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This Jacob deGrom (5 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 2 baserunners, 12 Ks, ERA at 2.53) is among the best pitchers ever. I don’t know what’s changed for him in recent years, but he’s gone from one of the best pitchers in the league to one of the best pitchers ever. He’s Walter Johnson in color. He’s Bob Feller on the back of a motorcycle doing 101 MPH, holding out a four-seamer. He’s “Aw Shucks” Bob Gibson. The last time Jacob deGrom carried a perfect game into the 6th, it was broken up by Clint Barmes, who was an all-world sleeper who could hit anyone. Yesterday, the Braves were deer meat without a Clint Barmes to turn to. DeGrom now has the most strikeouts in his first 200th career games (1,523). The problem, of course, deGrom looks gassed at 70 pitches. He is the Icarus of pitching. One of the best ever for just a moment in time. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
Max Scherzer – 7 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 11 Ks, ERA at 1.98. He threw his 109th career 10-K game, breaking a tie with Pedro Martínez for 4th-most in MLB history. Pedro still befriended more dwarfs.
Travis d’Arnaud – X-rays are negative on his leg. On Saturday, he made one of the best plays at the plate I’ve even seen. It was like a dancing Ray Fosse…Call him Bob Fosse.
Ian Anderson – Optioned to the minors, and the Braves recalled Huascar Ynoa. Braves young starters can be summarized with, “That’s the way the Touki crumbles.” I don’t know how they get a good year out of them only to watch them fall back hard to earth, but it’s uncanny how often it happens with young Braves starters.
Jake Odorizzi – 4 2/3 IP, 2 ER, ERA at 3.76, in his first start for the Braves. This was a tough matchup, according to the Streamonator (and just eyes, in general), and his next one is much easier.
Spencer Strider – 2 2/3 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 3.11. Oh, no, don’t you Touki crumble!
Jesus Luzardo – 7 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 1 walk, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.29, and took a no-hitter into the 5th. Here, I wish to transcribe Jim Morrison’s musings about The Luzard King, “The scorpion eyes me like Mama Cass when I spilled that ice cream sundae on my chest. Come on baby, light my fire, but not as in a smore and not the marshmallow topping that’s gumming up my chest hair.” On the year, Luzardo has a 11.4 K/9, 3.7 BB/9, 2.13 xFIP and his velocity is actually up (97 MPH) on his fastball, while not relying on it at all, like a pitcher and not a thrower. Yesterday, he balanced his mix between four pitches with 29 changeups, 26 sinkers, 19 curveballs, 17 four-seam fastballs. Due to injuries, this wasn’t his huge breakout year, but in retrospect, we’re gonna look back at this year as when The Luzard King became an ace.
Peyton Burdick – 1-for-3 and his 1st career MLB homer. Peyton Burdick, who only drinks Earl Grey, has big-time power.
Drew Smyly – 6 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at…Guess. C’mon, he sucks, right? Nothing to Smyly about, right? C’mon! Guess! Nope! His ERA is 3.97. Not a ton of IP (65 2/3), but still an under-4 ERA plays in most deep leagues. Oh, and Adrian Sampson (6 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks) pitched on Sunday and has a 3.83 ERA.
Franmil Reyes – Designated for assignment. That assignment is to find a team that values him as much as I do. Wow, this is shocking. There’s literally not one club I can imagine not wanting to take a chance on Franmil. That includes the Guardians! He’s a 40-homer, .250 hitter who was slumping. If no one wants him, send him to Razzball HQ, our company softball team could use him. Someone just needs to feed him $54 Vending Machine Steaks and get him back in game shape. By the by, on September 3rd, the Guardians were supposed to have a Franmil Reyes bobblehead giveaway night. Maybe they’ll replace them with Deshaun Watson bobbleheads.
Cal Quantrill – 6 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.88. Solid start, and step forward for him, but I wouldn’t call it a Quant, um, leap.
Triston McKenzie – 8 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 3.16 vs. Cristian Javier – 6 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.14. This matchup was billed as, “Exhibit A why you don’t have to draft starters high. Okay, and Exhibit B too.”
Ian Kennedy – 1 IP, 1 ER, ERA at 3.22, on Saturday as he got the loss. Dbags said Melancon (1 IP, 0 ER, save on Sunday) and Kennedy would share 9th inning duties. That sounds as bad as conjoined twins sharing doodies.
Christian Walker – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 26th homer, hitting .203. Ever notice once the Dbags got rid of Jake Lamb, Christian Walker has taken off. Almost like he can focus on hitting, and no longer has to worry about shepherding Lamb everywhere.
Justin Dunn – Will be recalled on Monday to face the Mets. He has a 5.5 BB/9 in Triple-A this year, and a 6.1 BB/9 in the majors in his career. If you’re starting Dunn, you will be finished.
Willy Adames – 1-for-5 and his 22nd homer. The metaverse expected Adames to hit less than 20 homers, but I told you he had power and wrote a sleeper post for him. Metaverse 0, Me 1. (Do I know what a metaverse is? No, not entirely.)
Keston Hiura – 1-for-4 and his 10th homer, and 2nd homer in his last two games. Hot schmotato alert!
Michael Papierski – 1-for-1 and his 1st career MLB homer. His father is tacky and falls apart in public. His name is Mâché.
Hunter Strickland – 1 IP, 1 ER, ERA at 6.02, as he blew the save. Ever since he lost a fight to a door, he shouldn’t be relied on to close anything.
Frankie Montas – 3 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 3.59, as he made his Yankees’ debut. Jonah Hill holding up a laptop turned to the Yanks/Cards game so Billy Beane can watch as he walks on a treadmill. Beane cackles at the Montas start. On the side the treadmill, there’s a cardboard sign that reads, “Trademill.”
Jordan Montgomery – 5 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 1 K, ERA at 3.53, Wow, that seems like the kinda starter the Yanks should’ve traded for.
Nolan Arenado – 3-for-5, 2 runs, 4 RBIs and his 22nd homer. Finally, tested negative for Covid. Here, let me show you my test here by this open window–NOOOO!!! Torenado!
Paul DeJong – 2-for-3, 3 runs, 4 RBIs and his 4th homer, and his 3rd homer in the 25 at-bats since he was recalled. Colonel Mustard in the kitchen with a hot schmotato!
Patrick Corbin – 2/3 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 7.02. “Alexa, give me an example of the Chris Davis contract, but for pitchers.”
Darick Hall – 2-for-4, 3 runs and his 7th and 8th homer. She’s Gone and followed that with Out of Touch (of the Outfielders).
Rhys Hoskins – 1-for-2, 2 RBIs and his 24th homer, and his 4th homer in four games. Fun fact! E.T. gets so high on the sugar in Reese’s Pieces, that he walks on water and his friends call him Rhysus.
Mitch White – 4 2/3 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 3.86, as he was recalled from Triple-A. Love “random 6th starter on the Dodgers” but as soon as they become “random 6th starter on any team but the Dodgers” I become wary.
Alex Kirilloff – Will undergo season-ending ulnar shortening surgery in Los Angeles. Hopefully, he doesn’t get Botox instead.
Kutter Crawford – 5 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 4.30. Uncle Jesse would like to tell you to Kutter that out.
Tommy Pham – 2-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 12th homer, as he hits leadoff. Alex Cora loves shoving random vets into the leadoff role, huh? Trade him Jason Heyward and he’d hit him leadoff. Any hoo! Pham does have a lotta value as a leadoff hitter in Boston.
MJ Melendez – 2-for-3, 6 RBIs and his 13th homer, and just missed another homer, and has two homers in two games, three games in four games and another goofy guy to be leading off. Hit him cleanup, move Massey up to leadoff, let’s go, this isn’t that hard!
Andrew Vaughn – 3-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 11th homer. Oddly enough, La Russa has also inconceivably benched Vaughn 11 times this year after a big game.
Lucas Giolito – 5 IP, 1 ER, 9 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 4.91. Even his good starts, are just so meh. Gonna be real hard to get back in on this guy next year.
Jorge Mateo – 2-for-3 and his 11th homer, hitting .220. It’s hard to not see Mateo headed for a 15/30 year and fantasize about how all he needs to do is fix his average. Yes, that’s my kink.
Ke’Bryan Hayes – 1-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 6th homer, hitting .246. Truly remarkable how exciting Oneil Cruz is considering everything the Pirates touch turns to “argh.”
Reid Detmers – 7 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.44, has allowed 4 runs in the 31 innings since being recalled for a 1.16 ERA. The new Reid Detmers = Monocled emoji with the thought bubble reading, “Intrigue!”
Tucker Davidson – 4 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 7.91. Nice trade deadline pickup, Angels!
George Kirby – 6 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 3.40, as he threw 80 pitches. Bit worried about how many pitches Kirby can throw in a start, but if teams don’t take any pitches and force him to throw more, then it doesn’t matter.
Mitch Haniger – 1-for-3, 1 run as he was activated from the IL on Saturday. So far, no new injuries for him, but if he crosses his fingers, that’s gonna lead to a finger sprain.
Jesse Winker – 1-for-3, 4 RBIs and his 11th homer, and 2nd homer in the last four games. Maybe Winker just needed a nudge.
Seth Brown – 2-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 17th homer, and he was in Friday’s Buy, because Seth was a hot thmotato last week too. Juth fantathic! Another guy who I love who was in Friday’s Buy on our Youtube channel (click subscribe on this page):
Mike Yastrzemski – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 10th and 11th homer. Carl’s Jr. Jr. with the Hr. Hr.
Dane Dunning – 7 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 1 walk, 6 Ks, ERA at 4.04. I was a big fan of Dunning two years ago, and not just because you can say his name to the Pink Panther march. Prolly nothing more than a Streamonator call this year, but I could see getting back in on him for next year.
Matt Manning – 7 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 2.25. New career-high in swings and misses with 14, tied a career high in strikeouts, and now I’m asking Manning to continue straight, because he just turned a corner. Though, since the earth is round (it is, I swear to you), if you continue straight long enough you eventually start to curve around, so hopefully Manning’s got one leg that’s a fraction longer.
Shane McClanahan – 6 1/3 IP, 4 ER, 6 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 2.24. “Shane McClanahan pitching poorly vs. the Tigers.” Survey says…*ding ding* That is our top answer for “Things We Never Thought We’d See.”
Drew Rasmussen – 3 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 2.96. No injury, according to the Rays, but he was pulled after three, because it was “a baseball decision.” Can I add it was “a stupid baseball decision?”
Tyler Glasnow – Threw a bullpen session and the pitching coach, Kyle Snyder, said there’s zero chance he pitches in a game this year. Snyder then showed an 8-hour director’s cut of Glasnow’s Tommy John surgery.
Cody Bellinger – 3-for-3, and his 14th and 15th homer, hitting .212. Did someone say it was 2019?
Tyler Anderson – 7 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 2.72. Padres going out and making one of the biggest deadline trades in history, then getting swept by the Dodgers is objectively funny.
Clayton Kershaw – Given an epidural, and ironically he might be back by Labor Day.
