Welcome back for another star-studded event! Assuming you hack into your favorite online dictionary and replace the definition of ‘star’ with “guy who lives in his mom’s basement and screams when someone finishes his Doritos,” and next to the definition of ‘stud’ you put a picture of yourself. The Razzballies are the only award show where it’s totally fine to show up in sweatpants, and for your fingers to be orange from Cheetos. We don’t judge. We will occasionally mock. Mock-judge, tomato-tomahto. Get over it! But don’t mock Judge, that’s not all right. I hope you enjoyed the clip show where I inserted myself into various baseball clips from this year. How about the clip where I was Kris Bryant learning about launch angles from David Eckstein? Hee-lar-e-us! So, before I’m talking to no one but a room full of seat-fillers, here’s the year-end awards for the best and worst of fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Please see our player page for Josh Donaldson to see projections for today, the next 7 days and rest of season as well as stats and gamelogs designed with the fantasy baseball player in mind.
O Lourdes’, Yuli, give us the strength to win our final head-to-head match ups. Give us enough power to steal back those roto cats. Oh great and wise fantasy Lourdes…and Yuli, I know you can help us! Friday night baseball’s Gurriel brothers, Lourdes of the Blue Jays and Yuli of the Astros, each hit two home runs. You go, Gurriels! It was the first time in MLB history brothers had multi home run games on the same night or something, don’t quote me on that google it. Joe and Dom? Sandy and Roberto? So jelly right now! Sounds like a great STUMP trivia question in five years we’ll never remember the answer to. Honestly though, these are the kind of family-centric stories baseball needs right now! With these look-at-me showboating young guns and their home run trots, and their fortnite dances and their neon cleats and their racist tweets. They’re disrespecting the game! Anyway, Yuli Gurriel (3-for-4, 2 HR (12), 7 RBI) is likely already owned in most leagues you have any chance of winning at this point but little brother Lourdes Gurriel (3-for-4, 2 HR (11)) is still available in over 90% of leagues and he’s hitting .400 with three homers and seven RBI in the past week. Lourdes have mercy! more like it. What is your MI doing? If the Lourdes is doing better grab him while he’s hot! Dude’s got a brother in the big leagues–that’s called pedigree, my fake internet friends. Justin and Melvin Upton the ball is in your court. Wait is Melvin still in the league? Doesn’t matter. It’s not stopping Stephen and J.D., who I hear are already planning a comeback for the record! Only the good Lourdes can save us then.
Here’s what else I saw in fantasy baseball Friday night:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Mets outfielder/grandfather Jay Bruce hit his second home run in the past three days last night, a 3-run shot that put the game out of reach and he finished the night 2-for-5, with his eighth home run and four runs batted in. When Jay has-a-day at Fenway that calls for the throwback “Bruuuuuuuuce!” Despite battling injuries all year long, the veteran is now batting .270 with four home runs and 12 RBI in September and he’s getting hot at just the right time for his team and fantasy owners. The Mets have won seven games in a row, you guys! That’s right, that same Mets team that won just five games in June are 7-3 over their last 10 games! Why do you care? Well, Bruce’s mighty power bat could be a big reason why! There was also a rat in the dugout and on the field at ‘Family Friendly’ Fenway Friday night, and I’m inclined to say the New York Mess probably brought the plague with them, but at least no one has hand foot and mouth disease…yet. Barring him catching the black plague, Bruce might catch fire in the next couple days because that’s what Jay Bruce does, so I’m telling you now that all the signs are there for the beginning of an absolute tear and maybe you should grab him before that happens. It’s easy to forget he hit 37 home runs between New York and Cleveland last year. I’m not saying he gets to 30 home runs, or even 20, but the Mets are hot, Jay sits in the heart of this line up and one of a few players capable of a 5+ homer week. He was a BUY and he’s available in over 75% of leagues and the team is Queens in a fantasy gold mine right now. I can’t believe I’m saying that, what a wild season!
Here’s what else I saw in fantasy baseball Friday night:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Daydream Bieber is a homecoming KEEEEEEN-ing-ing-ing-iiiiing. If you could’ve heard that in my head, you’d be like, “Damn, Grey’s got some pipes!” I think I might be tone deaf. Is there anyway to know for sure? Because I hear myself and I sound fine, and then I hear Jennifer Hudson and I’m like, “I sound like her in my head.” Is that tone deaf? My dog, Ted, is colorblind. In other words, Ted doesn’t discriminate. Therefore, maybe tone deaf is the perfect set of ears because it doesn’t discriminate sounds. Also, do you think my dog translates everything I say into barks? I’m a curious person probably why I’m off the Mensa scale — or Womensa scale or non-binarysa scale. Any hoosies! Shane Bieber threw 6 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 11 Ks yesterday and dazzled again, though some of those dazzlers were mixed in with frowny faces — sad-dazzlers? Sadazzlers? Frownedazzlers? Trapped myself into a portmanteau loop and there’s no way out! I’d use the Stream-o-Nator for his upcoming starts, but for 2019 there’s very little to be pessimistic about with Bieber. His 9.6 K/9, 1.7 BB/9 and 3.24 xFIP are things of beauty. If he can do that in 2019, Bieber could easily back himself into a top 40 starter season and a fantasy number three with flashes of two. I’m down for that even if there’s some frownedazzlers mixed in! Sadazzlers? Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
The story of German Marquez isn’t one they tell you in your parochial schools. It’s an ugly story punctuated with cowardice and the worst atrocities in history. You’d think if a family emigrated from 1940’s Germany they would’ve had the common decency to not name their child German. Also, his father claiming to be an appliance repairman who specializes in ovens is disgusting. The last straw was when his family tried to claim sauerkraut was good in tacos. Shame on you! What’s less shameful is how he’s pitched in the 2nd half. He now has a 2.64 ERA in the 2nd half in 68 1/3 IP, and his peripherals on the year are gorgeous — 10.2 K/9, 2.8 BB/9, 3.21 xFIP. He’s doing it with newfound success in his slider, which he throws 15% of the time. That slider is top 15 in the majors, and is supported with a 95 MPH fastball. In other words, this breakout appears real. Last night, he went 7 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 11 Ks, ERA at 3.94, and I see no reason to not start him in any matchup, even in Coors. Or Löwenbräu as he calls it. Disgraceful! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
The September roster expansion this year was a bit of a dud. No Eloy Jimenez and no Vladimir Guerrero Jr. It’s too bad what’s best for baseball and these young players is not what is also best for their teams. Their rewards and our rewards are not aligned. It’s like going into the supermarket for pluots and they tell you, “It’s pluot season. Pluots are best this time of year. You want to eat dem pluots now so they slobber down your chin like you’re a human St. Bernard. So, we’re putting our pluots into liquid nitrogen to freeze them until mid-April of next year, and we will serve you pluots once their service time allows us to keep them an extra year.” However, the Nationals are working on a different schedule apparently because they are calling up Victor Robles, i.e., to the Victor goes the spoiled pluots. Where will Victor Robles play? Haven’t a clue, Colonel Mustard. Bryce Harper (1-for-2, 3 RBIs and his 31st homer yesterday) goes to right and Robles plays center while Adam’s Eaton the pine? Adam’s Eaton up time while Bryce goes to the bench because the Nationals know Harper is not in their future plans? Robles just plays periodically unless something goes completely sideways and the Nats will pass ‘o Robles. On Prospector Ralph’s top 500 fantasy baseball prospects, Robles is about as high a player can be who isn’t A) Not being called up this year. B) Not already called up. C) There’s no C. To give you an idea of Robles’ profile, think Starling Marte without knowing his upside. I will call you No Ceiling Marte. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Real baseball is weird. Real sportswriters are even weirder. From Sportsnet.ca, “Donaldson trade marks abrupt split from Blue Jays after promising start.” Abrupt? Maybe I’m just heartless, but why would the Blue Jays be salty about getting rid of Josh Donaldson? If he would’ve stayed with the club, he could’ve opted into a $18 million contract and been back next year in Toronto insanely overpaid and blocking Vladimir Guerrero Jr. Then, from Sportsnet.ca, “But trading the star third baseman and cash to the Cleveland Indians, who visit Toronto next week, of all places? Even the New York Yankees would have been a more palatable destination.” I’m sorry, what? Why are the Indians worse than the Yankees? Because Edwin is there? Because the Jays’ GM used to be in Cleveland? Is this just bad writing? Or is real baseball just odd. I seriously have no idea. Elsewhere, other sportswriters were talking about what a great move this was. No wonder people come here and get floored when I say something about a guy like Josh Donaldson being overrated. They’re being lied to everywhere else. This was not a great move by the Indians. Donaldson can’t stay healthy and has no place to play. Maybe he can give them a solid at-bat off the bench, but Curtis Granderson might’ve been able to do that too. Don’t worry, will get to him and all the other September roster news. As they say at gang initiation, after the jump. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Yesterday, Christian Yelich hit for the cycle, going 6-for-6, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 26th homer, hitting .319. Yelich has been sexier than that random porn that was released of him. Speaking of porn (always a great intro to a sentence), you know you have a cougar problem when…True story, I woke up yesterday morning and Googled to see if there ever was a movie made called, Call Me By Your Ma’am with Kimothee ChalaMILF. That feels like too much information, but I trust you with everything, except any identifying details about me in real life. Any hoo! Yelich! Are you kidding me? Keyword is kidding, because he looks like he’s 12. Yo, you super pre-teen? You in Stranger Things? We’re at the point now when I’m starting to think about 2019, and Yelich, well, is there any way he’s not top 20? Yelich or Springer? Gotta be Yelich, right? Yelich or Bregman? Okay, tough call, but damn close. He’s definitely better than Kimothee ChalaMILF! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
The stretch run is here, the only thing that matters at this point in the season is the W. No not that trash Wu-Tang album, where’s your head at dude? It’s time to take home championships y’all! This week we hit on all the names you should know for September call-ups. Of course I mention Peter Alonso, but the Mets are awful in every way, shape, and form. Not to worry there’s plenty of other names out there to help you out. After that we hit on Kendrys’ magical run, Christian Yelich’s stellar year, and where we rate him for 2019, as well as a little back-patting for Grey’s pre-season Josh Donaldson call. It’s the latest episode of the Razzball Fantasy Baseball Podcast. As always, go and checkout our sponsor Rotowear.com and use our promo-code SAGNOF to get 20% off all of your purchases.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Don Mattingly and Ken Griffey Jr. sit in the airport, waiting for their flight out to Toronto, trying to make small talk, “How has post-Hall of Fame life been?” “Good, good, how has post, uh, mustache life been?” “Fine, yeah, fine.” Finally, a Cooperstown employee approaches, “Where do you want Dale Long’s sarcophagus?” “Are you not staying with it?” “I was just told to deliver it. Now, if Kendrys Morales breaks the home run record, you press this button on the side of the sarcophagus.” Ken and Don look at each other and decide to try the button. Dale’s sarcophagus opens and what resembles a crypt keeper says, “Wow, I can’t believe he broke our record. That’s outta sight!” And Dale’s mummified eyes spin like a slot machine. This is reenactment of what Mattingly and Griffey are going through as they join Kendrys for the chase of their home runs in eight straight games record. Yesterday, Morales homered in his 7th straight game, going 1-for-3, 2 RBIs, and that was his 21st homer. I actually just picked up Kendrys Morales in my RCL league, after I picked up my jaw from surprise that he was still available. He’s so smooth right now, they call him Kendrys Alba. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?