Please see our player page for Eduardo Rodriguez to see projections for today, the next 7 days and rest of season as well as stats and gamelogs designed with the fantasy baseball player in mind.

There were some really strange things happening in baseball last week and it’s becoming quite clear that the pitching landscape is a scary place. These pitchers remind me of a mouse being thrown into a snake cage and it’s just a matter of time before they get caught. By the way, I had a fifth-grade teacher who made us watch a snake strangle and eat a mouse and that set quite the impression on me as an 11-year-old. This dude was a nut, he had animals all around the classroom and he traumatized half of us with this nature crap. Anyway, streaming pitchers brought me back to that traumatizing period of my life and I feel like these pitchers are in a similar state. With that said, we’re going to look to finish off the first half strong and give you some dynamite streamers here.  

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Jordan Hicks sounds headed for Tommy John surgery with a torn UCL. This sucks; don’t get me wrong, but it’s amazing all the people shocked by this news just because the Cardinals said on Sunday it wasn’t serious. I wish I could be that uncynical. I wish I could see the birds chirping and not a bird nagging another bird to take out the trash, or see the flowers and not think, “I wonder who’s buried under there,” but alas…So, with Jordan Hicks out for the next 14-18 months, who will close?  Carlos Martinez has the makings of a two-inning closer, I guess, but, man or five women, it seems super dumb to continue Carlos Martinez down the closer route.  Don’t they want him to start again at some point?  John Gant’s been great until he defecated the sheet out of my fantasy bed on Sunday.  He might still get some looks.  Then there’s wild cards, Andrew Miller (if he were great like years past; he’s no brainer) and Tyler Webb, who is only in discussion because he got one save look the game where Hicks was hurt. I’d go C-Mart and Gant at 55% vs. 42% chance and everyone else at 3%. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Seeing Zac Gallen called up and I’m reminded of me doing karaoke.  Picture, if you will, the song Tequila playing and me just holding a mic, dancing.  Now imagine I’m surrounded by multiple Mickey Rourkes feeding strawberries to multiple Kim Basingers, because this scene is filled with eroticism like you’ve never witnessed before.  It’s taboo filled with self-sacrifice, transgression is in the air while being dominated by a song with only one word.  I’m alive for the first time!  Now, watch Gallen get trounced by the sissy AF Cardinals.  Okay, I’ve been telling you to pick up Gallen for about a month.  On our Prospectonator, he’s the 4th best rookie pitcher, which translates to him possibly being the rookie pitcher of the year.  Think Chris Paddack.  Fo’realsies.  Prospect Mike just gave you his Zac Gallen fantasy, and I’d just go there and read that to find out what kind of pitcher he is, because that’s what I did.  He had lefties hitting .127 off him?  I mean, are you kidding? Seriously, is this a joke?  Do you want me to faint while I am entertaining a room full of drunk people with Tequila?  Do you?!  I didn’t think so. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I wonder what Keith Law aka [email protected] thinks about Yordan Alvarez. *searches through transcripts of Klaw chats, which he calls a Koffee Klawtch* Hmm, that’s weird. He didn’t rank Yordan in his preseason top 100. Prospect Mike had him at 27 overall in the top 50 for fantasy baseball prospects.  “Hello, Mr. Skywriter?  Yes, can I pay you to fly above [email protected]’s home with the message, ‘Oops.’ Where does he live? Hmm, I’ve been training my dog to sniff out bad takes, so I just need a few hours and a box of Milkbones.”  On our Prospectonator, Yordan is ranked in the top 5. Again, with some stank, [email protected] didn’t even rank him in the top 100.  I get it; he’s doing real baseball vs. fantasy. The problem is real baseball has become fantasy. Do people even care about defense anymore?  The Orioles top pick overall is a catcher who is already in talks about moving off that position.  Just one more time — he didn’t rank Yordan Alvarez in his preseason top 100!  Are we even comprehending how crumby with cracker crumbs this is?  Any hoo!  Heir Yordan had 23 homers and a .343 average in 56 games of Triple-A.  I will now laugh myself into coughing fit.  Yo, Yordan, you Babe Ruth?  I know what you’re thinking, how long has he been in Triple-A, is he old?  He’s 21 years old.  No idea of the Astros’ plans for him, and, if by some stroke of the malocchio, he doesn’t hit, I guess he could get sent down. However, I think Tyler White’s done and Yuli Guli sounds like an anime character who can’t hit, so even when George Springer, Jose Altuve, Carlos Correa — damn, you wrestling gators in hopes of passing the Yanks for most injured players? — return, I think Yordan is here to stay, and, yesterday, his 1-for-3 with his 1st homer is just the start.  Get him accordingly.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Andrew McCutchen is out for the year with a torn ACL.  To borrow a phrase often quoted in the White Sox bullpen box score, that’s A. Bummer.  On the bright side, Cesar Hernandez (1-for-5) isn’t some obscure Roman emperor, you’re thinking of Nero Antivirus and Flavor Flavius!  Last year when Cesar Hernandez had 563 at-bats in leadoff, he was a sneaky top 50 bat.  Before last night, he had only 5 at-bats at leadoff.  Well, all that’s about to change for the better.  Then you have the new Phils’ outfielder, Jay Effin-Up-My-Paddack Bruce (3-for-4, 3 runs, 6 RBIs and his 15th and 16th homers).  Also, Adam Haseley (0-for-4) suddenly has value as the Phils’ center fielder, when two days ago you thought Haseley was the singer of Ghost.  You say you’re no good for me, I like it ANYWAY! What, I have to work the five-lady crowd too.  As I said yesterday, “(Haseley is the) Phils’ 2017 1st round pick. Prospectonator doesn’t love Haseley, giving him 15/7 with little average over the course of a season (by the way, if you click on Haseley’s name, his projections are there for free — like every player). I will say this for Haseley, he looks ready to contribute in the landmark case of sooner vs. later since he played college ball.  In NL-Only leagues, I’m interested since McCutchen looks out for a while, but wait and see in mixed.”  And that’s me quoting me!  The Phils also said (This Phil character has a lot to say!) Scott Kingery (2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 4th homer) will be getting regular starts at 3rd.  When asked about Maikel, they said, “…”  Oh, now you have nothing to say!  But Maikel hit a pinch-hit homer, his 9th.  Still nothing?  “…”  Damn.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I’m like Neo dodging bullets, only instead of bullets, it’s bad pitchers.  Bends in slo-mo and avoids Ed-Rod, twists to the right and avoids Trevor Bauer, twists left and sees Jalen Beeks…Well, I’d never own him, so…Then again, he has been pretty good as the Malcolm for the Rays.  Ya know, their Middle man.  Oh, crap, I’ve been shot!  *dies in slo-mo*  Beeeeeeeeeeks!  *clutches chest, searches for bullet wound, can’t find it* I thought I was shot.  Oh, noooooooo!!!  It’s worse than I thought!  It was my fantasy team that was shot!  You could’ve avoided this whole megillah for the last, oh, I don’t know, 12 years, minus two random years in the middle (not Malcolm) if you just owned Justin Verlander.  Yesterday, he took a no-hitter into the 7th inning, and went 8 IP, 1 ER, 1 hit, 1 walk, 12 Ks, ERA at 2.24, and on our Player Rater, he is the number one starter.  Barely as good as Tim Anderson, but, ya know, those are noogs for another day.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Sorry, but first I must purge myself of all Yu song references.  If you don’t like that, Yu Can’t Always Get What Yu Want, but, if Yu try, Yu might get what Yu need, because all Yu Need Is Love, and I Wish Yu Were Here.  Yu Give Love A Bad Name, but I’m gonna Run to Yu.  Even if Rick rolled, I’m Never Gonna Give Yu Up, and shut don’t go up, but Yu do. Yu Take My Breath Away when Yu pitch well, but Yu Never Give Me Your Money, which makes sense since Yu Don’t Know Me.  Without or Without Yu Yu (stutterer!) can put together a solid rotation, but Yu Light Up My Life when it’s the Best of Yu. Have I Told Yu Lately he needed to cut down on his walks? Yesterday, he went 5 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 11 Ks (zero walks!), ERA at 5.14, and I Know What Yu Did Last Summer (disambiguation: song), but what about now? Don’t Yu (Forget About Me).  Did the Rangers closer, Chris Martin, Fix Yu? Remains doubtful, but no walks is Arthur’s Theme (Best Yu Can Do).  Any hoo!  Yu Darvish might’ve been dealing with a mechanics issue, and maybe now that’s fixed.  He does have a near-12 K/9, the only bugaboo is his 7+ BB/9, but if he can tame that he immediately shoots to at least a number two, and stops plopping out number twos.  Do Yu Understand (ft Tory Lanez & Gunna).  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

It’s a good time to be a twin! No, not just if you’re a mother on Mom’s day because you got twice the bragging rights. The Minnesota Twins look unstoppable right now posting their third shut out in the past four games including Jake Odorizzi‘s gem Friday night as he extended his scoreless streak to 20 (! ! !) innings. It’s his third start in a row without allowing a run and he’s given up just seven hits in that stretch. The former Ray pitched seven shut out innings against the Tigers, allowed just one hit (a double to Christin Stewart in the first inning) and struck out five, walking none to earn his fifth win. Jake was hammering the strike zone, throwing 66 of his 95 pitches for strikes and lowering his ratios to a gorgeous 2.32 ERA and 0.94 WHIP. That ERA’s good enough for 3rd in the AL, folks. And let us not forget that 43/15 K/BB is making me real happy happy. Dude is hotter than Hunter Johanssen’s twin sister (that’s Scarlett) which is pretty darn hot you guys! If we look at some next level stats, the 0.42 HR/9 is obviously not sustainable, and the 24.8 GB% is suspect. The 2.84 FIP and 4.49 xFIP suggest there is regression coming in the form of some home runs balls but all the stats that matter (9.07 K/9, 17% K/BB, .221 BABIP) show he’s still trending in the right direction. Jake gets the Angels next week and he needs to be owned everywhere, at least while all the Minnesota Moms are showering their Twins with love and Odorizzi is making it look Odoreasy.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

On April 7th, Derek Dietrich admired his 3rd home run of the season for an ungodly amount of time.  The last straw for the opposing team was when he paused before running to first, placed a Craigslist ad, waited five days for a sketch artist to respond, then had the sketch artist draw him rounding the bases.  Then when he got to third and saw the first draft of the drawing, yelled, “No freakin’ charcoal,” and paused for another few days to find someone who worked in pen.  After that display, everyone was calling Dereck Dietrich a hot dog, even the world’s leading critic of hot dogs, the guy driving the Weinermobile.  Of course, none of this was blown out of proportion like Tim Anderson.  Cut to weeks later and we’ve realized why Dietrich wanted to study his home run trot.  He was perfecting it.  On Friday, he hit his 6th and 7th homers, then his 8th homer on Saturday and his 9th homer on Sunday (1-for-3, hitting .257).  I doubt it continues, but I also can’t imagine a reason to not ride the hot schmotato while it’s going on.  As 50 Cent’s fantasy baseball team is named:  Get Dietrich or Dietrich Tryin’.   Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The Rays called up their 1st base prospect, Nate Lowe, to go with Ji-Man Choi, Yandy Diaz and Daniel Robertson, which brings me to the real question of the day:  How can Tampa have so many corners on their roster and no bodegas?  The Rays have more cornermen than Avon Barksdale.  My 9th grade geometry teacher, Mr. Corbello, would tell you, if you have two sides of a diamond and four corners, then you’re looking at a clusterfudgeogram.  The clusterfudgeogram generates little playing time and lots of headaches for those making heads or tails of it.  The real question might be:  Would the Rays be as daft to call up one of their top prospects to ride the bench?  That seems unlikely, but since he’s a lefty and this is Kevin Cash, and Cash Ruins Everything Around Me, C.R.E.A.M. get the funny way to set your lineup, ya big dummy.  We care because Lowe’s got some lumber.  His projections are at the Prospectonator, and they’re not too shabby, like the quarter piece of Harrison Ford’s Jewishness.  Prospect Mike ranked Nathaniel Lowe (Why so serious, Nate?) in his top 100 fantasy baseball prospects and said this elsewhere, “Lowe is a big left-handed bat who can hit for both average and power. In 2018, he popped 27 homers and hit .330/.416/.568 across three levels. He’ll be ready when the Rays need him, unlike how no one needs Grey.”  Okay, not cool!  I tried to add Nathaniel Lowe and Nate Lowe everywhere; I believe they’re the same person and they were both gone.  However, I didn’t contract any FOMO.  Finding a bat corner bat with some pop is as easy as going down to the corner store, grabbing a burner Moreland-type and avoiding the clusterfudgeogram.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?