We have to talk about these London games. They were bloody awful! Talk about giving the pitchers a lift, but lift as in British English, as in putting the pitchers on an elevator with Droopy Dog saying, “Going down?” This was like if The Spice Girls had a Cilantro Spice. The Yankees used a pitcher named Hale just to troll the Brits. They should’ve signed Ben Revere to a two-day contract, but just to have him scream at the front gates when the Brits were coming into the stadium. That would’ve been savage. Never forget, never surrender! Okay, now I’m just singing Corey Hart, WHO WAS CANADIAN BUT REACHED SUCCESS IN AMERICA! Any hoo! There was a ton of offense this weekend. Luke Voit bongo’ed four hits on Saturday, then pulled up lame because London’s healthcare system. The Yanks said he should be back on Tuesday, and the Brits said, “The Yanks said something.” Aaron Judge (1-for-2, 1 run) went donking (his 7th); Aaron Hicks (2-for-5, 1 run, 2 RBIs) said, “Dinger ain’t just the Rockies mascot,” with his 6th on Saturday; Brett Gardner (2-for-4, 1 run, 1 RBI) elicits female-like screams from Joe Buck when he went deep for his 12th homer on Saturday; Michael Chavis stepped up for the Sawx with two dongers on Saturday because the fence was 255 feet away and 0-for-5 on Sunday; Just Dong (3-for-4, 2 runs and his 18th) introduced his new cosplay character, Dongo Magnificent; Christian Vazquez (2-for-5, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 11th homer) thumbed his nose up at all Protestant Vazquezes, and all pitchers got wrecked. I mean, Rick Porcello (1/3 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 5.07) and Masahiro Tanaka (2/3 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 3.74) should’ve forgot their passports and never even went. Oh well, as we know, hitters don’t need to be in London to tea off. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Please see our player page for Aaron Sanchez to see projections for today, the next 7 days and rest of season as well as stats and gamelogs designed with the fantasy baseball player in mind.
Jordan Hicks sounds headed for Tommy John surgery with a torn UCL. This sucks; don’t get me wrong, but it’s amazing all the people shocked by this news just because the Cardinals said on Sunday it wasn’t serious. I wish I could be that uncynical. I wish I could see the birds chirping and not a bird nagging another bird to take out the trash, or see the flowers and not think, “I wonder who’s buried under there,” but alas…So, with Jordan Hicks out for the next 14-18 months, who will close? Carlos Martinez has the makings of a two-inning closer, I guess, but, man or five women, it seems super dumb to continue Carlos Martinez down the closer route. Don’t they want him to start again at some point? John Gant’s been great until he defecated the sheet out of my fantasy bed on Sunday. He might still get some looks. Then there’s wild cards, Andrew Miller (if he were great like years past; he’s no brainer) and Tyler Webb, who is only in discussion because he got one save look the game where Hicks was hurt. I’d go C-Mart and Gant at 55% vs. 42% chance and everyone else at 3%. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
I hope everyone’s Memorial Day was filled with hot dogs, hamburgers, fireworks that were meant to be saved until July 4th but were blown off yesterday so close to your ear that you still have a ringing, and all the other red-white-blue American things one hears backstage at a Larry The Cable Guy concert. My Memorial Day was filled with eating and burping and farting and wearing an American flag t-shirt, but that’s every Monday. Eat a D, ISIS! Yesterday, Gerrit Cole loved the troops more than most starters, posting a line of 6 IP, 2 ER, 4 baserunners, 12 Ks, ERA at 4.02. Woke SpongeBob, “Yo, dem high-ranked starters are da bomb dot org.” Yo, WSB, you don’t sound so woke. “Go f–k yourself.” Wow, WSB, is lit! Cole’s peripherals: 14.1 K/9, 2.3 BB/9, 2.22 xFIP and is technically the number one starter in all of baseball if his luck was neutral. Don’t love trading for a top starter, but it’s hard to find a better buy low right now, due to his ERA. He could rattle off 120 innings of a sub-1 ERA. That’s Murica thru & thru. Not spelling shizz out is Murica too. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Hope our five girl readers had a beautiful Mother’s Day yesterday. I sent my mother a trade offer sending her Tyler Flowers and Goodrum. She appreciated the thought. Also, I wore pink the entire day for you mothers, because that is a very girly color that baseball keeps perpetuating every year. Why can’t mothers be into purple or lavender or mauve or rose or fuchsia or flamingo or other shades of a color similar to purple or pink? How about next year all players wear lavender pants suits for Mother’s Day? Ooh, I have an idea. Since all pink bats are relegated to the trash bin after Mother’s Day, how about players use them again to raise awareness to spay or neuter your pets? Like an in-heat bitch (medical term in vet school), George Springer was hot with that pink bat (more vet med terms), going 5-for-5, 5 runs, 4 RBIs with his 14th and 15th homer, hitting .321. The good news is he’s finally living up to his top 10 potential. The bad news is his owners from last year are on suicide watch. But, hey, it’s not us, right?! (Actually, it is me. Damn.) Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
No ham sad-wiches at this Fiers fest! Mike Fiers pitching a no-hitter with 6 Ks, ERA down to 5.48, and he only needed 131 pitches. Previously, he threw a no-hitter in 2015 when he threw 135 pitches. Man, pitchers really threw a whole lot more pitches back then in the mid-twenty-teens. Way back when we still thought Game of Thrones was a good show and not a shill for Starbucks. Way back in 2015 when we all got along outwardly and just simmered under the surface with our political differences. What a time! Of course, Mike Fiers was facing the Reds, and Fiers is red and *insert Spider-man pointing at himself jpg* and Ramon Laureano needed to rob Joey Votto of a home run, but…piece of cake. As we knew all along, there’s nothing to Fiers except Fiers himself. He was a streamer I strongly considered yesterday, because Fiers is the epitome of a Medi-OAKer pitcher, and he was at home facing a terrible team. Sadly, the one thing that puts out Fiers is when you put your stream on him. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
After our most successful article last week, we’re going to keep riding swiftly down the stream. While the pitching landscape has made it one of the most difficult seasons to stream, that means it’s more imperative than ever. Getting those quality innings into your lineup can help limit the blow from some of your regulars getting shelled and I feel as though we have a great crop of guys this week who can boost your ratios. Quite simply, I have an offer you can’t refuse…Please, blog, may I have some more?
Subliminally, I nod my whenever Reynaldo Lopez is mentioned. It’s a disease similar to Jimmy Legs; it’s called Lo-Pez Head. Yesterday, my Lo-Pez Head nodded for all the good he was doing (6 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunenrs (3 BBs), 14 Ks, ERA at 6.03). Lopez faced Murmurer’s Row of Detroit and sent them down, down, down, down–how many downs is that? 4 downs at three downs per down, that’s still only 12 downs and he had 14. Damn, that’s too many Ks for even the Alt-Right Sox. Usually Reynaldo Lopez rattles off a bag of Dick Poles. Am I now interested? Do I look *makes nutter rolly finger motion on side of head*? He was once a big-time prospect with a mid-90s MPH fastball that can hit straight-boing type levels. I see his current 11.2 K/9 and get weak in the knees, can barely speak, but his 4.9 BB/9 is his usual Pitfall Harry and his 5.47 xFIP doesn’t scream confidence like a man with 100-point font. I’d continue to view him as a streamer for now. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend for fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
How about that Gleyber Torres schmohawk post now? Grey’s a genius! Who happens to need an online dictionary to spell ‘genius.’ Why is that bad? Are you some kinda of elitist who memorizes werd spelings? Look at me, I’m a werd nord! Dur! I hate you! And Gleyber Torres. Why is everything going opposite world on me so far? I do fantasy baseball to relieve stress so why did I throw my computer out the window and am typing from a nearby bush? Yo, I’m so bush league! Get it? No? Me either, tee bee aitch. So, Gleyber Torres (4-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 1st two homers of the year) did the mollywhop dance on the O’s’ (not confusing apostrophes) pitching. Of course, Gleyber did! I’d stream any hitter against the Orioles, except maybe Chris Davis in a split squad game. Yo, Chris Davis, you wearing Opti-Grab glasses? Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
If a tree falls in a forest, but no one drafts the tree does it make a sound? That’s what it felt like this weekend at Razzball. I’m sure a ton of people were angry that Daniel Murphy fractured his finger, but I heard nary a peep from the Razzball faithful. I’m guessing because of where I ranked him. According to FantasyPros, the top person ranked him 26th overall. The worst ranking of him, and, oh, it’s just silly. Some total numbskull ranked him 150th overall. Wait a second, I’m that numbskull, and the awful ranking was actually him 26th overall. I should’ve wrote an overrated schmohawk post for him, but I didn’t because I didn’t want to write this in February, “He’s old, and will get hurt. End of post. So, did everyone already take down their Groundhog’s Day decorations?” I honestly couldn’t figure out why people were drafting him. His projections were 22 HRs, .310. I mean, okay, but kinda big whoop, no? Meh, I guess it’s irrelevant now since I know none of you drafted him. Right? Riiiiiiight? The good news is Garrett Hampson and Ryan McMahon should see more at-bats, and, just as I say that, the Rockies played Mark Reynolds at 1st base on Sunday. Oh, Rockies, you dumb, dumb team, which is different than the creative team behind Dum-Dum lollipops. They’re terrific. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?