Please see our player page for Jordan Montgomery to see projections for today, the next 7 days and rest of season as well as stats and gamelogs designed with the fantasy baseball player in mind.

Opening a gift, “Aw, geez, Kershaw, you didn’t have to give me your arm.”  That’s Ross Stripling at the office Christmas party.  “Don’t mention it.  Hey, Tommy Lasorda, could you get off my lap, my back is starting to hurt.  Also, you’re not wearing pants.”   I forget if I ever told you — the royal you since you’re wearing that Burger King crown — but a friend of mine told me Lasorda still goes to the Dodgers’ clubhouse to use the showers and likes to walk around naked.  How’s dem visuals!  By the by, I’ve reached the age where I forget if a friend of mine told me that, I heard it on the radio or if a commenter told me.  Welcome to your 40’s, you don’t look a day older than 27.  No, really, I don’t.  Anyhoo!  Last night Stripling did what he’s done all year — 5 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 1.52.  The slightly bizzonkers thing is his peripherals say he’s nearly this good — 11.1 K/9, 1.9 BB/9, 2.63 xFIP.  Don’t love he throws only 92 MPH, but he’s dominating with the curve.  He credits pitching coach, Rick Honeycutt, with his newfound success, saying he told him to throw the curve as hard as he can.  I see no velocity difference in his curve, according to the stats, but stats-schmats, Honeycutt-Schmoneycutt, whatever works.  At this point, hard to ignore the results(schmults).  Anyway, here’s what else I saw in fantasy baseball yesterday:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Bad news for the St. Louis Cardinals: Predictions are that Yadier Molina will miss a month of playing time. Good news for the St. Louis Men’s Choir: They just got themselves a new soprano! Stash or Trash: Molina is a professional hitter — he’ll come back and should be the same old Yadier. A little bit wiser, a little bit lighter and a little bit more likely to wear a cup. Stash. Fill In: I’ve grabbed James McCann in a few leagues after Chris Iannetta proved HE WAS WHO I THOUGHT HE WAS. We’ve all been hoping McCann would be our breakout catcher and maybe we’re seeing a bit of that right now. Since April 13th he’s been the hottest hitting catcher  hitting .338 with an .871 OPS. You can obviously do worse at a position where only 6 players have above a 2.00 on ESPN’s Player Rater.

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“I want to recreate the Pequot War of 1636, but I don’t want to use ordinary weapons, instead I want to use diarrhea.”  “How would that work, Matt Moore?”  “I’m thinking whenever I see an Indian, I throw crap.  Then instead of Pocahontas, I can scream, ‘Poke-a-hot-ass,’ but rather than it be traditionally offensive, it can mean the stream of hot ass I’m throwing.”  “Feels a little performance arty.”  Instead of listening to his agent, Matt Moore (4 IP, 10 ER), went ahead with his revolutionary war.  Finally, Edwin Encarnacion (3-for-5, 6 RBIs, and his 7th, 8th and 9th homers) showed up.  “I told you not to put my name on a tag on my foot.”  That’s Edwin showing signs of life.  Might still be able to buy him low due to his sub-Mendoza batting average (.191), but I’d buy fast, because he could go on a 17+ homers in a month power spree.  Also, in this game, Jason Kipnis (2-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 1st homer) said, “JK still playing baseball, not JK as in just kidding, but my initials.  In case, ya know, you thought otherwise.”  I have little to no love for Kipnis, this was against one of the worst pitchers in baseball, and means little.  “I’m not a bad pitcher, I’m a terrible historical recreator!”  That’s Matt Moore.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I’m disappointed, I thought Mike Soroka was the first Thai-born pitcher.  One thing about Soroka, he really brings the heat.  He’ll also answer to Mike The Rooster Sauce.  He’s the spiciest prospect since Pirates’ Single-A phenom, Ravi Gospepradam, and the Padres’ Tony Tarasco.  If only they had that Jays’ prospect, Tom Yum Khai, to cool their palette.  The Braves alone have MLB’s staff highest on the Scoville Scale:  Soroka, Luiz Goharabnero, Mike Frankshotsaucewicz, Sean Capsium and Julio Tahiniran.  Tahini isn’t hot, unless you’re eating it in Iran!  Well, I guess Tahini could be spicy.  If you can make mayo spicy, like Spicymayohiro Tanaka.  Yesterday, Soroka went 6 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks in only 80 pitches, to show you how on the plate he was with that 95 MPH heat.  In Triple-A, he had a 9.5 K/9, 2 BB/9 and 1.99 ERA with nearly neutral luck.  Against the Mets, he touched the corners of the plate the entire night, barely giving anyone something easy to hit.  This was in a debut for a 20-year-old.  He had more poise than Tootie with a book on her head.  It’s gonna be hard to send him down, but I don’t know what’s in store for him.  He might get the Walker Buehler treatment with the occasional start, bouncing between the majors and Triple-A.  Either way, The Rooster Sauce looks red hot!  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Gleyber Torres was called up by the Yankees and here’s what I said this offseason, “My love for Gleyber is admittedly less coalesced into an actual thing than you’re gonna find from just about any Yankees fan.  “Ya godda be fahkin jokin wit me right here, kid.  Gleyber Torres is gonna be the greatest of all-time, son.  All.  Time.  I wanna coalesce my fist into ya fahkin head with your sissy-boy words.  Why don’t ya use a word like fuhgeddaboudit?  Before you answer, I need to go with my mom to have her mustache waxed.” That’s your run-of-the-mill Yankees fan.  See, Gleyber is already being fitted for Monument Park in Yankee Stadium before he even plays a game.” And that’s me quoting me!  In fantasy, he looks more like, Gley… *pinkie to mouth* bore!  He is a borderline top ten MLB prospect.  That’s the Gleyberline, even.  He was in Prospect Ralph’s top 100 fantasy baseball prospects.  The problem (it’s not much of a problem), he’s a hit tool guy first.  What does that mean?  He’s going to hit for average first.  That’s not a bad thing necessarily, but for fantasy when a guy is called up and he’s a 40+ steal or homer guy, they might have a bigger immediate impact, immaterial?  Immeasurable to immortality or immune–Okay, now I’m just IM’ing.  I would own him in any league, no matter how shallow.  There’s a chance you can do better in shallower leagues.  His outcome this year is anywhere from Orlando Arcia to Alex Bregman.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

This is an interesting slate, which I hope you’ll all enjoy. There’s a lot of ins, a lot of outs, a lot of what-have-yous. A lot of pitchers. I think I wrote up nine different pitchers. Surely, even if you play multiple lineups, you aren’t going to use nine different pitchers on FanDuel. So I gave you a lot of food for thought. I’m just sorry it’s soup, I know I should keep more of your favorites around. On the offensive side of the ball, it’s the usual suspects at the top for building blocks in both cash games and tournaments and cheaper options with the platoon advantage.

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For thousands of millennia, which is millions of years, Samoans were a persecuted people, due to their big bones.  One Samoan, Fa’a’la’a’la’la’la told one reporter, “If you ordered a flank steak, and got a thick ribeye, you’d be so pleased,” then Fa’a’la’a’la’la’la got choked up, “But if you order a five-foot, six-inch man and get a 485-pound man wearing a grass skirt, you make fun.”  However, through all this ridicule, the Samoans always had their main industry on the island.  An industry that sustained their people.  An industry that brought everyone together.  However, this industry has taken a hit this last year.  This industry is manufacturing tiki torches.  Fa’a’la’a’la’la’la said, “Now tiki torches make us racist?!  We’re big-boned Islanders, we can’t be racist!”  Now, the Samoan people may have had their torches snuffed, but have a new bright spot:  Sean Manaea.  He’s not big-boned and he has no apostrophes in his last name, but I can assure you he is Samoan.  He’s also a straight dazzlenozzle so far this year.  His command is at a minuscule 0.6 K/9, and his xFIP is 3.40.  His velocity is a little off, and his Ks haven’t been outstanding, but in the early going, with pitching as it’s been, I’d buy Manaea everywhere.  If not for him, do it for Fa’a’la’a’la’la’la.  Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

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Didi, Didi, can’t you see, sometimes your home runs hypnotize me?  Or how about, Gre-Gre-Gregorius?  Gre-Gre-Gregorius… Gregorius sung by Duran Duran or Biggie work for me.  Fun fact!  Duran Duran is the past tense of Da Doo Run Run Da Doo Run Run.  Bit a of a trivia whiz, though I did need to Google to see if it was spelled whiz or wiz.  Did you know Truvia was discovered by someone sniffing artificial sweetener off a Trivial Pursuit card?  Any hoo!  Didi Gregorius went goofy time, there’s always money in the banana stand, crying at the end of The Last American Virgin but with tears of joy, with himself yesterday — 4-for-4, 3 runs, 8 RBIs and two homers (1, 2). His first homer went 346 feet, which is almost three and half Cespedes.  I was way off Didi in the preseason, but that was almost (exactly) five games ago, let’s forget about that!  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Does anybody else remember the Adventures of the Gummi Bears? It was on the Disney Channel back in the day and it was THE Saturday Morning jam. Medieval, personified bears, that bounce like kangaroos. Where do I sign up, right? In one of the sloppiest and more unconnected openings in Razzball history, starting pitchers are nothing like Gummi Bears. No, they are not my Saturday Morning jam. They’re my Saturday Morning job, digging into numerous deep dives, for hours on end, trying to figure out which players are trending where. The results of these Saturday Morning exercises are below. As a reminder these rankings are for 5×5 roto with value focused on rest of season value for 2018. So, a player like Michael Kopech is ranked for his value over the entirety of the 2018 season. Not just the next month. In previous seasons, this post was a weekly ranking with a pitching profile included. This year we will continue the weekly pitching profile, but once a month we will update the rankings. Because honestly, how much can happen in a week? One or two starts? So there’s changes coming for 2018, but they’re slight, and you’ll still get the same quality profiles, notes, and ranks. You might also get a cupcake or a venereal disease, but no telling which one. The expiration dates will just be a little longer. On the rankings not on the cupcakes or your fresh batch of herpes.

Here’s my Top 100 Starting Pitchers for 2018 Fantasy Baseball.

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Today concludes the fantasy baseball sleepers‘ portion of our program.  *nudges homeless woman sleeping on my couch that I tried to get Cougs to agree to a threesome with*  No more sleepers, Francine.  Meh, I’ll let her rest.  Like the outfielders to target, this post is necessary.  You need to target the right names at the end of the draft for starters.  Last year’s starters to target post included McCullers, Nola, Robbie Ray and Alex Wood.  All guys who this year are in the top 26 for starters, with two making the jump to my top 20 starters.  This year…the world!  Well, not the world, just some starters.  As with other target posts, these guys are being drafted after the top 200 overall.  Anyway, here’s some starters to target for 2018 fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?