Please see our player page for Alex Colome to see projections for today, the next 7 days and rest of season as well as stats and gamelogs designed with the fantasy baseball player in mind.

In November, White Sox front office contacts Eloy Jimenez to discuss his offseason conditioning, and he’s like, “Conditioning? Yeah, of course, I’m doing offseason conditioning,” then he looks in the mirror in his shower and smiles, hair filled with conditioner. Eloy Jimenez gets himself ready for each game with a very special pregame warm-up. He warms up and opens a button on his shirt. Warms up more, and opens another button. I was curious why Statcast said Eloy Jimenez’s exit velocity was “one to three weeks into each season,” but now I see what they meant. Seriously, though, what is going on?! Last year, he jumped for a home run ball that was 75 feet past his reach, and knocked himself out for months, and this weekend he strains his hamstring by running like an absolute madman through 1st base. Someone needs to pull him aside and be like, “Yo, my main man, you’re here to swing hard and hit homers. You can’t run fast, you don’t have Inspector Gadget arms to catch home runs. Just swing hard. That’s it.” I love this guy so much and he causes me so much pain. Almost as much pain as he causes himself. So, he will be out for six to eight weeks, and Tony La Russa will still find reasons to bench Andrew Vaughn! Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

As FDRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR has said before, “Today, will live in infinity.” No truer words have been said repeatedly over and over again, but mostly in my brain. This league crawls itself into my brain and gnaws like a gnat. Imagine a gnat named Gnat opens a diner in my brain named The Peach Pit, and it’s only frequented by Bad Thoughts, and these Bad Thoughts take all the pre-draft prep that I do, and, immediately after my first pick, the Bad Thoughts whisper, “You screwed up.” That’s how I feel with this league. Is it as bad as I think or did I let in too many Bad Thoughts? It prolly is just bad. So, my Tout Wars team stinks, but, if everything works out as intended, then my Tout Wars team might only kinda stink. Here’s to kinda stinking! For those unaware, this league is 5×5 with OBP instead of AVG, two-catcher, 12-team NL-Only league. Anyway, here’s my Tout Wars draft recap:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

*takes long inhale* You smell that? It’s the glorious smell of actual baseball trades mixed with the mold in your mother’s basement! So, the Twins have more irons in the fire than Tigers Woods’s chimney. Since the Sonny Gray deal was self-contained, let’s start there. Sonny Gray was traded to the Twins. Reds have been rebuilding since their last playoff series win in 1995. “This mean Greene?” asks me and Dr. Seuss. First off (after that negging of the Reds), good on the Twins. Gray (him not me) was at the bottom of his perceived value last year after an unlucky year, and, well, you can read about all that at the top 60 starters for 2022 fantasy baseball. All that was standing between him and an uptick in value was less homers allowed, so what better place than the Hubert H. Homerfree Dome? Kinda bummed I haven’t drafted Gray in multiple leagues already. Where’s the self-love?! As for Hunter Greene, moved him up in top 100 starters for 2022 fantasy baseball, and updated the pitchers pairings tool. Didn’t change his projections because still don’t know how many innings he can throw, but he’s in good shape to see the rotation in the landmark case of sooner vs. later.

Then the busy Twins, sent Mitch Garver to the Rangers for Isiah Kiner-Falefa, more on him in a few. The Rangers just need to make deals, whether they’re good for them or not. During the lockout, the Rangers were pulling on their collar, sweating, screaming, “I need to make a deal, man!” They’re like Pookie from New Jack City and their crack pipe is MLB roster moves. Someone needs an intervention, and that someone’s name is Texas Rangers. Not to mention, I understand Israeli Diner-Falafel is less than desirable for fantasy, but he actually made sense on the Rangers. Have the Rangers heard they lost Josh Jung? The Rangers are like a team that doesn’t draft a 3rd baseman for 15 rounds, saying, “3rd base is deep.” At least if the Rangers were going to send away Israeli Diner-Falafel, they could’ve got back Elijah Colavito-Tabouli. With the trade for Mitch Garver, the Rangers realized Jonah Heim was Superbad. Jonah Heim was removed from the 2022 fantasy baseball rankings — Hey, Jonah Heim, Don’t Look Up your name in the rankings! The top 20 catchers for 2022 fantasy baseball was updated for Mitch Garver (due to a better lineup and worse catcher behind him). That rankings post was also briefly updated for Ryan Jeffers, but the Twins weren’t done.

Please, blog, may I have some more?