From the journal of Jim Morrison, he wrote about an encounter he had with lizard wearing a crown of thorns that he alternated calling, Jesus Luzardo and The Luzard King. Here, I wish to transcribe Jim’s musings, “Today, I rode with a large Native American man to a Wawa to get some beej ferky (sic). The Native American man told me about the many lives he had lived and how he never trusted rookie pitchers. He recounted a story about how he traded all his pitchers for Chris Paddack, due to a great April in 2019. This was confusing to me, since this was 1970, but this wise Native American knew more in his head, which he covered in an Indians baseball club hat, than I’d ever know. Was this Lou Boudreau? Before we got to the Wawa, which was only three minutes away by automobile, so not sure why it was taking so long — were we lost? — the Native American man pulled over and picked up a pitchman for an insurance company which was an animated lizard. This was The Luzard King. An obvious lizard, which made it weird when it kept saying it was a gecko. The Luzard King said it had a shoulder issue early in the preseason of the 2019 season, which I had a premonition would be 38 years after my death. Also, oddly enough, I’m being fed a quote from the future from Prospect Mike about Jesus Luzardo. He will say, ‘Luzardo’s stock just continues to rise. He’s in the rarified air of ‘best pitching prospects’ now. The lefty threw 109 innings across three leagues in 2018 and posted a 129/30 strikeout-to-walk ratio. Everything is plus or better – the heater, the curve, the change, the control. He’s the total package, like the package I filled with anthrax and sent to Grey.’ Who is this Grey he speaks of? Who is Prospect Mike? Was it the peyote talking or was it something more mysterious?” And that’s me quoting Jim Morrison quoting Prospect Mike! Don’t think Luzardo is going to be up before the All-Star Break, but now is the time to stash him. He could be a top arm in the 2nd half, or at least a solid Middler like early Yonny. Call him Once Uponny. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Please see our player page for Ian Kennedy to see projections for today, the next 7 days and rest of season as well as stats and gamelogs designed with the fantasy baseball player in mind.
No one is perfect. Even the greatest closer of all time, Mariano Rivera, had a career save percentage of 89%. In addition, no one can have an approval rating of 100%. There are too many divergent perspectives, opinions, and experiences for that to be feasible. John F. Kennedy, the 35th POTUS, has the highest average approval rating (70.1%) since the Gallup Poll was created in 1935. The high mark was 83%, while he bottomed out at 56%. Donald Trump, the 45th POTUS, has a high of 46% with a low of 35%, which gives him an average of 39%, the lowest by far of any POTUS. For as much as a POS he’s been, though, he has provided value for many. Which brings me to Ian Kennedy of the Kansas City Royals, who many have sworn off from past experiences, but has been added in 7.9% of ESPN leagues over the past week. How will this Kennedy Administration end?Please, blog, may I have some more?
At this point in the season, nearly all of the highly dependable closers are off the waiver wire. However, given the significant turnover at the closer position, there are still arms that pop up that can be a viable source of saves. The window to pounce on them can be small, so it is imperative to stay on top of who has been getting the save chances and react accordingly. Below I have 3 closers all less than 25% owned on ESPN. For those in deeper leagues these guys may be gone already, but they are all available in 75% or more of ESPN leagues. I have listed them in order of their value in my eyes.Please, blog, may I have some more?
The Padres began this year by lifting their brown, monk robe they purchased from Macy’s in the Dan Brown collection and showed their first twig of the prospect tree they have cloaked underneath. Luis Urias started the year with them, looked as good as the propsblock who’s in front of him, Ian Kinsler, which is to say not good, then didn’t play much and was sent down. Was it too soon for him? No, he had a ten-game slump and wasn’t given a opportunity. Now, Luis Urias is killing minor league pitching (14 HRs, 6 SBs, .346/.439/.681 in 223 plate appearances), and the Padres said Urias will be up this week. Hopefully, that means Kinsler is benched or DFA’d, because he’s like when you underestimate a fart and need to change your pants. Urias is a solid all-around bat, think .300 hitter, with some light power and speed. He’s young though, which means he might need some patience, so remain calm. For now, I will call him, Zen Bobrist. I would grab him if you’re struggling at MI to see if he can catch fire and you can master Zen and the Art of MI Maintenance. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
On April 7th, Derek Dietrich admired his 3rd home run of the season for an ungodly amount of time. The last straw for the opposing team was when he paused before running to first, placed a Craigslist ad, waited five days for a sketch artist to respond, then had the sketch artist draw him rounding the bases. Then when he got to third and saw the first draft of the drawing, yelled, “No freakin’ charcoal,” and paused for another few days to find someone who worked in pen. After that display, everyone was calling Dereck Dietrich a hot dog, even the world’s leading critic of hot dogs, the guy driving the Weinermobile. Of course, none of this was blown out of proportion like Tim Anderson. Cut to weeks later and we’ve realized why Dietrich wanted to study his home run trot. He was perfecting it. On Friday, he hit his 6th and 7th homers, then his 8th homer on Saturday and his 9th homer on Sunday (1-for-3, hitting .257). I doubt it continues, but I also can’t imagine a reason to not ride the hot schmotato while it’s going on. As 50 Cent’s fantasy baseball team is named: Get Dietrich or Dietrich Tryin’. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
The Royals swept the Rays yesterday in a doubleheader, taking down Blake Snell (3 IP, 7 ER, ERA at 4.31). Snell can’t handle the Royals, they can Snell what he’s cooking. As Razzball commenter, tigersharkz said, “Yep, Snell’s fine. Recovering from a broken toe in 10 days happens all the time in real life.” From Young MC’s Bust A Move, “Blake is getting shot down because he’s over-Snellous. …so hey, Reigning Cy, don’t bust a toe.” No foolsies, but pitchers need their toes to push off, and anything can get them out of whack. I’m officially concerned. Of course, the Royals were led by Adalberto Mondesi (3-for-7, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and a slam (4) and double legs (9, 10) on opposite sides of a doubleheader, hitting .295). Adalberto is my daddy — excuse me, Addadytogrey Mondesi. He’s now on pace for 20/50/.290. Yeah, terrible 2nd round pick. Also, chipping in for the Royals was Kelvin Gutierrez (2-for-7, 4 RBIs and his 1st homer). How big is this guy? Have you seen him? He’s like $54 T-bone vending machine steak. (Gonna keep using this until it catches on.) Is he related to The Big FraGu (throwback)? KelGu, take me away. He looks like he should be able to hit 20 homers and steal 10+ bags, but I don’t know if he’ll have the playing time, so best for deeper leagues for now. Terrance Gore keeps hitting (1-for-4, 1 run, hitting .400). I’d like to see Terrance Gore on the Big floor piano. It would be like Jerry Lee Lewis on coke. …Whole Lotta Stealin’ Going On! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Yesterday, Tyler Glasnow like an Afrikaan miner threw a gem — 6 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 11 Ks, ERA at 0.53. Hey, I wrote a Tyler Glasnow sleeper this year, so I’m down with TG-AF — that’s Tyler Glasnow as f**k! Yes, I’d love to mock the Pirates for trading him away. However, I’m not sure how much we can’t discount how Ray Searage preaches contact and is a wet blanket on Ks-slash-some pitchers, i.e., Glasnow may never have been this pitcher on the Pirates. Then throw-in Meadows into the trade, though? I mean, what were the Pirates thinking? “Argh, we’re dumb.” Pirates should be cursing themselves, which would sound like, “Plankety plank plank!” Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Do you own Trea Turner, he of three steals in one game? No? Then you’re chasing speed with the rest of us. It’s pretty early to go dropping players you drafted for a rabbit with a chance at a steal. However, if you have a free spot put it to use. Like Kanye craving a fair-haired lady lover, we’ll do anything for a save or steal come September. It’s never too early to pad those columns.Please, blog, may I have some more?
O Lourdes’, Yuli, give us the strength to win our final head-to-head match ups. Give us enough power to steal back those roto cats. Oh great and wise fantasy Lourdes…and Yuli, I know you can help us! Friday night baseball’s Gurriel brothers, Lourdes of the Blue Jays and Yuli of the Astros, each hit two home runs. You go, Gurriels! It was the first time in MLB history brothers had multi home run games on the same night or something, don’t quote me on that google it. Joe and Dom? Sandy and Roberto? So jelly right now! Sounds like a great STUMP trivia question in five years we’ll never remember the answer to. Honestly though, these are the kind of family-centric stories baseball needs right now! With these look-at-me showboating young guns and their home run trots, and their fortnite dances and their neon cleats and their racist tweets. They’re disrespecting the game! Anyway, Yuli Gurriel (3-for-4, 2 HR (12), 7 RBI) is likely already owned in most leagues you have any chance of winning at this point but little brother Lourdes Gurriel (3-for-4, 2 HR (11)) is still available in over 90% of leagues and he’s hitting .400 with three homers and seven RBI in the past week. Lourdes have mercy! more like it. What is your MI doing? If the Lourdes is doing better grab him while he’s hot! Dude’s got a brother in the big leagues–that’s called pedigree, my fake internet friends. Justin and Melvin Upton the ball is in your court. Wait is Melvin still in the league? Doesn’t matter. It’s not stopping Stephen and J.D., who I hear are already planning a comeback for the record! Only the good Lourdes can save us then.
Here’s what else I saw in fantasy baseball Friday night:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Was thinking about this the other day. Bear with me, it’s not fully formed (like the rest of this shizz). Is there a higher upside move than becoming a magician? David Blaine scored, Penn & Teller seemed to have done all right for themselves, Siegfried & Roy did fine until that white cat went ape…But how about all of the 18-year-old’s who are like, “Mom, Dad, I’m declining the full ride to Brown. I want to do this…” *pulls sheet off table to reveal their daughter sawed in half* “Oh, crap. Marci?” The world is littered with failed magicians! You want upside? There’s no greater upside call than deciding you want to be a magician for the rest of your life. The Indians team? They’re all freakin’ magicians! Hey, Jose Ramirez (2-for-4, 5 RBIs and his 26th and 27th homer), you’re David Blaine! Francisco Lindor (1-for-5, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 25th homer)? You’re David Blaine! Michael Brantley (2-for-4, 3 runs, 2 RBIs)? You’re David Blaine! You’re all David Blaine! We even have some David Blaine magic for Jason Kipnis (2-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 9th homer, and 2nd homer in the last three games). If you went Francisco Lindor and Jose Ramirez with your 1st two picks, you’re also a magician, according to the Fantasy Baseball Player Rater. (The other way to look at this theory is only a handful of knuckleheads are actually stupid enough to want to be a magician, and the world is not littered with failed magicians and no one is turning down a free ride to an Ivy League school to become a magician, but we don’t talk about this part of the Upside Magician Theory.) Thank you, Jose Ramirez and Francisco Lindor and all the Indians, I believe your magic is real. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?