Standing in front of the Reds’ GM office, whistling as I push a mop past the open door. Cleaning up a pile of spaghetti and chili that someone dropped earlier that day in their rush to get to the cafeteria to get a new plate of spaghetti and chili. I say to myself in a low whisper, “Hmm, I’m just a janitor for the Reds. Living my best life. Been a lifelong Cincy guy. What a shame someone dropped this beautiful spaghetti and chili. Just a real shame. I’m not pretending to be a janitor so I can overhear when the Reds’ GM calls up a new prospect. That’s silly to even consider. It wasn’t me, early this morning, breaking into the building to spill spaghetti and chili in the most opportune spot so I could carry out this ruse. Not me. That’s just very silly.” I carefully sidestep the pile of spaghetti-chili, and lean my ear towards the GM. Drats! He’s calling up…Skyline?! For more spaghetti and chili?! Oh, these people are incorrigible! So, I don’t know who the next Reds’ prospect will be called up. My guess is it’s Christian Encanracion-Strand, but we don’t need to worry about that, we have one already called up, Matt McLain, who sounds like a pro athlete, only not for baseball. For like bowling. Does he wanna bowl with Mookie Betts? Speaking of Betts, no, I won’t compare him to Betts, but McLain does have power and speed. Cincy plays so well for power too, that you almost have to be a negative to not take advantage of Great American Smallpark. While McLain’s power can produce 15-ish homers, the speed is even better. He could go 12/20 in only four months of the season, and has solid contact. I’d grab him in all leagues. Oh, wait a second, someone just called the GM about a pickup, let’s listen in…Oh, forget it, it was David Bell asking if someone could pick up the spaghetti and chili in the hallway, and put it on a plate for him. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:


Yan Gomes – Has been a top ten catcher this year, about the same as Daulton Varsho, but Varsho has more than double Gomes’s plate appearances. Gomes’s $/G is on par with the top catchers in the league. Gomes is also an acronym for all the Great Lakes if someone spraypaints a G onto the front of Huron. “It’s silent!” That’s the guy tagging the sign.

Francisco Alvarez – The Mets have a lot of issues. Like one big problem is their starters were on the Spring Training cover of the AARP magazine. The other problem is Buck Showalter seems to have no idea how to manage a team in 2023. His time seems to have passed. That’s a problem for Alvarez when Nido is there, even though it absolutely should not be, but right now Nido has Dry Eye Syndrome. This sometimes happens when you fall asleep to The Cure’s Boys Don’t Cry.

Josh Naylor – Naylor? That’s my 2nd cousin, you sicko!

Nick Pratto – His batting average will bottom out at some point, but he has great power, and should face all righties. Reminds me a bit of a poor man’s Joey Gallo. Call him Joey Ripple.

Jake Bauers – *wipes sweaty brow, clock ticks down* Person who is tied up in a chair, “I need a fifth outfielder who has been hitting leadoff for the Yanks.” Other person who is tied up and sick of listening to the first person, “Just say Jake Bauers!”

Michael Massey – Right now, I’m wondering two things: First, if anyone has ever sang “UTI” to the tune of “Zombie” by The Cranberries, because they heard it could help cure it, and, second, if Massey was as good in April as he has been in May, he’d be talked about as one of the big breakouts.

Orlando Arcia – Saw Nolan Gorman, Miguel Vargas and many others were available at ESPN for under 50% rostered, and I just don’t know if I trust their numbers. Vargas is at 100% here, as you can see on our 7-day Player Rater; Gorman is at 99%. So, I’m trying to mix in guys who are under-50% rostered here vs. elsewhere, because our rostership is the goodship.

Dominic Fletcher – “I like men. I like to be manhandled. I like you.” — Famous quote from Fletcher. Not sure that’s a Dominic Fletcher quote though. Dominic has great contact — think potential .280 average — and very little power and speed — think 12/12.

Christopher MorelCubs have to keep playing him. Have to! (I’m just going to keep saying this. Put it out in the world! David Ross can’t beat the world. Only Scott Pilgrim can do that!)

CJ Abrams – My general feeling is at some point Abrams is gonna steal 15 bags in a month, and, at the end of the year, his stats are going to be good for the whole year, but he’ll likely be on and off waivers in the shallow leagues all year.

Paul DeJong – Colonel Mustard in the Best Buy with the How to Get Away with Murder box set!

Kyle Farmer – He reminds me of the moment on Jeopardy! when Alex Trebek reads the answer, “This tool is used to farm and is also a name for a person with promiscuous habits.” And Ken Jennings asks, “What is a hoe?” And Trebek laughs. The actual question was, “What is a rake?” Trebek was a good one. Any hoo! Farmer is one of those guys who is very valuable for deep leagues, but you can’t possibly have the patience to roster him in shallower leagues, because he does not often rake.

Casey Schmitt – Here’s what I said the other day, “Schmitt made Itch’s top 100 prospects in the spring, but I think he’d even admit that’s because playing time seemed assured from his big Spring Training, but then he was sent down. Schmitt happens, as they say. Would’ve been smart to call Schmitt up two weeks ago when Brandon Crawford was first injured, but the Giants are not smart, they are Wisely. Or have been, at least. Schmitt was a guy I drafted in a bunch of deeper leagues because he was killing it this spring, and looked like the best Giants’ left-side infielder, but, again, Wisely, not smart. As much as I like him, Schmitt is more a deep-league, well-rounded bat without any huge upside in any category.” And that’s me quoting me!

Mark Vientos – Just gave you my Mark Vientos fantasy. It was written while saying, “Wow, I did not know that.”

Jake Burger – Also, please consider Gavin Sheets. Or the Burger/Sheets, Dutch Oven combo that is very popular with fantasy baseballers.

Andy Ibanez – If the league were to expand by two teams, there would be such a hilarious lack of pitchers, every game would have at least 15 runs, but, also, the Tigers, who are currently trying, have half a team that looks like an expansion team already, and they’re near-.500. Ibanez has been hot-ish, but he’s not really a major league-level player.

Jake Fraley – Because of how valuable speed and power is, Fraley is a borderline top 25 outfielder on the year on the Player Rater, and not rostered anywhere close to 50%. Really? F’raley!

Michael Conforto – Might be a schmoforto, but also is consistently hitting third, and anyone who hits third for any team is worth rostering. Though, there might be a case to be made the .175-hitting Conforto shouldn’t be hitting third.

Marcell Ozuna – I faded Acuña and Albies this preseason, because I am very dumb, but learned a valuable lesson: Shouldn’t fade guys based on “potential injury” but only fade if they’re “actually injured.” Which brings me to another lesson learned: Everyone in the Braves’ lineup is interesting.

Jose Siri – I look at Siri on my phone, and I would never guess her name is Jose. Any hoo! He’s a hot schmotato.

Brenton Doyle – I wonder if Bud Black thinks someone is not as good as someone else just because they’re younger, because, I have to say, if you look around the league, I don’t think that Cougar Love holds up.

Trevor LarnachTwins have a bunch of guys like Kyle Farmer. Likely solid for deep leagues, but not that interesting in shallower leagues. The difference between Larnach (or Kirilloff) and Farmer is there’s some perceived upside. Actual upside? I guess, but I’m struggling to see it for Larnach. He could hit 25 homers, but a strikeout rate that might mean a .215 average, and zero speed.

Alex Kirilloff – Was thisclose to making Kirilloff the lede this week, but that wrist of his. Uh-oh, feeling a rhyme coming on! It’s my alter ego, B. Fire! Got me worried about Kirilloff’s wrist. Hope it doesn’t make me mad — pissed! At least he’s back, thought he was hist! I’m thirsty *opens can* Sierra Mist! Shoot, forgot to buy straws, I should’ve checked my list! Kirilloff could hit for a good average and has power if he’s healthy. That’s the gist!

Mickey Moniak – Wonder if Mickey Moniak were named something boring like Tom Smith, if he would’ve been drafted 1st overall. My guess is no. Well, we’re in this universe with a Mickey Moniak, and he’s got a bit of power and speed, and might hit .185 without a full-time job.

Miles Mikolas – This is a Streamonator call, like the call it makes to the library.

Alex Wood – This is kind of a Streamonator call. There weren’t a ton of Streamonator calls I liked this weekend, so I grabbed Wood. Um, ya know what I mean. “I’m looking for the book, How To Win Friends And Influence People, but for robots.”

Matt Moore – My promise to you that I forget about at least once every other week is to give you a middle reliever who is worth rostering even without saves. Hitters have zero chance this year vs. Matt Moore. Studley Moore’s changeup is a perfect 10.

Michael KingWandy Peralta, Clay Holmes, Hot Dog Vendor Who Whistles, Guy Who Is Supposed To Meet The Momentarily Glance From Aaron Judge With All The Information He Needs In That Split Second To Cheat, an iguana that was fed Scott Proctor’s elbow tendon, or Ron Marinaccio. One of those guys is getting saves for the Yanks.

Dylan Floro – Told a story on the podcast this week about picking up Floro, and what it meant for Puk’s injury. Long story, short, Floro might be getting saves for a while.

Kendall Graveman – Don’t have a ton of faith in Liam Hendriks this year. Oh, I’m not a full-on hater. I hope he’s back and great! I will be cheering him on because I’m a human with human emotions — sorry, Streamonator! — but realistically I don’t know what to expect. Oh, and have less faith in Graveman, but the latter is at least currently getting saves.

Mark Leiter Jr. – His splitter is unhittable. It’s got hitters spitting mad in other languages. Mark Spleiter Jr. ist hier.

Nick AndersonBraves have no games to give away in the 9th inning, and *hoisting a flag with a giant L on it* That’s Raisel.


Carlos Correa – This is kinda hilarious. When you scroll down the Player Rater, as it’s sorted by shortstops, the guys at the top are rostered in 100% of leagues. Naturally! Or ‘natch! If you’re in a rush. Then you scroll down a bit, and guys start to become available. There’s Chris Taylor, he’s rostered in around 50% of leagues. Hey, there goes Jon Berti! He’s in 96% of leagues. There’s Enrique Hernandez. Whoa, he’s only in 38% of leagues. Oh, wow, Just Peachy Crawford is in 2% of leagues, but we’re pretty deep now. Then, randomly, we come across a guy who is rostered in 100% of leagues way down the list. Who’s that? Tim Anderson? Yes, but also Carlos Correa. Only difference there is Correa’s actually been playing. Think because real baseball outlets pay so much attention to Correa that people think he’s good for fantasy. He is not. Or at least not as much as people think. In every league, you could trade Correa for a closer and pick up a shortstop off waivers, and do fine. I wouldn’t trade Carlos Correa for a bucket hat made out of an actual bucket, but I would go to our Fantasy Baseball Trade Analyzer and explore options.