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So, the Trent Grisham/Luis Urias trade is still being sorted it seems. If you’re the Brewers and Padres, do you think you won or lost the Urias/Grisham trade? Or do you think it’s a push and decide to go back to the well like Baby Jessica and try one more? How you answer that decides whether or not you make the Josh Hader trade, right? Since that Hader trade was made, it must mean both teams thought they won the Grisham/Urias one. Right? You don’t trade with a team that just fed you an L, do you? Well, I’m here to say the Brewers won that trade, and I think they won this trade too, but I’m a big fan of trading away closers, so I am biased. Yes, even top tier ones. With that said, I do think it’s odd the Brewers made this trade — appearing like sellers — as they are leading the NL Central.

The trade in full:  Josh Hader to the Padres for Taylor Rogers, Robert Gasser, Esteury Ruiz, and Dinelson Lamet. Do the Brewers just have such a “We can fix him” mentality they just have to take on messes? Oh man, the Brewers are Kate Hudson. That makes Taylor Rogers Matthew McConaughey; Dinelson Lamet is Paul Rudd and Esteury Ruiz is John Krasinski. What an All-Star cast of lovable losers that the Brewers, excuse me, Kate Hudson, er, I mean, Brewers need to fix! Looking at this from the other side, is the move from Taylor Rogers to Josh Hader worth the multiple players being sent away? Who’s the buyer here? Who’s the seller? Who’s the Boss!? Kinda like the Josh Hader trade because if you look at it at first, you’re like, “Brewers got hosed,” but then you look at it more and you’re like, “Padres got hosed,” but then look at it more and you’re like, “No, the Brewers definitely were hosed.” The Josh Hader trade is the Mona Lisa smile of trades.

So, Josh Hader is clearly the new closer in San Diego. Truly hope Devin Williams gets a chance to be the Brewers’ closer, but it’s been floated that the Brewers might like him in setup and roll Taylor Rogers out there for saves. Floated by whom? Me, right now, in these last few sentences. As for Esteury Ruiz, he was sent down, and Lamet is likely to be used in a similar role as in San Diego, for now, at least. Unless Kate Hudson can work her magic! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

We have every conceivable rookie’s projections who might be called up. Guys I’ve never heard of like Bobson Dugnutt, but even we don’t have Michael Harris II because he was so young and seemingly far away. Michael Harris II is so young Michael Harris I is still in theaters! Andruw Jones played just 50 games above Single A before he was called up by the Braves at age 19 in 1996. Michael Harris II, who is 21, played 43 games above Single A. How’d he go from A to the majors in roughly a month and a half? Hitting, baby! I give a lot of teams shizz for manipulating service time, but the Braves promote guys quickly. Maybe they feel bad after signing them for $500 and a bag of Takis when they’re 12. In 43 Double-A games, Michael Harris II went 5/11 .305/.372/.506 in 174 ABs. His skills are power and speed, which means he’s worth adding in all leagues. Speed doesn’t disappear for a young player after promotion. Power should remain too. The contact is going to make or break his game this year. If he can’t make contact, he might not hit and get demoted. If he can make contact, then he might be on the short list for biggest impact bats to get called up. Here’s what Prospect Itch said, “He’s a must-add where you can fit him. I’m about 60/40 that his swing-happy approach combined with the big-league heavy balls will prove too big a challenge for his first few hundred plate appearances, but stranger things have happened.” This guy sneaking in subconscious Netflix promos! Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

NY City’s newest fantasy ace Tylor Megill combined with four other relievers Friday night to throw the first Mets no hitter since Johan Santana in 2012. It was also the first no-no of the season, and just the second for the Mets in ever! Chris Bassitt says Manfred’s balls are all messed up–yet, he and […]

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Happy Mother’s Day to all the baby’s mamas, mamas, mamas, baby mamas, mamas. Much respect to the mothers. Without my emergence from my mother’s vagina, I wouldn’t be able to bestow on you my fantasy baseball ‘pertness. We are one people and everyone has popped out of a mother’s vagina at one point, unless you’re an alien — I’m looking at you, Andrelton! — and with our emergence from our mother’s vagina — or that Cesarean stuff that I don’t fully understand — I say we should all live together, loving each other, and never speaking of Luis Castillo again, cause he sucks. Yesterday, the Jays called up Nate Pearson (2 1/3 IP, 3 ER, 4 hits, 5 walks) and he couldn’t find the plate, obviously. There was one inning there where it felt like I aged ten years, and I was still younger than Nelson Cruz. Nate Pearson shouldn’t be judged on one start. His stuff is as electric as any I’ve seen recently. Won’t mean it’s without some ups and downs, but a potential 10+ K/9 plays everywhere. He will need to rein in his control to be effective for the shallowest leagues. Far from an easy matchup against the Astros, though one of the easier outs Kyle Tucker (2-for-3, 3 runs, 4 RBIs and his 6th homer, hitting .188) was the bulk of the damage. I hope that Mother Tucker’s happy. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Week 5 wasn’t as good as Week 4, but I’m far from disappointed. The only real blunder was Jakob Junis, and he didn’t even start! He was strangely removed from the rotation and proceeded to get blown up in a bullpen role. That means you guys probably didn’t stream him anyway, which means we’ll take the win! The rest of the streamers picked up numerous quality starts, and I’m very pleased with how risky many of those picks looked. I feel way more confident about these streamers, though, so let’s go ahead and start riding the wave!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Well, the season is upon us!  Injury season!  As if last year wasn’t bad enough, we get another chance to drive ourselves mad over the increasing number of injuries, covid vaccine complications, and even video game-related injuries.  I remember one time when I was just a young lad, probably no more than 10 years old when a certain video game was introduced to me!  “Leisure Suit Larry”.  If you are not familiar, it is a graphic adventure game where you play the role of a 38-year-old virgin who still lives in your mothers’ basement.  With only $98 in your pocket a sweet ass Leisure Suit, you have to move up the ranks and seduce the likes of a sex worker, a bar drunk, a girl next door, and finally the perfect 10!  How does this story correlate to today?  Glad you asked!  Jesus Luzardo injured his hand while banging the coffee table, and there was a time when I had this game and I injured my hand bang……..wait.  Let’s get back to baseball!  

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After going off in the first two weeks, Week 3 was extremely annoying. The weather just obliterated all of the rotations, and it didn’t even seem like most of my streamers faced their projected matchups. We discussed how Mother Nature could do cruel things, and she was downright evil to us last week. In any case, we still got a few solid performances, but I expect better from myself. That has me motivated to have a huge week here, and I can’t wait to get these streamers out there. With that in mind, let’s get into our streamers of the week!

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The Reds’ bullpen are the Nasty Boys again. Not in the good way though. In the Janet Jackson way. . .Nasty, nasty boys, don’t mean a thing. Lucas Sims (1 IP, 3 ER) came in and pitched a clean, sexy 9th inning, like a closer might. Then the 10th inning came, and–did Amir Garrett sneeze on him? Yo, I put this CD-Rom in my computer, fired up the dial-up, and began to clothe my Sims family for this? Are you kidding? Reds’ bullpen is so bad, it made the Dbags’ pen look good, but only by comparison, because Kevin Ginkel (2/3 IP, 1 ER); Yoan Lopez (2/3 IP, 1 ER); Stefan Crichton (1/3 IP, 2 ER) trust me, are not good. I’m actually holding out hope that Joakim Soria returns as the closer, and I already know he’s gonna suck. Not because I’ve seen the future, but because I’ve seen the past! Eight home runs left Great American Ballpark yesterday, and they hadn’t seen so many dongs since Marge Schott was breeding bulldogs. Since there’s so many dingers, let’s get on the other side of the ‘anyway’ to go over them. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

*counting puffs of smoke out of a chimney* “One…two…Mama mia! It’s two puffs-a smoke-a!” An Italian boy rides his bike through The Vatican, swerving around bishops, priests and nuns. Finally, the Italian boy skids to a stop, tosses his bike down and runs into a chapel. Inside, he runs up to the altar, where a priest wears a DraftKings cap. “Father, they held the Cardinals to two hits?” “Holy See……….t!” There’s about 40 top twenty starters. Does that mean there’s 40 top 20 starters? Not exactly. There’s 40 starters who could sneak into the top 20 starter conversation. Then there’s about 20 starters who could sneak into the top 10 starter conversation. Then there’s about ten starters who could be a top five starter. Finally, there’s about five starters who could be the top starter. Aaron Nola is in that last group. Yesterday, Aaron Nola went 9 IP, 0 ER, 2 hits, zero walks, 10 Ks, ERA at 2.19, solidifying himself as a 10+ K/9, 1-something BB/9 ace. Holy See……….t, indeed. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

A friend of mine Pete Gabriel looked at my team and said, “This team is going to be a sledgehammer!” Then after a brief pause said, “I didn’t capitalize sledgehammer, and I am in no way related to Peter Gabriel or Peter Gabriel’s estate. Any potential confusion is just unfortunate mistake. Please don’t sue me.” Then after filling out a ten-page contract clearing him of any liability, he said, “Your hitting will go boom, boom, boom! Son,” he said, “Grab your things, your hitters will drive guys home!” Then, after a lengthy reconfirmation that he was 100% unrelated to Peter Gabriel, he said, “The light…the heat…Your team is complete in your eyes.” Then quickly added, “But I didn’t sing any of that so don’t confuse me, Pete Gabriel, with the Grammy-winning singer, Peter Gabriel.” It’s exhausting hanging out with that guy. For those unaware, this league is 5×5 with OBP instead of AVG, two-catcher, 12-team NL-Only league. Anyway, here’s my Tout Wars draft recap:

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This was the hardest draft of my life. I kid sometimes you can draft something like four of five guys in my top 20 overall, unless you’re in a league with 11 other Greys. Well, this league felt like I was in a league with 14 other Greys. This draft was like everyone was sitting in my head and moving my arms and I was Howdy Doody and my team turned to doodie and GET OUT OF MY HEAD, I scream as I take two Dusty Baker collectible toothpicks and jam them into my ears. Honestly, this league kinda filled me with joy. Y’all are so good. I was very impressed with everyone’s drafting. No teams jumped out as complete messes. Well, except for mine. It was like you flew out of the nest, turned around to me your Daddy Bird, smiled, and then motioned for a woodpecker to take out my branch so I would fall to my death. Why are you working with woodpeckers behind my back?! (By the by, we just added ten more RCL leagues due to demand — Play against a hundred of your greatest frenemies! — signups) Anyway, here’s my 15-team, mixed league, NFBC Draft Champions recap:

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Howdy-do, Razzballers.

The snow wasn’t exactly as apocalyptic as initially feared, but we did get quite a bit for what we’re used to down here in the Dirty Souf. Needless to say, as we’re half-drowning in snow, Spring Training is starting up in other parts of the country. Games kick off Feb. 28. Pretty much all free agents worth a damn are signed by now, so this will be my last “The Saturday Morning Post” (in name only), as I’ll be transitioning to covering the weekly “Ambulance Chasers” column, which will drop at the same time next week. All injuries I deem to have fantasy impact will be covered, with as-in-depth-as-possible hot takes on who shall benefit from said injuries. Spring Training is fun and all, but someone always does something stupid and screws over fantasy owners before games even begin for real.

Anyhoodles, for the last time this offseason, here are the sexiest nomads of the last week:

Please, blog, may I have some more?