[brid autoplay=”true” video=”1371628″ player=”13959″ title=”2023 Fantasy Football Running Backs” duration=”163″ description=”It’s the 2023 Fantasy Football Running Backs! 0:32 – Kenneth Walker 1:15 – Elijah Mitchell 1:55 – Javonte Williams ” uploaddate=”2023-08-03″ thumbnailurl=”https://cdn.brid.tv/live/partners/9233/snapshot/1371628_th_64cbe06d429db_1691082861.jpg” image=”https://cdn.brid.tv/live/partners/9233/snapshot/1371628_sd_64cbe06d429db_1691082861.jpg” contenturl=”https://cdn.brid.tv/live/partners/9233/sd/1371628.mp4″ width=”480″ height=”270″]

Good to see Michael Lorenzen (9 IP, 0 ER, 0 hits, 4 walks, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.23) succeed, finally a pitcher who can also hit. The Phillies fans matched the gravity of the moment, when the final out was recorded, they threw on the field name-brand batteries. None of those flimsy Costco-ass batteries! These suckers were overpriced from Wawa. Okay, okay, enough ragging on the Phillies. It’s a great city. Nowhere else can you get beat up for saying you don’t like Tastykakes. So, Michael Lorenzen’s had himself a bit of a career come-out. A Star Mitzvah, as they say. Or has he?! C’mon, Mr. Reversal Question, not now! Let us bask in his sub-7 K/9, 2-ish BB/9 and 4.00-ish neutral ERA. So, he’s likely not going to win any Cy Youngs, but he has been perfectly serviceable for most mixed leagues, especially the leagues, “Appreciated By Lovers of Tastykakes.” Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Nick Castellanos – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 18th and 19th homer, 3rd homer in four games. The Greek God of Hard Contact doesn’t need a kiss from his mustachioed mother to bully some pitches, that merely helps.

Weston Wilson – 1-for-1, 3 runs and a slam (1) and legs (1), on the day of his first MLB game. I sound like Don Corleone. “On the day of his first MLB game, he came to me for a favor.” Any hoo! Here’s what Itch just said yesterday, “I’m happy to see Phillies 2B Weston Wilson collecting some major league money. He’ll turn 29 on 9/11, and he lost a key season to the pandemic. A lot of players lost a key season to the pandemic, but he would’ve been 25 in Triple-A. Anywho, he’s making real money for now. With 25 home runs and 23 steals in 100 games, Wilson’s appeal for our game is obvious. His playing time outlook is not. Happier for him than I am for Grey.” Okay…? Weston is a nice story, but not sure PT is there for him.

Carlos Correa – 1-for-5 and his 14th homer, 2nd homer in three games, hitting .227. Tell Marla Gibbs I said hello!

Joey Gallo – 1-for-2, 2 RBIs and his 18th homer, hitting .176. Was watching this at-bat, when he homered, and what struck me is how awful he is for contact, and that anyone thought the shift would help him.

Spencer Torkelson – 2-for-4, 3 runs and his 16th and 17th homer, hitting .225. Absolutely worst lineup to get excited about. The Detroit Yawnstipates. I’m trying to so hard to remember why Torkelson every excited me. I’m trying so hard I think I just sharted. You know who’s really wildly awful? Javier Baez! Seriously, what happened to him? Miggy Cabrera is hitting better than him. Miggy Cabrera is 49 years old and takes a golf cart to first on a walk.

Jose Siri – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 22nd and 23rd homer. Mean’s while, Jose Alexa is stuck in Double-A.

Wander Franco – 3-for-3 and his 16th homer. Dusting Brandon Lowe’s home run total!

Lars Nootbaar – 2-for-5, 2 runs and a slam (12) and legs (8). He got hot around midseason. I know this because that’s when I dropped him. Taking on L’s like the M puppet on Sesame Street.

Giovanny Gallegos – 1 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 345, and his 9th save, as JoJo Romero (1 1/3 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 3/24) set him up. Next game, the order could be flipped. They’ve both been fine, but saves won’t be plentiful.

Kyle Tucker – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 21st homer, and his 2nd homer in as many games. Mr. H2H turning it up! Save some for the H2H playoffs, man!

Cristian Javier – 5 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 4.36. It’s malpractice they’re making him pitch every fifth day when he’s clearly needed a break going back about six weeks.

Logan Allen – 5 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 3.55. And now Allen moves in front of Gavin! I’m kidding.

Kevin Gausman – 7 IP, 0 ER, 4 hits, zero walks, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.04. Absolutely has been great! Wish I had him! He’s an ace! He’s also one terrible start away from a 3.30 ERA.

Andruw Monasterio – 2-for-5, 2 runs and his 3rd homer, and 2nd homer in as many games. Hot schmotato alert!

Willy Adames – 1-for-4 and his 18th homer, hitting .202. Feels like he was at the Ramada this past offseason for the seminar, “How To Hit For Average” being taught by Kyle Schwarber.

Jurickson Profar – 2-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 8th homer. Just wanna say that there’s too big of a sample size by this point, Profar. See, he’s trying to prove that hitters don’t necessarily get better when they move to the Rockies, but I don’t believe him. Good try anyway, Profar!

Zack Gelof – 1-for-4 and his 6th homer. Incredibly, the A’s have someone who is promising.

Jonah Heim – Will try to face live pitching this weekend and if his damaged wrist tendon doesn’t hurt too much–What are we doing here? Do MLB teams have medical staffs?

Giancarlo Stanton – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 18th homer. More incredibly, he was able to jog all the way around the bases. Man, Giancarlo got old fast. I mean, still handsome, but now more like Pierce Bronson. Am I right, five ladies?

Luis Severino – 2 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 8.06. You’re not a serious team if you’re throwing Luis Severino. Sorry, Yikes.

Mike Clevinger – 6 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.55. Clevinger is barely positive on Streamonator for his next start, but I wouldn’t touch him there.

Oscar Colas – 1-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 3rd homer. That Colas has got some pop!

Bobby Miller – 6 IP, 0 ER, 8 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.89. That looks like a Dodgers pitcher’s start prior to this year, when they pitched terrible, and still end up looking good.

Merrill Kelly – 6 IP, 0 ER, 8 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at 3.05. Left with a leg cramp, but, since he just had a blood clot in his calf, this could be less than ideal news. Right now, everything sounds hopeful. Those hopeful people clearly weren’t looking at my fantasy teams.

Ke’Bryan Hayes – 3-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 7th homer, and 2nd homer in as many games. Wow, back from the dead to hot schmotato in two games.

Max Fried – 4 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 2.50. I really think Fried is cooked. Not meaning to sound like Paula Dean.

Logan O’Hoppe – Started a rehab assignment. In a disappointing season for the Angels filled with a lifetime of disappointing seasons, we have a bright spot. Hopefully the clouds don’t form over this bright spot and do something cruel before O’Hoppe returns.

Shohei Ohtani – 6 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.17, 0-for-2, 1 run, hitting .306. Now allowed zero runs and only seven hits in the last 19 innings, and he’s a top three hitter in baseball. Oh…*climbs to the top of the Empire State Building*…kay.

Mike Moustakas – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 11th homer. Moistasskiss! I could leave it there, but just wanted to point out Nevin is hitting him cleanup, and Grichuk, who they just acquired, is hitting 9th. Clever!

Edwin Diaz – Sounds like he could return this season. If O’Hoppe were to face Edwin, the Mets’ misfortune and the Angels’ misfortune would form in the shape of a lightning bolt and strike down the ball as it traveled towards the plate.

Pete Alonso – 1-for-2, 2 RBIs and a slam (35) and legs (4), and 4th homer in the last three games. Albombso!

Phil Bickford – 1 IP, 0 ER, and the save, as Ottavino set him up. Honestly, I have more respect for Showalter that he’s throwing his worst reliever as the closer. Good stuff, Buck.

Seiya Suzuki – 3-for-4, 2 runs and his 10th homer. Not sure how he hits the ball 423 feet, which is how far his homer went yesterday, and can’t hit homers months at a time.

Christopher Morel – 1-for-4 and his 18th homer. Kinda funny to see David Ross just flail his arms around and pretend to manage. Morel’s a leadoff guy now? As Tauchman, the hottest hitter in baseball, is benched. When Morel was the hottest hitter? He was benched.

Emerson Hancock – 5 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners (3 BBs), 3 Ks as he was recalled. Just gave you my Emerson Hancock fantasy yesterday. Click to yesterday’s post while saying, “We do a little scrolling.”

Cal Raleigh – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 19th homer. Way to put your back into it!

Yu Darvish – 6 IP, 0 ER, 8 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 4.19. Between Yu and Sonny Gray, they are no decision machines. I hate no decisions.

Jordan Lyles – 8 IP, 4 ER, 8 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 6.13. Now tied for 1st in the majors with two complete games. I will now cackle for 45 minutes.

MJ Melendez – 2-for-4 and his 11th and 12th homer, and four homers in four games. Holy fudge he’s hot! Only, he didn’t say fudge, he said the mother of all curse words.

Freddy Fermin – 1-for-4 and his 9th homer, hitting .303, 3rd homer in four games. Royals have three catchers and all three are better than Alejandro Kirk.

Triston Casas – 1-for-3 and his 18th homer. That’s Triston Mojo Dojo Casas to you!

Nick Pivetta – 5 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 4.16. I just now realized what he’s doing! He’s luring us in for next year! Oh cmon! Stop it!

Christian Encarnacion-Strand – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 3rd homer, hitting .270, 2nd homer in three games. As I just said after his last homer, “He could get hot and hit more homers than anyone else in baseball for the final seven weeks, so, while he hasn’t been the hottest, he could be, i.e., I’d hold if I could.” And that’s me quoting me!

Spencer Steer – 1-for-4 and his 18th homer. Spencer take the wheel!

Graham Ashcraft – 7 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 4.95. Okay, I keep goofing on him, and I would prolly still consult the Streamonator, but, since his 2nd start back in June after injury, his ERA is 1.94 in 51 IP.

Josh Bell – 2-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 13th and 14th homer. Ya know how if a kid’s dad is the opposing coach, he gets a pitch grooved? Well…I’m not saying that’s what happened here, but who manages the Reds? Hmm…

Bryan De La Cruz – 1-for-4 and his 16th homer, as he beat E! in the Battle of the De La Cruzes, which most people keep shortening to Crisco. I’m so sorry. You didn’t know I was also a DJ. As in a Dad Joker!