Robbie Ray is using Spider Tack, but not to make the baseball sticky. He’s using it to apply his pants. Robbie Ray’s pants are so young, they haven’t even been born yet. Robbie Ray doesn’t dress in the morning, he paints. Don’t know what I’m talking about?
— Razzball (@Razzball) June 9, 2021
So, Robbie Ray had another great outing last night — 6 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 13 Ks, ERA at 3.36. Amazing that Robbie Ray fixed himself by just throwing strikes, but that’s exactly what has happened. Feels way longer than most guys who suddenly become strike throwers — Max Scherzer and Randy Johnson come to mind. Randy was obviously much closer to Ray’s transformation; Max’s command wasn’t that bad. Good that someone finally got through to Ray, because his stuff was so good all he needed to do was pump it into the zone and let hitters try to hit it. They haven’t, and Ray’s extraneous balls have disappeared. Um, ya know what I mean. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Riley Adams – 1-for-3 as he was recalled by the Blue Jays from Triple-A Buffalo. That’s a short trip. Riley’s a catcher with power. Maybe the Jays realized, “Anything’s better than Danny Jansen,” especially after Jansen was IL’d with, “Man, this dude sucks,” and there’s no known cure.
Andrew Vaughn – 1-for-3 and his 5th homer. He got the tightly pantsed Ray as he reached 100 pitches, and should’ve likely been out of the game.
Carlos Rodon – 5 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 1.96. I know what you’re wondering, and his peripherals aren’t quite that good, but they’re also not that far off either. We’re not even halfway through this shebang, and if Rodon wins the Cy Young this year, it wouldn’t shock me.
Jack Flaherty – Announced that he’s likely out until the All-Star Break. I’d guess closer to August. It sucks and so do paper straws, but not the good suck. Can we return to plastic straws please? I hate to be Mr. I’m Old, but these freakin’ paper straws break in half and you can’t use them! You ever think maybe a dolphin might like a plastic straw in its blowhole to breathe through?
Carlos Martinez – 4 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 6.21. Beginning to think I might have to drop C-Mart in my league. *slowly turns into The Joker, laughs maniacally*
Jose Ramirez – 3-for-5, 2 runs, 4 RBIs and his 14th homer, hitting .271. I’m so bummed Jo-Ram lost all his value when Lindor went to the Mets. You were very correct telling me in the preseason to lower my Jo-Ram projections.
Amed Rosario – 3-for-5, 3 runs, 1 RBI. Also, in this game, Eddie Rosario (3-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 7th steal). The box score reads A. Rosario and E. Rosario. Cleveland owes it to themselves to sign an I. O. U. Rosario.
Lance McCullers – Will go out on a rehab assignment on Thursday, and that likely will be it, and he’ll return early next week. Assuming no setbacks. Just once I’d like to hear about a setforward.
Michael Brantley – 1-for-4, 1 run, as he was activated from the IL. Usually I do the whole Kevin from ESPN’s “Get Him In Your Lineup” schtick when it’s a guy who clearly should be started as soon as he’s back from the IL, but with Brantley? I don’t know. I guess he’s startable in all leagues, but he gives me a severe case of the yawns.
Framber Valdez – 7 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners (zero walks), 8 Ks, ERA at 1.47. Someone asked about starting Framber yesterday. A few people, ACKCHUALLY. I’d start Framber anywhere, until he gives you reason not to start him. I see him as a top 20-25 starter.
Carlos Correa – 3-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 11th homer, hitting .288. Was this his 1st 1st (stutterer!) inning homer ever? Thought he only homered in the 8th or later.
Yordan Alvarez – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 8th homer, hitting .295. If I were reranking Yordan, I’d still put him in the top 50, because he’s one of the few who could hit 20 homers in a month, without killing you if he doesn’t.
Martin Perez – 2 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 3.88. Martin? Damn, Gina.
Miguel Andujar – 2-for-4, 3 runs and his 4th homer, and 3rd homer this month and, like, 7th time I’ve pointed out to you he’s a hot schmotato.
Michael Pineda – 4 1/3 IP, 2 ER, ERA at 3.46, as he returned from forearm tightness. This is going well, said Baby Jessica.
Christian Walker – 2-for-4, 2 runs and a homer, hitting .206. Guess how many homers he has. Go ahead, no one will make fun you. We’re here to make fun of the players. He has two homers. Um, yuck?
Chris Bassitt – 7 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.44. Quick review alert! On my starters to target (SPs you can draft after 200), I listed Bassitt, Stroman, Dustin May, Mahle, Gausman, Tejay Antone, Means, Eovaldi, and Kikuchi. In the sleepers before pick 200, there was Framber and Eflin.
Shohei Ohtani – 2-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 17th homer. He hit a 470-foot blast and you could almost feel the Ghost of Tawny Kitaen smiling down.
Justin Upton – 1-for-3, 2 runs and his 14th homer. This is his 60th homer in the last two weeks. Don’t ask how that’s possible. It just is.
Max Stassi – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 4th homer, and 2nd homer in two games. Catcher questions in 3, 2, 1…
Andrew Heaney – 6 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 4.37. He has a 4.47 ERA in 560+ career innings, yet he gets more questions than guys with a 3.50 ERA.
Adbert Alzolay – Hit the IL with a blister on his middle finger. Can’t even blame that on playing Money For Nothing on Guitar Hero.
Patrick Wisdom – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 8th homer. He has seven homers in a nine-game stretch. First Cubs’ hitter to do that since Kris Bryant in 2016. Wisdom also in the first hitter in history to steal Barry Bonds’s blood in a middle-of-the-night transfusion.
Anthony Rizzo – 2-for-3, 2 runs, 4 RBIs and his 6th homer. HR to the Izzo!
Dinelson Lamet – 5 IP, 4 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.52, as he threw 78 pitches. He was efficient in getting rocked. Lowercase yay!
Trevor Story – Could return today from the IL. It’s really up to whether or not Bud Black remembers he has Story on his team.
Pablo Lopez – 8 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 2.76. It’s nice to have a guy who pitches well whose spin rate isn’t absurdly moving up and down, huh?
Pete Alonso – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 8th and 9th homer. Albombso…so!
Maikel Franco -2-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 7th homer. Can’t believe I doubted Donkey Teeth when he said he bet all his crypto on Maikel winning the AL MVP.
Anthony Santander – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 4th homer, hitting .276. Get hot, Ant-Sant!
Jose Cisnero – 1 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 4.01, and his 2nd save. Coincidentally, Jose is Cis Nero. He’s also seemingly the Tigers’ newest closer, as he saved the game three days ago, coming in after Gregory Soto.
Ronald Acuna Jr. – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 18th homer, hitting .288. Tildaddy tells you a bedtime story! Acuña is currently on place to join the 50-30 club, not achieved since Michael Douglas married Catherine Zeta-Jones.
Austin Riley – 3-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 11th homer, hitting .313. Recently, I sent Riley away in a trade for Tommy Edman. I prolly got short-end of the trade, but I needed runs and steals, and had so much power to trade away, leading the league by about 30 homers. It’s what happens when you get Treat Urner in the first round for speed, and all he does is homer.
Ke’Bryan Hayes – 1-for-4, hitting .333. Had a home run called an out because he missed 1st base when rounding the bases. Is hitting the home run the home run or is touching each base the home run? It’s a stupid rule saying you have to touch the bases. That shizz is ceremonial after the homer. It’s like after a seppuku, if your bowels don’t fall into the ceremonial ramen bowl, no one brings you back to life.
Bryan Reynolds – 1-for-4 and his 9th homer. Bryan didn’t forget to touch the bases. Sigh, oh, Ke’.
Walker Buehler – 7 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at 2.56. Buehler’s line was assisted by the Hayes mulligan. Fun fact! Hayes Mulligan was a classic matchup between Blackjack and the Fabulous Freebirds.
Sonny Gray – Was throwing a gem (3 IP, 0 ER, 5 Ks) when he was pulled with “Grey Can’t Have Anything Nice” and apparently the injury got the spelling right and wrong. Gray will undergo an MRI on his groin today. Not sure what he’s hoping here — that they do or don’t find something?
Joey Votto – 0-for-2 as he was activated from the IL. Votto returns from a fractured left thumb. Joey caught his thumb on a kangaroo pouch.
Avisail Garcia – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 12th homer, and Avisail is literally the only decent Brewers’ bat. He’s been more-than-decent though, so, reluctantly, Avisail is literally the only more-than-decent Brewers’ bat.
Adrian Houser – 5 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.66. Whatever on the results, couldn’t have started him in Great American, that way is crazy-making, but I’d check Streamonator for his next.
Tyler Glasnow – 7 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 11 Ks, ERA at 2.57. Ya know what’s interesting (to me, at least). Glasnow looks capable of staying on the field for more innings than ever before. Of course, that’s up to whether or not he stays healthy, but it’s trending that way. So, what’s interesting is this is coming after the goofy season, but it might not matter. Glasnow was going to break out this year, whether he pitched a full 2020 or not.
Diego Castillo – 1 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 2.78, and his 10th save. Kevin Cash is doing a two-week cycle at closer. Every two weeks, the closers move up an inning. When they get to the 9th, they cycle back to the 7th.
Brandon Crawford – 2-for-3, 3 runs, 4 RBIs and his 13th and 14th homer, hitting .269. He’s having one of those years where you get to the end of the season, look at Crawford and the shortstop you actually have on your team instead of picking up Crawford, and Crawford was way better than him.
Brandon Belt – 3-for4, 3 runs, hitting .246, as he was activated from the IL. Prior to the injury, Belt was up to his waist in ‘having a nice season.’
Alex Wood – 5 1/3 IP, 4 ER, 8 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at 3.79. This start was vs. the Rangers and I’m about to ironically ask Wood to walk the plank. Maybe that’s not irony, I don’t know. I’m sad. Wood sucks. That’s irony, right? Still no? Sigh.
Khris Davis – Designated for assignment. Were the Rangers surprised by the player they received for Andrus from the A’s? Because if they were, they should be fined by the league, and made to watch an instructional video like you’d see in a probation office, only instead of, “This is what happens when you drive recklessly,” it should be, “This is what happens when you’re super stupid,” then just put up a picture of Khris Davis and a list of the Rangers’ top 10 prospects.