“All Waiver Claims Are Mines,” the newly minted state motto of Ohio. Previously, the state motto was “Put Slop On My Pasketti.” So, I’ll be honest, I kinda like the new waiver wire claim madness. Or WWCM as it’s known colloquially. The WWCM gives us one more shot in the arm of excitement as fans, and it allows teams who got ungatz at the deadline to make one final push, like the Guards did by grabbing Lucas Giolito, Reynaldo Lopez, and Matt Moore. It’s a move, in retrospect, that makes so much sense yet I never thought the Guards had it in them. Kinda thought if you poked the Guards with a stick, they’d remain motionless. Giolito is the only one that has any fantasy value in all leagues — the other guys might have value in Holds leagues, but that’s about it. Giolito goes to a better park — Flo from Progressive Field is dead-last for offense. That is slightly misleading because if you have good pitching, you’re going to suppress offense — dur. Still it’s up there with the best pitchers’ parks. I’d put it in the top five for best pitchers’ parks. Giolito’s biggest issue is allowing homers and walks. Walks won’t change in his new park, but the homers should. He’s likely still a 3.75 to 4.10 ERA pitcher, but that’s better than he’s been, especially if it’s on the low side of that projection. Change your license plate frame, it’s not just a slop on pasketti state anymore! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Harrison Bader – Claimed by the Reds to finally and maybe forever replace Senzel. Losenzel, means to lose Senzel, a term dedicated to the Reds who never wanted to lose Senzel, but who have finally maybe, God willing, lost Senzel. Truly hope this does not mean Bader goes to center and Friedl and Senzel platoon, but it might. Reds might be a Shiny New Toy team, which means Bader gets the leadoff slot and an everyday job. The leadoff slot is debatable, but everyday job isn’t. He’s solid, and this is going to be a nice boost for Bader’s value.

Hunter Renfroe – Claimed by the Reds. Finally, the end of Will Benson! Nah, I kid. I liked Benson. Robert Guillaume rocked. But Renfroe prolly does steal a bunch, if not all, of Benson’s playing time. There’s also the DH slot, so the Reds might choose temperance, and lose Martini. Don’t think you need me to tell you Renfroe gets a boost in Cincy, but, if you did need me to say it, I just done did say it.

Randal Grichuk – Went unclaimed, which is whatever, but it does have me thinking about the Angels putting Randal Grichuk on waivers, no one claiming him and Angels’ GM Perry Minasian having to explain to Arte Moreno why no one wants Grichuk, who just last month the Angels were excited about getting.

Alexander Canario – Called up by the Cubs. He made Itch’s top 100 prospects back in March, but has since fallen off, after struggling this year a bit. He has nice power, but looks like he could struggle to hit .220 and is likely bench depth for the Cubs. Might platoon with Tauchman. He won’t be in this afternoon’s Buy column, but he’s here now if you like in NL-Only leagues.

Wilyer Abreu – Was activated from the IL, and Ceddanne Rafaela stayed with the Sawx. Wilyer getta load of them! That’s promising, but I still don’t see where the at-bats are coming from for Rafaela.

Nick Loftin – Called up by the Royals. Finally, a Loftin returns to the AL Central. Works better if you read it out loud and don’t see Lofton and Loftin are spelled differently. Loftin looks like he was made in the Whit Merrifield mold. Call him Moldyfield. Don’t see a direct path to at-bats for him, but can monocle in AL-Only.

Josh Donaldson – Signed a minor league deal with the Brewers, and is reporting to Nashville. Would be the ultimate troll move if they just let him rot in Triple-A for the rest of the year, but, assuming they signed him for the stretch run, doesn’t he need to be with the club when rosters expand? I don’t understand any of this move, but it’s irrelevant for fantasy, because he sucks.

Joan Adon – 5 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 5.90. Elias Sports Bureau said this was the best game pitched by a Joan since Joan Cusack went six scoreless in the 1985’s Battle of the Network Stars. A fantastic achievement.

Jazz Chisholm Jr. – 2-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 14th homer. His homers are so effortless there’s no way I’m ever quitting him, is there? No, of course not! Ugh!

Braxton Garrett – 6 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 1 K, ERA at 3.86. The entire Marlins’ staff is more gassed than a tanker during the Gulf War. Love that Braxton (and others) are giving it their old college try, but it feels like the Marlins are dooming themselves for next year. And, if you’re thinking, “Nah, Handsome-faced Grey, Braxton pitched well yesterday,” no, he didn’t really. Due to bizarre scheduling there was no other MLB games, s0 I watched the entire thing. He couldn’t even punch out a stamp card.

Jake Burger – 1-for-4, 2 runs and his 28th homer, hitting .242. Jake Burger gonna finish with 20 homers more than Jose Abreu. *sits by self in a crowded restaurant, sobbing* A waiter approaches and I scream, “I should’ve gotten a Burger!”

Mike Yastrzemski – 2-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 12th homer. From Burger to Carl’s Jr. Jr., teach me to write on an empty stomach.

Yu Darvish – Shut down with a bone spur. Padres could still make a run. Don’t count them out!

Mookie Betts – 2-for-3, 3 runs, 4 RBIs and his 37th and 38th homer. Mookie Best!

Michael Busch – 1-for-4 and his 2nd homer. He’ll be in this afternoon’s Buy column. It’ll be a lukewarm endorsement, but it’s there.

Lance Lynn – 4 1/3 IP, 7 ER, ERA at 5.81. There was a shot of the dugout and Dave Roberts was watching Lance Lynn face the Braves, and standing next to Roberts was an angel by the name of Clarence, saying something about how this will be your future in the playoffs.

Ronald Acuña Jr. – 2-for-3, 4 RBIs and his 30th homer, hitting .336. Became the first 30/60 player since Eric Gagne, but I believe that was referring to his eyesight.

Michael Harris II – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 13th homer. Him cashing vs. crashing is one of the biggest surprises for me. Would’ve bet just about anything on it. Thankfully, my credit’s no good!

Zack Short – 1-for-4 and his 6th homer. Not enough is made of him playing shortstop, and his commitment to becoming a modern-day Who’s On First.

Matt Manning – 6 IP, 0 ER, 2 hits, 2 walks, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.62. Yeah, but you need to discount how good he looked because he was vs. the 1990 Yankees. That team also put the barf in Barfield.

Alex Lange – 1 IP, 3 ER, 4th blown save, ERA at…Guess. Come within a run of his ERA. I bet you can’t! Nope, it’s 3.93. I thought it was higher too. He should still be replaced by Foley but I don’t think it’s ever happening. Or that it matters in most leagues.

Clarke Schmidt – 4 2/3 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 4.56. Streamonator loves Schmidt’s next start, and, while I don’t trust him in general, it’s as good as any bet.

Anthony Volpe – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 20th homer, as he hits third. Ha, the Yikes are incredible. What a shizzshow. Sure, Volpe’s one of the few bright spots –20/20 is nothing to sneeze at unless you’re allergic to productive middle infidels — but batting third with a .219 average? That’s an el oh el from me dawg. Feel blessed for being able to witness the fall of the Yankee empire, because I know the eventual rebuild will be even more glorious as Brian Cashman trades Dominguez this offseason for one year of Max Kepler.

Colton Cowser – Recalled by the Orioles. He’s coming up with Krehbiel — Bart Simpson’s teacher.

Brett Baty – Recalled by the Mets. That recalling went like this: “Hey, what was that guy’s name who sucked that was supposed to be good?” “Brett Baty?” “Yeah, that’s the guy!”

Joey Lucchesi – Will be used as a 6th starter this September by the Mets. That’s Joey Lucchesi of the Calzone Crime Family to you meatballs!

Ronny Mauricio – Called up by the Mets. Was watching the Mets game on Wednesday, from start to brutal finish for Aroldis, but it was on mute while I was reading a book, and the book was titled, “Ronny Mauricio: Future Star,” and I missed that he was being called up for Friday! What’s the chances? As it turns out, BetMGM says it’s 780 to 1 and I made someone a millionaire by messing up! I should’ve bet on myself! You could bet on Ronny Mauricio too, because he’s a star about to shoot through the night sky over Metco. This year, he went 23/24/.295 in Triple-A with a 18.2% strikeout rate. To further upset my paisans at all 120 Original Ray’s around the city, I think I like him more than Jasson Dominguez, but would go Dominguez first, because the park is a tad better. It’s a fun, close toss-up. The New York baseball scene got more interesting overnight. It was overnight a night ago, but ya know what I mean.