Lamet’s Lament

Dinelson Lamet went 2 IP, 0 ER, 4 Ks as he was activated from the IL, and left with forearm tightness as he heads back to the IL. Last time I wrote about him, I wrote, “Will make season debut today or tomorrow, which puts him on pace for Tommy John surgery on May 12th, give or take three days.” And that’s me predicting the woefully obvious! I might’ve overestimated how long he’d stay healthy. The Padres should trade their trainers back to the Mets. Lamet could already be six months into his Tommy John rehab. Now he’s on pace for throwing a game when, August 2022? Could’ve been April 2022 if they would’ve reacted promptly. There’s no excuse. Sorry, if they won’t be the grownups, I will! Send him for surgery and bring up MacKenzie Gore! No one wants Dr. James Andrews to purchase a hot tub that fits inside his other hot tub like he’s got the Inception of hot tubs designed by Xzibit, but Lamet’s surgery needs to happen! *Grey angrily takes a bite out of laptop, sparks fly* Let’s go! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Jace Peterson – 2-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 2nd homer, and 2nd homer in back-to-back days. In 2014, Jace Peterson was traded from the Padres. On that fateful day, Jace circled a two-game set on the calendar seven years from that day, as he began to apply eyeliner and a red curl to his lips.

Adrian Houser – 4 2/3 IP, 2 ER, ERA at 3.32. Meh, not great, but, in San Diego, I’ll take it. How’sever, is anyone talking about how Fernando Tatis Jr. is currently a limposter? FTJ looks less like Fun the Jewels and more like the Failure to Jive. If Tatis needs two weeks of rest between at-bats, it’s not good. Any hoo! Streamonator loves Houser’s next, and I’m on board.

Jean Segura – Hit the IL with a strained right quad. Let’s hear it for my strained quad squad! *well-conditioned athletes limp through room* Yeah, boys!

Scott Kingery – 0-for-2, as he was recalled. That went like this, “Wasn’t there a guy we had on our team who we thought would be a number two everyday hitter? His name ends with a ‘Y.'” “Adam Haseley?” “No. I mean, I know we have him, but that’s not the name.” Oh, and Kingery didn’t start, continuing to fill-in for Segura was Brad Miller (4-for-5, 2 runs). Not sure which child of Joe Girardi that Kingery slept with, but he should call them back and apologize.

Mickey Moniak – 1-for-3, 3 RBIs and his 1st homer, and the 1st hit for a Phils’ centerfielder this year, I think. Maybe not, but it’s close to that. Mickey showed good oppo taco power on his homer, and I was watching him for my NL-Only leagues, though I’m already committed to Billy McKinney, who sounds like he’s a character in Angela’s Ashes.

Zach Eflin – 6 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 2.77. Was ripped of a win by the giant ding dong, Brandon Kintzler, but I was glad Eflin avoided injury, starting and stopping for an hour rain delay.

Jorge Alfaro – Hit the IL with a hamstring strain. Fun fact! Al faro is an Italian grain salad. Filling in for Alfaro will be Chad Wallach, he’s been rehearsing for this part all his life, and he’s still a D- actor.

Trevor Rogers – 7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 1.64. Unlike, say, Corbin Burnes where the price was high, I can’t stop kicking myself for not drafting Rogers in every league. Luckily, the kicks aren’t bad since I’m wearing limited edition cinnamon bun-colored Mario Batali Crocs.

Jazz Chisholm – 2-for-4 and his 4th steal, as he hits leadoff. If I were reranking, I wouldn’t change a lot, but I’d move Chisholm up to the top 100, which is a huge change.

Anthony Santander – Hit the IL with an ankle sprain. He’ll be out a month-ish and we can’t have nice things. See that guy to your right smiling like an idiot? Yeah, he can have nice things! Not us!

Nate Lowe – 2-for-4 and his 5th homer. Rangers beating the Rays in a trade seems so implausible it’s like the Rays know something we don’t, like Lowe is going to self-destruct any moment.

Adolis Garcia – 2-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 3rd homer. Since last week I’ve been telling people to pick up Adolis, just leave your password in the comments and I’ll do it for you.

Jose Quintana – 5 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners (4 BBs), 8 Ks, ERA at 9.00. Streamonator liked this start, but I’ll be honest, Quintana’s burned me so many times, it would take a lot to trust him again.

Justin Upton – 1-for-4 and his 4th homer, and 3rd homer in four games. Been lackzadazeacal in mentioning Upton, because he’s so boring, but he’s been hot schmotato’ing for a few days now. I’m also too lackzadazeacal to find out that word’s spelling.

Mike Trout – 2-for-4 and his 6th homer. “Mike Trout is going on average around 5th off the draft board…”  Insert Michael Jordan meme, “…and I took that personal.”

Shohei Ohtani – 1-for-3 and his 5th homer. What’s his $/game? Like $60?

Francisco Lindor – 3-for-4, 2 runs, and his 1st homer. “We could put him in the freezer, but I have to move the manicotti I have in there–Wait! He moved! Lindor’s alive!”

Pete Alonso – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 3rd homer. Albombso!

David Peterson – 3 1/3 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 6.75 vs. Zach Davies – 4 IP, 2 ER, ERA at 8.80. This game was so ugly the highlights should be shown while playing Yakety Sax.

Javier Baez – 1-for-4, 3 runs, 4 RBIs and his 5th homer, hitting .203. Small glimmer of hope in what has been a terrifically awful start for him contact-wise with a 31/1 K/BB. Javier Baez should try watching video of someone else.

Tyler Mahle – 6 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 4 Baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 1.71. Damn, I love this guy. Almost as much as I hate…

Amir Garrett – 2/3 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 16.20. Muslim Mrs. Garrett’s goose is cooked. Wouldn’t drop him, but I also wouldn’t start him, and I imagine the Reds would be very hesitant about putting him anywhere near high-leverage innings. Dress Sims up in your cute little closer outfit, it’s time to throw the ball to Lucas.

Xander Bogaerts – 1-for-4 and his 2nd homer, and 2nd in as many nights. Don’t have him in any leagues this year, but I’m still admiring from afar like a creeper for my X-Bo.

Carlos Santana – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 4th homer, and 2nd in as many games. Was working on the Buy/Sell, that will be released today on our Patreon, and Friday here, and looked at Santana as a possible Buy, and then I saw he was rostered in, like 70% of leagues, and I wasn’t sure if I was impressed or confused.

Jorge Soler – 3-for-4, 2 runs and his 2nd homer, hitting .208. Thank God. Not because I have him in any leagues, but so people stop asking to drop him. He’s a 35-homer guy. Why don’t you want that?

Hunter Dozier – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 1st homer. Was a big day for guys who were sleepwalking through the first 15+ games. Guess it makes sense here, since Hunter Dozier sounds like someone who wears camo while sleepwalking.

Jakob Junis – 5 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 3.71. The one thing that could stop him, apparently, was me streaming him.

Joey Wendle – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs, batting third and hitting .400 in the last week. Mr. Wendle? Not a bum. Also, hot schmotato.

Nelson Cruz – 2-for-5, 4 RBIs and his 5th and 6th homer, hitting .353. Nelson Cruz is Jeff Goldblum in The Fly only in the chamber was not a fly, but a video of Barry Bonds.

Josh Donaldson – 4-for-6, 3 runs, 2 RBIs and his 1st homer, as he hits .556. That’s only the 4th best batting average on the Twins. I kid, but I’m not far off.

Byron Buxton – 3-for-6, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 6th homer, hitting .432. And you thought the ’27 Twins was the story of the World’s Fair where they revealed all identical twins weren’t devil babies because they were identical. “They both look the same, you can only keep one.” That was a doctor prior to 1927.

Alex Colome – 1 2/3 IP, 1 ER and the blown save, but it wasn’t entirely his fault since he was left in there for 49 pitches, or the same number as the average Blake Snell start.

Jorge Polanco – 4-for-6, 2 runs and his 2nd steal, hitting .215. It was a day of “Hey, the season started? Wow, okay, hadn’t realized,” across the league.

Kenta Maeda – 3 IP, 7 ER, ERA at 6.11 vs. Frankie Montas – 4 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 6.75. After the game, this matchup was billed as, “Why is that grown man chasing a speeding car like he’s a dog on Red Bull?” Well, I hope Maeda gets better, but his command is way off from last year, and isn’t getting anywhere near the correct amount of Ks for him. Something’s wrong, brucely. The good news is the velocity is okay, so it might be mechanics that is causing the command issues. Re: Montas? I wouldn’t roster him.

Matt Olson – 3-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 5th and 6th homer, hitting .316. Insert Adam Sandler in Uncut Gems saying, “This is how I win.”

Seth Brown – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 3rd homer. I want this guy to be a thing, but he just doesn’t get significant playing time. Dot dot dot. Yet.

Lou Trivino – 1 2/3 IP, 1 ER, ERA at 1.38, as he entered the 9th of a losing game, and stayed in to give up the Buxton homer in the 10th. A’s need to brush up on the definition of closer. I’m holding Diekman still, obviously.

Carlos Martinez – 6 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 6.00. Best example of C-Fart throwing gas this year. Will continue to waft away.

Phillip Evans – 3-for-7, 2 runs and a doubleheader slam (4) and legs (1). The Ernie Banks special! Sprinkling a bit of Reynolds, Frazier, Evans and Moran, the Pirates have more hitters than at least ten other MLB teams. Not sarcasm. Seriously. Damn, still sounds like sarcasm. It’s not though!

Miguel Yajure – 4 1/3 IP, 4 ER, as he got a spot start, so nothing really here for now, but Yajure scratches Prospect Itch. To read more, here’s his Yankees 2021 fantasy prospects from before the trade.

Michael Fulmer – 4 IP, 3 ER, 3 Ks, ERA at 3.94. He looked better than the line, but can’t paper-over four innings and out on 60 pitches. I’m still monocle’ing, but I won’t push him on you until, like Goodrum, there’s more proof.

Spencer Turnbull – 5 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 1.80. His ERA in April of 2019 was 2.53, and 3.12 in May, then 6.60 in the 2nd half. It ain’t crop circles, but it is a pattern.

Renato Nunez – DFA’d by the Tigers. As commenter Matty said, “(Nunez) feels like a more reliable DH than half the AL is running out there on any given night. I knew I’d be dropping him, and picking him back up all season, I just didn’t know that the MLB would be following the example I set.”

Drew Smyly – Will return on Saturday. Think I’m prolly being saved by only having him in weekly leagues, and already benched. Will wait before I ask the beachside caricaturist to draw me, Smyly.

Austin Riley – 2-for-2, 3 runs and his 1st homer, hitting .250. “Listen, we can store this body upright in the store window if we just dress it in some of the latest fashion–Wait! Riley’s moving! He’s alive!”

Austin Gomber – 6 IP, 2 ER, 4 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.38. While the weather is frightful in Colorado (ha, I said frightful), hitters can’t get cozy and I’m looking at every Rockies pitcher like it’s a gummy bear on Homer Simpson’s babysitter’s butt and I need to stop.

Yonathan Daza – 2-for-4, and his 1st homer. Bud Black is playing Yonny Daza, who sounds like he starred in an unauthorized Spanish-language remake of Who’s the Boss, over Sam Hilliard.

Chas McCormick – 0-for-4 as he led off for the Astros. During his pregame ritual, Dusty Baker was eating a piece of cubed steak off a toothpick that had extra Montreal steak seasoning from McCormick & Schmidt’s while watching the Marlins hit Jazz hit leadoff, and was like, “I have an idea.”