Think Buck Showalter is old. That’s not bad, in general. Some of my favorite people are old. I’m a Cougar Hunter. I have radar for hard candies. The problem with Showalter is he’s got old thinking. He’s platooning Brett Baty. He thinks Thomas Phamily is still a thing. He’s not following the latest in baseball which is: Play your kids! The Braves have been winning with the formula: Play your kids! for a few years now. So, with that said, the Mets called up their next great hitting prospect, Mark Vientos (1-for-4, 2 RBIs) as he hit his 1st homer. Can Vientos play outfield? Absolutely not. Can Vientos steal at-bats from Baty? Ugh, maybe. Can Vientos run? His speed has been described as “an 80-year-old baby crawling with tennis balls on its knees.” Can Vientos hit bombs? To the freakin’ moon! He kinda reminds me of a young Evan Longoria. Now take everything you’ve thought about Longoria over the last seven years, scrub it from your brain, and think about Longoria as if this is 2016. Your brain in 2016, “Rays should lock this Longoria guy up for another ten years! He’s amazing! Wait! They let Longoria walk? Wow, what a mistake! They just let a perennial 30+ homer, .270 hitter go! Rays will be in last place for the next decade. What a bunch of losers!” So, your 2016 brain is kinda remembering correctly. Your 2016 was also a big dumb brain, but that’s only in hindsight. Longo was good at that point. Mark Vientos can be good too. For what it’s Wuertz, Prospect Itch has been down on Vientos for as long as Vientos has been down on the farm. For this year, do I want Mark Vientos in a redraft league? Absolutely, but back to the Buck shituation. He’s going to play where? DH? Okay, and Vogelbach is being benched indefinitely? By the guy who is still playing the Phamily? No. That leaves Vientos, the Metsmaker, in a platoon. By the way, regarding the title: It’s because it causes Coke to explode. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Kodai Senga – 6 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 12 Ks, ERA at 3.77. Streamonator said to start Senga vs. the Rays, but I thought the robot needed to be unplugged, blown in its ear and plugged back in.
Francisco Alvarez – 1-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 4th homer. He’s very fun to watch. He’s like the Travelocity gnome with huge pop.
Pete Alonso – 1-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 15th homer. Albombso!
Taj Bradley – Will start today for the Rays. Grabbed Taj in my RCL league (12-team mixed), so he’s a pickup in most leagues. Was he great in the minors since he was sent down? No, not exactly, but he can be an ace for stretches, so I’m willing to risk it for the biscuit.
Josh Fleming – 5 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at 3.68. In regards to Taj but also Fleming: Have the Rays ever had a bad starter? No.
Jose Siri – 1-for-5 and his 6th homer, and 2nd homer in two games, and 3rd homer in the last week. Clearly a hot schmotato, but so is the entire cheating Rays team.
Brandon Lowe – 2-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 8th homer. Quite possibly his first hits since April so. Dot dot dot. Congrats?
Jason Adam – 1 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 3.00, and the blown save. That’s a weird way to hand the closer job back to Fairbanks.
Pete Fairbanks – 1/3 IP, 2 ER, ERA at 2.25, and the blown save. I don’t want it! Give the closer job to Poche! Seriously, I’m not sure if Fairbanks is healthy yet.
Eduardo Rodriguez – 5 IP, 4 ER, 8 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 2.06. Regression Fairies are such jokers. EdRod has one of his best games peripherals-wise, at home, vs. the Pirates, and this is when he gives up runs? Get outta here with that noise!
Rich Hill – 6 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.80. Streamonator for Dick Mountain, but on a side note that’s not fantasy related. Before I went out to the WGA picket line yesterday, I saw Rich Hill race Miguel Cabrera to the 1st base bag, and, boy, that gave me life for the entire day. Just randomly chuckling at the two of them running. It was the mall when it just opens at 7 AM for the seniors to walk.
Weezer was here and I went home to watch Yu Darvish give up 4 ER pain pic.twitter.com/PV1d0PPx1S
— Razzball (@Razzball) May 18, 2023
Rodolfo Castro – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 5th homer. Frequent commenter, el famous burrito mentioned in the comments yesterday they were dropping Castro, and someone else said he was due to homer now. Hey, with that said, can someone drop Jose Abreu? Please!
Kyle Bradish – 6 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 4 hits, zero walks, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.90. We have Anaheim Streamroller for Angels pitchers at home; Hodgepadre for home Padres streamers; Marginer for home streamers in Seattle; MediOAKer for home A’s starters and Rice-ja-broni for Giants home streamers. We need Orioles home starters, please suggest in the comments.
Chris Bassitt – 7 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.05. Managed to keep all Yankees off balance by forcing them to look at him.
Justin Turner – 3-for-4, 3 runs, 2 RBIs and his 5th homer, and 2nd homer in the last two games. Not sure what his ownership numbers are, but clearly a hot schmotato.
Nick Pivetta – Moving to the bullpen. Backdate this to 2017.
Brayan Bello – 5 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners (5 BBs), 7 Ks, ERA at 4.45. Sawx jumped out to an early 9-0 lead and Bello coasted out to the Ivictory Coast for a free night at the W.
Paul DeJong – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 5th homer, and 2nd homer in four games. Schmotato, sure, but it’s also very much crackers that he’s playing every day.
Matthew Liberatore – 5 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks, as he was called up. Watched almost the full start because I’m about to be clocking FAAB G’s on this guy in my NL-Only leagues, so I needed to see where I was gonna spend my money. He looked as good as advertised by Cards people. Started at 97 MPH on the 4-seamer, mostly up in the zone, and no one was catching up, then wide, sweeping 77 MPH curves that looked completely unhittable if he could locate them. He looked no worse than any other big name rookie starter, and see no reason why he can’t have the success of, say, Bibee.
Adolis Garcia – 2-for-4, and his 12th and 13th homer. Ugh, another game we have to ignore when talking about Adolis.
Corey Seager – 0-for-3, 1 RBI as he was activated. And Ezequiel Duran (1-for-4, 1 RBI) still started! Happy?
Eddie Rosario – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 4th homer. Saw Rosario homered in the box score, forget what team I was looking at, and was like, “Finally, Amed!”
Ronald Acuña Jr. -1-for-4, 2 runs and a slam (11) and legs (18), hitting .345. Tildaddy’s about to go 25/25 before the All-Star Break. My God.
Orlando Arcia – 1-for-3 and his 4th homer, 2nd homer in three games. He’s already in this week’s Buy column. It’s available already on Patreon, or wait until Friday.
Jake Burger – 3-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 10th homer. Also, in this game, Gavin Sheets (1-for-4) hit his 6th homer. They both homered in back-to-back games. The Dutch Oven is a hot schmotato!
Mike Clevinger – 6 IP, 2 ER, 10 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 4.56. Streamonator loved this start, and it seemed like a pretty obvious no-brainer, kinda like him.
J.P. France – 3 2/3 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 4.11. France should’ve just took the mound in the 1st and waved the white flag.
Alex Bregman – 3-for-4, 3 runs, 2 RBIs and his 6th homer, and 2nd homer in the last three games. Not to brag, man, but Bregman’s heating up.
Christopher Morel – 3-for-5, 2 runs and his 5th homer. Only possibly hotter hitter in baseball right now is…
Seiya Suzuki – 3-for-3, 3 RBIs and his 4th and 5th homer, and four homers in the last four games. Please, just keep playing Morel and stay healthy Seiya.
Mark Leiter Jr. – 1 IP, 2 ER, ERA at 2.00. Cubs have four closers, and all of them but Adbert coughed up a six run lead. An absolute shizzshow of epic shizziness.
Drew Smyly – 6 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 2.86. Goofed up in one league by dropping Smyly. Is he this good? Lol, no. Stop. But that doesn’t matter. With as bad as pitching is, it makes no sense to not just ride a hot hand.
Corbin Carroll – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 6th homer. Nice to see him do something. Been a bit lean since he injured himself roughly three weeks ago. Roughly works there describing time and injury.
Christian Walker – 1-for-4 and his 11th homer, 2nd homer in as many games. He’s kinda boring, huh? I’m baiting you worse than Chris Hansen! Screw you saying he’s boring! If only Vlad Jr. were this boring!
Ryne Nelson – 5 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 4 walks, 6 Ks. If only all the Dbacks rookies were this good. I’m baiting you again! Nelson has a 5.48 ERA! He’s fine, but don’t be going over your skies, white boy. A more nuanced take: Nelson is pitching as bad as his ERA. Gross Ks, meh xFIP.
Luis Medina – 6 IP, 3 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 6.88. He looks much better than his ERA, but it was only through three starts. He allows too many homers, and he’s on the A’s, so it’s likely an AL-Only play still, but I’m a cyclops with a monocle.
Ramon Laureano – 1-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 5th homer, and 2nd homer in as many games. Hot schmotato alert!
Bryson Stott – 1-for-4 and his 3rd homer, hitting .280. Phils have a few guys (Stott, Jerry Tomato, Bohm) who are solid .280-.300 hitters that struggle to elicit the nethers into a tizzy.
Taijuan Walker – 2/3 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 6.53. Clearly, he’s been off since he had forearm issues. Well, it’s clear to me at least.
Vinnie Pasquantino – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 8th homer. Ay, yo, it’s Vinnie Pasketti and, hey, you wanna try this mommycotti? It’s what I call manicotti made by my mom.
Manny Machado – Has a hairline fracture of the metacarpal, which is a hand bone that says, “Hey, I’m a hand bone.” The Padres are going to give him a few days before placing him on the IL to see how he responds. Responds to what? Not being put on the IL? Doing nothing? I have no idea. He’ll be IL’d by Sunday is my guess. If not sooner. Thankfully, this is usually only a two-to-three week type injury.
Yu Darvish – 5 1/3 IP, 4 ER, 8 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.56. Watched a bit of this game and it’s truly incredible how unhittable Darvish looks but also, for a pitcher of his age, he still has no idea where the ball is going half the time. Looks like the worst Ultimate Frisbee player.
Jake Cronenworth – 2-for-3 and his 4th homer. Has anyone mentioned how putrid the Padres’ hitting looks? They all walk like Vince McMahon with crazy swagger, swaying back and forth, but they lose all swagger once the opposing pitcher starts pitching to them. Their hitting is worse than the A’s, Royals, Nats, well, everyone, but that was just naming a few. They have five everyday guys hitting .215 or less!
Corey Dickerson – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 1st homer as he was activated from the IL. Meh, whatever, and this only likely affects me, the guy who rosters Stone Garrett and Alex Call, but any team headed for 90 losses should not be allowed to start any hitter who is over 32 years of age. Dickerson is fine, and he’ll likely play, but he should not play!
MacKenzie Gore – 5 1/3 IP, 4 ER, 7 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.69 vs. Edward Cabrera – 5 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 5.13. This matchup was billed as, “Two guys I like but I’d be lying if I started them without looking at the Streamonator.” Everyone calls it by this billing.
Jorge Soler – 1-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 11th homer, hitting .240. You’d think he were hitting .180 with the amount of people still asking if they should pick up Soler.
Sonny Gray – 4 IP, 2 ER, ERA at 1.64. If that’s the worse Gray looks, well, you haven’t seen me before coffee.
Joey Gallo – 1-for-4 and his 10th homer. Was surprised to find Gallo on waivers in one of my leagues. Even more surprising, I picked him up and he didn’t immediately get injured (or injured badly, he’s day-to-day) or suck. Praying hands emoji in confessional apologizing for jinxing other players.
Byron Buxton – 1-for-3 and his 9th homer. Was kinda surprised to see Buxton as high up on the Player Rater as he currently is (around 30th overall), but, even though he doesn’t steal like he used to, even a handful, as he has, helps.
James Outman – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 4 RBIs and a slam (9) and legs (5), hitting .264, and around .190 in the month of May, so Outman was taking his name too literally, but this was a nice game to separate him from Trayce Thompson, who is like 0-for-every game this year except the one where he hit three homers.
Dustin May – Left after one inning with elbow pain. Prior to the game, a giant rabbit has Dustin May in its mouth up to his elbow and starts coughing, teeth stuck on its elbow, then spits up May. May wipes himself off of giant rabbit saliva, and heads out to the mound, hoping he’s okay, but the rabbit hurt his elbow. It should be fine though, no one is out long from a rabbit bite. That’s the only scenario where this is good news. Every other scenario, May’s looking at returning in August, then a setback, then done for 2023. Now bring back Gavin Stone!
