Think Buck Showalter is old. That’s not bad, in general. Some of my favorite people are old. I’m a Cougar Hunter. I have radar for hard candies. The problem with Showalter is he’s got old thinking. He’s platooning Brett Baty. He thinks Thomas Phamily is still a thing. He’s not following the latest in baseball which is: Play your kids! The Braves have been winning with the formula: Play your kids! for a few years now. So, with that said, the Mets called up their next great hitting prospect, Mark Vientos (1-for-4, 2 RBIs) as he hit his 1st homer. Can Vientos play outfield? Absolutely not. Can Vientos steal at-bats from Baty? Ugh, maybe. Can Vientos run? His speed has been described as “an 80-year-old baby crawling with tennis balls on its knees.” Can Vientos hit bombs? To the freakin’ moon! He kinda reminds me of a young Evan Longoria. Now take everything you’ve thought about Longoria over the last seven years, scrub it from your brain, and think about Longoria as if this is 2016. Your brain in 2016, “Rays should lock this Longoria guy up for another ten years! He’s amazing! Wait! They let Longoria walk? Wow, what a mistake! They just let a perennial 30+ homer, .270 hitter go! Rays will be in last place for the next decade. What a bunch of losers!” So, your 2016 brain is kinda remembering correctly. Your 2016 was also a big dumb brain, but that’s only in hindsight. Longo was good at that point. Mark Vientos can be good too. For what it’s Wuertz, Prospect Itch has been down on Vientos for as long as Vientos has been down on the farm. For this year, do I want Mark Vientos in a redraft league? Absolutely, but back to the Buck shituation. He’s going to play where? DH? Okay, and Vogelbach is being benched indefinitely? By the guy who is still playing the Phamily? No. That leaves Vientos, the Metsmaker, in a platoon. By the way, regarding the title: It’s because it causes Coke to explode. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
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Joey Gallo
Please see our player page for Joey Gallo to see projections for today, the next 7 days and rest of season as well as stats and gamelogs designed with the fantasy baseball player in mind.
First off, we have to wish our five female readers a very Happy Mother’s Day. I started a petition for next year’s Mother’s Day, where MLB puts a nipple on each base, and, when runner steps on it, it lactates. I think after I petitioned MLB last year to have hairy bean bags on the end of bats for Father’s Day, they’ve muted me somehow, so if you could boost this, I’d appreciate it. One guy who’s obviously a momma’s boy is Mitch Keller (7 IP, 0 ER, 4 hits, zero walks, 13 Ks, ERA at 2.38, 70 strikes out of 93 pitches). This comes after a 4-hit shoutout, which comes after four years of near-5 ERA pitching, which comes after being a highly touted prospect, which comes after emerging from his mother’s womb, because yesterday was all about moms! His peripherals are all saying everything Mitch Keller is doing is really happening vs. some kinda mirage that will evaporate when his luck runs out. The most incredible part of Mitch Keller’s star mitzvah is that he’s doing this prior to his trade to the Yankees for Albert Abreu and cash considerations. Oh, you know it’s coming, Keller high water. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
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Extra Credit to the first person in the comments who can tell me what classic song lyric is referenced in the title! The first two weeks of marriage. The first day in a new job. The first 30 minutes of a date. All of these are meaningless sample sizes. Well, not exactly. Each of these […]
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I usually like to start with something like, it’s been a wild, unpredictable season in the outfield thus far! But when you look closely – and see Ronald Acuna, Randy Arozarena, Adolis Garcia and Mike Trout in the top four – nothing strikes you as particularly unbelievable. As you work your way down in the […]
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Riding the mini burst of chess popularity spurring from Garry Kasparov sparing with IBM and the development of Searching Bobby Fischer from book to movie in the 90s, growing up, I was a chess kid. Although I spent my early years playing unfocused chess (the tournaments were lowkey just an underground Pokémon trading ring), eventually […]
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Buy NL Tap Into My Mervis System
April 28, 2023 | Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell, Featured | 396 Commentsby: Grey
(NOTE: THIS POST WAS RELEASED EARLY THIS WEEK ON OUR PATREON. IT’S $10/MONTH)
“Are the Cubs stupid? We come back after the break to answer that very important question and many more.” The anchor takes off his earpiece and says, “Yes, they are stupid. They’ve kept down Matt Mervis and Christopher Morel for so long now for what reason? Is there a reason? Well…?” Then, he realizes he’s not an anchor, but instead he’s a fantasy baseball owner of Matt Mervis and Christopher Morel, and he’s not wearing pants and he’s sitting in his mother’s basement and he’s doing a ‘newscast’ to his cat, Pajamas Higgins, who was the Cubs’ first baseman last year for 38 games, though he’s better known as P.J. As I said last year, “I did a google for Matt Mervis and his ETA and I found he’s going to be promoted to the Cubs in 2022. Very cool, let’s see how he did. Let me do another google for us. Hmm, I’m not seeing any stats for Matt Mervis with the Cubs. The Cubs must’ve had some great 1st basemen for the last year.” And that’s me quoting me! Same story, different year! Matt Mervis is a 25-homer guy in the majors tomorrow with no change in approach. He’s not young, so, ya know, he should already be in the majors, if the Cubs didn’t want to waste him for no reason. At 25 years old, it would be easy to write him off, but he was a college guy who lost 2020. I asked Itch if Mervis was going to be Tork 2.0, and he said he hoped not, then asked for my GPS coordinates to send a drone. Itch also added that Mervis has more reps against good arms and he keeps getting better. Sounds like he should be Never Nervous Matt Mervis. He reminds me of every super late cornerman that is rostered in every league. 25/.260 guys have value, and he should’ve been up already. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more? Cardinals Mistake That 90’s Song As “Walker In Memphis”
April 27, 2023 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes, Featured | 425 Commentsby: Grey
Jordan Walker was optioned to the minors. What a joke of an organization. Their corresponding move was to give Taylor Motter a contract. I can’t even be mad. Who are we kidding, I am so mad! He was hitting .274 vs. righties and lefties! League average is .245! Only three teams collectively are hitting above .274. He tied the longest hit streak for someone under the age of 21 in 120 years! What is going on?! Is Oli Marmol dumb? I’m truly concerned he might lock himself in a closet and not be able to get out. Is someone keeping an eye on him? What if he forgets how to get out of his car? Does he have assistance? Can we make sure Oli Marmol remembers how to put on his pants?! Can we?! Can someone do that?! What is going on?! Seriously, I’ve seen some huge BS in my time, but this is up there with the top BS’ings in the history of BS. This takes the BS cake, then craps out more BS! What is happening?! He’s better than than at least half of the current Cards’ lineup!? I wanna hurt someone! *realizes I’m screaming this in a Dunkin’ and cops are looking at me* Um, but, ya know, I will simply drop Jordan Walker from my fantasy teams, instead. Honestly, I don’t feel better after this vent session. Oli Marmol fell asleep to Camp Granada the other night, got the “Hello Motter” part stuck in his head, and now we’re losing Jordan Walker because of an earworm! A freakin’ earworm! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more? Spencer’s Gifts Nearly As Perfect As I Remembered
April 25, 2023 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes, Featured | 437 Commentsby: Grey
Spencer Strider is the best starter, right? I’m asking, because his mustache clouds my judgment. I know Everywhere Blair has Spencer Strider ranked number one in his top 100 starters, but Blair might get clouded by the mustache too. His mustache is very beautiful. More beautiful than mine? Who is to say? Yes! Fine, I am saying it. It is more beautiful than mine. I feel like it’s Rollie Fingers, Spencer Strider then Me. That’s it. That’s my mustache rankings. I’m not even number one for my own mustache rankings! I am pitiful! My best pitchers in baseball rankings likely start at Spencer Strider too. Yesterday, he went 8 IP, 0 ER, 2 hits, zero walks, 13 Ks, ERA at 1.80. His ERA might be a little bit higher than Gerrit Cole’s. Strider is basically Jacob deGrom but without seven straight years of being unable to throw more than 75 IP. Strider is Ohtani, but without the 35-homer bat. Okay, that’s pretty good for Ohtani. I’m on the Struggle Bus going choo-choo like I’m on a train, because Strider’s mustache has me so mesmerized, trying to come up with a legit top five starters based on stuff alone. Eff it! Top 5 of the top of my head based on stuff and nothing else: Strider, deGrom, Ohtani, Greene, and Strider’s Mustache. Strider ranks twice in five starters! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
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After a tough opening week, we’ve bounced back the last two weeks. The only frustrating part of last week’s article is that two of our streamers got injured! That’s something you can never predict, and it’s annoying because both guys were well on their way to some good starts. We also got a good week […]
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Joey Makes It Look Luccheesi
April 22, 2023 | 2023 Fantasy Baseball, Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 30 Commentsby: Dan Pants
Oh boy, I hope you like cheese puns! I mean, not to sound Luccheesi, but Joey’s always been my cheddar half. That’s right, Joey Lucchesi was grate Friday night pitching a career high seven innings, allowing just six base runners (four hits, two walks) and striking out nine San Francisco Giants for his first win of […]
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A few months back, I did a piece in search of Isolated Power, or “ISO” for all us baseball acronym lovers. You can read the full article (HERE). In that article, we discussed: ISO is calculated one of two ways: ISO = (2B + 2 x 3B + 3 x HR) /ABs ISO = Slugging […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? Ump Produces Sticky Substance Perusing Skin of Max
April 20, 2023 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes, Featured | 319 Commentsby: Grey
Max Scherzer was cruising, as is often the case with Max Scherzer — had a line of 3 IP, 0 ER — when he was ejected for having (what the umpires believed to be) a foreign substance on his glove. Scherzer was screaming, “It’s rosin!” It seemed like the Pitchcom tape inside his glove because he calls his own game. It better — again, with some stank — IT BETTER check out as a foreign substance or all of those umpires should be suspended without pay for thirty games. Umps are power-mad idiots. You throw out a first ballot Hall of Famer for what you believe is something sticky? That’s absurd. You taint his legacy with some utter nonsense? Are you completely daft? Now, MLB instituted an automatic 10-game suspension for the offender, so Scherzer might miss another two starts due to this? Oh, this is some serious BS.
Max Scherzer was ejected between innings after a heated conversation with the umpiring crew. IN his place, the Mets brought in bizarro Max Scherzer, Schax Merzer. pic.twitter.com/Lwy0oRJEzl
— Razzball (@Razzball) April 19, 2023
Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
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