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Guards have Carlos Carrasco, Jhonkensy Noel and now, after their trade yesterday, Lane Thomas. That means they have a Car-Car, JHONK and Lane! You better get out the way! The Guards are changing lanes! Can I be real for a second? I love how competitive the AL Central is. Guards getting guys, Royals getting guys, Twins wrapping players in bandages hoping they don’t disintegrate before our eyes. It’s all very exciting! This is the best Lane in Cleveland since Life In The Fast Lane! Rock and roll, baby! Yeah! It’s where the museum is. So, this is a nice landing spot for Thomas (and the Guards). He should slot right between Kwan and JoJoRam (3-for-4, 3 runs, 3 RBIs and his 25th and 26th homer), and continue to get boku steals and hit the occasional homer, but the runs and ribbies will increase. Jhonk if you like this deal! Jhonk Jhonk! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Dillon Dingler – Recalled from the minors. Guys, stop everything. Go open a window. Put both hands to your mouth to help your scream go further and yell out that window, “Dingler!!! Dillon Dingler!!! Dingler!!! Dillon Dingler!!!” As people start to gather under your window, tell them, “Folks, it’s a Dingler! I love the Dinglers! It’s a fun name!” Any hoo! Dingler has 30-homer power, and is a catcher. He might also hit .190. But, guess what, he’s a Dingler! That’s all that matters! Read the sign above the door, it says Dinglers welcome here!

Ricky Vanasco – Traded to the Dodgers. A new Ricky Nolasco dropped!

Tommy Edman – Traded to the Dodgers. Cool, how many positions can he play? Three? Four? Okay, cool, can they be at the same time? Listen, I don’t want to be cold water here. I think Edman can be good on the Dodgers — little bit of power, some speed, great lineup and park — my major Mr. Bummer part of my brain is saying he hasn’t played all year and can’t stay healthy in his rehab assignments. It all doesn’t bode well for Tom Ed, but if he returns he could be solid mixed league value eventually.

Amed Rosario – Traded to the Dodgers. Dodgers’ new gameplan: Forget getting the best guys, now get players who play every position. Have been starting Rosario in a few leagues because I needed steals, and he was hitting for a decent average (hey, times were rough in the leagues where I grabbed him). I’d love for him to hit leadoff and move Ohtani down, but he might slot lower in the order. It’ll be better for his fantasy value, but good enough for 12 team mixed leagues? Meh.

Michael Kopech – Traded to the Dodgers. Now, this is interesting. Let’s see what the Dodgers’ pen looks like now: [seeing they have eight closers and Ryan Yarbrough] Okay, nice! One save per week! Someone, hopefully, pulls away with the job and runs with it, because right now it’s a mess. I like Hudson, Treinen and Kopech, and it could be Phillips, Vesia or Kelly–Okay, it’s not Joe Kelly. That’s the only guy I’d rule out.

Miguel Vargas – Traded to the White Sox. Imagine he still is a platoon bat. I will howl. “Glad to have you on board Miggy, we’re hoping you can back up Nicky Lopez.” Howling, I tell ya. Even  if he plays, I’m not sure what kind of value he’ll have. He makes some of the worst contact in the league. As bad as Nicky Lopez? No, don’t be ridiculous.

Michael Lorenzen – Traded to the Royals. Whenever the Royals trade for someone, they should have a three-day coronation in South Kansas, but call it South Kan quickly so people think it’s South Ken, and have Matt Quatraro come out with a sash that reads, “Ugliest Manager Alive.” By the way, he wasn’t technically voted ugliest manager, but he came in 30th out of 30 managers in a Most Handsome Contest, so that’s kinda the ugliest. Any hoo! Lorenzen is about as boring as they come for fantasy — 6.6 K/9, 4.3 BB/9, 5-ish FIP. But he wears a crown now!

Hunter Renfroe – 1-for-4 and his 11th homer, 2nd homer in three games. Hot schmotato alert!

Bobby Witt Jr. – 4-for-5, 2 runs, 4 RBIs and his 19th homer. If he can steal the AL MVP from Judge, it might be his best swipe of the year.

MJ Melendez – 2-for-5 and his 12th homer, as he was activated from the IL. Monday should be the only day players are allowed to be activated from the IL. I said what I said! (That sounds like Paul Simon lyrics.)

Simeon Woods Richardson – 3 1/3 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 3.74. You fought the Grimace team, and the Grimace team won. Streamonator likes his next one, and I see no reason not to get back in.

Pete Alonso – 2-for-5, 3 runs, 2 RBIs and his 22nd homer, and 2nd homer in as many games. Albombso!

Jesse Winker – 1-for-2, 1 run as he hit 5th and removed after the 5th inning in a double switch, and now his owners should be downing a fifth.

Jordan Montgomery – 4 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 6.51. I thought I dropped him everywhere, scrambled to see if I had, and I had NOT. Sonavastart!

Christian Walker – Left yesterday’s game with oblique tightness. Thought we had a hug watch for Walker, instead someone hug me.

Corbin Carroll – 1-for-1, 2 RBIs and his 8th homer. A pinch-hit, walk-off homer for Corbin. What a hoot! That makes up for four terrible months. Totally!

Alex Call – 2-for-3, 3 RBIs and his 1st homer, as he replaces Lane Thomas. I’d go by Al Call, if I were him, and hit the bar, but alas. Or Al As. Okay, this post is going on 4,000 words, so quickly: I like Call in NL-Only. Power/speed, and should play. Has nearly no value in mixed leagues, unless hot.

Kyle Finnegan – 1/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 3.48. There is no misery quite like the misery when the last game of the night ends with your closer getting absolutely clobbered.

Josh Jung – Activated from the IL but didn’t play. Now that’s how you pull a Kotchman! (Old school glossary term!) Wonder if Jung was just dodging the inevitable questions, “Where were you for three months and can you get a message to Max Muncy, Eduardo Rodriguez or Triston Casas?”

Erick Fedde – Traded to the Cards. Heard about this part of the trade while we were recording the podcast, and my thoughts were he’s kinda Zach Eflin but with more walks and Ks. Call him Zach Efit. Don’t mind this move for fantasy. Fedde should get more wins, slightly better park and slightly easier opponents.

Tommy Pham – Traded to the Cards. Tommy Pham is excited about returning to the Cards. A clubhouse guy there owes him money for a 2016 fantasy football league. Pham’s numbers this year are 5/6/.266 in 297 plate appearances. I prefer playing Siani; I hope the Cards do too.

Matt Carpenter – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 3rd homer. Kinda humorous to me that a team that is active at the trade deadline, and fully in the race is starting Matt Carpenter at DH.

Jazz Chisholm Jr. – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 14th and 15th homer. And now he’s batting 6th! Is Aaron Boone very stupid? Like very very?

Giancarlo Stanton –  0-for-4, 1 run as he was activated from the IL. Was wondering why I felt so amorous.

Ben Rice – 2-for-3, 2 runs and his 7th homer. If being honest, he kinda looks like a minor leaguer being exploited since the break. On the other hand, Austin Wells (1-for-4, 2 RBIs) looks locked and loaded.

Aaron Judge – 2-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 38th and 39th homer. Could Judge get to 55 homers already? I want to see Roger Maris Jr. follow him around for no reason.

Zack Wheeler – 5 IP, 7 ER, ERA at 2.94. “So, what’s the price for Jack Flaherty?” That’s Dave Dombrowski.

Brandon Marsh – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 11th homer, and 2nd homer in three games. Hot schmotato is usually predicated on being available in leagues, but if Marsh is, then away you schmotato.

Logan Gilbert – 2 2/3 IP, 7 ER, ERA at 3.11. This is what Gilbert would be like if they put a giant wall 200 feet out there in left in Seattle. I love it, but Fenway really is a pinball-ass stadium.

Nick Pivetta – 6 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 4.47. Red Sox jumped out to a huge early lead and Pivetta cruised out to the W on the Ivictory Coast.

Masataka Yoshida – 3-for-5, 2 runs, 4 RBIs and his 5th homer. Also, in this game, Dom Smith (2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs) hit his 6th and Romy Gonzalez (1-for-1, 2 RBIs) hit his 2nd homer. In other words, the Sawx scored a bunch of runs and no one got shizz!

Randy Arozarena – 2-for-3, 2 runs and his 16th homer. The dividends, they were immediate.

Cal Raleigh – 2-for-5, 2 runs and his 23rd homer, and 3rd homer in three games. His rumpus ain’t in no slumpus.

Justin Turner – Traded to the Mariners. Love these moves for the Mariners. They absolutely needed bats and they got some. Do I love Turner for fantasy? El oh. Dot dot dot. El. C’mon. Since Turner had a hit with the Jays, before the trade, this did have some potential interesting complications:

Addison Barger – 1-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 1st homer. Thought Turner’s trade might help Barger, then the idiot John Schneider benched him for the nightcap, so who knows. Here’s what Itch’s said, “Barger struggled to get seaworthy early in 2023, battling injury and batting .205 through his first 30 games. He recovered to slash .264/.365/.444 with eight home runs and 11 steals in 64 games from July 27 through season’s end. If he picks up from there in 2024, he’ll provide a left handed option for the lineup and I want to punch Grey.” Starting to think I should be concerned. So, Barger continued along nicely in 2024, hitting 9 HRs with a 19.3% K% in 204 ABs. Seems to make weak contact for mixed leagues, but I’m monocle’ing. Could quickly become interesting.

Joey Loperfido – Went the other way to the Jays in the Kikuchi trade (along with Jake Bloss and Will Wagner). Yusei? That return? Yu-in-sei-n. If Loperfido is immediately promoted, and he should be, I could see some value in mixed leagues. By the way, Will Wagner is Billy Wagner’s son. The Jays have a type and missed Cavan Biggio more than we realized.

Yariel Rodriguez – 2/3 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 4.31, and optioned to the minors, which is a wild overreaction. Have they seen Gausman this year?

Vladimir Guerrero Jr. – 7-for-10, 4 runs, 5 RBIs and his 20th and 21st homer, hitting .311. Imagine shopping at the Jays and you take Yusei, Pearson, Yimi and Turner and leave Cake Batter.

Zach Eflin – 6 IP, 3 ER, 10 hits, zero walks, 7 Ks, ERA at 4.11. The greatest trade acquisition in history! (Or a ‘just okay’ start vs. a terrible team. Who’s to say?)

Ryan Mountcastle – 4-for-7, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 13th homer, hitting .276. Tomorrow on BBC’s Mountcastle, will he be traded for a middle reliever or starter?

Anthony Santander – 3-for-7, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 30th homer. Santander’s going to hit 45 homers this year, get drafted in the top 75 next year and hurt some people.

Ty France – Traded to the Reds. France to Cincy reminds me when woman used to wear frilly bloomers in the 1920s. Ahhh…a simpler time. France is an NL-Only play if you’re desperate, but he shouldn’t play every day.

TJ Friedl – 1-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 5th homer. On my hands and knees praying Friedl gets hot as a schmotato in August.

Carson Spiers – 5 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 2 walks, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.46. Streamonator hates him, can’t say I trust him, but his peripherals actually say he could be a decent number five in 15-teamers, at least.

Cody Bellinger – Activated from the IL but did not play. Not to be deeply cynical, but if I were trying to sell a guy at the deadline, I too would be like, “Yeah, he’s totally healthy!”

Jameson Taillon – 4 1/3 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 3.35. And that’s why the Tigers chose not to pitch Flaherty right before the deadline.

Reynaldo Lopez – Snitker said Lopez could make his next start. I think the Braves might need to trade for a pitcher and/or a new doctor.

Jorge Soler – Traded to the Braves. Reunited and it feels so good! Can he regain past magic? Can he get re-magicked? Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic by The Police will be his walk-up song? I want answers on the magic! Ozuna (hit his 31st homer yesterday) is their DH, but the Braves are going to go with two DHs! Let’s see how that works. San Fran is a tough park, but Soler should be able to hit it out of anywhere. Maybe this gets him going. He can’t be worse than Eddie Rosario in left. Well, offensively at least.

Orlando Arcia – 1-for-2 and his 9th homer, 2nd homer in two games, and two homers behind JRod. Arcia is clearly a schmotato.

Grant Holmes – 5 IP, 1 ER, 3 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 2.54. Braves put a turnip down in front of a TV showing Julio Teheran clips when he was good and the turnip becomes a good pitcher.

Jackson Chourio – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 12th homer, 2nd homer in two games. Don’t look now, but my beautiful baby is breaking out.

Frankie Montas – Traded to the Brewers. Brewers’ entire MO is take pitchers who I don’t trust at all and make them decent. For further explanation, look at how I started Colin Rea (5 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.59) in a half dozen leagues last night.

Yusei Kikuchi – Traded to the Astros. Apparently, the Jays weren’t singing Lisa Loeb’s Yusei…Stay. Hashtag nailed it. Looks like either A) Astros haven’t rostered Yusei in fantasy this year. B) Plan on removing him after every 4th inning. C) There’s no C. Can’t picture this, uh, pitcher getting much better after this move. More wins? Sure? Worst home park? Yes, that too.

Jalen Beeks – Traded to the Pirates from the Rockies. Beeks was shipped to Pittsburgh in a cage inside a gorilla costume.