Twins’ Buy Royce, Bucks In

(NOTE: THIS POST WAS RELEASED EARLY THIS WEEK ON OUR PATREON. IT’S $10/MONTH)

Wistfully, “This guy has such great health.” That’s Royce Lewis looking at Byron Buxton. Royce Lewis is the Merely A Flesh Wound Guy. Royce Lewis has been injured so much he actually knows the difference between physical and occupational therapy. In fact, when Lewis is watching a basketball game that is going to OT, he hops out of his wheelchair, grabs crutches and yells, “It’s time to see Sheila!” So, do you have *looks at watch* six years for Royce Lewis to break out? For those who don’t know the bare minimum about Lewis, he was the meow’s cat, missed two years with injury, then came back and was hitting everything in the minors, then, due to that ferocious bat, he was called up. This was last year. Then he hurt himself and missed another year. Lieutenant Dan has had less issues with his legs. Royce Lewis has torn his ACL so many times that he thinks an “ACL” is Roman for 150 knee injuries. He can’t be roamin’ because his legs are made of taffy and rubber bands. “I wish they used cherry.” That’s Royce chewing on the creamsicle taffy holding together his knee. Is he back to hitting again in the minors? Yup, and here we are again. He has 30/30/.270 type tools, also see: the young Buxton comp. He has the 2nd best projections for all hitter rookies on our Prospectonator (check out #1). Lewis is a can’t miss fantasy superstar if he can miss just one injury. Word on the street that Lewis can’t walk down without hurting himself is he could be called up as soon as he’s eligible on May 29th. Grab him now, before he chews through the rest of the creamsicle taffy. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

BUY

Elias Diaz – Elias Sports Bureau said, “Someone spilled Lipton Cup O’ Noodles on our mainframe so we lost all of our trivia. How’s our son, Elias, doing?” Good, plus he’s in Coors!

Francisco Alvarez – There’s not many players I look at and think, “That guy looks like a good cuddler.” Alvarez does. Maybe because he’s short and squat like my grandma.

Owen Miller – Just gave you an Owen Miller fantasy. It was written while tapping my foot like Michael right before going into a Moonwalk.

Alex Kirilloff – Rocco Baldelli removed Kirilloff after one at-bat because the Giants brought in a lefty. Big Brain Baldelli is very concerning when I need everyday at-bats from Kirilloff.

Spencer Steer – I wanna write Christian Encarnacion-Strand’s name here instead and, would you look at that, I just did. Effin’ eh that’s sly shizz! *having arm twisted* Steer’s also been decent.

Gio Urshela – On the back of my Gio Golf mobility scooter, I’ve stenciled in spraypaint, “Urshela.” It gets better MPG than my Joped I’ve spraypainted with “Adell.”

Jose Caballero – Putting my cards on the table. “Hey, man, what are you doing? You’re not gonna leave me on this table, are you?” That’s me putting Tyler O’Neill on the table. I would leave him on that table, by the by. Any hoo! That’s not the cards that are on the table. What I mean is I’m being upfront here with you by saying I am pretty pot-committed to Caballero. I wanted McLain in every league, but his FAAB bids were nuts (though, I did get him in one league, which I’ll talk about in McLain’s blurb). My fall back to not getting McLain was DeJong, then Julien, then Gio, then Mercado, then–Okay, I didn’t want Caballero, but he was the guy I got for $13 out of $1000, which is basically bidding a dollar. So, I want Caballero to succeed. Will he? Not a bad start! In reality, his numbers look like a .240 hitter with some speed. Hopefully, like a lot of older players before him, he’s a Quad-A player, but that doesn’t reveal itself until his 2nd or 3rd month in the majors.

Edouard Julien – You know the meme of the “Why not both?” kid from the taco commercial? That’s how I feel about Julien and Royce Lewis. Though, really, why not both? Prolly because the Twins don’t have room for them both. Need to choose with Julien/Lewis, otherwise she’ll lose it like in Natural Born Killers.

Paul DeJong – Colonel Mustard in the clubhouse with the towel snap!

Matt McLain – Just gave you my Matt McLain fantasy. Also, in regards to winning McLain in one league. I lost Oneil Cruz and just lost Jazz. It’s $1000 FAAB NL-Only league, and I won McLain for $377. Higher than I wanted to go, but I needed him. Runner-up bid $310.

Jake Burger – Going into any burger restaurant and asking for The Jake, and explaining it’s a “hot hitter with power that seems to be hitting closer to .290 because of his Statcast, but that’s more of a reason to not believe Statcast with extra cheese.”

Mark Vientos – Just gave you my Mark Vientos fantasy. It was written after saying, “Wowie wee wow.”

Mickey Moniak – Josh Bell bottoms out; Wardy Pipp is five minutes ago and Moniak is in.

Jake McCarthy – Just gave you my Jake McCarthy fantasy. It asked to be called, “Sir.”

Bryan De La Cruz – From De La Cruz’s first big hit, “Meeny, meeny, meeny, decir que?” After his 2nd hit, “Hot schmotato!”

Oscar Mercado – Concerned that Mercado is a lefty-only hitter, which leaves much to be desired–Or rather, deserted. Since that’s a Llama.

Jose Siri – Seems to be suffering from the too much of a good thing shituation in Tampa. Siri’s solid, but he’s what? Their 11th best guy?

Jorge Soler – The sun’ll come out tomorrow…on waivers, because y’all refuse to pick up a guy who’s going to hit 40 homers.

Michael Conforto – Big week for sexy pickups! Conforto is not that. He’s been hitting for power, has been high up on the 7-day Player Rater for a few weeks now, i.e., you should’ve been rostering him for a few weeks, but looks like a schmoforto.

@razzballfantasy check out Grey’s comments on Michael Conforto over on Razzball Fantasy Youtube #fantasybaseball #baseball #MLB @Razzball ? original sound – Razzball

Matt Vierling – Tigers have been hot recently. Well, except for Javier Baez. Almost instantly Baez became the Patrick Corbin of middle infielder deals. Though, Carlos Correa wants someone to hold his beer.

Ryne Nelson – Couldn’t find one starter to stream this weekend, so unfortunately I had to turn to Monday. This is a Streamonator call, like the call it makes to a diner.

Rich Hill – This is also a Streamonator call. “Can I move a seat next to your jukebox? I like BBW — Big Beautiful Wurlitzers.”

Miguel Castro – Who is the closer in Arizona is the wrong question. Do you want to roster Castro or Chafin is the right question. Wait, that’s the same question. I think it’s likely a 60/40 split between the two with the Dbags seeming to have more faith in Chafin, if barely. That’s different than baring due to Chafin. *shudders*

Hunter Harvey – Could’ve sworn Finnegan was the closer in Washington, and, after Harvey’s outing yesterday, maybe he is, but I add an “R” after the “W” in Washington, so what do I know?

Richard Lovelady – With Zach Jackson out, in the mix for A’s saves is Richard Lovelady, Sam Moll, Garrett Acton and Austin Pruitt. In other words, a closerfudge of Dickin Mo’Love-Acton.

Dylan Floro – Has his eye on being a top 10 closer this year without being the closer the first six weeks. Like this year’s Clay Holmes. Call him Present Day Holmes.

Caleb Ferguson – Conspiracy Theory Alert!  To reach a younger demographic that appreciates Cardi B., MLB offered money to anyone who would take on a B at the end of their name, and that’s how Cale became Caleb. *insert meme of black guy pointing at his head* Cale B. is also the lights-out lefty in the Dodgers’ pen.

SELL

Justin Steele – As you all know by now, as this is my 87th mention of it this year, I wrote up a Justin Steele sleeper this preseason. I loved him. We were more copacetic than coconut and pineapple in a blender with rum. We were dogs, dawg. Turned out he was a coyote pushing a tennis ball to my feet, pretending to be a dog, dawg. It is with much regret I must inform my constituents that Justin Steele is outperforming even my expectations. His peripherals, while not a doodie emoji, aren’t quite an eggplant either. Then, throw in how many innings he can throw this year, and it’s time to sell. I wouldn’t trade Steele for Dino nuggets in the shape of Dino Bravo, but I would go to our Fantasy Baseball Trade Analyzer and explore options.