Please see our player page for Carlos Martinez to see projections for today, the next 7 days and rest of season as well as stats and gamelogs designed with the fantasy baseball player in mind.

The album I released called Father’s Day has an intro as its first song, here it is, “This is dedicated to all those dads out there that stood by their responsibilities and raised your seed.  Unless you would’ve been a terrible father, then it’s better if you shirked your responsibilities and hightailed it out of there.  Something that’s rarely mentioned about absentee fathers, if you would’ve been a crap father, then it’s best if you weren’t around.  The best thing some fathers could give their kids is not being there.  This is dedicated to all the fathers that left.  This is for all the dads that would’ve been so bads.  All the pops that drank nonstops.  You’re often forgotten, but we appreciate your fatherhood was misbegotten”  Any hoo!  Yesterday, Julio Teheran went 6 IP, 0 ER, 0 hits, 3 walks, 11 Ks, lowering his ERA to 3.97, as he was activated from the DL.  He didn’t go on a rehab assignment.  Well, technically, he didn’t but he returned to face the Padres, so same diff.  Teheran’s peripherals are a mess like the father who abandoned us who we now appreciate, so Teheran was money on Sunday, but don’t expect child support (this is so hashtag woke).  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

On Saturday, Charlie Morton went 3 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 1 Hit (!), 6 BBs (Oy), 4 Ks, ERA at 2.82 vs. the never-seen-nothing-that-was-too-terrible-to-swing-at Rangers, no less.  I can think of another word that rhymes with Chazz to call Morton.  It sounds a bit like the spa we operated back in 2010.  Don’t you remember Spazzball?  The retreat for prematurely balding men who had to check in with their moms once a day.  You don’t remember the Ballpark Water in the lobby that we floated hot dogs in?  It was poorly conceived, for sure.  Like this start by Morton, where he said, “I think over the course of the past couple weeks my delivery’s just kind of gotten a little out of whack and timing has gotten a little out of whack. And today was just really bad. It has to do with my front side. I’m just flying open.”  Well, at least he feels bad and seems to know the issue, right?  You don’t have a category for empathy in your league?  Can you check with your commish about adding it?  For unstints, if a player yawns after another player yawns, then they get an empathy point.  No?  Okay.  Hopefully, Morton can right the ship, but I can’t say I’m not concerned.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Opening a gift, “Aw, geez, Kershaw, you didn’t have to give me your arm.”  That’s Ross Stripling at the office Christmas party.  “Don’t mention it.  Hey, Tommy Lasorda, could you get off my lap, my back is starting to hurt.  Also, you’re not wearing pants.”   I forget if I ever told you — the royal you since you’re wearing that Burger King crown — but a friend of mine told me Lasorda still goes to the Dodgers’ clubhouse to use the showers and likes to walk around naked.  How’s dem visuals!  By the by, I’ve reached the age where I forget if a friend of mine told me that, I heard it on the radio or if a commenter told me.  Welcome to your 40’s, you don’t look a day older than 27.  No, really, I don’t.  Anyhoo!  Last night Stripling did what he’s done all year — 5 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 1.52.  The slightly bizzonkers thing is his peripherals say he’s nearly this good — 11.1 K/9, 1.9 BB/9, 2.63 xFIP.  Don’t love he throws only 92 MPH, but he’s dominating with the curve.  He credits pitching coach, Rick Honeycutt, with his newfound success, saying he told him to throw the curve as hard as he can.  I see no velocity difference in his curve, according to the stats, but stats-schmats, Honeycutt-Schmoneycutt, whatever works.  At this point, hard to ignore the results(schmults).  Anyway, here’s what else I saw in fantasy baseball yesterday:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

True Story Alert!  Justin Bieber used to live about two blocks away from Cougs and I.  Honestly, he might still live there, but I doubt it because I no longer go to the supermarket (block between us) and hear this, “BIEBER, I LOVE YOU.  HERE IS MY VIRGINITY.  LITERALLY TAKE IT FROM ME.  PLEASE!!!”  Also, I no longer have to jostle between TMZ cameramen for my kombucha.  Here’s a story about how he wanted to put a skatepark into his condo.  Dude, LA’s special.  Any hoo!  Yesterday, I was screaming like a 15-year-old girl for Shane Bieber to remove my sexual flower for the first few innings, then he ran into some trouble in the 5th, when it became apparent major league hitters (even the bottom of the Twins’ order; Ryan LaMarre, really?) are not quite who he was blowing away in the minors this year (1.05 ERA, 8.1 K/9, 0.5 BB/9).  He worked consistently down in the strike zone with a 93 MPH fastball, and broke off, uh, breaking stuff off down and outside.  There wasn’t a ton of hard contact until the 6th inning, which was a quick turnaround on a 5th inning, which saw him clearly winded — final line, 5 2/3 IP, 4 ER, 9 baserunners (1 BB), 6 Ks.  I’m interested in him in deeper mixed leagues, but he looks like he will have the usual rookie pitcher lumps.  For what it’s Werth, he’s the 9th best starter on the Prospect-o-Nator, which lists all rookie pitcher projections.  Plus, no reports of this Bieber wanting a skatepark.  That’s good.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Hello and welcome to the updated MLB ROTO category leaders nine weeks into the season and hopefully most of you are enjoying your Memorial Day weekend and maybe watched a few laps of the Indy 500 has come and gone.  Will Power ran away with the victory while Ed Carpenter ate some of his dust in the last few laps.  After another week of baseball, some AL pitchers joined a different type of race to try and pass up the stat leaders, while others are looking for Vin Diesel’s NOS button to extend their lead, leaving the rest of the pack hoping for a Cal Naughton Jr. finish for silver.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Let’s see, if Tyler O’Neill is Kelly Leak, then Coach Walter Matheny is curmudgeonly happy.  “Lean into the pitch, Whomever is the Cards catcher while Molina and Kelly are out!”  If in this reboot T. O’Neill is playing Kelly, who’s playing the girl’s role on the Cards?  Hmm, only one it could be is Tommy Herr.  Come out of retirement!  By the by, this movie?  Doesn’t hold up at all.  Don’t ever watch it again.  Remember what you can and move on.  Any hoo!  Tyler O’Neill (2-for-4, 4 RBIs, hitting .368) hit yet another homer — his third in three games — and he’s capable of hitting 30 homers.  Not over the whole year, like if we’re backtracking, I mean from today forward.  Not sure if the Cards play him, sometimes Walter Matheny appears drunk, but I would grab O’Neill for power.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Lot to unpack here with Robinson Cano (2B, Fractured Hand; Dumb)… First Cano took a fastball off the back of his hand and suffered a broken bone in his hand, then an even bigger disappointment hammer fell. Cano was suspended 80 games for taking performance enhancing drug. That brings him to an early August return. Yikes. Stash or Trash: Stash. He’s too good for you to drop. He’ll still have two months of baseball once he returns. Fill In: Yolmer Sanchez (22.2%.) Can’t believe I’m still recommending this guy! He’s got a nice 2B/3B eligibility, a .296 average and is hitting 2nd for the White Sox. Great fill in option now, and bench bat for later.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Now, on most occasions, if one were to toot his own horn, he’d never leave the house.  And, coincidentally, I don’t go out that much.  However, seriously, rain down your props on me for Nick Pivetta.  Rain them down!  Who else told you to grab him the 1st week of the season?  Yesterday, he went 7 IP, 1 ER, 3 baserunners, 11 Ks, ERA at 3.72.  I’ve been telling you people — yeah, you people! — to own Pivetta forever (six weeks).  He’s a new, different — better even! — pitcher this year.  He has a 10 K/9 and 2.2 BB/9.  If you don’t know why that’s good, I can help you, but it could take some time.  You do know what numbers are, right?  Okay, good first step.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Ya know, if you’re gonna get busted for PEDs and be suspended for 80 games, the way to do it is right after fracturing your hand.  It’s like coming down with mono the week of your prom when you have no date.  “Damn, am I gonna miss that?  That is too bad, but I am so drowsy I feel like I have two Forest Whitaker eyes.”  That’s you getting prom-o-mono.  I am more surprised to hear Robinson Cano was busted for PEDs, than I am to learn he had no idea he was taking the illegal substance.  Baseball is currently batting a thousand for denials of PEDs suspensions. MLB players’ denials of taking the illicit substance should get into the Hall of Fame on its first ballot.  Speaking of Hall of Fame, I kinda thought Robinson Cano was headed there.  This will obviously shade a cloud over his entire career, which I do think is a shame.  What’s also a shame, you need to drop him in all leagues.  He’s more or less done for the year.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?