, you’ll always have four random innings of decent pitching. His name should be Meatthew Ball’d, and go by Meat Ball because that’s what he throws.
Corey Seager – 2-for-5, 4 RBIs and his 5th homer. Seager’s got some day moves.
Nathan Eovaldi – 5 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 2.42. Looked like this start was about to go sideways in the 2nd like a glass of Merlot, but he got a double play with the bases juiced, and the Tigers began to look like the Tigers again.
Bryce Miller – 4 2/3 IP, 8 ER, ERA at 3.00. I don’t wish regression on all pitchers I don’t roster–Fine! I do! I’m a terrible person!
Julio Rodriguez – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 10th homer, 2nd homer in two games, third homer in four games. One year Jul-Rod will have a good April and be the best player in all of baseball. Alas, it wasn’t meant for this year.
Aaron Judge – 3-for-4, 3 runs, 3 RBIs and his 16th and 17th homer. How much side-eyeing can one man do?
Jake Bauers – and his 3rd homer. He’s no longer hitting leadoff, because that was batshizz crazy.
Domingo German – 6 1/3 IP, 4 ER, 10 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.98. He returned from his suspension and his hands were sponsored by Palmolive.
Jack Suwinski – 2-for-4 and his 10th and 11th homer, and his 4th homer since Friday. He goes from zero to hot schmotato in a blink(ski).
Rich Hill – 6 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 4.76. How’s that saying go: The dog that caught the car? Yeah, fantasy baseballers caught the Dick Mountain.
Anthony DeSclafani – 7 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at 3.48. This matchup of Rich Hill vs. Disco was: Two things from the 1970’s go in, and one comes out.
Patrick Bailey – 3-for-5, 2 runs, 4 RBIs and his 2nd homer. Glad to see him do something after Easy Lover and without Phil Collins.
Lars Nootbaar – Day-to-day with back spasms. Went down awkwardly, trying to avoid Donovan, and left the game. Nootbaar could’ve went over him if he had more raisins.
Mike Mayers – 6 IP, 2 hits, zero walks, 3 Ks, ERA at 1.35. Mike Mayers vs. the Cardinals: Oh, Hell No! *picketing out front of the movie theater with Kirk Cameron* 2, 4, 6, 8, this is what we hate! Kirk Cameron getting sassy, “Your Hollywood movies have been declined, give us the latest Left Behind!”
Michael Massey – 2-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 4th homer, hitting .240. Don’t like Massey, don’t make me get Kirk Cameron sassy!
Bobby Witt Jr. – 1-for-4 and a slam (10) and legs (16). To Witt, he’s so much better as a cleanup hitter.
Ryan McMahon – 4-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 8th homer, and 2nd homer in the last two games. Hot schmotato alert!
Lourdes Gurriel Jr. – 2-for-4 and his 9th homer, hitting .319. Thinking about how drafting Lou-Gu-Ju would’ve been so much better than Jose Abreu and doing a sad cackle — a sackle.
Jake McCarthy – 2-for-3, 1 run, 2 RBIs and his 4th and 5th steal. I grabbed Jake in all the right places. Leagues, I mean, leagues!
Lance McCullers – No longer throwing off the mound. Doesn’t he need to clear it with the commissioner’s office?
Logan Allen – 7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 2.72. Seven innings was a career high in his 7th career start. Symmetry! Every time I see Logan Allen, I don’t think of Cleveland’s Starting Pitcher Factory they built inside an old Old Spaghetti Factory, but I think, “Why can’t that be Grayson or Stone?”
Tyler Wells – 6 IP, 1 ER, 4 hits, zero walks, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.29. Fourth straight start with 7 or more strikeouts. He had only done that twice in his 1st 30 starts. While the numbers don’t say he’s a Schmoriole, they’re also not saying he’s quite this good. “Good enough for most leagues” yes, absolutely. His command is so great that fixes a lot of “too many homers allowed.” Streamonator loves his next, and see no reason why he’s not an auto-start.
Michael Kopech – 4 1/3 IP, 4 ER, 7 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 4.52. Usually under 5 IP for a starter and I don’t mention the baserunners or Ks, but they’re illustrative of how he clearly gave up two ill-timed homers, both of which came in the 1st, i.e. he settled down and pitched a solid 10 strikeouts in under five innings.
Brandon Drury – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 9th homer. On pace for 27-ish homers, and I thought he’d be lucky to get to 15, so props to Drury, which I said while drunk talking to an armoire.
Matt Thaiss – 3-for-5, 2 runs and a slam (3) and legs (1), hitting .300. I like to think Mos Def would like phat Thaiss.
Andrew Vaughn – 2-for-3 and his 7th homer. Raise your hand if you’re in the AV Club. (The owning Andrew Vaughn club.) Feels like something to be embarrassed about, right?
Eloy Jimenez – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 5th homer. That means only five more homers before his next IL stint!
Romy Gonzalez – 1-for-3 and his 2nd homer, and 2nd homer in as many games. Now, a hot schmotato. Previously Romy was best known for attending a Prom.
Liam Hendriks – 1 IP, 2 ER, as he was activated from the IL, and entered the game in the 8th of a losing game, so, perhaps don’t drop Graveman just yet. Bear with me here because I don’t have a medical license but have watched House on occasion, what if the best way to beat cancer was to curse and grab one’s crotch like a closer would? Maybe there’s some curative properties to running in to a mound of dirt while a heavy metal song plays? Am I making a medical breakthrough on fantasy sports site? Is this how Marie Curie felt?
Liam Hendriks won’t fully be back until he screams FUCK so loud the on-field mic picks him up
— Razzball (@Razzball) May 30, 2023
