For Opening Day, I woke up at the crack of dawn on the West Coast, because no one in this godforsaken country cares about the West Coast.  Once I had my coffee and vape set up for a full day of baseball, I saw the Pirates/Tigers game was postponed and thought about how they should have their seasons postponed.  “I Mahtook you for a friend of the Tooks!”  That’s Mikie Mahtook.  Finally, I opened the MLB app on my iPad to find I had forgotten my password.  Cut to two hours later, and I was ready to watch some baseball!  Then Carlos Martinez gave up multiple runs on multiple fantasy teams of mine and I was ready to nap again.  Ah, it’s good to be back!  Speaking of which, I’ll trade you Carlos Martinez for a bag of Dick Pole’s.  Doesn’t matter which bag.  Maybe the one Salvador Perez was carrying.  You know what would’ve been Sweet Baby Jesus of me?  If I benched that goofy-haired, can’t-keep-his-hands-to-himself Cardinals pitcher.  Not to worry, I had Chris Archer going later in the day.  *sees Kiermaier and Span misplay a Eduardo Nunez ball into an inside-the-parker, crawls under bed*  Fantasy baseball:  When everyday stress is just not enough.  Any hoo!  It’s good to be back, now let’s get down to business.  Matt Davidson went 3-for-4, 4 runs, 5 RBIs with his 1st, 2nd and third homer.  Someone wants to be Tuffy Rhodes.  “Not bad for five innings.”  Oh, shut up, Mark Whiten!  Do we have our first hot schmotato?!  I schmay schwe schdo!  Sounded better in my head!  Davidson won’t be in today’s Buy column, but he could’ve been.  I grabbed him in my RCL, because I’m in straight panic mode and Joe Panik is already owned!  Yes, there’s a Buy/Sell later today.  You’re welcome.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

This weekend I went to Palm Springs to see the in-laws, and I was saying to Father Cougs that I wished I bet on the Phillies to win the World Series back in November when we were in Vegas.  He replied, “With all that blog money you have?”  Then I went to the bathroom and told my reflection, “One day they’re not gonna laugh at you!  I promise you that Reflection Grey!”  Then, while sitting in a stall, I listened on my iPhone to the theme from Rocky, Gonna Fly Now, and stabilized my ego.  Trying hard now!  Gettin’ strong now!  Gonna fly now!  Any hoo!  The newest favorite son of Philadelphia, Jake Arrieta, joined an already underrated starting rotation.  I’d contend (for the welterweight championship) that Arrieta isn’t even their ace, that label goes to the guy draped in Mardi Gras beads, Nola.  For a while, it appeared Arrieta was headed to Philly.  I hear the hold up was due to Arrieta unable to find a special type of umbrella.  “Do you have an umbrella that blocks thrown batteries?”  In the top 40 starters, I said, “At this stage in Arrieta’s career, I don’t see his value changing much no matter where he signs.  If he goes to Miller Park, Chase or Coors, then I’ll lower him a little, but I see no way I raise him up outside of a move to Petco, which doesn’t seem likely, because the Padres are playing for 2020, then, in 2020, they’ll be playing for 2023.”  And that’s me quoting me!  See, so nothing really changes, and I’m not looking to draft Arrieta suddenly, but a solid real world move for the Phils.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw in spring training for 2018 fantasy baseball:

Psyche!  Before we get into the roundup, there’s a $10 league signup today that needs some people.  When we did the polling of what youse wanted in your fantasy leagues, a large majority of you wanted paid leagues, but I’m getting the feeling we may not be doing them next year, and go back to all free leagues.  You don’t want to bet $10 to win $100 that you’re better than eleven others?  C’mon, put that Jimmy John’s sub money where your mouth is!  Hey, I could write ad copy.  Anyway, the roundup:

Please, blog, may I have some more?


With these top 100 starters for 2018 fantasy baseball, I’ve finished our (my) 2018 fantasy baseball rankings for positions.  Still coming will be a top 100 overall and top 500 to see how all the positions mesh together like your mesh Redskins jersey that meshes with your burgundy sweatpants.  Trust me, when you see how long this post is, you’ll be glad I kept this intro short.  As always, my projections are included, and where I see tiers starting and stopping.  If you want an explanation of tiers, go back to the top 10 overall and start this shizz all over again.  Anyway, here’s the top 100 starters for 2018 fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Now that we’re in the regular season I get to actually discuss injuries that will have immediate impact on fantasy owners. For each player I will discuss whether you should stash the player in your DL spot or if you should trash them back to the waiver wire. This decision is going to be based on the talent of the player and the length of their DL stay. If I recommend that you stash a player in your DL spot, I will offer a few players who I think are good fill in options at that position. I will be determining these fill-ins based on their percentage ownership in ESPN leagues and a similar skill set…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Baseball is back!  Our long wait through an absolutely ridiculous winter (in pretty much all aspects of life) is finally over!

I looked back at my re-ranks from last year to kick off the season, and can you believe this is Year 5 of the Pitcher Profiles?!  Who woulda thought Grey would let me write these silly things this long?!  I’m in my 5th year though, have a lot of seasoning, I’m ready to hit my prime!

As always, a lot had changed in the past month+ since I put out my ranks in late February, with big names falling to elbow issues/concerns this time out vs. a fairly injury-free 2016.  My Alex Reyes dynasty team weeps for this offseason!  Plus ya know, massive changes after opening day.  Drop Masahiro Tanaka everywhere!  Yeah, if I were in any schmohawk leagues, I’d offer buy lows non-stop for Tanaka.  Wait, I am in the Perty Perts league, I’ll try there!  Haha I keed, I can’t walk the walk, not like I’ve topped the Perts league my first two years against Grey’s 1,000+ moves every season…

We’ll be getting into the Profiling next week (everyone watched those first 3 games, seems silly to profile any of those Opening Day guys), so get ready for some mad GIFs!  And going to try a little something new for the GIFs too!  Hopefully you like em…

Here’s my updated top 100 SP for the first week of the fantasy baseball season:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Soda Glover, Yoda Glover, Coda Glover, but no Koda Glover.  That’s my constant struggle with my autocorrect.  Let’s break down those typos, shall we?  Soda Glover has been better than 7-Up and seven down.  Me strike out batters you like, man with toothpick, says Yoda Glover.  The concluding event at the section of the baseball game called the ninth inning will be the Coda Glover.  Dusty Baker hasn’t yet named a closer, but, unless they trade for someone (and this isn’t out of the question), all indications are that Koda Glover will be the Nats’ closer.  Jon Heyman wrote, “….but with Shawn Kelley not considered a closer candidate due to two past Tommy John surgeries…”  Such a throwaway line.  Like it’s common knowledge.  Either Heyman heard something from the Nats, which led him to believe everyone knew this, or Heyman’s totally in the dark.  Could be either, but I’m thinking Nat-Nat-Nat-Nats’ all folks for Shawn Kelley, who has barely thrown this spring.  In my fantasy baseball rankings and my top 500, I’ve moved Koda Glover above Blake Treinen and Kelley.  Also, adjusted my Fantasy Baseball War Room.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw in spring training for fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

There are some big names dropping this week. I am less worried about players with broken bones because for the most part they break, they heal. They play. Ligament, muscle, and other meaty bits of your body are a bit trickier to play with. So Ian Desmond and Tom Murphy? Will come back and be fine. Draft ‘em and stash ‘em for a month. Carlos Carrasco, Anthony deSclafani, Jason Kipnis and Sonny Gray? Cause me a bit more concern. These injuries can often linger or flare back up.

Here’s who’s meaty bits have been swelling, inflaming, and tightening this week:

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Please, blog, may I have some more?

I hate early drafts.  There’s absolutely no skill involved in drafting on March 3rd and avoiding Ian Desmond due to a broken hand that hasn’t happened yet.  It’s like not getting on a subway car and you end up marrying a Cougar vs. Coldplay’s Chris Martin and you keep forgetting your Apple ID so you can’t download a song you really want to hear vs. getting free iPhones hand-delivered by Bono.  Admittedly, I never saw the movie, Sliding Doors, but I picture the plot being something like that.  I want to marry Chris Martin and get iBonos!  Man, this effin’ sucks.  Looks like I’m going to have to battle just a wee bit harder in Yahoo’s Friends & Family draft where I took Desmond.  *cries uncontrollably*  But I don’t want to battle harder!  The tears running down my face have fallen onto my desk and are spelling out, “Why can’t you have anything mice?”  Mice?  What the hell are you talking about tears?  I’ve updated my top 20 overall, top 100 and my top 60 outfielders.   The Fantasy Baseball War Room is updated, and, since Mark Reynolds will be the Rockies’ 1st baseman, I’ve updated the top 20 1st basemen.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw in spring training for fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

There have been a few unexpected side effects from me writing a weekly injury article for Razzball. First, due to Spring Training I’ve had to pay attention and care about every irrelevant player’s bump, bruise and sniffle (why did you all let me include Tyler Collins in my article last week?!) Going forward I’m going to try to focus on the injuries that may actually have a fantasy impact. No one cares that Joe Mauer  missed one hour of practice because he had what the Twins medical staff is referring to as a “minor boo-boo.”

Another unexpected side effect is the schadenfreude I feel whenever I read about a major player getting injured. “Oh YES! David Price might miss the whole year?! More content!” What type of monster have I become?

Anyway, here’s whose pain I have gotten enjoyment out of this week:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I’m a bad person.  I try to offset being bad by doing some good in the world.  For instance, the other day, I stood outside an Arthur Murray Dance Studio with a sign that read, “Unitards are Uni-specials.”  Was the good I did by speaking out against the very un-PC name unitards able to offset the joy I found in David Price having a sore elbow?  Instead of a bastard was I a bas-special?  I can’t say.  Even worse to the karmic wallop I’ve potentially inflicted on my eternal soul, I was slightly upset Price hurt his elbow now rather then wait until the first week of the season after everyone drafted him.  Yes, I told everyone in the top 20 starters to avoid him, but some just don’t listen.  Did I know he would hurt himself?  No, but did I know you would regret owning him?  Like a nun’s DVD collection, I had no doubt.  I haven’t moved him down yet in my rankings, but he’s off to see Dr. Freeze, so rather than moving Price down, shortly I’m going to just be removing him completely from the rankings.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw in spring training for fantasy baseball:

Psyche!  Before we get into the rest of the roundup (rundown?), just wanted to mention JB and I will be in Phoenix this weekend and would be down to meet up for a spring training game or drinks tonight or tomorrow night.  Just comment on the post and I’ll let you know where we will be.  My guess is we’ll be at a Brewers game.  Anyway II, the roundup:

Please, blog, may I have some more?