Yesterday, Zack Wheeler went 7 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 4.45. Can you please be “2nd Half Wheeler?” Can you be anything but “1st Half Wheeler?” Who do I have to pay for that to happen? Because I made $1.67 from yesterday’s ads and I am willing to give a percentage of that to ensure Wheeler is right for another two months. It’s all I ask and I one day have to say, “Damn, I can’t believe I crashed my 1st yacht into my 2nd yacht. Stupid yacht problems!” Okay, now to go on a rant you never asked for, but I have some legitimate first world problems that need addressing: the Starbucks menu is too complicated. What is all this crap and no Unicorn Frappuchino?! Dubya tee eff! Oh and Netflix has a 15-second rewind but no 15-second fast forward? Are you people stupid?! Also, Amazon Prime two-day shipping begins when the seller ships your item but not when you order? Is this a joke? Seriously? Do I look like a chump to you! Any hoo! Wheeler was phenomenal last 2nd half, and I keep saying I was buying him for his 2nd half. All his peripherals point to him being much better: 9.9 K/9, 2.3 BB/9, 3.64 FIP, velocity up to 97 MPH on average. Drop the R from boring, because that’s BOING! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Please see our player page for Liam Hendriks to see projections for today, the next 7 days and rest of season as well as stats and gamelogs designed with the fantasy baseball player in mind.
Had our 1st mega trade. Or as far as Trevor Bauer is concerned, might be our first MAGA trade too. Take it easy, it’s a joke. An everyday occurrence and tempers flaring might be hard to distinguish for Trevor Bauer since he will now see red all the time. Interestingly, Bauer wasn’t throwing his last pitch for the Indians the other day, he was throwing his 1st pitch towards Cincy. The Indians should be embarrassed of themselves for selling off their big frontline pitcher as they hold their Wild Card chances in their hands. Notice I didn’t say the Indians should be red-faced. Hey, they’re the ones still with the name. Bauer has been down a tad this year compared to last. Not just obviously in ERA, but his Ks are down, walks are up, homers are way up, which won’t play well in Cincy, but I will say he was way over his head last year with a 2.21 ERA, so he’s likely still a 3.50-ish ERA pitcher with great Ks in Cincy and the NL. He should be able to chuck balls over Great American’s fence with greater ease too. So win-win. Going the other way and the rest of the news, well…Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
The Astros got two great starts this weekend from two guys who weren’t in the conversation until recently. On Saturday, Jose Urquidy went 7 IP, 1 ER, 2 hits, zero walks, 9 Ks, ERA at 5.54. He made my pants up-jump-the-boogie a little from his pitching. I expect multiple roofies from him still, but Urquidy is […]Please, blog, may I have some more?
*nervous finger tap* How many days without baseball? So, I can close my fantasy baseball team browser window without missing anything? Okay. *throws computer out window* What? Was there another way to close my fantasy team page? I hadn’t in so long I forgot. What do you mean I can go outside without worrying about missing anything in baseball? But there’s real people out there! I’m staying right here, thank you very much! So, we’re headed to the break, and it couldn’t have come at a worst time for Jack Flaherty (7 IP, 1 ER, 3 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 4.64). Let him pitch again tomorrow, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday or until his ERA is under 4! Also, can he pitch against the Giants for all of those? Even if Alex Dickerson is as strong a cleanup man as you can find (in any Division II school’s lineup). Flaherty’s peripherals (9.9 K/9, 3 BB/9, 4.07 xFIP) aren’t exactly whistling Dixie; they’re closer to ‘fixing dinner from stuff found on the floor of a Winn-Dixie.’ “Toomgis hate Winn-Dixie. Their bath salts are lame.” I know, Toomgis, I know. Flaherty won’t appear in the top 100 for the 2nd half that’s coming tomorrow, but at least he’s headed to the break looking better than he has all year, even if it was vs. the Aints. By the way, I hear the Orioles are going to pitch on Monday to stay in game shape. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
The Jurickson store called and they’re out of you so please report back to your nearest Jurickson store, because the A’s called up Franklin Barreto, who was named PCL Player of the Month. I just want to see Barreto on top of a Caprese salad, and then I’m going to dream I’m in Tuscany with Diane Lane and will hang a Do Not Disturb sign from my door for three whole minutes. “Diane, did you enjoy that as much as I did?” “I’ve never been satisfied. Can I call you Hugh Jack-in-the-Box?” “I’d be honored.” Then we return from Tuscany and get bogged down in bills…stress…PTA meetings, but we’d always have three minutes in Tuscany to remember fondly. In June, Franklin Burrata collected nine homers, three lasagnas and 13 doubles, and he hit .387 with 32 RBIs. His overall minors numbers were 65/12/48/.296/13 in 277 ABs. He’s now on his 3rd call-up to the majors, and each time his Ks have skyrocketed like the fireworks that Diane saw in her eyes after our three minutes. Franklin Barreto will be the A’s regular second baseman moving forward, and Bob Melvin is excited to see what he can do. I’m with Bob! Which is what I say in every south Florida massage parlor, after explaining I want Lui-Sue to pretend she’s Diane Lane. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
From the journal of Jim Morrison, he wrote about an encounter he had with lizard wearing a crown of thorns that he alternated calling, Jesus Luzardo and The Luzard King. Here, I wish to transcribe Jim’s musings, “Today, I rode with a large Native American man to a Wawa to get some beej ferky (sic). The Native American man told me about the many lives he had lived and how he never trusted rookie pitchers. He recounted a story about how he traded all his pitchers for Chris Paddack, due to a great April in 2019. This was confusing to me, since this was 1970, but this wise Native American knew more in his head, which he covered in an Indians baseball club hat, than I’d ever know. Was this Lou Boudreau? Before we got to the Wawa, which was only three minutes away by automobile, so not sure why it was taking so long — were we lost? — the Native American man pulled over and picked up a pitchman for an insurance company which was an animated lizard. This was The Luzard King. An obvious lizard, which made it weird when it kept saying it was a gecko. The Luzard King said it had a shoulder issue early in the preseason of the 2019 season, which I had a premonition would be 38 years after my death. Also, oddly enough, I’m being fed a quote from the future from Prospect Mike about Jesus Luzardo. He will say, ‘Luzardo’s stock just continues to rise. He’s in the rarified air of ‘best pitching prospects’ now. The lefty threw 109 innings across three leagues in 2018 and posted a 129/30 strikeout-to-walk ratio. Everything is plus or better – the heater, the curve, the change, the control. He’s the total package, like the package I filled with anthrax and sent to Grey.’ Who is this Grey he speaks of? Who is Prospect Mike? Was it the peyote talking or was it something more mysterious?” And that’s me quoting Jim Morrison quoting Prospect Mike! Don’t think Luzardo is going to be up before the All-Star Break, but now is the time to stash him. He could be a top arm in the 2nd half, or at least a solid Middler like early Yonny. Call him Once Uponny. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
So, when does Brendan McKay come up to replace an Ineffective Listed Blake Snell? Ton of people asking about McKay, so I’ll go over him briefly, because I have nothing else to do but service you. I am a mere vessel for your wants and dreams. Bit like the Flowbee if you need a haircut. Prospect Mike just went over McKay in his last post. McKay is the Rays’ Ohtani. Though if hitting and pitching made Ohtani a unicorn, I’m not sure what that makes McKay. A Loch Ness Monster? Seen more often, but just as imaginary? McKay’s likely headed for a Middler role in Tampa, and maybe some at-bats. His arm excites me more than his bat, he could have a 9+ K/9 and always has insane command (2 BB/9), but Jalen White Clarence Beeks or Brendan McKay? Meh, I don’t think there’s that much of a difference. Guess McKay has more upside, and love how he sounds like what a dad would call a character on 90210 back in the 90s. Why do we even care about McKay? Have you seen Blake Snell (3 1/3 IP, 7 ER, ERA at 5.01)? If you have, send him back to replace the stunt double who is wearing his jersey. “I thought when they said ‘changeup,’ they meant a changeup from pitching well, so I started pitching like garbage.” That’s Blake Snell addressing dozens of crying Rays fans. I know no one wants to hear this right now, but Snell doesn’t appear to be pitching poorly; he’s having atrocious luck. Like if a ball is hit right at a fielder, a squirrel grabs the ball and throws it into the outfield for a double. He could be a buy low, as long as he’s not hiding an injury, real or fake. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Leonys Martin was designated for assignment. His assignment is to go back in time and impress 2016 Grey less, so he doesn’t write a sleeper post about him. On Saturday, Indians were saying Martin’s DFA’ing is more to do with Mercado getting a boost of confidence vs. Bobby Bradley getting promoted, and the Indians were lying. Bobby Bradley was called up on Sunday. Fun fact! After Bobby Brady lost a pie-eating contest, his father Mike told him to take the L like a man and disowned him, so he briefly went by Bobby Bradley. Bradley has 24 HRs in 67 games, hitting .292, but has some Ks, so the average could come down, but the power is not going anywhere since the majors are using a SuperBall. As Prospect Mike said yesterday in his Bobby Bradley fantasy, even with the balls stuck with Capri Sun straws, dripping juice, Bradley could still hit 20 homers the rest of the way and every fantasy team could use him. I tried to grab him in every league, but was too slow. Don’t worry, I just did two lines of coke to avoid that ever happening again, but now my nose is dripping with a secret formula of caramel flavoring. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
¡Hola! Me llamo es Gris. ¡Bienvenido! Hoy en el SuperMercado Barridos tenemos una venta especial. The Bumblebee Man runs through screaming, “¡ESPECIAL!” ¡Gracias, Señor Miel! Ahora, cuando digo ir, tienes que correr por el SuperMercado y encontrar un bateador que te pueda dar poder y velocidad. “¡ESPECIAL!” Okay, Señor Miel, eso es suficiente. “¡ESPECIAL!” Rápidamente se está volviendo claro por qué te vas a extinguir. “¡ESPECIAL” ¡Hayzeus Cristo, callate la boca, tienes tiempo sexy con tu madre! So, Oscar Mercado has 8 homers, 20 steals and a .305 average in 59 games, which is, ya know, your standard top 10 outfielder pace of 22/54/.300. You didn’t know he played that many games? Well, because he didn’t. I was combining his Triple-A and major league numbers, but, with how the ball is jumping out of stadiums, I think that’s fair. Don’t agree? Don’t care. Mercado is ESPECIAL! Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
In my Blake Snell sleeper post, my prescience was like the exact opposite of science applied by flat earthers around the world. Look out the plane window and it’s flat, but pull further back it’s round. In reverse, if you pull out for enough, you see I wrote a sleeper post for Blake Snell — great! — but if you zoom in closer you see everything I said in that post was far from accurate. Good from 30,000 feet, less from Altuve’s distance. I talked up Chris Archer and Jake Faria. Said Jose De Leon is ready! Only one I didn’t like was Nathan Eovaldi, who actually was solid. I went over how Snell could be great, but this good? Puh-leaze. Snell and his extended family didn’t think he’d be breathing down a sub-2 ERA in the middle of September. Most accurate thing I said, “At 25 years of age and in his third major league season while primed for his first full year of innings, is about the best time to get in on him figuring it out. After 2018, Snell is going to be a known top 20 starter and you’ll never get him cheap again.” And that’s me quoting me! Yesterday, Blake Snell went 7 IP, 1 ER, 3 baserunners (1 Hit), 9 Ks, ERA at 2.03. In the AL East! Actually, my ‘accurate’ quote might not be accurate enough, I should’ve said Blake Snell will be a top 5-10 starter in 2019 fantasy baseball. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?